Ampresus

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Posts posted by Ampresus

  1. Posted

    Hello everyone. Since I started meditating and doing mindfulness things during my day the centre of my forehead always tightens up so much until I am not mindful/in meditation mode. This happens while I try to sleep, my meditation sessions, my shamanic breathing sessions and with mindfulness in general. I have no clue what it means. It just tightens up and hurts pretty bad. Especially during meditation while I am laying down I can really feel it burn there. That's why I always meditate in a sitting position, even though my legs don't like that after 10 mins. If anyone can help please help me. I have no clue what it means. 

    If it helps: I started meditating 2 months ago (currently I do sessions of 30 mins), this week will be my fourth time doing shamanic breathing (also 30 mins each session). When I am in the train or in my bed and I am bored I become concious of where I am. This also has a result of a hurting forehead. 

  3. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Talinn said:

    I was insanely lonely and so I went for a hike last weekend.

    Indoors, everything has a purpose. Your carpet keeps your feet comfy. Your fridge stores food.

    What is the purpose of this saguaro cactus? It's certainly not there to make you comfy.

    (pretty much a direct repost of what Leo suggests. meh, it's true, it works).

     

    20181027_163102.jpg

    @Talinn I think it was Thursday when I, for the first time, went to the local park after school. My mom expected me to go home and waited for me, but I was having a walk in the park. It felt pretty amazing. The silence there, compared to the city. How everything is fine there. I spotted 2 parrots and they just did what they always do. As you said, everything there didn't have a purpose. It just was. I think I will go there again, without a backpack. It hurt my shoulders. 

  4. Posted

    04-11-2018
    Hello everyone. Not much to say about today. Right now I am at my dad's house. I have finished ''Iron John'' and have already started with ''No More Mr. Nice Guy''. After a small fall back in my old routines I managed to pick up myself and do what I want to do. Read my books, meditate etc. Shamanic breathing on Friday went well, I did better than all the other times. This was my 3rd time doing shamanic breathing. Soon I want to focus on self-inquiry (whatever that means), read the Spiral Dynamics book and read mindfulness books. 

    Sports and school are going well. Next week I have a lot of tests and a pitch about a book. The book plays in the historical events of Iraq, mainly Saddam's regime and the fall of his regime. It's about a girl, 15 years old, who wants to be an architect. Personally I hate romans, but even this book wasn't a good roman. It tried to, but failed. 

    Meditating is going better and better. I try to be concious of myself whenever I feel itching/pain which keeps me out of my mind. It helps pretty well. I can finally be concious in the last minutes of my meditation session as well. Usually I would focus on the pain and my thoughts at the end, but now I can be concious! I think small, little improvements are rising up.

    About my previous post, I still feel a little bit down of the loneliness. Someone said that I should accept that it is fake. That loneliness isn't real. I just have no clue how. If anyone can help me with that, feel free to send me a private message or reply here :) .

    I got in contact with my best gamer friend after 3 months. We both met in a different gaming community, but switched from games. We are the only two from that old community who play the new game together. I don't know what happened to the rest. However I am facing a dilemma. I wanted to quit gaming, but whenever she is online and asks me to play with her I really want to. I often don't play in my private time, only with her. If I want to get deeper in self-help, do I need to stop having contact with her and leave the gaming world? If it is adviced I will do it. 

    I am starting to eat really healthy. I want to keep it going for the rest of my life. I still need to find that feeling to enjoy eating some fruits and vegetables. I will admit, some fruits I find pretty disgusting. I only eat them because they are healthy. Same with nuts etc. 

    Take care.
     

  5. Posted

    5 hours ago, Your place at Heart said:

    I am Muslim like You and version of Islam of our parents are not what Islam of our prophet Muhammad but the Islam of lustful, greedy, power hungry, super-egoic Monarchs the way Catholics and Protestants were in History.

    @Your place at Heart I already discovered this when I was on my way out of Islam. The only part of Islam that interests me is Sufism. I already discovered that both Sunni and Shia don't see the point Mohammed wanted to make clear. 

     

    5 hours ago, Your place at Heart said:

    Also, Loneliness is not real, its just your ego exaggerates the transformation period and is currently fighting you and does not wanting to let go. I certainly have suffered through this but understood that it was a lie. I now enjoy being alone because I get shit done and I feel constant state of flow.

    @Your place at Heart Wait, transformation period? What do you mean with that? And how did you understand that it wasn't real? All I know is the deep pain I feel in my heart every night. 

