StarStruck

I did something evil

129 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Last week I opened a thread about my evil intentions. I'm very ashamed of it but I did something evil. I dated this girl several times and she was holding me on the line, planning dates with me and then canceling it. This happened 3 times in a row, and then she just dumped me without explanation. I was so deeply hurt because we had the same feelings and out of nowhere (after she canceled the date that she planned herself) she just started ghosting me. I asked her to give me at least some explanation of what is happening with her but she simply opened my text, read it, and left it on read. 

I was so hurt and I did everything in my power to heal myself and heal my heart. I even opened a thread about it on this forum but it wasn't received kindly and it was shut down without me getting help.

What I can say is that I did something evil and I won't give details because I don't want to break the rules of this forum by spreading devilry on this forum. It felt like I had no option. She hurt me so I had to hurt her, otherwise the anger would destroy me. I was just awestruck by how a girl just can change feelings for you at a drop of a hat. She told me I was the nicest guy ever (something I hear a lot from girls) and I always get treated like trash by them. 

So I did that "thing" which I won't speak of. It is really ingenious so I don't want to motivate others to do the same thing. Afterwards it did give me relief in a primitive way. I was not proud of myself! The girl who ghosted me for two weeks, who didn't answer my text, called me; on the phone she was angry and sad. I felt the worst person in the world. My heart was crying from the inside while listening to her. The girl who hurt me so much was in hurt. It was satisfying in a primitive way but I was disgusted with myself. 

I'm done with being a nice guy and this was like my "ritual" to leave that nice guy behind me  and become somebody with a healthy ego. After having done this I can't call myself a "nice guy" anymore. At the same time I'm very confused, sad, angry, and some other emotions. 

I really need to do some deep heeling. I just wanted to share this story because I feel sick to my stomach. I opened a thread last week before doing it. I spoke with my therapist about it and there was just a force within me that just pushed me to do it. I'm afraid to tell it to my therapist. 

 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop being so focused on dem b girls. 

So what big deal,move on. 

Rince and repeat. 


I am a God. I am Infinite Love. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@StarStruck How do you get so emotionally invested on a complete stranger chick? 

There is nothing to be ''sad'' about, a chick rejected you, so what? Far worse things will happen in your life.

DO NOT invest emotionally on a chick before closing. By the way, one of the main reasons why you are feeling hurt is because you expected her to go on a date, get rid of that believe. Women (or anybody) don't owe you a date, or sex. You won't feel hurt if you get rid of that expectation, instead work on your game so that women want to sleep with you not out of pity or expectation, but out of genuine desire. 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@StarStruck How do you get so emotionally invested on a complete stranger chick? 

There is nothing to be ''sad'' about, a chick rejected you, so what? Far worse things will happen in your life.

DO NOT invest emotionally on a chick before closing. By the way, one of the main reasons why you are feeling hurt is because you expected her to go on a date, get rid of that believe. Women (or anybody) don't owe you a date, or sex. You won't feel hurt if you get rid of that expectation, instead work on your game so that women want to sleep with you not out of pity or expectation, but out of genuine desire. 

You are right but I have trauma. I think my trauma from my past got triggered. I tried to work on it but it was too much. 

Working on my game is difficult. I'm kind of insecure. I do get a lot of phone numbers but flake rate is insane. Like 99% flake. So I was angry about that and on top of that she blocked me on socials while I begged her to give me an explanation what is happening. She was ruthless so I was ruthless. It is not hard to understand. 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@StarStruck Do you have social circle, other guys you can talk to about this stuff? Dude doing cold approach pickup as your main source of meeting women is one of the most painful paths to take. The flake rate is ridiculously high considering your entering a stranger's life with no social proof.

The only big advantage of doing cold approach is that it quickly builds your social skills and calibration, I would take the skills you learned from cold approach and go create/find a social circle you can be apart of. Don't fall into the trap known as "the lone pick up." You will feel like shit 80% of the time. Its much more fun going out with other guys, and hitting on chicks or even hosting your own events you will stand out more because you have social proof.

