Razard86

Post Your Scariest Psychedelic Trips EVER!!!

24 posts in this topic

I am curious about you brave psychonauts and your most horrendous experiences. If you don't mind sharing....what was your scariest trips you ever had. Thanks in advance for sharing....


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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My scariest trip was my first ever full blown ego death.

I was at a psytrance festival and decided to take 250ug LSD (I know wtf?) and on the way to the stages I smoked a spliff (again wtf?), even grabbed a beer (I don't normally drink), before entering the dome.

When I started dancing, the LSD peaked and I had the time of my life. My friends said they had never seen me smile like that and for me there was just the movement of my body flowing with the music.

I had my eyes closed while dancing and suddenly it became very dark in front of my inner eye and these bright white jigsaw pieces flew in as if from "outside". It looked very cool and I was stunned. When the puzzle was complete, I saw that it was me, in lotus position made out of this incredible glowing white light. Then it was like I'd inhaled or swallowed myself (the puzzle) and let it all out like "paahh".

In that moment it was like a mirror broke, my reality shattered, death, there was nothing and then for some reason I opened my eyes. When I looked around there were all these people and flashing lights etc and I was immediately so confused it was driving me insane.

My friends said I stopped dancing, turned around and ran out of the dome (stage).

I don't remember that, for me from the moment I opened my eyes I entered eternal hell. It was like an endless corridor with all the moments from all my lives when I screwed up or caused suffering to another being in some way. I was there for eternity and at the same time I was still stuck in this other reality.

I remember seeing other people from the festival and they were talking bad about me and at some point I thought if my friends don't come in 10 seconds I'm going to run to the forest.

Then one of my friends patted me on the back and I told them I fucked up. They took me back to the campsite and it helped that they were there, but I was still in infinite hell.

While we were walking back the trance music was still playing in the background and to me it sounded like the sound of Windows 99 startup and shoutdown sound at 2x speed:

but in an infinite loop and with that it was like my brain was constantly rebooting.

At that point I was sure something was terribly wrong with me and I'll never be the same again (true) and I'm imagining all these horror stories of how I have to tell my parents when I get home and that I I'll be in a psychiatric ward for the rest of my life, etc.

To put it in a psychological way, I had total derealization and depersonalization, but it was way worse than that, infinitely worse. There was nothing to stand on, I was totally lost, it felt like I had broken reality and there was no way to fix it.

My friends tried to reassure me, but their words were empty to me and I wasn't even there to listen, like I was infinitely far away and this body was just a shell of my former self.

At some point I decided that I would go into my tent alone and listen to music or whatever. I remember playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon to calm me down (lol) but it only made it worse. I don't know how much time I spent alone in the tent, but after a while I left because nothing changed and it was hot and uncomfortable there.

My friends looked at me with pity and one of them said if I didn't want to try meditating as I often do. I tried and started following my breath and it got better very quickly. I think I only meditated for about 10-20 minutes and was pretty much back to normal. Still a bit ungrounded of course but it got better by the moment and 1-2 hours later we were dancing again and I had a great time for the rest of the festival.

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Inexplicable. Incomprehensible or no visuals. Immense panic attack.

Flashbacks for two weeks, unable to sleep. If I did sleep, the dream was a flashback and immediately startled me awake. Every time I would have a flashback I thought I had done drugs and became confused when I could not find the pipe and drugs. Continued nightmares relating to DMT for several months, sporadic nightmares after the fact.

Tried seriously one more time. Extreme panic attack. Crying and screaming.

Never again. Not even for money.

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@RMQualtrough sounds like pretty strong ptsd symptoms...


You are Me, we are One. Truth is Love. Truth is Beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but Love. How do I even explain myself to you? ;)

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@puporing Without any question I genuinely had PTSD. Thought I would need to seek therapy. Never again. Never.

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Posted (edited)

@RMQualtrough I did on that recent one I shared.. just to talk to someone about it. The therapist had some experience with psychedelics so he didn't freak out or anything..

