Books on Perfectionism?

[Vision]

I have always been a perfectionist in almost everything I do.

This has served me in some cases when it came to success, but I believe that it's counterproductive in how much time it takes up. I always go the extra mile for the 20% that doesn't give me 80% of the returns. 

Any books on solving this? I have The War of Art on my wish list at the moment. 

[Rilles]

The Gifts Of Imperfection - Brene Brown

might be something to look into

[Kenn254]

1 hour ago, Vision said:

I have always been a perfectionist in almost everything I do.

This has served me in some cases when it came to success, but I believe that it's counterproductive in how much time it takes up. I always go the extra mile for the 20% that doesn't give me 80% of the returns. 

Any books on solving this? I have The War of Art on my wish list at the moment. 

You can’t stop perfectionist thoughts, but you can take control of them.

If you’re feeling like your inner thoughts are holding you back, the one way to regain control that has always work for me is "do it badly. Just get started and do it badly. Eventually, you will realize that it is not that bad.

[Nahm]

Only perfection could experience imperfections. Only perfection can never actually experience perfection. 

[itachi uchiha]

@Nahm did u reach turqoise

[itachi uchiha]

@Vision read one thing by gary kellar.it shows that u cannot be perfect in more than 1 thing.

[Superfluo]

@Vision Perfectionism is a coping strategy that generates satisfaction as an outlet for subconscious psychological tension, which comes from a lack of being okay with yourself having less control on yourself.

Perfectionism is a second order symptom. It's wiser to deal with its causes. Go for the root cause, which usually is having a controlling parent. Heal the expectation of always being excellent/perfect, of always conforming to other's standards.

Do shadow work and deep inner child work. Release tensions. Learn to soothe yourself. Dive deep into your mind, and love your hidden parts.

I was perfectionistic, but no more since I healed myself. I didn't find any books or resources for perfectionism, but I didn't need them because I found more powerful stuff

[Nahm]

@itachi uchiha

If you share your connotation there I could do the same to answer. 

@Superfluo

Beautiful, ? 

[Thought Art]

Forgiving Ourselves Totally 

If you can filter through some of the christian dogma it's honestly really helping me.

[JoshuaFansy]

I'm a perfectionist and I'll be honest, sometimes it's very frustrating. But I keep striving for the best.

[Isaac k]

I struggled a lot with perfectionism after being raised that everything has to be perfect during the years I read a lot of books (I also went to coaching) and I found this one very helpful "too perfect: when being in control gets out of control"

[FlyingLotus]

      Check out "Pursuit of Perfect” by Tal Ben-Shahar.  The book is all about turning maladaptive perfectionism into healthy, adaptive perfectionism or Optimalism.

      Perfectionists reject reality and think perfection is attainable, which is foolish because that implies that time, money and energy are infinite, which of course they’re not.   Optimalists embrace reality and recognize that time, money and energy are finite.  So you focus on optimal outcomes, given all the constraints of your situation.

      It’s important to do all that shadow work and heal your inner critic.  Another thing to keep in mind is it’s easier to break a bad habit by replacing it with a new, healthy habit.  Especially if it can scratch the same itch as your old habit did, but in a healthy way.  There’s honestly a lot of adaptive benefits to being a perfectionist, as long as you channel it in a healthy way like an Optimalist does.

 

      Also, love your “faults" to death.  It’s helpful to think about your “worst” traits as your best traits with the volume too high.  It’s easier to adjust the volume on something that’s actually really good, versus, needing to suppress and destroy some painful, awful thing that you just can’t change.  (Not saying that’s how you feel, but sometimes big changes can feel really overwhelming.) 

      Honestly, most people would pay good money to be hypnotized into making excellence their default.  They’d love to make committing to the extra mile their second nature.  Personally, I see perfectionism as a superpower that’s so powerful I have to channel it in a proper, healthy way.  In the end, however, the benefits outweigh the costs.  Basically, an attitude of embracing your personal traits makes it much easier to turn them into their most healthy, exalted forms. 

[Jacob Morres]

https://www.amazon.com/Perfectionism-Workbook-Strategies-Procrastination-Yourself-ebook/dp/B07FHL11Q3

i liked this one because it covers several styles of perfectionism. it manifests differently and my unique manifestation was niche so it was nice 

[Vision]

On 21/09/2021 at 0:23 AM, Nahm said:

Only perfection could experience imperfections. Only perfection can never actually experience perfection.

@Nahm What do you mean by this? Is it because perfection is what my true nature/reality is?
 

On 21/09/2021 at 0:42 AM, Superfluo said:

@Vision Perfectionism is a coping strategy that generates satisfaction as an outlet for subconscious psychological tension, which comes from a lack of being okay with yourself having less control on yourself.

Perfectionism is a second order symptom. It's wiser to deal with its causes. Go for the root cause, which usually is having a controlling parent. Heal the expectation of always being excellent/perfect, of always conforming to other's standards.

