flowboy

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Posts posted by flowboy

  1. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    2 hours ago, Something Funny said:

    Actually, I am not sure if your signature and what you are doing doesn't violate forum rules about no self-promotion.

    Alright, if you want to get into it let's get into it.

    • I have experimented in the past with meeting potential coaching clients through messaging on the forum
    • Leo told me not to
    • Upon which I stopped
    • I don't even offer coaching anymore

    That is for Leo to police, not you. This is not your forum.

    I don't think it is wrong at all, otherwise I wouldn't have done it of course.

    Sometimes you see a person you like and can help, it would be a shame not to try.

    Of course, the guy who owns the platform can tell me what to do or not to do, and I listen.

    I've always been polite and I actually cared about people when I was doing that.

    Which is why I take issue with what you accuse me of:

    2 hours ago, Something Funny said:

    What really makes me sick though, is the audacity to proactively seek out a person who is in pain, pretend to be a caring friend, just wanting to help, and then try to pitch them your product while they are in this vulnerable, emotional state.

    Why do you assume I pretended?

    Where is all that bitterness coming from?

    I offered a chat. I made time for you. I gave you free tips and insights. And I cared.

    Where's the pretense?

    Then I offered to help you even more, for a fee.

    You've made a weird twist in your mind at that moment, thinking: "Oh, he's got a service he charges for. Everything up to this point must have been fake".

    Not fake, dude.

    I offered you a free call and I gave it to you.

    I wish I could help everyone for free.

    I do tons of free sessions and spend sometimes 3 hours with someone.

    When it's a free session, I don't charge.

    I give you what I promised, and more.

    Then when I offer more and it is for a fee, they don't get angry and bitter. That's just you.

    Which is why I'm asking: where is all the bitterness coming from?

    And by the way, the people who said yes during that time, which is almost 2 years ago now?

    Still in contact with them every week.

    They're still glad they said yes.

    Saying yes that day made a big impact on their life.

    Meanwhile, here you are trying to cling to the concept of "self-love", which is perhaps the highest teaching in the universe, but it's also a glorified cope when using it for shadow/trauma issues.

    There, I said it. Self-love as a strategy for solving psychological problems is a cope.

    There is a reason *actually* mentally healthy people, who aren't run by their repressed pain, don't need to talk about self-love and practice loving themselves everyday.

    It's because love is abundant, it is baked in, it is your birthright, it is something that you never consciously need to give yourself... there is always enough self-love, so much so that you have no need for the concept.

    IF you are not blocked by trauma energy.

    You can't add self-love on top of trauma energy and call it healing.

    That's a band-aid.

    Have fun coping, paying for learning more coping, and making ad-hominem attacks at people with real answers.

  3. Posted

    11 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

    Secondly, it is funny how in the text quoted below you dismiss me expressing my frustrations as a patient with people working in this field and write them off as me simply being ignorant, but then you do the same thing. Is that because you are an "insider" who has a right to say those things because you are sooo educated?

    I will defend to the death your right to say the uneducated ignorant things you are saying. You certainly have that right.

  4. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    8 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

    I am not sure if you remember me but I was once in a pretty bad mental state, sharing my issues on this forum, and you reached out to me, pretending to care "oh so much" and wanting to help me. Only for it to turn out to be a pitch for your 1000+ dollar coaching package or something (I guess you must have been pretty desperate for clients at that time to hunt for them one by one on here). That kind of a behavior, finding someone in pain and then trying to make some money off of them, is a thing that really annoys me to be honest.

    Yes, I wanted to help you, and I didn't want to do it for free. If you think people should help you with your problems for free, then I am not surprised you've only met shit therapists and shit coaches. You have an entitled attitude and think the best quality help is owed to you, the world should give it to you for free. That's not how it works.

    I spent entire evenings with clients several days a week, for many months, to get the results they wanted. And they were happy to pay me much more than what I proposed to you. Because what I do works, and it's not for people who make excuses and think they shouldn't have to pay for any services.