I hope you feel better now. Right after I was having anxiety attack just looking at the weigh scale lol.

Edited by puporing

You are Me, we are One. Truth is Love. Truth is Beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but Love. How do I even explain myself to you? ;)

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@puporing Totez fine now. Memory of trips slowly fades, so in these cases it's a blessing... Just wait until you can't actually recall the state of being anymore.

It seems to me that humans can't remember a form of perception easily, you can't know it by memory, only by perceiving it. So it fades. But we can conjure remembered imagery and sound and such at will.

When I think of very old trips, including the "religious awakening" where I saw that there is nothing but reality itself... Well I can only recall visual elements. I have absolutely zero recollection of the shift in perception at all.

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Posted (edited)

@RMQualtrough yes, you're right. And it's usually the associated feelings and labels that can "remain", rather than the event itself in its totality... Hehe. "Time is on your side" :) Glad you're doing better..

Edited by puporing

You are Me, we are One. Truth is Love. Truth is Beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but Love. How do I even explain myself to you? ;)

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Posted (edited)

@acidgoofy woah, very heavy. I never had an ego death. Do you think it would be possible to follow your breath even in the middle of an ego death/transcendence? Would this be problably less hell? 

It would be good to know if you have this Option, like an anker when a big storm arises. Just to breath trough and have faith that you will come out of it in a good way

 

 

Edited by OBEler

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11 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@acidgoofy woah, very heavy. I never had an ego death. Do you think it would be possible to follow your breath even in the middle of an ego death/transcendence? Would this be problably less hell? 

It would be good to know if you have this Option, like an anker when a big storm arises. Just to breath trough and have faith that you will come out of it in a good way

 

 

Breathe work helps, your anchor is your ability to surrender to what is. If you cannot...welll....you will just have to find out.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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Posted (edited)

@Razard86 of course if you can surrender. But what if you feel you cannot surrender and need something to calm down, to hold onto. If your breath is there for you and if it is possible to just follow your breath in this Situation. Thats what I ask me. 

Edited by OBEler

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45 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Razard86 of course if you can surrender. But what if you feel you cannot surrender and need something to calm down, to hold onto. If your breath is there for you and if it is possible to just follow your breath in this Situation. Thats what I ask me. 

Your breath is the path way to staying calm. You can resist to a point if the dosage isn't to high with breathwork. But depending on how your biology is and the dosage the breathwork may not be enough. The breathwork can be an anchor of resistance but like I said if the pull is too strong....you need to surrender.

I resisted Ego Death on 3grams of Jedi Mind Fuck. 20 hours later 2-3 edibles gave me full blown ego death and it defied my breathwork and I shattered into pieces. So my body could resist the mushroom but the edible had its way with me. I surrendered to what was....and it was fine. Your fear is just an illusion, but it will feel real. After I shattered I realized...it wasn't so bad lol. 


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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@Razard86 and is your life after such an surrendering to ego death/transcendence forever changed or can you be normal again quickly? 

 

I wish I never knew about ego death. Makes tripping always not enjoying anymore because I know deeply the ego death experience is lurking around the corner and can happen any minute. 

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35 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Razard86 and is your life after such an surrendering to ego death/transcendence forever changed or can you be normal again quickly? 

 

I wish I never knew about ego death. Makes tripping always not enjoying anymore because I know deeply the ego death experience is lurking around the corner and can happen any minute. 

Ego Death is the most liberating experience because it is symbolic. In reality you experience death all the time. Death is the end of identification. So for example if you identify with being employed and you become unemployed you just experienced death. If you identify with being young and you become old you just experienced death. If you identify with being human, when you cease to be human you died. But if you have no limited identity then you never die.

You can test this out for yourself. Try to do something you believe you are not capable of accomplishing and notice the fear you feel. Its the same fear, of annihilation. To go beyond your self image of yourself, you must first kill the image you have of yourself.

