RoerAmit

I’m a nerd logical guy. How the fuck to talk with a hot woman?

51 posts in this topic

1 minute ago, Khr said:

gtfo 😶.

Omg I give the same reaction these days, I had similar experiences with exes. So these days it's gtfo to any Illogical emotional outburst. Trying to live life #manipulationfree. 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

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Ahh yes cant wait for this thread to get derailed and turn into a gender wars battle only to get shut down on page 15

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34 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Probably you are just  incel with no real experience with women lol

Trying to be the super emotional guy, "nice" guy, so maybe women can trust and give you some love lol.

You are a joke, and just clueless too

 

IMG_20210731_053751.png

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@Khr I actually dated a narc for like 3 months and gtfo of there on my own

How I spotted he was a covert narc? Easy. He didn't have any empathy. Thry can tell all the sad stories and stuff but that's not emotions and being truly vulnerable or open. It's something else entirely. He was telling all the sad stories and I could feel on a almost surreal emotional level huge levels of neglect from him - narcs are normally born growing up in neglectful and unhealthy emotionally distant families. 

Main key to spotting a narc - is not feeling emotional empathy from him. 

And to differentiate sad stories from feeling lack of empathy, u need to be yourself very empathetic and emotionally expressive person. The fact that u cannot differentiate the two, tells me that you are struggling with empathy to yourself and others and taking sad stories for an actual expression of vulnerability and emotions, when it's not and is SUPER different. 

When I expected empathy and didn't get it, I realised I am dealing with a highly traumatised individual. I didn't know at that time he was a narc. When I got out and ended the relationship and then was so confused as to what was THAT? My male friend who grew up with a narcissistic father told me to look up covert narcissist description and signs and he matched like 90%. 

Doctor Ramani has a good YouTube channel on narcissists and narcissism. You just need to watch a few of her educational videos and u will be set to identify them easily. 

Again, I repeat, don't try to fix other people or find faults with other people, you won't be able to control them, but you are capable to control and educate yourself and improve your emotional availability and empathy, which is a better strategy longer term than simply avoiding life and rejecting ALL emotional guys. This way you won't fix anything and problem will always be there. 

Best approach is to work on yourself to be able to feel better, to be more empathetic, to allow and accept your own emotions and live them, rather than reject them. Cause if u reject others emotions, u first and foremost reject your own emotions and that will eventually lead to deep depression and suicide, cause doing that for long will only convince u that u live in a world full of manipulative guys and there is no hope. 

Careful here. This might backfire big time in a long term! 

 

 

 

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24 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Actually, they can, in the west, they are taught that women love superemotional guys, so some try to be this type of guy.

This happened to me when I was a teenager and clueless. I would pretend to be super emotional, because that was what girls used to say they were attracted to.But, obviously, that never worked with most women.

Guys, shouldn't take very seriously what women say they want. 

"Don't ask fish for advice on catching fish, ask a fisherman"

 

Because it was inauthentic. You can't fake emotions. 

And you're probably not the brightest light bulb, it's likely you misinterpreted what girls want either.

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I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? 

- they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. 

- they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. 

- and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... 

 

My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. 

Good luck! 

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Posted (edited)

@Vzdoh I’ve never dated a narc beyond 3-4 months either (except of my second bf when I was young, but I am not a 100% sure he was a narc, maybe just toxic), it interestingly becomes apparent at about 2-3 months mark (I wonder if that is where the 3 months comes from in some of the dating advices I’ve read (like don’t sleep with a guy for 3 months to see how he truly is)). I’ve watched a lot of dr. Ramani videos, Sam Vaknin, and many other ones, however I still dated a narc for a few months recently… just because I was in a vulnerable/very busy place in life and he checked out a lot of my other boxes that I got too excited too fast. So my lesson here was, if you’re in a vulnerable place, you’re probably not paying attention and overlooking many things (unless you’re a super human), so it’s better not to look for a partner then. 

Edited by Khr

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@Lucas-fgm  But I don't care about what you want or not. I just roll over you if I please. What are you going to do about it?

@Vzdoh Sorry, miss-tagged.

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Posted (edited)

21 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? 

- they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. 

- they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. 

- and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... 

 

My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. 

Good luck! 

Well it’s pretty nuanced, you don’t want to reject everyone. At the same time you definitely don’t want to date people who are depressed/suicidal. Even people who share very soon into the relationship that at any point they were depressed or suicidal, because that means that they are still not fully over it. A person who is over a dark time in their life and focusing on better things would probably rather talk about the better things. Yea, as JLo once said, you have to be fully happy with yourself/by yourself first before you can be happy with someone else. The items you described kind of remind me of my second bf, maybe he wasn’t a narc after all, but it was still a pretty bad experience. What are some of the examples of emotional intimacy you’re describing?

