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7thLetter

Any way to regain a girl's interest over text after it's gone?

24 posts in this topic

Typical newbie and seemingly needy question, but the title says it.

Going to text a girl I went on one date with 5 months ago, met her on a dating site, looking for possible suggestions on how I should do it.

On the date, she made it seem like she was already mine, she was ready for the 2nd date already and we talked about how the relationship is going to go. We also previously agreed to meet once a week. So with this in mind, I thought I couldn't mess it up. I started to text her odd texts after the date, not giving a shit about attraction or game.

But then, she would respond slow after hours or a couple days. This made me lose my mind.

Tried calling her, and this lead us to having a text conversation about how she's no longer interested. I asked if it had something to do with me but she said no, its because of her and how she's depressed. But the story doesn't really make sense to me, I still believe it has more to do with my needy text messages.

The conversation ended with her saying she's glad she has me as a friend and all, friendzone type bullshit.

Later on, sent her a few more texts with no response then I left her alone.

Now 5 months has passed, haven't talked to her or anything, I'm thinking I should send one text and if I get no response I'll let it go COMPLETELY. I'd rather try again with one final text than not.

I'm thinking that I either send her a text acknowledging my mistakes that the texts I sent her back then were awkward or cringe, or a simple "Hey how's it been."

Thoughts?


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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Posted (edited)

Do whatever you have to do, in order to learn that this is completely pointless.

 

I've done shit like that. It was humiliating myself, making myself seem desperate and leads nowhere.
But I needed to do it, to learn that.

So have at it.

 

15 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

I'm thinking that I either send her a text acknowledging my mistakes that the texts I sent her back then were awkward or cringe, or a simple "Hey how's it been."

That's so weak-sauce it's disgusting. You're asking to be blocked.

If you're going to do it, at least have some balls and express your true feelings in a voice message. Feelings, not neurotic thoughts. Don't address past weirdness, rather talk about positive things in your life, and say that you were reminded of her and remember the attraction you felt. So let's have a coffee, no expectations, and see where we're at.

That has the best chance of working.

Which it won't.

Because coming back to an interaction that turned awkward and weird, months after, still communicates that you have trouble meeting new people.

But give it a shot, hey, why even write about it? It's no skin off your back.

You could send a message just as a learning experience, be done in 1 minute, and then you can focus on meeting new people who you are not 10 points behind with, and thus have a way better chance with.

Let me know how it goes!

💚

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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16 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

Now 5 months has passed, haven't talked to her or anything, I'm thinking I should send one text

Yeah. Don't. Move on.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Posted (edited)

You shouldn't try to gain a girls interest through text. You have to do it in real life if at all.

"I'm thinking that I either send her a text acknowledging my mistakes that the texts I sent her back then were awkward or cringe" 

Probably shouldn't. It may come off as "beta".

"or a simple "Hey how's it been."

This would probably be better.

But you should have a mindset that there are many fish in the sea so to speak not just one special one. 

Edited by BjarkeT

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@flowboy Thanks for your input.

29 minutes ago, flowboy said:

That's so weak-sauce it's disgusting. You're asking to be blocked.

-

Let me know how it goes!

💚

I'm still thinking I should do it the way I originally thought, but of course I'd keep it light-hearted.

Like "I was looking at my phone and the texts I sent you back then are so cringe, lol no wonder." Something like that cause at least I'm trying to bring attention to the fact that I messed up, and that I assume that's the reason why she lost interest. Plus I'm keeping it positive, right

 

@BjarkeT I don't see her in person at all, she's just a person in my phone nowadays.


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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Posted (edited)

@7thLetter If you really want to have a relationship with her you main goal with the phone should be to set up meetings so you can see her in real life and create attraction. 

Edited by BjarkeT

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Posted (edited)

8 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

Like "I was looking at my phone and the texts I sent you back then are so cringe, lol no wonder." Something like that cause at least I'm trying to bring attention to the fact that I messed up, and that I assume that's the reason why she lost interest.

NO.

Or yes!

This is not going to work anyway, so it doesn't matter how you do it. It's just a learning experience.

But you don't seem to get that women don't care about your track record. It doesn't exist to them. They don't like it when you try to make them think and reason about it.

They see transformation, now. Did something turn weird and awkward just now? Then fuck all the previous good experiences, those don't exist anymore, all that is there is the fuckup.

Show her some positive, attractive things? Then the negative stuff from the past doesn't exist anymore (basically), because she's seeing the positive transformation.

That's why your best bet is to not. fucking. address it.

Again, it still won't work because you already lowered her perception of you to unrecoverable levels. Unless she's really needy herself.

But at least do it well, if you're going to do it.

 

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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32 minutes ago, flowboy said:

But you don't seem to get that women don't care about your track record. It doesn't exist to them. They don't like it when you try to make them think and reason about it.

My track record? Doesn't have anything to do with my track record, in the example I meant to say that I was just browsing through my texts and saw our previous texts.

I get what you mean though, the its the PUA 'attraction' strategy of trying to show the girl I got social proof with other women. But no that's not what I mean.

36 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Again, it still won't work

And yes I understand it won't work but I don't care about getting blocked or ignored or humiliated, don't care. I want to do it so that's the only thing that matters.

