I finally figured out the answer to the question 'What do women want?'

[Yali]

@Leo Gura You should do a AMA so we can get to know you better. 

I remember you mentioning you'd do one to celebrate 1 million subscribers.

[Sincerity]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Mostly not because I covered it quite well.

I was thinking of doing a video of Leo's Favorite Openers just for fun.

I remember You made a blog post about this.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/list-of-leos-favorite-openers

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

I remember You made a blog post about this.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/list-of-leos-favorite-openers

Yeah, but I have dozens more brilliant and hilarious openers.

[Lila9]

@mr_engineer That's not true.

I was born in a poor family and worked in lots of shitty jobs and at the same time always had an interest in spirituality and philosophy, studied graphic design and practiced art in my free time. And most men that I dated were students who worked in those exact shitty jobs. There obviously were some not very bright people who worked there, but there also were brilliant people who worked there because they had no other choice and they had to earn money in some way to envolve in life because there was no one to provide them with money.

I also was an evident of people with a few degrees and people who were born to rich families with so many opportunities and time to do whatever they fucking want, but they are not very brilliant, like, it was very difficult to have an intelligent conversation with them. 

 

Edited July 15, 2023 by Lila9

[Sincerity]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, but I have dozens more brilliant and hilarious openers.

Oh, cool. That's a lot of openers then.

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

And most men that I dated were students who worked in those exact shitty jobs.

Why did those relationships end? 

[Lila9]

1 minute ago, mr_engineer said:

Why did those relationships end? 

These relationships weren't planned. I did want to love and be loved but I also didn't want it to come at the expense of my own artistic growth, it was my top priority, especially as a beginner.

Also my immaturity and some unhealed trauma. It takes some time for a girl to become a woman.

[mr_engineer]

1 minute ago, Lila9 said:

These relationships weren't planned. I did want to love and be loved but I also didn't want it to come at the expense of my own artistic growth, it was my top priority, especially as a beginner.

Also my immaturity and some unhealed trauma. It takes some time for a girl to become a woman.

Right. So, your priority wasn't relationships. 

You're not the woman I'm talking about in this post, in that case. I'm talking about women who are fully ready for relationships, whose priority is relationships, who understand the gravity of commitment. 

Also, artistic growth can happen while being with the right man. It doesn't have to come at the expense of relationships. In fact, it can happen because of being with the right man! 

You have the luxury of talking in abstract terms like 'wanting to love and wanting to be loved' cuz your priority is not relationships. Those of us who value relationships don't have that luxury. How we go about this really, really matters to us. And we don't waste time prioritizing other stuff over relationships, relationships are it for us. 

[Lila9]

@mr_engineer

For women who are genuinely and fully ready for relationship, their top priority is to meet a loving man who shares the same values, someone who they can open up to and intimitaly connect to, this is the most satisfying thing that no money can ever replace. Money is a bonus but it's not necessarily the most important thing. There are women who want to date only rich men, but they are not the majority of women and it's very likely that these women replace their need for human intimacy and connection with materialistic pursuit, due to some underlying fear of intimacy and true connection.

It's true that many couples fight because of money, but it can happen both with rich and poor couples, money will always be a reason for fights. There will always be disagreements in relationships, including disagreements about dominant themes like money.

I agree that artistic growth can happen while in relationship, but it very depends on the type of the relationship and the the individuals. It's not easy to be a partner of an artistic person, good art requires a lot of isolation and alone time. Artists need partners who are more selfless and would love them strong enough to give them this space to create, even if they sometimes might feel neglected or abandoned themselves. It's possible and happen all the time, but it's not easy to find someone who would stick in this kind of relationship.

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

You have the luxury of talking in abstract terms like 'wanting to love and wanting to be loved' cuz your priority is not relationships. Those of us who value relationships don't have that luxury. How we go about this really, really matters to us. And we don't waste time prioritizing other stuff over relationships, relationships are it for us. 

The need to love and to be loved is an important human need, that's why humans are drawn to relationships.

However, self actualization is a very importent human need as well.

Not always, but sometimes, these two needs clash.

Since this is a finite world where our time and energy are limited, sometimes we have to make hard decisions and compromise.

 

Edited July 16, 2023 by Lila9

[something_else]

@mr_engineer have you ever actually been in a relationship? 

[PlayOnWords]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I was thinking of doing a video of Leo's Favorite Openers just for fun.