@Superfluo Wow! I do have controlling parents! You just shared a huge insight. Thank you.

Quote

Do shadow work and deep inner child work. Release tensions. Learn to soothe yourself. Dive deep into your mind, and love your hidden parts.

How can I do these all of these things? I've heard of shadow work and want to dive deeper into it. 
 

Quote

I was perfectionistic, but no more since I healed myself. I didn't find any books or resources for perfectionism, but I didn't need them because I found more powerful stuff

What was this "powerful stuff" you speak of?

[Vision]

On 21/09/2021 at 4:39 PM, FlyingLotus said:

      Check out "Pursuit of Perfect” by Tal Ben-Shahar.  The book is all about turning maladaptive perfectionism into healthy, adaptive perfectionism or Optimalism.

      Perfectionists reject reality and think perfection is attainable, which is foolish because that implies that time, money and energy are infinite, which of course they’re not.   Optimalists embrace reality and recognize that time, money and energy are finite.  So you focus on optimal outcomes, given all the constraints of your situation.

      It’s important to do all that shadow work and heal your inner critic.  Another thing to keep in mind is it’s easier to break a bad habit by replacing it with a new, healthy habit.  Especially if it can scratch the same itch as your old habit did, but in a healthy way.  There’s honestly a lot of adaptive benefits to being a perfectionist, as long as you channel it in a healthy way like an Optimalist does.

 

      Also, love your “faults" to death.  It’s helpful to think about your “worst” traits as your best traits with the volume too high.  It’s easier to adjust the volume on something that’s actually really good, versus, needing to suppress and destroy some painful, awful thing that you just can’t change.  (Not saying that’s how you feel, but sometimes big changes can feel really overwhelming.) 

      Honestly, most people would pay good money to be hypnotized into making excellence their default.  They’d love to make committing to the extra mile their second nature.  Personally, I see perfectionism as a superpower that’s so powerful I have to channel it in a proper, healthy way.  In the end, however, the benefits outweigh the costs.  Basically, an attitude of embracing your personal traits makes it much easier to turn them into their most healthy, exalted forms. 

@FlyingLotus This is utterly profound. Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. My entire life, I always thought of "dumbing myself down" so I could save time and get things done faster because that's what everyone else is better at doing than I. But I never thought of it in the way you described it. I never stopped and thought about how most people don't actually have this as their second nature.

I just need to channel it into things that are worthwhile, like my Life Purpose. I have a newfound appreciation for this ability. Thank you so much. 
 

@Jacob Morres @itachi uchiha@Rilles Thanks for the book recommendations. I'll have a look.

 

[Superfluo]

2 hours ago, Vision said:

How can I do these all of these things?

I made several posts on healing and healing techniques. You can start there. Healing is a process which requires you to deal with the mental aspect of your psyche, and the body aspect of your psyche. This means you work on your thoughts, expectations, beliefs, relationships with yourself, self-image, and your past, but you also work on your body, on your muscular tensions, on your emotions and traumas, on your energetic imbalances (the energetic imbalances part is pretty advanced, so don't worry now).

 

2 hours ago, Vision said:

What was this "powerful stuff" you speak of?

Several techniques/methods/exercises. First, you start by understanding how to heal, what it means and the principles behind it. Check out the video "How To Heal The Emotional Body" by Teal Swan (she has several stuff you will find powerful).

If you are not in touch with your emotions enough, if you don't trust your capacity to recognize or verbalize your feelings, if you feel numb or disconnected from your feelings, if you feel you have to reconnect with your emotions first, I recommend you start with Emotional Vipassana.

If you are already attuned to your emotions, I recommend you to start with journaling (or even go to a psychotherapist if this idea resonates with you), Inner Child Work, Parts Work (also known as the Two Chairs Exercise), and The Completion Process (book by Teal Swan).

The more you heal, the more difficult is to heal, because you first heal surface stuff. After the surface is cleared, you may want to go deep. In this case, you may want to do serious body work, like Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), Shamanic Breathing / Holotropic Breathwork, and Bioenergetics Exercises.

 

Here's some posts of mine you may find helpful:

 

[FlyingLotus]

On 9/22/2021 at 1:09 AM, Vision said:

I just need to channel it into things that are worthwhile, like my Life Purpose. I have a newfound appreciation for this ability. Thank you so much. 

You're super welcome 

You can find summaries of "Pursuit of Perfect" on youtube.  It's a must read for people with perfectionism.  You can tell the author is one.  Takes one to know one after all ?

Some more shadow work books you might like include: "Shadow Dance" by David Richo and "Existential Kink" by Carolyn Elliot. 

Edited September 24, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Vision]

@Superfluo@FlyingLotus

Thank you both. I've realized that this is actually a deep wound that's been running my life since early childhood. It may have even contributed to the business success I've had. 

This will really change my life. Thank you. 

[Superfluo]

1 hour ago, Vision said:

I've realized that this is actually a deep wound that's been running my life since early childhood.

That's a huge step, good luck with healing!