  5. Posted

    1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

    @flowboy seriously, If a patient comes to a therapist and shares that he has a foot "fetish" and that he has a lot of guilt and shame around it. And a therapist decides to fix the part of his client that likes feet instead of working with the shame and guilt, and promoting self-love and self-acceptance. Then I think that they are a shit therapist.

    This is my genuine opinion. Not as a medical professional, but as a client who is sick and tired of under-qualified, dumb therapists, coaches, and other self-help gurus.

    The fact that you think that a therapist can "fix" part of a person, an arbitrary part that he judges as something wrong to fix, then either you have met only shit therapists or your understanding of the subject matter is severely lacking.

    Of course the foot fetish was a detail in the story. The person had an inability to form healthy attachments to other humans, which is why they were in therapy, and the foot thing just came up as a result of regression sessions. No one is suggesting that liking feet is a reason to go to therapy. I have no judgments of your foot fetish, enjoy it!

    You can not "fix" a part of the person. You start with their feelings, such as shame and guilt for example, and you unravel them, trace them back, again and again and that leads to the undoing of the entire neurosis of the person.

    Yes, I am annoyed, but not at you, I just took it out on you a bit. It's frustrating to me that the more I learn about trauma and healing, the less I am able to communicate this wisdom, because to the uneducated it just seems wishy-washy or fringe or whatever, while to me, having experienced and applied and been transformed by this knowledge, see link in signature for example, it's perfectly clear, simple and certain how it all works. It just makes crystal clear sense. And yet, I seem to not be able to explain it to anyone who is not already familiar.

    I believe this to be because of the defense mechanisms that everyone has in place. Basically, the mind defends unconsciously against information that would threaten its ability to keep repressing its massive store of pain. The mind's agenda is to not look where it most needs to look. And it's most effective diversion tactic is to mess with your perceptions, to make profound truths seem like ridiculous platitudes. And so the mind labels it as wishy-washy vague nonsense, just the same as my mind did before I knew anything.

    It's not your fault, @Something Funny just like it is not the fault of some of our parents that they think psychedelics make you jump off buildings. It's frustrating for the insiders that people on the outside believe that, though.

    Don't get me wrong. I am not a typical therapist, in fact I am not a therapist by any official standards (yet). And I argue with therapists. Several of my friends are therapists, and even they don't have a deep understanding of how trauma forms the psyche. Because they don't do the deep research, they don't read what I recommend them to read, and they don't have the fascination to understand how people become the way they are. How personalities are formed with all their quirks and flaws. It's not random. It's perfectly elegant and logical, but obfuscated.

    But all they (typical psychology masters) care about is diagnosing, protocols and prescribing. Tell me what to do with this kind of symptom please. Mind-numbing. Robotic. The opposite of holistic. They don't understand and they don't ask questions. It's all random to them, just like the universe. Random particles. Random big bang. Random everything out of nothing. Random psychological symptoms.

    And I'm over here, beyond the pale, screaming into a void xD

    Perhaps I should write a book. Maybe that will help. Or sell a book list like Leo does. But would people bother to read Janov, Stone, Jenson, Bradshaw, Miller, Freud, Schwartz, just to understand what I am trying to say? I doubt it.

    I need to get better at biting my tongue and saying too much, is what I need to do.

  6. Posted

    3 hours ago, Something Funny said:

    Yeah, that's what I meant. It sounded like something a self-help book would say. They tend to provide simplistic, overly exaggerated examples to sell you their five steps to successful success. Things are way more subtle in real reality in my opinion.

    Not a self-help book, a book describing the anatomy of trauma in the brain and tons of documented case studies and cited scientists. I can recommend you to read up on the science of trauma healing because you're the one talking out of your ass.

  7. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    24 minutes ago, Someone here said:

    Isn't morality supposed to be objective and universal? 

    In my opinion no, that idea comes from times / developmental stages where people can't think further than "this is the way we do things, all the other tribes are doing it wrong". People in stage blue think their morality is the objective morality, because that's what fits with their stage. And we all have this wired in us, which is why, I think, philosophers try so hard, and fail, to define an objective morality. Which I think is a fool's errand.