I personally don't know what your trauma's are but you keep bringing them up as a scapegoat for your actions. If its really that bad you should leave the pua stuff behind and fully dive into healing this part of yourself, any relationship you attempt to build will be corrupted by this and im pretty sure you know this already.

Seriously think about from her perspective, you are a random stranger who entered her life, tired to meet up with her multiple times with no avail, and because she may have been going through something or wasn't possibly interested in you anymore you leaked her number. Theres something very wrong here, bro just take a break from all of this and really focus on yourself and then build a social circle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@StarStruck  "She hurt me so I had to hurt her, otherwise the anger would destroy me"

No you don't have to...

Courage, I'm with you.
I am in the same situation but I have no desire for "revenge". When a girl doesn't answer me, I don't send her anything anymore and I go on with my life but despite everything I am needy and insecure so I still feel disappointed and sad. Because I liked the girl a lot.

I have never been very confident with women because I was harassed for years at school. Fortunately I'm evolving, I see that I'm better than I was a month ago and I continue. But it's not easy, we have a lot of work to do on ourselves and the negative emotions are often there when we are rejected or ignored.

Doing "evil" shit or "revenge" is not a solution at all. It's cool that you don't want to be the nice guy anymore but find a middle ground and don't become a jerk or a narcissist. I advise you to read "no more Mr. Nice guy" I'm going to read it too I ordered it and it looks very interesting, it should surely help us!

 

Edited by Gabith

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Gabith said:

@StarStruck  "She hurt me so I had to hurt her, otherwise the anger would destroy me"

 

Doing "evil" shit or "revenge" is not a solution at all. It's cool that you don't want to be the nice guy anymore but find a middle ground and don't become a jerk or a narcissist. I advise you to read "no more Mr. Nice guy" I'm going to read it too I ordered it and it looks very interesting, it should surely help us!

 

I read that book and that book made me do it. Mentally I was very bad the last week. I tried everything to not do it as I explained in my thread. Will I do it again? No way. I'm a different person right now.  There is fire in my eyes and I won't hesitate to strike back if somebody crosses my boundaries. It is important to value yourself and not take bullshit. I'm working on my traumas to heal it so I become a person who deals with these situations in a better way.

1 hour ago, Bando said:

@StarStruck Do you have social circle, other guys you can talk to about this stuff? Dude doing cold approach pickup as your main source of meeting women is one of the most painful paths to take. The flake rate is ridiculously high considering your entering a stranger's life with no social proof.

Unfortunately I don't have a social circle, otherwise I wouldn't be here. It is very hard to enter one because I work from home, I go to the gym and that is about it. Perhaps after the lockdown I could join some clubs and have more chance but even then it is hard to enter a friend group.

Quote

The only big advantage of doing cold approach is that it quickly builds your social skills and calibration, I would take the skills you learned from cold approach and go create/find a social circle you can be apart of. Don't fall into the trap known as "the lone pick up." You will feel like shit 80% of the time. Its much more fun going out with other guys, and hitting on chicks or even hosting your own events you will stand out more because you have social proof.

I personally don't know what your trauma's are but you keep bringing them up as a scapegoat for your actions. If its really that bad you should leave the pua stuff behind and fully dive into healing this part of yourself, any relationship you attempt to build will be corrupted by this and im pretty sure you know this already.

 

I'm full blown in trauma healing right now but I'm doing pickup on the side. I got a phone number from a cute blond girl today and she agreed to go on a coffee this weekend. If she flakes, I think I will stop doing pickup for a week or something to full concentrate on healing. I don't want to come across as a cry baby or something but last week was just terrible for me. I wish this event wouldn't affect me this way but I don't have a choice over my emotional reactions, traumas and past.

 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I was so deeply hurt because we had the same feelings and out of nowhere a drop of a hat.

She told me I was the nicest guy ever (something I hear a lot from girls) and I always get treated like trash by them. 

 

Thats what you think you projecting your feelings on to her they werent mutual...

If she tells you that you the nicest guy ever shes basically telling you...you are not doing it for me sexually

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

7 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Thats what you think you projecting your feelings on to her they werent mutual...