Worthless video. My openers are way better than yours.

[CARDOZZO]

@Nabd 

Are you the guy on the picture?

If so, you look like a singer from Brazil called Cazuza.

 

[mr_engineer]

5 hours ago, Lila9 said:

For women who are genuinely and fully ready for relationship, their top priority is to meet a loving man who shares the same values, someone who they can open up to and intimitaly connect to, this is the most satisfying thing that no money can ever replace. Money is a bonus but it's not necessarily the most important thing. There are women who want to date only rich men, but they are not the majority of women and it's very likely that these women replace their need for human intimacy and connection with materialistic pursuit, due to some underlying fear of intimacy and true connection.

It's true that many couples fight because of money, but it can happen both with rich and poor couples, money will always be a reason for fights. There will always be disagreements in relationships, including disagreements about dominant themes like money.

I agree that artistic growth can happen while in relationship, but it very depends on the type of the relationship and the the individuals. It's not easy to be a partner of an artistic person, good art requires a lot of isolation and alone time. Artists need partners who are more selfless and would love them strong enough to give them this space to create, even if they sometimes might feel neglected or abandoned themselves. It's possible and happen all the time, but it's not easy to find someone who would stick in this kind of relationship.

This doesn't read like someone whose priority is relationships has written this. And, I disagree that artists need isolation-time. I'm an artist and I create the best when I'm teaming up with compatible people. 

5 hours ago, Lila9 said:

The need to love and to be loved is an important human need, that's why humans are drawn to relationships.

However, self actualization is a very importent human need as well.

Not always, but sometimes, these two needs clash.

Since this is a finite world where our time and energy are limited, sometimes we have to make hard decisions and compromise.

They shouldn't clash. And you sound like you haven't put in the work to make sure that doesn't happen. 

[mr_engineer]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

@mr_engineer have you ever actually been in a relationship? 

No, and this is why. I'm just not old enough for it yet! 

[Rishabh R]

@mr_engineer dude if you could not take care of your needs first and fullfill them then how could you take care of someone else's needs . And once you said me on my post that forget about girls right now and first earn a decent career. The thing I have to say is that focussing on career is important but neglecting your needs is an unhealthy way to live life. What one can do is besides building one's career one can also talk to girls on the side.

Edited July 16, 2023 by Rishabh R

[mr_engineer]

1 minute ago, Rishabh R said:

@mr_engineer dude if you could not take care of your needs first and fullfill them then how could you take care of someone else's needs . And once you said me on my post that forget about girls right now and first earn a decent career. The thing I have to say is that focussing on career is important but neglecting your needs is an unhealthy way to live life. What one can do is besides building one's career one can also talk to girls on the side.

I stand by what I said when it comes to LTRs. And 'talking to girls' is very different from being ready for an LTR. Again, fine, you can talk to girls on the side and sleep with girls on the side. You don't have to neglect your needs. 

[supremeyingyang]

6 hours ago, Nabd said:

I come from the middle east and it's a very harsh environment where survival is not guaranteed and money is very important, but I have seen many relationships where women were working and earning more money than men and these relationships are long term.

Im talking about a population where 90% of the people are actually in critical condition of being poor (most people earn 10-15$ a month while you need like 100$) and of course you see gold diggers or women who would only be in a relationship with a man who earns alot, but they are by no means the majority, hell ive been in one and I know at least 2 guys who actually married women who make double their income.

I can't be sure about the situation in the US or Europe but i highly doubt its as bad as some of the comments on this thread seems to suggest.

Interesting! Very. For fresh perspectives like this I keep lurking arround in the forum. I always thought that in Middle East the Women is not supposed to earn more. Which country you life in? Are the men feeling bad cuz of this or are they just happy to have such a woman as partner? What are examples of the jobs of men and women? Why is it like that - men are less educated?

[supremeyingyang]

5 hours ago, Nabd said:

Thats the french psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan in the picture, but we do look quite similar, lacan me and Cazuza lol

You have to start your Singer/Songwriter Career - the first Album will be called "Lacan, Cazuza and me"))

[supremeyingyang]

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

No, and this is why. I'm just not old enough for it yet! 

This is what I suggested yesterday. How old are you roughly?

[mr_engineer]

16 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

This is what I suggested yesterday. How old are you roughly?

I'm 27.