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About Vzdoh

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  • Birthday 04/22/1982

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  1. Intimacy is our fundamental need as humans. I agree with @Nahm that you need to realise first that all your needs apart from very few, you can meet yourself. Better yet, when you change the spin and your attitude changes to your needs becoming your wants only, something you deeply desire, but not require for your life. And second, its important to develop a deeply intimate relationship with yourself first, before you can become intimate with the other. Namaste
  2. I didn't even reply anything in that post cause it was quite obvious that OP came to the forum to prove to himself his own point, not to self inquire about validity of his point of view. It's like a shut door. Why would anyone attempt to know on it if it close for good?
  3. You might be surprised, but a lot if parents have emotional maturity of a 5 year old. They r not narcissistic or anything. Its just plain old immaturity. Both my parents I think are at ages 8 and 6, respectively. Nothing we can do about it unfortunately.
  4. I simply report posts where I see blatant attacks on me personally or discussion of my personal stuff that I didn't ask for. Don't be afraid to report. If u feel offended or insulted by soneone, its not your imagination 🙄
  5. Maybe it's weird, but I do not hate any of my exes. I know exactly why relationship broke up and where it was my fault and deficiencies and where it was due to them. And I accept both. From where I was wrong, I made invaluable learning experience and grew tremendously. So don't really understand how can u hate someone if u r crystal clear on what was the reason
  6. @Preety_India Stop calling my statements generalisations please. If u didn't have the same experience as me, doesn't mean my experience is generalisations. I lived in Singapore for 10 years and met countless Indian men on dates, I did give them a chance initially. I can count on one hand how many of them were actually normal, respectful, high EQ, empathetic, normal ego and without superiority complex. I stopped giving them any chance because every time I did, it was literally the same behaviour.
  7. @soos_mite_ah @Preety_India Dear, Preety lives in India and was mostly complaining about Indian men. That's why my comment on I dian men specifically. U took it out of context. Yes, therr are jerks in all races. Same as there are good ones in all the races. But we were discussing Preety's specific situation. From my personal experience in Singapore where I came across Indian men first time, maybe 90% of Indian men I met here have some serious narcissistic tendencies, absence of EQ, and SUPER HUGE ego. That's why even if I turn 50 and i am still single, i will never marry an Indian dude. And for the record, I didn't generalise all asians here. I actually have a fetish for asian men. Love Henry Golding and Takeshi Kaneshiro and dated chinese and HK guys when I lived in Shanghai. And in general asian guys, not Indian men, are healthier psychologically and less ego and not commonly narcissistic.
  8. @somegirl just like Ekhart Tolle mentioned in the video, ur mind wants her understanding and change of behaviour of silent treatment. But in reality, why does it matter at all? U just accept this is how she reacts to any criticism or attempts to talk to her about how her behaviour makes u feel. Just accept that this is how and who she is. Let it go. Let all she says just pass by you because its not about you, it's about her and it most likely never change unless miraculously she wakes up one day a different enlightened person and decides to change this aspect of herself. And why she doesn't do better than her own parents? U seriously ask this question after u said u understood that was her conditioning as a child? She can't... she is not aware she is doing it. She can't help it. Its her default behaviour. U r questioning a person who developed a PTSD in childhood and learnt to behave in such a way to do better and consciously decide that now she needs to stop suffering from PTSD and change because u told her so? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁😁😁 Don't u see how unreasonable this expectation of yours is? Sick people can't become healthy and self cure when u told them what's wrong with them. It normally takes a doctor and a long process to get healthy and it won't happen from u telling her how she hurts u. So just make peace with it and move on and take care of yourself. I am sure thanks to this behaviour of your mom, u have got lots of issues to address.
  9. @Thunder Kiss I did a test on attachment styles. Will post a link here for the topic starter. I am solid secure type.
  10. Dear, I am catching the focus u have is to make your mom understand your feelings and change her behavior and acknowledge that she hurts you when she does. Why do u have such a focus? Why is it so important to you? Why r u so attached to this outcome? I did Hoffman Process about 8 years ago where we dived in deep into childhood trauma and impact and patterns of behaviour that we borrowed from parents. Was the best investment in my life! What I learnt there is to love both of my disfunctional parents just the way they are. Not judging, not wanting to change them, not seeking anything from them. Just simply understanding that they are the way they are because they themselves grew up in quite disfunctional household and unfortunately they are similar victims to disfunction as you are now. This realisation that they are actually victims too, not perpetrators. That caused a deep feeling of compassion and love for both of my parents. I forgave them for whatever they have done to me. Because they didn't know better and did it out of negative love dynamic or love how they learnt it in their childhoods. And then you drop all expectations for your parents to be a certain way with you, for them to change or for them to love u the way u think u deserve to be loved. U simply love them, accept them, and move on. And u r able to move on because u don't expect the love they should have given u anymore, because u can now give that love to yourself in abundance. U don't depend on them. Yes. U can try to help them to fix disfunction out of feelings of compassion for them and wanting to stop their suffering. But like with my mom, I tried for 10 years to help her and save her from herself. Invested close to USD60, 000 in all sorts of meditations, psychotherapy etc. But she never really deeply wanted to change. So all progress stopped as soon as I stopped. And that's a very expensive mistake I made. No point in therapy and helping if the person deep down does not feel like they need it badly enough. Even now when my mom has already developed a serious psychiatric condition, she is still not doing anything to recover,even given all the tools. I love her dearly, but I can't be her saviour and I can't do the work for her. So I let it be. I accepted the fact that she might die sooner than later because of this. But her life is not my responsibility. Its hers. So in a nutshell, don't try to change your mom. Focus on yourself and making your life better and fixing your trauma. And only offer help if she really asks for it.
  11. Work on your EQ my dear. I smell u have a very low level of it, and that's why u have this issue to start with.
  12. Funny enough, when I posted about my needs not being met fully in a relationship, I was told I am clingy and need to find ways to meet my own needs better somewhere else. As well as stop extracting "needs" from my partner because it's transactional and its not love in pure form.. Yada yada yada... How different replies look for a guy, having the same issue... Wow!
  13. Dear, ignore Indian men, seriously! I live in Singapore and they are here not wanted by any girls whatsoever! And its not because of their skin color, although probably for chinese/asian chicks it mostly is. For other women its mostly because of inflated egos they have and super low EQ. And to satisfy their EGO and SUPERIORITY COMPLEX, they go for white women, because they somehow see them higher on social hierarchy = probably has something to do with British colonialism or smth...have no idea! But if I was given a $10 dollar note every time an Indian dude hit on me, I would probably be a millionaire now. My point is, don't take somebody's ego craving for status and superiority as a reflection on your worth or your beauty. I met really pretty Indian girls here in Singapore, dark or not. So relax and carry on with your life...date white guys instead :))))
  14. yeah! You noticed? For some reason guys on here really feel the need to boost their egos at our expense :((((
  15. If I were in your shoes, I would calmly tell him that it makes me emotionally uncomfortable that he is spending so much time with her, especially that she is his ex. And if I didn't receive a question immediately as to how he can make it more comfy for me to feel about this situation? I would suggest it myself, this is what will make me more comfy - no need to stop seeing her if she is a friend, but probably say no invites to his home alone, hang out in public places and basic boundaries. And ask him what will work for him and me as a win win approach? And i would tell this only once. If behaviour continues, I would walk away. It means not only 0 respect for me, but also full on disregard for how I feel. Point to note: it's not OK to ask the guy to stop all contact with any friend, boy or girl.