     

    24 minutes ago, Someone here said:

    And therfore every fool get to set up his own biased Morals that serves his agenda? 

    Yes, and they do. But if they get too crazy, they will be punished or revolted against by their people.

    8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    You make it up.

    Yes, but I wouldn't say entirely based on selfishness. People do have a baked in sense of what feels right and what feels wrong. The more trauma they have, the more that is overridden by selfish impulses. The more trauma they heal, the more they will be in touch with their true sense of right and wrong, which is still relative and unique to the person, and Leo would still say it is selfish, but it is based more on empathetic values.

    And then yes, the mind will try to make up a coherent ruleset around it. But it will be an illusion.

    People do what they do based on what they feel they need in the moment, or what they feel is right in the moment.

  9. Posted

    More importantly, every subconscious has its own unique reasoning for creating these fetishes, they won’t be the same in everyone, but they will be a symbol, a metaphore for an unmet childhood need, the logic of which can be completely clear to the person after doing some (or a lot) of regression work. And this is the only way to break the spell. Once the pain has become conscious, there is no more need for the symbol.

  10. Posted

    11 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

    Really? I would say foot fetish is related to low self esteem, shame energies, inferiority with women...etc.

    Also. Low self esteem, inferiority comes from not getting proper attention and care from one or both parents. This is always not remembered as such, because it is repressed. You can only dig it out doing regression work.

    In those distressed moments of lacking love, this pain is saved up and stored, along with the memories. Inaccessible by the conscious mind in a normal state.

    As an adult, this pain is pushing the adult to still get this need met, but it can’t be in a direct way because that reminds him too much of NOT being loved as a child. You can’t make up for the past. So the mind creates symbols of love: things that almost work.

    They quench the subconscious thirst for a time. Those symbols will be based on an association with the original pain, but it will be far-fetched. Intentionally far-fetched because the trauma must be obfuscated.

    So the one who lacked breastfeeding could become a smoker who can never seem to quit (this is me, I fetishise smoking) because a part of me thinks I’m getting the nurture I needed when I was 8 months by sucking on a cigarette or a pipe. The one who craved his mother’s attention but she ignored or rejected him when he was so little that he could only see her feet, could get a foot fetish. (There can be other backstories as well, the subconscious is creative!)

    The one who didn’t get firm boundaries and proper masculine love as a child can start to like getting tied up, because that’s the ultimate form of being held firmly and cared for, in a twisted way. 
    And the one whose mother was harsh to him when he needed love, can start to crave love through women being harsh and humiliating with him, because to get actual loving attention would remind the unconscious too much of what he didn’t get when it mattered most: therefore he won’t be able to fully take it in, perhaps be numb to it or compulsively run from it.

  12. Posted

    @Gabith I think that’s enough philosophising for now. Your thoughts about God and the ego and what you are, they are heavily coloured by depression. And these discussions are not doing anything good, except revealing depression.

    I remember you from a few years back as a sweet guy, lives with his parents, in a country next to mine, struggling to date girls like everyone else here. But he was optimistic and he was going to make it. I tried helping you a bit but you didn’t want / have the equipment for calls. Then I heard nothing.

     I’m telling you that I’m quite certain that you need to go back to basics. Spiritual philosophy is not helping in this phase. You need to focus on your mental health: find a nice twice-a-week therapy arrangement, I’m happy to recommend a good one if you’ve got a little extra money to spend, otherwise just take what the government provides for free, and simple aspects of happiness like work you enjoy and positive friends.

  13. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    @youngshinzen  Yes, it is possible.

    Through Primal Therapy.

    Once you fully relive it, remember it, feel it, sense it in all dimensions, the damage is undone.

    Although this can take years. For some unlucky ones, decades.

    Have you had birth relivings? What kind of work are you doing with your therapist?