Worst case scenario, I get no response. Best case scenario it works out.


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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Posted (edited)

Do something to make her emotions moving, either good or bad. It doesn't matter. The worst thing is to be boring. Create drama, tragedy and outrage.

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

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I think it's best not to send anything. Forget about her. There are many other girls around

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I don't think this is a good idea. She made it clear to you that she treats you as a friend.

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Posted (edited)

29 minutes ago, robbinsarle said:

I don't think this is a good idea. She made it clear to you that she treats you as a friend.

She made it clear to him that she sees him as nothing: not even a friend. Friend is just the polite word people use.

 

56 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

My track record? Doesn't have anything to do with my track record, in the example I meant to say that I was just browsing through my texts and saw our previous texts.

Okay, by track record I mean "past actions". Do you now see how it connects to your previous texts?

Don't dredge up the past, especially the negative past. I know you feel like it can help you redeem yourself, but it won't. It will just show her that you are spending an unhealthy amount of energy obsessing over her.

Ignore at your own peril.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Find more girls, stop being pathetic.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Personally, I would not do it. But....If you don't you may always wonder if you made the right choice. It's not a good idea regardless, but it might be best for you to see first hand why it's not a good idea so it doesn't come to this again in the future.

95% chance she will either say nothing or possibly talk to you for a bit which will only fizzle out in a short span of time. Just be kind if you do talk to her.

Though you have truly learned your lesson when you no longer make the mistakes at all. But, then again advice on the internet pales in comparison to how you actually feel right now inside.

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Posted (edited)

My thought is that it can’t hurt to try one last time. But to not get your hopes up.

But I would keep it short... just enough to reconnect and put the ball in her court. 

So, I would probably send something slightly more substantial than “Hey, how’s it going?” But not too much more.

Maybe something like, “Hey, how’s it going? I was _____ the other day and it made me think of that conversation we had about _____. So I figured I’d reach out and see what you’re up to.”

And then, the ball is in her court to either respond or don’t.

And if she doesn’t, then you can let it go and move on.

Edited by Emerald

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On 7/23/2021 at 3:56 AM, 7thLetter said:

Now 5 months has passed, haven't talked to her or anything, I'm thinking I should send one text and if I get no response I'll let it go COMPLETELY. I'd rather try again with one final text than not.

I'm thinking that I either send her a text acknowledging my mistakes that the texts I sent her back then were awkward or cringe, or a simple "Hey how's it been."

Thoughts?

You haven't talked to her in nearly half a year, and want to get in contact again after she said she wasn't interested?

It's over dude. It's dead. In fact there was barely anything alive in the first place TO die.

I hope you've been seeing and talking to other girls during this time, because this wreaks of neediness and attachment issues. There is a silver lining though -If you felt you still haven't "let go COMPLETELY" as you've described it, this points with flashing neon signs and air horns to what you need to work on in yourself.


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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Posted (edited)

You have a scarcity mindset. Forget about this woman and go try your luck somewhere else. Literally billions of women out there.

On 7/23/2021 at 4:56 AM, 7thLetter said:

I asked if it had something to do with me but she said no

OMG come on man! Are you 12 years old?

It's you, it's always you and it will always be you. Will she be depressed if you were DiCaprio?

 

Stop wasting your time.

Edited by Arcangelo

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@7thLetter Listen to what people are saying. You're in a dream of your own creation here and its eating you whole. The more you fight the more the vines will take you over.


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@7thLetter An important neurological mechanism I want you to be aware of as well 7th letter that I figured out is as follows.

  • When we're younger we see our parents as godlike and we see our parents through our lesser needs as opposed to projecting into the future regarding their weaknesses in their ability to provide for our deepest needs (learned from a book).

An analogous mechanism occurs in our romantic love interests, not to deny love but to understand one of the contexts that is highly affected is our perception outside of them and of them themselves regarding their ability to fulfil our needs vs others in a relationship.

Emotional investment is so important when it comes to establishing an enduring relationship between two people especially in the case that they're going to create life together, however it comes at a cost. We're unable to see them for who they truly are or more accurately just less able to sort their strengths from their weaknesses in the context of how they will be able to support our offspring. 

So the same mechanism that occurs for us as we are children because we have no one else to look up to, occurs pretty much in any investment and it occurs in one of the most important investments of all when it comes to raising a child. This is why really determining whether someone is right for us is such an important process to go through, even if you don't want to have a child, because your reality will become skewed. You'll begin to see your partner through your lesser needs and overvalue their capacity to give you your deepest needs. 

If you have a deeper understanding for why you're emotionally investing more than you need to, you'll be able to move on more easily. Your reality is literally being obscured, you cannot see her for her weaknesses because you want to have a child with her on a subconscious level and your mind is blocking out the rest of the world in that pursuit. If things work out I'm happy for you but they're doomed to fail if you carry this mindset with you into the future.

You must learn from this situation and ensure you never do this again. At all costs. This is your life.


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ℝ ⁼ ᴬ¹ 𝕩 ᴬ² > 𝕊^ᵂ < ᴿ~ ⁼ ᴹ ⁽ⁱⁿᶜˡᵘˢⁱᵛⁱᵗʸ⁾

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