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About Gladius

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  1. This last week I still ate some junk food and watched porn "because pandemic". I had enough of that, and it didn't even make me feel better. Yoga, meditation or reading NLP books have been really helpful though, so I'm going to keep doing more of that. The biggest realization these days is how stress from my full-time job was literally killing me. The first thing I'm gonna do is figure out a solution for that. Lately, I had been trying to keep up with a perfection standard not only by working, but also exercising to have a perfect body, trying to fulfill creative projects, and pleasing everyone around me. No wonder I was exhausted. Realizing that is helping me to focus in things that matter to me. This week's intention is to go back to healthy habits, and start taking action towards my goals. No stress though. Have a nice day and stay safe!
  2. @studentofthegame Agree. Nothing can beat a healthy lifestyle. Take care!
  3. @studentofthegame If you feel like you don't need it then it's fine. I stopped taking it for two reasons. First, after several weeks using it daily, the effect is less and less perceivable. Giving it a break is good, so I can pick it up anytime when I need it, specially in stress periods. Secondly, I really want to dig in my inner state and see how I'm doing, without any external alteration. To me, hypericum is just a supplement, not a solution. Not sure if it makes sense, but I believe I will be fully healed when I don't really need that kind of stuff. This way, I'm really aware of any CPTSD symptoms or toxic habits if any, and keep track of the improvement. As you said, I think the final choice is up to me. I consider this quarantine a good chance for experimentation.
  4. @studentofthegame The way you are describing this process is already healing, it's perfectly expressed. I'm dealing with same issue these days. Meditation always helps, sure, but in the end I do believe it's up to us. This is a perfect mindset for change, just keep it up! By the way, you were trying hypericum, right? How did it go?
  5. Loved the observation! It's all our choice in the end. Cheers!
  6. @studentofthegame thank you sir!
  7. Nice, I'm loving this kind of journal. It gives you a really concrete action plan to improve yourself. Congrats and keep it up!
  8. Loving this quarantine, folks. I'm still in the same position than last week. Days off from work and plenty of time to observe myself. I'm starting to see when I'm acting from my ego and when I'm doing it from my essence. Working on that and taking care of myself. I gave up hypericum and I did felt a lack of energy. I observed that and I do think I'm bouncing back already. Of course, without stress and still getting paid life is good even in the middle of this apocalypse. But I needed this, I'm sorry! Still, I hope the best for everyone and that life goes back to normal, with all learning gained. Have a nice day and stay safe!
  9. @studentofthegame It looks like a "healthy" to do list for these days the one you're dealing with. In my opinion we can allow some "bad habit" like porn or chocolate to get by, as long as it doesn't become something addictive. Take care buddy.
  10. This week I'm home, in quarantine like everyone else. I got some days off work because I felt funny, but I don't think I have the virus. I'm using this time to relax, work on a short film, do exercise, reading and meditate. So it's not going bad after all. I did allow myself to watch porn. I was already quite frustrated sexually and it's going to be at least one more month. Thus, I needed that. Otherwise everything's fine. It's weird to say that, but I can see benefit from this crisis. I was quite anxious before that and I learned to value stuff like health and relationships. The job I've been complaining so much about turns to be safe in these times. My mind and I are learning to be friends and take care of each other. By the way, I shaved my head. It's higienic if I'm going to stay home for a while. Besides, every time I look myself in the mirror I see someone who looks like a monk, and it gives me peace Have a nice day and stay safe!
  11. @studentofthegame I'm home these days, after a bit of coughing my company sent me home until things are clear. To be honest, quite happy with that, since I was longing for less work and more time for me. Take care yourself!
  12. The quarantine has started but I still have to work, so not much has changed for me. Learning a lot of patience, self-care and emotional management. I decided to give up hypericum these days. I think I built up enough mental strength last year. Many things that triggered me a few months ago, they won't do it anymore. I just want to be fully myself again. We all can learn a lot from this situation: valuing our health, being more compassionate, enjoying the moment and so on and so forth. Letting go a little bit more. Have a nice day and stay safe!
  13. Updating again this week because of this huge pandemic crisis. I guess no one is glad with this situation, but it's been specially frustrating to me since I had good momentum going on. I was almost finally hired by another company. I'm just writing it here because it makes me aware. When things go wrong, I'm adopting a victim mindset really fast. Dropping that is actually a relief. Have a nice day and stay home!
  14. @studentofthegame Many thanks! I'd say the turning point of my recovery was running into a good therapist who finally diagnosed CPTSD. The other sessions I did with her helped as well, and that led me to find more material, specially Pete Walker's books (which I saw in your journal!). I had many juicy"aha moments" from those.
  15. @studentofthegame Sorry to hear that, buddy. It looks like you're taking care of yourself which I think is basically the key to everything. Just one day at a time. All the best!