    Check out some of these stories:

    http://primal-page.com/dedi.htm

    http://primal-page.com/curse.htm

    Quote

    So we have a developing fetus who has no effective repressive mechanisms trying to borrow some of mother’s serotonin to help out, but to no avail. A completely naïve physical system has no frame of reference that tells it that basic physiologic processes are deviated. During gestation the system deviates and then considers that deviation as normal. So the baby is born with inadequate serotonin/gating capacity, and that deficiency follows him throughout life. But it is an already wounded organism, a wound that almost no one can see or even imagine. He will grow up chronically anxious, unable to concentrate or focus. He may well be ADD and be unable to sit still because the activation goes on incessantly. It shows itself in the panic attacks that happens when the system is vulnerable and gating weak; the imprint from gestation rises to the top and shouts out its message which almost no one can decipher. It is such a mystery because its origins are so arcane.

    An example: a girl is born in wartime to a mother who is chronically anxious because her husband has been sent to war and left her all alone. The anxious mother transmits some of that to her baby who is then considerably weakened. He cannot fully repress to hold down pain. By the time infancy happens there is already a weak, vulnerable baby who is chronically agitated. This may be the beginnings of serious mental illness. It is not obvious to the human eye but the damage is done.

    Too often this is ascribed to heredity because no one can imagine what has already happened in the womb. It is kind of a free- floating anxiety that seems to have no specific time of origin. Remember, this is a purely physiologic reaction originated at a time when there was no higher brain centers to process the event. To recapture it we must retreat to that primitive brain. At 30, we may suffer from panic attacks that began its life in the very early months of our mother’s pregnancy. It is pristine, ready to spring forth whenever we are vulnerable. No talk therapy can make a dent in it because it involves a vegetative primitive nervous system which was adequate to register pain and terror during womb-life. This is a nervous system impervious to words; it doesn’t understand them and does not respond to them. So insights leave it absolutely indifferent. The womb experience leaves us fragile for a lifetime so that any insult or lack of love in infancy and childhood weakens us all the more. That is why we need drugs that work on lower brain centers below the intellectual in order to suppress these imprints for a time.

    So much severe mental illness has its causes so early in our lives; and then nature later provides us with useless intellectual tools to address them. When all we have to do is let the primitive nervous system take charge and lead the way. It knows the path to liberation.

    https://cigognenews.blogspot.com/2008/07/womblife-and-serotonin-origins-of.html

  15. Posted

    It's not their fault that you like that.

    They're just supplying what there is demand for.

    Yes, fetishes stem from early childhood repressed experiences.

    Doesn't mean that they are "wrong" or "bad", or even shameful.

    Read "The New Primal Scream" and you will understand.

    Example: the guy who had a foot fetish all his life.

    In primal therapy, being transported to being a small child, sitting under the table, hiding from the adults.

    His mom wouldn't give him the attention, love or hugs that he desperately needed.

    All he could see of her was her feet from under the table.

    The spell was broken after that.

    This is how it works with fetishes.

    Once you retrieve the original memory, the spell is broken.

    Works very similar to hypnotic commands.

  17. Posted

    15 hours ago, Someone here said:

    Believe it or not.. but the last thing I do before going to bed (besides masturbating lol) is watching the most terrifying horror movies ..yup I kid you not ..that's indeed what I do . Not caring if that is gonna generate nightmares when I sleep .

    I wake up every morning and take a freezing cold shower then I go for a 30 minutes run . Without eating breakfast. 

    I stay up late at night smoking cigarettes ? like there is no tomorrow...not caring if I'm damaging my lungs and initiating cancer etc .

    @Someone here How about instead of harming your brain and lungs like this, you take action on your desire to start a business?

    15 hours ago, Someone here said:

    This is important specifically for men who are trying to get in touch with their masculinity.  Do painful shit . Get the hell out of your comfort zone and face the inner demons and fucking kill those motherfuckers ;)

    Smoking cigarettes and watching movies is your idea of facing your demons and doing masculine difficult things?

    You're just indulging in your vices like a teenager, nothing hard or praiseworthy about this.

    How about you quit smoking and start a business, instead of complaining that you don't know how?

    Now that would be difficult and masculine.

  18. Posted

    He would collect people around him who also don’t value money. Perhaps he would be their leader. Or a valuable member of the tribe, contributing in other ways. Being an example, teaching, space holding, entertaining with his art, whatever he does that is valued in his circle. He would be seen as attractive because of his social status relative to his tribe. And women from outside who think he should have more money, their opinion doesn’t matter because they’re not on his radar anyway. Until they feel drawn to him, at which point they would have to drop those ideas in order to get closer.

