When the King loses his crown (deal with aging)

[Shawn Philips]

I've noticed that aging makes me bitter.

I've been always into sports specially fitness and bodybuilding. When I was young won some trophies in local competions.

Now I'm 39 and it's not the same. I have wisdom and experience, but is a bad tradeoff.

I see zoomers being stronger than me (using steroids) and overeating, and this makes me rage because I cannot do the crazy things I did when I was young.

For me it's unfair practising sport for 20 years and some young insolents become stronger or better than me.

But it's the same with relationships/dating. Now I have the experience and resources to date a woman while when I was young was a social retarded. But why do i need this knowledge now that I'm a 40 aged creep that doesnt look attractive to young women?

I dont get the tragic character of aging. Why I need this wisdom now that cannot use it?

[BipolarGrowth]

Pretty sure you’re around the optimal age for having an attractive appearance for a man. Sure, maybe you’d seem creepy to SOME 18 year olds, but why would you even want to be with a woman that young at this point? 
 

I also don’t understand why it’s unfair that younger people have some advantages over you in strength when you had those exact same age-related advantages when you were their age? They will also experience all of the same disadvantages that come with aging. This sounds about as fair of a situation as life is ever going to give. 
 

It sounds like you’re getting pulled around a bit too much by negative thinking which is just making your life less enjoyable. 

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

I've noticed that how I view aging makes me bitter.

I've been always into sports specially fitness and bodybuilding. When I was young won some trophies in local competions.

Now I'm 39 and it's not the same. I thought I have wisdom and experience, but maybe I lack it as I believe this is a bad tradeoff.

I see zoomers being stronger than me (using steroids) and overeating, and this makes me rage because I cannot do the crazy things I did when I was young. Although they lack the experience I have gained.

For me it's unfair practising sport for 20 years and some young insolents become stronger or better than me. But I believe it is fair that I have all this experience that they don't have.

But it's the same with relationships/dating. Now I have the experience and resources to date a woman while when I was young was a social retarded. Which is true for majority of men. But why do i need this knowledge maybe its because when I was younger I saw myself as a social retard and now that I'm older I see myself as a 40 aged creep that doesnt look attractive to young women?

I dont get the tragic character of aging. Why I need this wisdom now that cannot use it? Or maybe I still haven't learned the lesson from my younger days that I don't have a high opinion of myself?

^^Fixed that for you.

Edited December 31, 2022 by Razard86

[Shawn Philips]

9 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Pretty sure you’re around the optimal age for having an attractive appearance for a man. Sure, maybe you’d seem creepy to SOME 18 year olds, but why would you even want to be with a woman that young at this point? 
 

I also don’t understand why it’s unfair that younger people have some advantages over you in strength when you had those exact same age-related advantages when you were their age? They will also experience all of the same disadvantages that come with aging. This sounds about as fair of a situation as life is ever going to give. 
 

It sounds like you’re getting pulled around a bit too much by negative thinking which is just making your life less enjoyable. 

You are right. Sometimes when I hear a hot young woman talk about dumb things I lose interest quickly.

But we men are wired to feel attraction to the most fertile women (generally the younger). So it's kind of a battle: this kind of girls is not for me but I feel physical attraction.

Edited December 31, 2022 by Shawn Philips

[Eternal Unity]

13 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

I've been always into sports specially fitness and bodybuilding.

Keep doing that!

13 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

I've noticed that aging makes me bitter.

Same here, man. (34) But, when I really think about it, I realize that every age has its benefits. And, knowing that I have life experience and life purpose beats every other desire that I have.

Those zoomers, man, got a lot of problems which thay choose not to share. It's all a facade really. An illusion of a life. Truth - thats what counts!

From the absolute perspective you're immortal and aging is not a tragedy, but a blessing. Everything has its time to appear in one's life. Wisdom is worth it. Maybe that will be even more clear to you as you age some more. And I can promise you that you DO use it. Perhaps, you're not always conscious of that but it is very true and very real. 

Hope it helps,

Greg.

[Butters]

Ram Dass has a few talks where he addresses aging. 

My kickboxing coach is in his late 50s and he's such an inspiration in the way he treats his students. Everyone feels safe and inspired around him. He comes across selfless and confident, he treats a gangster the same way he treats a computer programmer, literally. He sees people for people. 

Girls love him too but he's happily married. That's true alpha to me, very inspiring. You'd be lucky to have well developed older men in your circle. 

 

Edited December 31, 2022 by Butters

[hoodrow trillson]

It's all about perspective.

OP, if you were turning 59 years old today... and someone who just turned 39 told you these things.  What do you think you'd tell them? 

Just imagine a 14 year old telling you this when you're 39 lol.

[StarStruck]

Sounds to me like fear. Kings always fear new kings rising. But that is just the cycle of life. 

The whole point of life is to become wise before it is too late. One can’t sugar coat biology. You just have to do what old people do. Become a philosopher, man of god or something like that. 

All fear is fear of death so you need to reconcile with that. And secondly you need to let go of regret of your failed dating life otherwise it will hunt you. 

[LastThursday]

21 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

For me it's unfair practising sport for 20 years and some young insolents become stronger or better than me.

That's life. There's always someone better than you. My friend infuriates me with his chess prowess.

I'm fitter, better looking and more socially adjusted than when I was 21.

21 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

But why do i need this knowledge now that I'm a 40 aged creep that doesnt look attractive to young women?

Women of any age will be attracted to you no matter what age you are (@flowboy will rejoice at hearing that). Not all women true, but some women. But that's the same at any age. You don't need to be 39 to be labeled a creep, any age will do! Just stay away from those women, simple.