Edited by Khr

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@Khr well, I was suicidal about 7-8 years ago. Of course I don't share it on 1st dates. But I don't see any issue sharing it after like 2-3 months into a relationship. Its my life journey and I went through that stage and it actually played a big role in how I changed myself and how and what I am now. 

Remember, we change mostly when the pain is too much and we can't go on with that pain for any longer. I am in a much better place now, but I feel its important to share that part of my journey because it will show the guy who I truly am and how I changed and what's important for me now. And I am not ashamed of that stage of my life. I actually feel proud of it. That I didn't decide to take my life, but instead realised that it's worth living and enjoying life and do something meaningful with it. Part of the reason I joined this forum is because as a result of that journey I progressed to Yellow level on SD and looking continuously on how I can further grow and evolve. So it's important for me to reveal to the closest person who I truly am!!! And if he looks down on me or pity me for that or thinks I am defective in any way for that, I will just end the relationship. Simple as that. 

 

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Posted (edited)

@Vzdoh I think there’s a difference with how people share that experience if it’s like “I had a difficult time in my life, but I’ve overcome it, I am so proud of myself” vs “I was once in a dark place, it was horrible, I hope you can understand that and pity me and not push me to get there again” - and that is a difference between being over the experience vs not.

Also going into many details vs just briefly mentioning it. I noticed when bad things happen to us, there is a limit to how much we can “vent” about it. At some point, once we’ve let it all out, we get tired of talking about it so it just becomes like “yea, been there, happened to me, let’s talk about something else now”.

And I can definitely understand how that was a big part of yourself and why you would want to share that, but it sounds like you’re doing it from more of a positive note.

My goal is to get to a place though where I don’t want to talk about my hardships anymore - where I’ve let it all out and rather focus on better things. I don’t know if it’s fully possible though and I don’t know if that’s realistic.

Edited by Khr

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Also, one observation from my own experience. Everyone's vulnerable place level is different. If u worked on your empathy, expressing emotions, and letting yourself experience lows as well as highs, u will not be as vulnerable or become prey to narcissists when u r at your lows, because your overall level of consciousness and empathy for yourself is quite high to start with. And all u need to pass a low point is to feel through it and accept it and be gentle with yourself during this time and u will also be able to recognise easily that u r in that low stage. 

Like recently, with my mom's health crisis. I felt so low and so weak, and alone when all responsibilities of helping her fell on my shoulders only. My brother wasn't much help and it was pointless to even talk to him, because from his view point as a male child he was already doing more than enough for her and his expectation was that I am as a daughter, must do much much more. Which is unfair of course and not true. But I can't change his belief. Its impossible! My mistake was that I thought he just need me to show him factually how little he did. But showing him facts, just distorted his internal view/picture of himself as a good son and it backfired to me. I realised that until external reality won't prove him otherwise, I won't be able to convince him in my point of you. So I was in a very vulnerable place and noticed that I want more support and emotional closeness with my BF. I realised it was mostly caused by my selfish desire to get help and since I am physical touch person, and experience love and support through physical presence, I wanted more physical closeness from him, i. e. Wanted to move in with him. Now that I am out of this crisis mode and working on getting my balance back, I don't feel that way anymore. And I am back to feeling and being more attuned to my BF's needs, not only MY needs. And all that happened quite quickly. And the reason is because I worked so hard for past 8 years on my emotional resilience and noticing how I feel, not numbing it down or trying to fix it with relationships. 

So the only answer i see is to work on yourself more and raise your own level of emotional awareness and empathy for yourself and others. I really don't see any other healthy and sustainable way. 

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Posted (edited)

14 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Also, one observation from my own experience. Everyone's vulnerable place level is different. If u worked on your empathy, expressing emotions, and letting yourself experience lows as well as highs, u will not be as vulnerable or become prey to narcissists when u r at your lows, because your overall level of consciousness and empathy for yourself is quite high to start with. And all u need to pass a low point is to feel through it and accept it and be gentle with yourself during this time and u will also be able to recognise easily that u r in that low stage. 