  21. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    10 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

    People look for help when they're stuck, it's better to try to find the root cause and go from there. 'Just do it' has its place but it's not fully applicable 

    I know how to get people unstuck when they're stuck.

    You have to find the root of the problem.

    Do a shadow work routine, see where it comes from, process it.

    I do this for a living.

    The reason I didn't recommend that, is that it doesn't matter if he doesn't do things.

    He's also not going to do the psychological work, unless he decides first to become a person who actually does things.

    Quote

    What's the key to achieving my dreams ?

    Quote

    decides first to become a person who actually does things.

    That is it.

  22. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    21 hours ago, Someone here said:

    I don't know what to do..and not knowing what to do just make me feel like doing nothing then that stresses me and to stop that stress i do unproductive stuff that build more stress and so on. You feel me ?

     tell me what I could do? Do I need a special schedule? Psychology test? Or what ?

    I feel you and I've been there. It's nothing I want to shame you for.

    I'm just making the point that you're asking the wrong question / focusing on the wrong thing.

    If you had started taking action a year ago, even if you didn't know what to do and it was the wrong action, you'd still be in a better position than now. Having learnt things. Actually learnt things. You don't learn anything from advice you don't actually try out. You don't even remember it, as has been demonstrated.

    I call BS on that you don't know what to do.

    In a past thread I've literally told you how you could start a business. Specific to your situation, being in university studying philosophy. Described all the steps to you.

    Now I could go search and find that thread for you but I won't. You can do that. Let's see if you're able to break through laziness ;)

    How can you tell me that you don't know what to do?

    It's simply not true.

    You just have to do it.

    Also, if you want serious advice, you should always back it up with describing what action you've already taken. And then ask what the next step is.

    No one who has any business experience wants to waste their time giving advice to someone who doesn't take action. It's going straight in the bin anyways and you know they'll go back to watching porn and asking the same question over and over again.

    And also: those people are for the most part not here. You'll get idiot business advice here. Go to thefastlaneforum.com.

    And if you need accountability: get a mentor or good 1 on 1 coaching.

    I paid someone 2k a month for 6 months to help me kickstart my business project once.

    Do you think I'm going to be lazy and procrastinate if I'm bleeding 2000 euros a month?

    No sir.

    Learnt a lot and at a fast pace, too.

  23. Posted · Edited by flowboy

    16 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

    Respectfully speaking, as I do value your opinions, but isn't this also judgemental? You know how the saying goes, " believing not having any beliefs is the way to go, is still a belief. Aren't you judging her for having judgements? Explain this to me as it's coming from a place of genuine curiosity of the meaning behind this perspective. 

    I don't really mean not judging at all, I mean that I value making judgments carefully and holding them loosely, appreciating nuance and complexity.

    Things like playing devil's advocate and being open-minded are something many people can't do, especially when it comes to things they're too attached to.

    People who judge a person instantly without knowing anything, well, I judge those people :)

    But not instantly, I judge them because I've observed them be mentally lazy.

    If I were free of shadow, I probably wouldn't judge them but still not prefer them in my inner cirle.

  25. Posted

    1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

    I don't think it's fair to equate strong opinions about Jews and Musk lol.

    No sure. I agree that having any negative opinion on a group of people is a strong red flag. Stronger than disliking a public figure.

    So perhaps that's not the best example, but where do you draw the line then?

    I've met someone who has strong negative opinions about Musk, and when pressed, it turns out she just makes the "he's rich so he must be bad" argument. She didn't know anything about him. To me that's quite unintelligent, to be judgmental of people without bothering to look into them.

    I really try to not do that. Even if I've read a lot about some person, I still tell myself: "I haven't met them in person, so I don't know what he's like".

    This willingness to be completely uninformed yet completely judgmental, that wouldn't bother you?

    Nonjudgment is a value of mine so it does bother me. This girl would be incompatible with me.