PenguinPablo

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  6. Posted · Edited by PenguinPablo

    1 hour ago, lmfao said:

    @Aakash I used to be paranoid that enlightened people were walking zombies, and still am. 

    Maybe I should hand wave the question and say that you're thinking dualistically. And then you can retort and say that me calling your thinking dualistic is a dualistic notion. 

    Eckhart Tolle used to come across like that too me when I first got into this stuff. Weird vibe. I feel I have made considerable progress over the years thanks to Leo and a few other sources and now Eckhart feels really nice to me. 

    Think its just from our reference point we are afraid of what we dont understand.

  9. Posted

    On 03/09/2019 at 2:55 PM, dpvifa said:

    You can. Many people do. Personally, I prefer slow motion. I've trained my mind to process time extremely slowly. Thus, weeks feel like months and months feel like years. I prefer it this way; gives me more time to soak it all in. That being said, I'd be a terrible software engineer, because my productivity would be too low. Existing in slow motion is great for big picture thinking and existence... but some of the details fade. Details are very important when coding software =P However, ironically, when living in slow motion, the truth (the biggest picture truths: fundamental structures of the universe and existence, for example) becomes much more clear and detailed and evident and obvious and beautiful... =)

    I agree. But in the modern landscape. And with school and all it doesnt feel like I can afford to live like this even though it feels healthier

  10. Posted

     

    44 minutes ago, studentofthegame said:

    @Commodent thank-you. Very insightful as always.

    my situation is complex. For the most part, i was aware at a very young age that my parent was ‘wrong’. She was neurotic and did not attune to me very well. She did not model healthy ways of dealing with loss and fear and various emotions to me. So far from idealising her, i resented her and had anger with her, whilst at the same time loving her very much and feeling incredibly sad for her that she had these troubles in her life.

    Should that change my approach to my journalling? 

    no. i pretty much hated my dad. on some level felt bad for him but mostly hated him. even now i still resent him. this is all "conscious aspect". I still became neurotic myself, feel deeply ashamed of myself, worthless, etc... I know "consciously" this doesn't make sense. There's not even thoughts in my head telling me this anymore. But the underlying emotion in social situations is this. This is what you internalize, unconsciously. Your scars if you will, even if you are consciously aware that your parents were insufficient.

    Besides a lot of this attachment trauma occurs when your're very young, like 1-3 or something.