Ego Death teaches you that all fear is illusion. Its a fun illusion. I have been saying on this forum for a long time. YOU LOVE YOUR FEAR. Fear provides you with meaning, and helps you to maintain your persona, the personality you have taken on. The genius of life is apparent...if you pay attention.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, OBEler said:

 I know deeply the ego death experience is lurking around the corner and can happen any minute. 

look at it from another point of view: there is no death of the ego, there is an opening to infinity. Just seems death, but it isn't. 

Edited by Breakingthewall

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@OBEler You don't have to breathe when you're in the middle of it ;).

Investigate it yourself, no amount of information you can get here will help. But yeah, I think some basic meditation/concentration skills are helpful in situations like this.

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The scariest experience I had was also the most beautiful. I took two and a half 100ug tabs of LSD. Something was off though, I started peaking after 15 minutes. I don't know why it happened, but I suspect the tabs were stronger than advertised. Anyways, I knew I was in for a ride pretty early on. I had never experienced visuals quite like this.

I began having deep existential thoughts, "Do I exist?", "Is any of this real?". Terror set in. My ideas of self and reality were being challenged.

I remember saying to my friend, "This is so confusing" because I kept forgetting who I was. I knew there was no escape so I just relaxed into it.

All of a sudden my mind dropped. I was the room. I was the plant. I was everything around. I was infinite. Everything was pouring out of nothing. This was amazing. I kept hugging my friend because he was me. He thought I had lost it but he was a good sport.

I kept switching back and forth between infinite consciousness and ordinary consciousness. But when I'd switch back to ordinary consciousness my mind would get stuck in loops. I'd think the same thoughts over and over like, "Life is suffering. Life is suffering. Life is suffering..." Ad nauseam. These thought loops were brutal. I thought I was going to be stuck like this forever.

I don't know how or when it happened but eventually I snapped out of it. I didn't sleep for two days, but I was back.

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Posted (edited)

Being on the edge of Ego-Death, but not being able to FULLY surrender into it on Ayahuasca. The journey included timeskips, almost vomiting myself and many other crazy things that happened that night. Scary stuff. But it showed me that I have more work to do to fully transcend death and I am really grateful for that. 

Edited by Verg0

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On 7/4/2022 at 3:41 AM, mrPixel said:

The scariest experience I had was also the most beautiful. I took two and a half 100ug tabs of LSD. Something was off though, I started peaking after 15 minutes. I don't know why it happened, but I suspect the tabs were stronger than advertised. Anyways, I knew I was in for a ride pretty early on. I had never experienced visuals quite like this.

I began having deep existential thoughts, "Do I exist?", "Is any of this real?". Terror set in. My ideas of self and reality were being challenged.

I remember saying to my friend, "This is so confusing" because I kept forgetting who I was. I knew there was no escape so I just relaxed into it.

All of a sudden my mind dropped. I was the room. I was the plant. I was everything around. I was infinite. Everything was pouring out of nothing. This was amazing. I kept hugging my friend because he was me. He thought I had lost it but he was a good sport.

I kept switching back and forth between infinite consciousness and ordinary consciousness. But when I'd switch back to ordinary consciousness my mind would get stuck in loops. I'd think the same thoughts over and over like, "Life is suffering. Life is suffering. Life is suffering..." Ad nauseam. These thought loops were brutal. I thought I was going to be stuck like this forever.

I don't know how or when it happened but eventually I snapped out of it. I didn't sleep for two days, but I was back.

Wow....you shifted back and forth.....what did it feel like having your mind drop and becoming everything? 


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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Nothing serious, but one time on LSD, me and my friends sat in the living room when it knocked on the front door and we weren't expecting anybody. We all looked like deer in headlights for the few moments it took my friend to answer the door. Luckily, it was just a random neighbor who had just moved in, and he wanted to let my friend know that he would be up to hang out some time (which is honestly really odd 😂).


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

 

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