     

    5 hours ago, Your place at Heart said:

    You better accept being alone and practice loving yourself with all your heart and extend that love to others, this will heal your ego and ease letting go of need to be in control and surrounded with unconscious people who will generally do much damage to you in much subtler ways.

    @Your place at Heart This is part of the struggle. I know I have to accept it. After I watched some videos of Leo he said that I should better get used to it. That's the issue. I had no clue how. Now I know that I have to accept that loneliness is fake, I just don't understand how it is. Does it work the same way as spirituality or non-duality? Like, does it need to be experienced somehow to be understood?

  8. Posted

    15 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

    What do you like doing? You mentioned music twice, any chance you could be active with it, like play in a band? What else ... any sports? How about taking a course in creative writing? A chess club? Working as a guide at local tourists sites? (that's what I did at 15, lol) Whatever?

    @Elisabeth I go to the health club 3 times a week. Maybe I can get something done there. I just don't know what.

     

     

    15 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

    You also need some activity that's engaging with the world, that's fun and potentially bonding with people. Pick something that's available in your area, interesting to you and not unconscious by design.

    @Elisabeth Any examples?

  9. Posted

    31-10-18
    Hello everyone. Today I am not very motivated. Same as yesterday, I feel lost. I don't know what to do. I am eating healthy, going to the gym 3 times a week, have keeping my grades up and everything is supposed oke. I meditate, read my book everyday and still. I don't know what I am doing. I feel lost. See this post for more info: 

    I think I am seeing spirituality as a distraction from my loneliness. For a long time I avoided confronting my real emotions, but I guess it was loneliness all along. 

    As I said everything else goes well. Today though I got mad with my dad. Reflecting on the situation: I think I am wrong. I am gonna apologize to him. This will be the first time I ever apologized to him by myself. I guess ''Iron John'' is a good book.

    Literally the cutest girl and her gf in my class invited me to go with them all the way to their tram stop. I always travel with the tram. As I said, I am feeling lost, lonely. When they walked further into the tram I just stood still. I didn't know what to do. I felt ashamed and decided not to follow them. They looked back from a distance with confusion, but I ignored. 

    School + sports results in no contact with my mom during the day. I dislike most of the students in my school, so you can understand how I am going through my day. I somehow feel comfortable not talking with my family. Besides with my brother. I wish I could be with him 24/7.

    Last note: I think I am falling in love with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not literally, but the seeing him as a role-model to follow up on in my sport career. That is one positive thing :) 

  10. Posted

    Hello everyone. I think this is the best place to describe my situation. I already felt quite lonely and learnt to live with it. Now that I started meditating, reading books, quit gaming and quit eating junk food, overall trying to improve, I feel even more lonely. Whenever I think about the succes I am chasing I feel happy. Whenever I listen to Russian music I feel happy. Whenever I go to school and fall back in the usual routine I feel lost. I feel like a machine doing the same thing every day. I don't hate school, since I started watching Leo's video's I found motivation to enjoy school. It's just my fellow students, friends and family.

    I can't laugh at the same jokes everyone else does. I don't understand some, think some are dull or can't hear them clearly. I have a few friends, but after my break-up with the gaming community I have no relatable situations left to share with them. Believe me I tried making new friends, but whenever I try that I need to force myself to laugh with the jokes to ''be a part of the group''. I got myself already out of those situations, but now there is only one guy who is kinda my friend. He is an introvert, doesn't share much, and is even better at school than me. In general me and him are different, so we can't like do things together after school. I feel lost as you can see.

    My family is muslim, I parted my ways with islam (they don't know though). Sure I can laugh with my mom and dad, but at a certain point it stops. Especially with my dad, we can't relate. The only person who helped me during the summer break with loneliness is my autistic brother. He has classic autism and I have cried several times on his shoulders. I believe you can see the problem I have with him, he doesn't respond. I can talk to him about all my feelings and he laughs. The guy laughs. Imagine having that happiness...

    Right now I listen John Lennon ''Imagine''. I don't know why, I don't have much Green in me. Since I started listening that song I do have more of it, so it's probably good I listen to it. If anyone can relate and help, please. I am 14 years old, meditate for 2 months. Everyday 30 mins. I read my books everyday. I do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. So far no mental breakdowns during those sessions. All I got was laughter. I guess my brother does influence me. 

    Take care.

  11. Posted

    2 hours ago, Max_V said:

    I’d recommend choosing books that align with what your focus is at this point. Don’t try to read books because people tell you they are important. That’s what I did at 16 years old but it was hard to keep the habit of reading because my mind was concerned with other things. 

