Stuck in a cycle of fantasy and reality

[krazzer]

I'm stuck in a cycle.

I seem to have two modes. The fantasy mode and the reality mode.

In reality mode, I work on my own business with pleasure. I have fun with my kids and wife in the evening and weekends. I dedicate my free time to meditation, self development, reading, carpentry or having fun with my wife or friends.

When I'm in reality mode, I generally feel great. But after some time, I always start to long for fantasy mode again. At some point the urge to go to fantasy mode again is too great to overcome, and my brain comes up with reasons why it's ok to do this again.

So, eventually, I start entering fantasy mode again. I start to play WoW again (or anything else that takes me in to a fantasy world, but for simplicity sake, let's stick to WoW here). At first, this is great. I still operate in reality mode, but in my free time, in the evenings, I'm in fantasy mode. 

Gradually over the days, I start to chip off time from reality mode to be more in fantasy mode. I skip hanging out with friends, I skip watching Netflix with my wife. I skip meditating. I skip working out. The damn game is just to much fun. Screw reality. I start to login the game for a short while to check something during work hours. I put the kids to bed as early as possible, so I can play again. 

Eventually, I look at my work todo list, and I make it as short as possible, just to do the absolute necessary work, and skip the work that would grow the business, or prepares for future changes.

That's when I play WoW for 8 hours a day, with a short intermission to have dinner with the kids and wife and a little mandatory play time until they go to bed.

And that's also when I start to think about it might be a better idea to leave fantasy mode, and go back to reality again. And then, I'm back in reality mode living life in a more adult way, being more social person.

And this cycle keeps repeating itself. For years, maybe even a decade. I'm not sure what to do with it. Clearly I cannot operate forever in fantasy mode, that would make my life quite miserable. I also don't have the strength to be in reality mode all the time, I keep falling back. What do I do? Do I keep fighting to stay in reality mode? That is what I've done in the past decade. Or do I accept the cycle? In reality mode I can mostly undo the damage I do in fantasy mode, so it is possible to keep living this way and have peace with it, even though it is somewhat mediocre. But in the back of my mind I know how awesome my life would be if I keep staying in reality mode.

[Mz Hyde]

What is it about reality mode that makes you want to run away from it into fantasy mode?

[krazzer]

@Mz Hyde I don't want to run from it. I just want to go to the fantasy land again, because it's very pleasurable.

[ted73104]

Can't see any problems, why define reality and fantasy mode, screw reality. Hahaha.

[puporing]

3 hours ago, krazzer said:

keep living this way and have peace with it, even though it is somewhat mediocre. But in the back of my mind I know how awesome my life would be if I keep staying in reality mode.

That's your clue. Sounds a bit like passion/adventure is lacking in your life currently (or whatever it is you're seeking). What are some things that would make your life awesome? (Perhaps even things that are conflicting with your current way of life, but you should consider them too if they bubble up).

[Mz Hyde]

2 hours ago, krazzer said:

@Mz Hyde I don't want to run from it. I just want to go to the fantasy land again, because it's very pleasurable.

How could you make your reality so pleasurable that you wouldn't want to be in a fantasy land anymore?

Edited August 17, 2022 by Mz Hyde

[Arthogaan]

Make your reality your fantasy world. Save money, buy a camper van, change your style as in rpg (new hairstyle, new clothes) and go into the world. 

[Jalextheopenminded]

I have had a similar path with youtube and film being my fantasy world. In the past, simply moralising myself with statements like "just don't do it because LP and grinding and be a good boy" or whatever would keep me off it for long periods, but whenever I got into phases of existential fear from spiritual growth all those self imposed rules would fly out the window and I would dive right back into old habits. So I try not to work with shoulds and shouldn'ts anymore. I now let myself indulge when I feel like indulging, but combine it with a small visualisation excercise of foresight. When I can imagine embedding a day of watching movies into the dream structure of the next 10 years, without really damaging my long term trajectory, I go for it, and if the idea of it seems so gut wrenchenly forced and out of place, I will be intrinsically motivated to keep grinding at my purpose instead. For me, guilt only comes around after slipping into extended phases of shortsightedness.

[Loba]

I know how you feel, the struggle is real.  It sounds like you have a game addiction.
Have you thought of just writing your fantasies out?  Is it strictly set within a game, or are there other fantasies you have?
Maybe you could bring your wife into them.  Playing them out sexually, or even just playfully with another person can be fun, it doesn't have to be corralled to just an online game.

I would set limits on the game time, and figure out ways you can enjoy the best of both worlds while here and also staying within reality.
What I do is I set a certain time, preferably just before I get up while my mind is still lucid to imagine certain scenarios, and then if they appeal to me I might write about them.  I'll build different worlds and narratives in my mind until I've exhausted all I can get from that world and will then move onto something else.

Fantasy can be very healthy, you just have to make sure it doesn't bleed out into what you know to be absolutely true - humans do need an outlet for their imaginations.

Try to find ways to work around this so that you aren't substituting fantasy for reality, but instead using your imagination as an add-on component to make life more creative and interesting.

[Leo Gura]

One solution is to not play MMOs at all. They are huge time sinks. Instead play single player games, which are fewer and don't take so much time.

WoW is like cancer for your life. It's not even good.

[Tyler Robinson]

8 hours a day. 

Then you have made the game your life. 

Few years later you might come to regret this. 

1 hour a day is enough. 

That's why I don't like video games. They are silly rabbit holes. 

 

 

[Hello from Russia]

What class do you play?

[universe]

What is it about fantasy mode that you enjoy so much?

You are in this cycle because you want to. To end it and Grow you need to change. You would need to become a person that doesn't even think about fantasy land anymore. Are you willing to let that person go?

Because if not, then you are already exactly where you want to be.

❤️

[Razard86]

I just think its karma. I was once deeply into online games and I put a whole lot of time and money into them early on in my life. I don't regret it one bit but I can honestly say I burned through that one. I don't even have an urge to play. But its true, you retreat into that world because you want adventure and excitement because your life is lacking that for you. The moment you can see life itself like a video game...well your drive for them will dissipate.