Gladius

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  1. All going well. In terms of health, feeling better than ever. I improved my diet by cutting off sugar and gluten, which were causing a lot of damage. My career keeps its course without a doubt since I shifted two years ago. There is a breakthrough expected in the upcoming months, so looking forward to that. However, my life is still a bit chaotic regarding social life, free time, and housing. I'm not worried and I'm not going to force anything. I do believe that as I'm fixing my energy, everything else will fall into place. It may sound weird being this maybe the best time in my life in years, but I signed up for online therapy a few days ago. I received a good offer and it could be the final boost for my healing process.
  2. Wonderful pieces of art, keep it up. Finding a job you absolutely love in your thirties is possible, I promise. Happy new year!
  3. This year's resolution is to keep being a bit more of an "asshole". For a recovering people pleaser like me, this just means being a functional man. Lately, this is working quite well. Happy new year, guys.
  4. This year is finishing with good news careerwise. In terms of healing, I learned I'm still a huge people pleaser, although I have been saying no quite a lot. I'm feeling more energetic and enthusiastic than I can remember, significantly better that one year ago: Joking with colleagues and students, hiking on my own, playing the guitar, and keeping the house (more or less) clean and tidy. Therefore, hopes are high for 2024. Steady as she goes. If anyone reading, happy holidays!
  5. This weekend I've been beating myself up like in good old times. I slipped back hanging out with the wrong people. I thought that a night out could be a good distraction and I ended up hitting my emotional rock bottom. Therefore, this is just a reminder that everything will be fine and back to normal. It might take a few days to recover from this one. Another insight I have is that I need to remember at all times, whether I like it or not, I am an extremely sensitive person, so I need to be really careful with my energy.
  6. Still feeling strong and confident. Every day is 0,001% better than the previous one, since a couple years ago. Therefore, I'm optimistic about the future. I've done tons of work to overcome my worst insecurities and it is starting to pay off. There is still a long way to go, but I know how to walk. I just need to remind myself to keep this mindset, and I'm sure everything will be fine. Steady as she goes.
  7. By the end of last year, a coach told me that I was a "baby" in terms of considering myself equal to everyone else, as opposed to being inferior. It's sad that it took me so much time to process and behave according to that information. The change, though, is being amazing.
  8. Everything stays the same. The word "testosterone" has been living rent-free in my mind. I have the feeling I needed to get in touch with my masculine, which I had forgotten for a long time. I'm working on that by being really careful with my social interactions. Basically, avoiding ass-licking at all costs. Throughout this process I have been so focused on myself I totally forgot about people around me. Lately, I'm noticing how I am strong enough to care about others and help them one way or another. This time, though, from a position of strength, not a doormat. Steady as she goes.
  9. How important is breathing? Breathing deep for the first time in my life...
  10. Digging further and further into my people pleasing addiction, I realised even this journal is written in public hoping to find some external validation. I guess it's not that bad, though.
  11. So it was that easy all along. The only thing needed to be happy was to tell people to go f themselves. Why no one told me a few decades ago?? Well, better late than never.
  12. The streak goes on. Again, my main challenge still is to be aware of people pleasing habits and avoid falling back into them. The more I'm aware of this, the better life gets, and my health and energy rises. It's that easy.
  13. These last weeks I had been feeling pretty strong. Somewhere deep in my mind I was curious whether anything else could knock me down. I know this could become some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The answer came in form of a virus, which hit me hard for almost a week. At the same time, I had to break more expectations from my family. It seems they are still expecting me to behave like a doormat. When that is not happening, there is a huge backlash, and that takes some energy. However, I see all these obstacles as opportunities to become even stronger. At work things are getting better and better, so I'm sure I'm on the right path. It will take a few more years to be where I want to be, and that's fine. As a side note, even my sexuality is changing. I used to have a little weird sex cravings over the last years, and now this is being naturally fixed. Steady as she goes, mf.
  14. Not much to add so far. Good vibes at work, which makes me so proud. Still, being aware of people-pleasing patterns and short term gratification. These are my greatest enemies at the moment, and at the same time trying to be not too strict on myself. However, compared to one year ago, the improvement is slow but undeniable. It does feel like a total rewiring of the brain until I can lead a "functional" life in al aspects. There is nothing else to do than keep going this way and enjoying the process.
  15. Being aware of your thoughts 24/7 can be exhausting, in particular if you are trying to set aside obsessive thinking loops. If you manage to do it, it means more energy and health for yourself. It seems counterintuitive, but I stopped going to the gym for a while and focused in resting and get other aspects of my life together. I also started being mindful about my diet. It was already healthy, but I increased quantity and stopped being so strict with sugar and stuff.