If she tells you that you the nicest guy ever shes basically telling you...you are not doing it for me sexually

 

In my language that sentence doesn't have that connotation. 

This was the context: She told me she gets angry a lot. So I said "you didn't get angry at me". And then she said "no you are a nice guy".

Well... currently she doesn't think I'm a nice guy. Today she was screaming at me and I told her I don't want her and she hung up. It was a 360 and it felt empowering but I'm not proud. 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@StarStruck you need someone to help you and its not this forum...you are not coachable and stuck in your ways...ive been there but was humble that i dont know...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@StarStruck Why not just tell us what you did?

If you're going to be a sociopath at least let us know the kinds of sick shit you're doing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

5 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@StarStruck Why not just tell us what you did?

If you're going to be a sociopath at least let us know the kinds of sick shit you're doing

Leo told me I should not incite other people on this forum so I'm not going to do that. All I can say it is very devilish and clever. I hit her where it would hurt the most. That is all I can say. Details are not important. 

Edited by StarStruck

My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's hilarious how you keep doing this.

You didn't do anything big or extremely hurtful.

But you like to boast.

If you had really done something very big then you would have immediately told everyone out of guilt or anxiousness.

The thing that you don't share it tells me that you didn't do anything very awful.

 

However ...

Whatever you did, even if it's minor and yet bad/hurtful then simply don't do it 

Understand that this whatever you're doing is not because of the girl's reaction to you or your gestures but the product of your own insecurities.

I have contemplated a lot on your issues.

The conclusion I'm coming at is this-

You focus too much on others and how they react to you and what they do to you.

You project an awful lot on what the other person is doing even when they're doing very minor..

But you make huge stories out of the little things they do and hurt yourself more than necessary, more than how much the situation will actually hurt, your own stories keep hurting you and keep adding more hurtful details to the story .

These details are generated from excessive projecting on the girl or many girls that you interact with.

However what you fundamentally lack is the ability to look inside.

You keep pointing the finger to the girl and her reaction but keep avoiding pointing the finger inside yourself 

Point the finger to you and look at your own mountain of insecurities.

You're so awfully insecure that even if a girl looked at you the wrong way you'll go into total meltdown.

You won't show it to her. But you will show that rage and resentment here 

You have passive anger which is worse than active anger 

Your rage,resentment and anger for not being accepted by a girl is showing in all of your posts 

This doesn't mean that you're a bad person. No you're not. You're not a bad person. 

But you got to work an awful lot on your insecurities and grow out of it 

You'll keep hurting your own feelings as long as you don't target and work on these insecurities .

 

Those girls are not rejecting only you. You're not the only male on planet Earth. Those girls are probably rejecting a lot of men 

However you're making it so so personal and getting hurt and also generating revenge out of this hurt for which nobody is really Responsible.

Women don't owe you Sex.

You're not understanding that those women are fully within their right to reject you.

Yet you feel very entitled to their body and emotions.

Target your own insecurities.

Work on your cognitive dissonance.

Stop hurting other people to justify your needs.

Stop being entitled to other's will and action.

They don't have any contract with you. They are strangers.

They don't owe you anything simply because they give you their number 

Work on yourself. Inner work 

Stop doing stupid things.

 

It won't help you. You only keep dragging your insecurities the more you keep screaming about how you don't get what you want 

Be secure with yourself and then you won't be stressed out about rejections.

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are not doing anything evil.

You're simply being extremely Selfish to the point of hurting others and frustrated that your selfish goals aren't being fulfilled.

Nothing wrong with being selfish in general. But it's wrong in your case because it's hurting others.

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@StarStruck I didn't mean it negatively. I just meant in the sense maybe a professional could hold space for you. I think such issues need to be handled with delicate care 

Youre not alone. And what youre doing and feeling is understandable. But yeah I would really try to refrain and find different strategies in the future (which is what you're doing now) 

I'm not trained in this but I hope and know u will find the healng you need 

Edited by Jacob Morres

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should talk about this with your psychologist during your next appointment.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.