Gladius

This is the last post in this topic, in case it is helpful for anyone in the future. The only solution for a family scapegoat is going No Contact, at least for a while. I finally did it 2 months ago, after 9 months of Low Contact. Relief is mixed with symptoms of CPTSD. My life is getting exponentially better every single day, in all aspects. That was the cause of most problems stated here all along. Not screen time, gluten or sleeping schedule. There is still some disbelief about what happened but no hesitation. Life can be sad and beautiful at the same time, and that's ok. All the best.

Time to sum up 2024. Actually, plento of things changed this year. - Making progress in my career. Awesome new professional experience and back to studying. - Lucky to be selected at the program of mu choice. Can't be grateful enough, every day there is a privilege. - Bittersweet experience rescuing a dog and then bringing him back to the shelter. Learned a lot from the experience and again grateful for the time shared. - Going low contact with narcissistic family and being proven as a healthy action to protect myself. Mixed feelingg about it. Sadness and grief on the one hand, because I finally dropped the fantasy of a "loving and supporting" family that never existed. Relief and freedom on the other one, gaining back energy and power to take more action in my life. - New hobbies and connections made. Lessons learned: 1. Trust my gut. Even more, way more. 2. That guilt and shame are not mine. Sometimes I make mistakes, but it is easy for me to recognize those and apologise if necessary. 3. Standing up for myself and choosing battles. That was cool, more of that, please. 4. Still working to accept love into my life. Goals for 2025: - Not sure yet. When not sure, just focus on your health and peace of mind. The rest will follow. Happy new year, everyone.

For the record, another key word that should be highlighted here is BOUNDARIES. Yeah, I should have set some of those a few decades ago. For the time being, I'm going low contact with my family of origin. I'm not sure how our relationship will evolve but it is being proved not only necessary, but critical.

Another way to rephrase the last insight is being the "scapegoat" of the family. Learning that role and binge-watching yt videos about it has been helpful to some extend. Why it took me so long to realise this dynamic, I don't know, but I'm so glad I did. Now, it's time to move on.

Still wondering why it took me so long to cut sh*tty people off from my life. That should be your number one measure, guys. Everything else will fall into place.

For the first time in my life, this summer I took not only physical but real emotional distance from my family of origin. It's the most healing I've ever done: I'm breathing deep and safe, my skin looks terrific and energy levels skyrocketed. I'm feeling great although aware of all the damage done. Now, as a "healed adult", the abuse is more obvious than ever. My 20's were all about changing jobs, countries, friends... trying to feel good, so I decided to eventually stop. My 30's have been indeed really introspective. All changes started from within. It was tough but the right way to go. My 40's, starting next year, are promising.

@studentofthegame hey buddy, nice to hear from you. Sure, it helps to share, so let us know if you're writing somewhere.

@aurum yes, I have been living for decades with C-PTSD and started unraveling the effects the last 5 years or so. I'm doing therapy and everything I can to get my life back on track, focusing on my health, my career and the way Interact with others. Also taking a couple massages per month and treating myself as good as I possibly can.

@aurum Sure, I agree with you 100%. I have been in therapy and self-development for years and just realised this posture issue short ago, as I have been dropping many psychological defence mechanisms.

Thanks everyone! @aurum my theory is that if I can fix my posture by releasing trauma stored there, it could increase my energy and libido. Hope it makes sense.

Now, in my late 30's, I realised my pelvis is tilted back and has been this way probably since the bullying suffered in my youth, as if my body was hiding my male parts. Since a few years ago I'm doubling down on my healing, with therapy, exercise, somatic yoga, setting boundaries and so on. My mental health has improved a lot but still can't completely fix this body adaptation. Any ideas?

In my opinion, therapists are just people, if that makes sense. Their job is listening to you ande detecting patterns, but of course they have their own weaknesses and you should be careful with taking their feedback as word of God.

Doing well lately and doubling down on myself.

I dont know what to write here anymore. Big changes were undergone over the last few years, so lately I decided to take it easy. From now on some tweaks will always be done here and there, but I'm positive I'm on the right track. There are still family issues, career goals, relationship problems, and (fewer) CPTSD sequels. And that's ok.

Things are pretty much the same for the moment, and it will be like this until summer or so. I'm focusing now on my free time and relying on myself to enjoy it.