[flowboy]

12 hours ago, LastThursday said:

That's life. There's always someone better than you. My friend infuriates me with his chess prowess.

I'm fitter, better looking and more socially adjusted than when I was 21.

Women of any age will be attracted to you no matter what age you are (@flowboy will rejoice at hearing that). Not all women true, but some women. But that's the same at any age. You don't need to be 39 to be labeled a creep, any age will do! Just stay away from those women, simple.

True. Well-balanced viewpoint. I infer that you're doing well, I'm happy about it!

[NoSelfSelf]

@Shawn Philips comparing yourself with others and the world at that age is not so wise...

[Gladius]

Those are just made-up beliefs from you. Does it serve you to think that way, whether it's true or not? I'm becoming 38 and feeling more healthy and attractive than ever before.

[Loba]

Oh yes, jealousy and bitterness, these have been some of my biggest hurdles in life as well.  Also some of the most pleasant to work through as it provides a big payoff to go through it consciously.  I understand how this feels - I won't go into my story, but I experienced the same thing, even when young, many times in life granting me the opportunity to work through this emotion.  The thing with jealously and bitterness is that it is a form of greed, it's a form of thinking that your needs are not being met by something outside of yourself and it takes away from not only the reality of the moment but dulls the blessings that life has offered a person and makes them think that the outcome they were given was not the best one for their growth.  I'm months away from being 35 by the way, and a woman who has a much shorter biological clock than a male, so I do understand the root of these feelings quite well.  But let me tell you something that might ease the blow on aging. 

First off, it is inevitable.  All those young people in ten to twenty years will be in your situation.  They are never going to escape the same fate, this is something that we all go through together, just at different points in history.  People younger than you can't help being born younger than you, they just were.  So don't hate on them.  They're here at this point in time just like you were twenty years ago, and back then it was someone else who was upset about the same thing.  Our bodies are not designed to last forever, we are designed to live, to gain as much wisdom as we can and to shed this body.  Things on the "other side" or even just beyond the land of the ego are much more pleasant and fruitful than keeping a young, healthy body.  Don't get me wrong, these things are great to have, but it's not the end all be all.  There's more.

The "Universe/God/insert-personal-terminology-here" will put situations like this in front of you as lessons to move past, to help you grow yourself.  Each time you feel this way, don't even get upset about it, just use it as a learning process to go within and find out how to view the situation from a more panoramic lens.  For instance, what if in an alternate universe you got a girl when you were young?  Well, she would be the same age as you now anyways.  What if you married her, had a kid and you didn't want a family with this person?  What if you loved them deeply, but they died?  What if you guys hated one another or she set you back in life?  What if those young people you are jealous of are going through struggles in life much worse than yours, but you can't see that because you covet their youth? 

What if the situation you have in life right now is actually the best timeline?  But you don't know this?  Maybe all other options that could have happened would have been worse?  You would still be the age you are now, that won't change, but the outcome of life is a roll of the dice in most instances, or at least seemingly so from the perspective that we must live.

Or look at people worse off than you doing the best they can.  Women in countries where they are given no freedom on who to marry, sent off at the age of nine for some creep because their family can't afford to keep them?  Or being sex trafficked for years, or used as a slave, or living in a country where there is no food, or one that is being ravaged by death and war?  And they can't leave?  They see their friends and family being killed every day?

Life is a gift, even if it seemingly isn't perfect from your perspective, there are situations that could be much more brutal and harder to overcome.  This isn't to make light of your struggles, it's just to show you that worrying about inevitabilities like aging is a losing battle for anyone.  On top of that, the human soul is fresh, immortal, free, with the playful spirit of a child and given the rights to imagine whatever it desires. 

Life is simply a training ground to learn how to do this effectively.  These little things like bitterness and jealousy are not problems, they are perfectly crafted tests and blessings sent by the Universe to get you ready to let go of things so that you can become a creator that makes Good things.  Work through each of these emotions as if they are a puzzle to be inspected, get to the root of them and you will see the real you begin to shine through little by little.

Another thing - the problem with jealousy is that it is crafty.  From my experience, before I began to see it for what it was, it made me think that my negative emotions were accurate, and I would seek to put the other person down in my mind, sometimes out loud in order to not have to feel the dissonance that came with not having "thing".  They call it the green-eyed monster for a reason, because it makes people act like self-obsessed and selfish monsters.  Think back on when people were jealous of you.  Think on how they never really had the full story into your life, your struggles, your character as a man - and how they essentially whittled down the entirety of your humanity into "You have thing, I want thing, too.  I will act damaging towards you."  And remember how destructive it looked and felt to be in that position?  I am sure everyone has gone through this at least once.

I want to let you in on a secret that most people don't know, something that people get backwards in life:
Your soul is forever, it doesn't age, and how it looks and how much it can create is predicated upon how much it can give to others and to work through the various barriers that life presents.  People get this backwards.  They think they need to hold onto these things, or sometimes it just happens as an automatic response but this isn't the case.  When you feel this way, the Universe is showing you were you can soften yourself.  When you return "home" after this life, what you make in the spirit of interconnectedness, and of good will "paints" your future face.  People here get it all wrong.  They think that outside beauty or youth is the most important thing - it's not, it's how well you Love.  That Love will paint you like a fine artist in ways you might not yet know, but it's true.

Edited January 3, 2023 by Loba

[LastThursday]

6 hours ago, Loba said:

They think that outside beauty or youth is the most important thing - it's not, it's how well you Love.

Amazing words.