    Pick something you are genuinely interested in, you won’t need to have a specific reading habit, reading just authentically happens.

    @Max_V In some way I can understand your view. It's just that since Leo talked about all the subfields of self-help, I am so interested in all of them. I mean I want to find my life purpose, become a master in politics, learn more about religion, go in depth in spirituality, become good with girls and relationships, learn about psychedelics, read biographies from people I look up to and from dictators. When I made my booklist and I got to choose the categories, I already got so excited. I have decided that right now I will focus on simple things and work my way up from there. That means books on philosopy, psychology, dating & relationships, masculinity and femininity.

  12. Posted · Edited by Ampresus

    23 hours ago, Lorcan said:

    Your 14, your sex drive will begin, already has begun to kick. So I highly suggest if you do not want to waste time in emotional hang-ups over girls, DEVELOP A HEALTHY BEIGE, ESPECIALLY PURPLE, AND RED.

    @LorcanYou are right about the first bit. Just when things started going good, my sex drive started. I thought it already had started, guess I was wrong. Next book I'll buy is ''Spiral Dynamics: Mastering Values, Leadership and Change''. 

  13. Posted

    @Mu_ Thanks dude :) 

    26-10-18
    Today was an awful day. I think I am starting to get addicted to porn again. I need to find a way to reduce my personal needs to once per week. Even my favourite pornstar seems to have returned after 3 years. This is not good.

    Both ''Iron John'' and ''No More Mr. Nice Guy'' have arrived earlier than expected. I have started reading ''Iron John'' and although it is a very good book I can't find any energy to read it for too long. I don't know why but I feel so tired all day. Since my toe injury on Wednesday both my parents wanted me to take a break from fitness. It is Friday now and even though I feel ready to go again, I didn't go. First because of the entire ''tired'' situation and second the fact that I am scared to somehow interrupt the healing process of my toe. The last one was a reason brought up by my dad after he brought me back to home from the doctor. 

    School is close and believe it or not I am kinda happy. I wasted free time in gaming instead of reading which makes me feel guilty. I can't find energy to watch any of Leo's video's too. I tried watching ''How To Be A Strategic Motherfucker - The 7 Pillars Of Strategic Thinking'' during my gaming session but I can't recall what he has said after 40 minutes of listening. I am sorry Leo, but I tend to feel really tired when I am watching you. Btw this entire situation has also made me think about a theory. I think that because kids are raised up with all these action movies, video games and all that kind of stuff, things like meditation and book reading seems/becomes so boring for them. The only argument against that is that children are already full of energy, with or without action movies, when they are born.

    Today I will once again do shamanic breathing. Maybe today will be different. Last time I did shamanic breathing I couldn't feel my fingers and fell asleep for 10 min. 

    For last I wanted to talk about my ex. I think she is trying to seduce me. For months now she sends kinky stuff to me on Snapchat. I don't want her back, so I am not gonna accuse her of anything. I just hope that she sends the same snaps to all of her friends, in that way it will be proven that she isn't trying to get me back. 
     

  16. Posted

    Alright I don't know for sure if I am the favourite teen, but I think I did a good job with the title. I need book recommendations. There has been a change of plans. Instead of always buying every book on my booklist, I will try to lend as much as possible from the library. I looked up many books and it turns out that most of them are available there. Here is what I already have read:
    ''Mastery'' by George Leonards
    ''The Six-Pillars of Self-Esteem'' by Nathaniel Branden
    ''The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens'' by Sean Covey
    ''The Element'' by Ken Robinson (terrible book)

    Here is what I already have ordered, but still need to read:
    ''Iron John'' by Robert Bly
    ''No More Mr. Nice Guy'' by Robert A. Glover 

    Keep in mind that I am 14 years old. So don't expect me to read books from Abraham Maslow. ''The Six-Pillars of Self-Esteem'' was hard enough. I think I'll read Maslows books later in my life. Right now I need good books about spirituality, religion, psychedelics, psychology or philosopy. The last 2 categories are the most important for me. Any books which can benefit me because of my early interest in these categories will be highly wanted. Take care.


     

  19. Posted

    2 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

    What do you practice?

    I actually don't even know. I try to be concious for most of the time. Everytime Leo explained what typical methods of meditation are, I forgot them. And watching the same video again for 30 min isn't my thing. I try to look objectively to my thoughts, but I have no clue how that works. Then I try just letting go of my thought, that works really well. After that I try to be present in the moment as long as possible. The methods don't go as fluent as it sounds. A lot of fantasy distractions from my mind or the body tense gets in the way. Which leads to tend me to harm myself.