Like recently, with my mom's health crisis. I felt so low and so weak, and alone when all responsibilities of helping her fell on my shoulders only. My brother wasn't much help and it was pointless to even talk to him, because from his view point as a male child he was already doing more than enough for her and his expectation was that I am as a daughter, must do much much more. Which is unfair of course and not true. But I can't change his belief. Its impossible! My mistake was that I thought he just need me to show him factually how little he did. But showing him facts, just distorted his internal view/picture of himself as a good son and it backfired to me. I realised that until external reality won't prove him otherwise, I won't be able to convince him in my point of you. So I was in a very vulnerable place and noticed that I want more support and emotional closeness with my BF. I realised it was mostly caused by my selfish desire to get help and since I am physical touch person, and experience love and support through physical presence, I wanted more physical closeness from him, i. e. Wanted to move in with him. Now that I am out of this crisis mode and working on getting my balance back, I don't feel that way anymore. And I am back to feeling and being more attuned to my BF's needs, not only MY needs. And all that happened quite quickly. And the reason is because I worked so hard for past 8 years on my emotional resilience and noticing how I feel, not numbing it down or trying to fix it with relationships. 

So the only answer i see is to work on yourself more and raise your own level of emotional awareness and empathy for yourself and others. I really don't see any other healthy and sustainable way. 

@Vzdoh yea it’s definitely important to work on your issues first and not cover up them up with relationships. Narcs don’t just happen to us, we allow them to happen to us due to poor boundaries and lack of self love. I am happy you’ve been able to pick yourself up in a difficult situation and be self aware to understand why/what you were feeling at the moment. 

Edited by Khr

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1 minute ago, Khr said:

@Vzdoh yea it’s definitely important to work on your issues first and not cover up them up with relationships. Narcs don’t just happen to us, we allow them to happen to us due to poor boundaries and lack of self love. 

Yeah! My GF got into a relationship with one. Got pregnant on month 3 of the relationship and then went through so much pain to the point she had to leave Singapore and her job and moved back to Russia to libe her parents and the dude does not even want to see his daughter 😢😢😢

So I know how dangerous it can be to be in a bad/low place and allow someone unhealthy into your life. 

That's why I continue doing the work and will never stop. Only being healthy emotionally and constantly raising my self awareness and self love and consciousness I will be able to attract a healthy man. Vibrationally I just find myself repelling all the traumatised people. We just don't gel together. The only sad thing is with more work I do on myself, the more I notice how unhealthy everyone else is and how many internal struggles and issues people have without even an acknowledgement of why they are the way they are. There are a LOT of unconscious people out there! Which makes finding a truly healthy and conscious individual even harder 😒

Quite sad if u ask me. 

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@Vzdoh You are the princess of the show. Ma star. 

Where is @Hulia need her because I will go to that exact place where she runs away from accountants. I feel deep need to.

Have to buy her jacket. 

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"I am better then everyone".Can't stand it. 

Well there is one serb with a dog and blonde. But not the wanted Hero. 

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Posted (edited)

59 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Yeah! My GF got into a relationship with one. Got pregnant on month 3 of the relationship and then went through so much pain to the point she had to leave Singapore and her job and moved back to Russia to libe her parents and the dude does not even want to see his daughter 😢😢😢

So I know how dangerous it can be to be in a bad/low place and allow someone unhealthy into your life. 

That's why I continue doing the work and will never stop. Only being healthy emotionally and constantly raising my self awareness and self love and consciousness I will be able to attract a healthy man. Vibrationally I just find myself repelling all the traumatised people. We just don't gel together. The only sad thing is with more work I do on myself, the more I notice how unhealthy everyone else is and how many internal struggles and issues people have without even an acknowledgement of why they are the way they are. There are a LOT of unconscious people out there! Which makes finding a truly healthy and conscious individual even harder 😒

Quite sad if u ask me. 

It does make it harder. But nowadays people are becoming more and more self aware, it’s becoming popular to be into “self development”, so I do have hope left. But I feel that once you find it, you will know quite soon whether it works.

Saw this a couple of weeks ago. “The more exquisite the taste, the fever are the options”

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Edited by Khr

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@Khr For relationship and let alone someone to have kids with I agree. 

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24 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

"I am better then everyone".Can't stand it. 

Well there is one serb with a dog and blonde. But not the wanted Hero. 

I could even get along with a blonde, but not with a dog! Terrible creatures and their owners are the worst. Animals belong into woods.

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4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You have train yourself to not be logical with women.

The words coming out of your mouth should not conform to any kind of logic or make much sense.

Basically, be stupid and fun.

It requires lots of practice, so stop sitting around and hit the field.

The logical guys are the funniest. Because the essence of joke is the absense of logic in everyday life.

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