How to be social when you don't like most people?

[Karmadhi]

@unborn_chicken I kind of did the same. I lived in a country that was least developed and moved to study and hopefully work that is more developed with a more intellectual youth. Where do you live if i may ask?

How old are you? If you go to university then it is not that hard to find intelligent intellectual people as long as it is a decent school no? That is where i met a lot of smart cool people.

Youth organisations also help a lot, i went to one to develop my social skills and i met a lot of cool people there too.

Edited August 18, 2021 by Karmadhi

[unborn_chicken]

9 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@unborn_chicken I kind of did the same. I lived in a country that was least developed and moved to study and hopefully work that is more developed with a more intellectual youth. Where do you live if i may ask?

How old are you? If you go to university then it is not that hard to find intelligent intellectual people as long as it is a decent school no? That is where i met a lot of smart cool people.

Youth organisations also help a lot, i went to one to develop my social skills and i met a lot of cool people there too.

@Karmadhi

A small coastal town in Colombia, South America.

I'm 23, already went to collage here and I'm already working.

No good reason to go back to college honestly. At least not here.

And where are you from?

Any suggestions as to where to migrate? hehe

Edited August 18, 2021 by unborn_chicken

[Flowerfaeiry]

5 hours ago, unborn_chicken said:

I KNOW there's people out there that I would totally want to share my time with, but where are they? WHERE!?

I only seem to find shallowness, laziness, ignorance, devilry, etc.

So what is it?

Am I too much of a black sheep? Are my expectations too high? Am I too judgmental of others? Am I narcissistic? Am I a sociopath? Do I lack empathy? Am I too out of touch with emotions?

Should I make attempts to form deep bonds with people that don't share my values and ambitions?

How can I be nice and charming to a society I disapprove so much of?

I seem to be stuck in a loop where I think all of those thoughts above are just mental masturbation and I should simply go out and meet more people.

How much of this is mental masturbation? How much of this is valid?

You need to turn a lot of this energy into physical motion if you have a genuine desire to meet people. If it's coming from a "should" mindset you're not going to get very far. 

It is hard to meet people and you're going to have to open up to the idea that not everyone will be perfect according to your standards. In fact there is a TON you can learn about yourself (what you want out of friendships and your own shortcomings) and life in general just by meeting with literally anyone. Even the TV-watching, lazy, shallow ones.

[Focus Shift]

@unborn_chicken Find places that resonate with what you like to do. Yoga classes can be a good way to meet open minded/spiritual people, some may even be free depending on where you're from. A coffee shop may be good, bookstores, meditation centers, etc. Meetup.com is a good place to find stuff that you're into  I used to be quite reserved in college but in the past two years I've been putting myself out there a lot more, you'll be amazed to find how many people like us are out there. 

[flowboy]

18 hours ago, unborn_chicken said:

Am I too judgmental of others?

There a misunderstanding in you, which makes you judgmental.

You assume: because people talk about shallow stuff, they are shallow.

Actually, they do that because people first connect on a shallow level, before they get to the deeper stuff.

You are not respecting the process.

If you give people a chance, you will see that many people around you are able to talk about what you want to talk about.

[Shiva99]

17 hours ago, Marcel said:

@unborn_chicken

You just perfectly described me.

I don´t have the nerve to meet anyone and stay alone most of the time, i just focus on my work at the moment and refine my daily process.

I would love to have an intimate relationship with a women, but just like you there is no way i would want to through the process of trial and error to get there. So i just try to be the best version of myself and put myself out there whenever if i feel like it once in a blue moon.

Have you ever tried any dating apps like Tinder etc? It's not the best, but it definitely helps if you can just go on some casual dates. 

[Marcel]

@Shiva99

I tried it in the past but did not have any success back then.

Well probably because i was antisocial as hell at that point in time haha

Maybe i should give it another shot.

[Shiva99]

9 minutes ago, Marcel said:

@Shiva99

I tried it in the past but did not have any success back then.

Well probably because i was antisocial as hell at that point in time haha

Maybe i should give it another shot.

I think you should. Nothing to lose. Sometimes u need a bit of patience, but there are honest girls on there.

[Marcel]

@Shiva99

13 minutes ago, Shiva99 said:

I think you should. Nothing to lose. Sometimes u need a bit of patience, but there are honest girls on there.

Probably, i am still making too many assumptions instead of just trying something out. 

Theory vs. Direct Experience is really on of the most powerful things i have ever learned.

Using it as a framework to run my thoughts through and quickly noticing whenever i am just regurgitating and enforcing my own nonsense.

[something_else]

Quote

Using it as a framework to run my thoughts through and quickly noticing whenever i am just regurgitating and enforcing my own nonsense.

@Marcel I legit think this is one of the most important things to learn to notice, especially when it comes to any kind of socialising. It's soooo soooo easy to start overthinking and overanalysing everything and it can start to destroy your mental state and waste a lot of your time

[Marcel]

@something_else

Absolutely, especially if you are a chronic over thinker that analyses everything to death with a passion like myself.

[something_else]

Quote

Absolutely, especially if you are a chronic over thinker that analyses everything to death with a passion like myself.

This is a trait shared by pretty much every dude on here looking for dating advice, myself included hehe

[somegirl]

People are shallow at first because why would you expect them to talk about deep philosophical stuff when they first meet you? It would be considered weird. They only open up like that once you get to know them. 

There are all kinds of people out there. It is impossible that you cannot get along with anybody. You just need to give people a chance to prove to you something different.

Edited August 19, 2021 by somegirl

[AriSujan]

Drinking lots of beer before socializing might be one of the answers to it...hehe