electroBeam

How often is rejection meant to happen

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Posted (edited)

So if I get rejected, I take that as a sign that there's something wrong with me and therefore I need to do more pickup or sexual tantra courses. I think that's a healthy way to look at it from a personal development perspective.

So I can get sex with strangers on the street through day game.

But I don't really have feelings for any of those girls, they are just nice people.

When it comes to the girls I actually like, they never like me back. I got rejected for the 10th time. I'm in my mid 20s and I'm going for hippy girls around late 20s to early 30s (just because in my country the sort of hippies that go to doofs and retreats and sexual tantra classes and stuff just happen to be older).

I have big feelings for these girls, they are super interesting and they do things I like. They go to (and are really good at) sexual tantra courses, knowing different species of magic mushrooms in the ground and where to find them, emotionally and socially developed, some do bungee jumping or skydiving or interesting things like that too.

And they are hot too.

I'm kinda a dude who isn't as developed as they are and the guys they date are because im younger. I'm still figuring things out and I just feel like its hard for me to impress them when I haven't had enough time to get my life in order. Getting normies is easy because they are boring and underdeveloped as fuck, but then there's these people who are the extreme opposite, way more developed then im gonna be in a few years.

I've have just started my psychedelic journey a couple of years ago. I know how to brew my own ayahuasca, how to collect acacia leaves and do it myself, pick mushrooms myself, I've taken 30 trips now, but I'm still no where near where I want to be in terms of the sexual tantra class work I do, and I still wanna get way better at brewing, and I wanna get into adventure sports but its hard doing it all at once.

The sort of guys these girls date are guys who probably arent as developed as me spiritually (I've been blessed with being a student of this channel for 5 years or so) but they are basically developed more in every other way, I think sexually and pickup wise they have way more experience then I do. And these guys have a strong identity, they are really good at music or DJing or they are world class adventure sports athletes. I'm kinda all over the place as I haven't figured myself out yet.

I think girls basically fall in love with guys who are exactly like them but have a penis. So if they admire and wanted to be an adventure sports athlete, they fall in love with the charismatic adventure sports athlete. If they really like and admire music or spiritual music, they fall in love with the dude whose really good at music.

I don't really know many people who care about truth. So I don't think I'll get a girl that way.

So I'm just wondering what else I can do. I don't feel developed enough for these girls. I'm developed enough for the normies but I don't have big feelings for them because they are basically drones. Unless she's like a drama expert or someone really into esoteric psychology like tantra (but thats hippie damnit).

So I've gotten rejected 10 times from these girls, It sucks, don't know what to do about it.

Edited by electroBeam

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Posted (edited)

Stop telling yourself that you aren't good enough.  If you don't believe in yourself first, nobody else will.

Edited by Jodistrict

Vincit omnia Veritas.

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The mistake seems to be a belief that you can create a relationship with any random person if you are developed enough. So, you take rejections as a sign of being flawed, or underdeveloped.

The last thing you wanna do is to end up in a relationship where you want to pretend to be someone else, in order to sustain it. The women that reject you for not being compatible are giving you a favor. Keep looking until both of you are satisfied. There definitely is a person that is compatible with you out there.

That being said, finding the compatible partner is the easiest part, it only goes uphill from there. Yet, I think it's worth it.


The true heresy is hearsay.

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Now, rejection is par for the course. You can expect some rejection. 

But if you exist within this wider social circle and you’ve done 10 approaches within your circle within a short period of time, this is probably a strategic mess up. You can only approach strangers with that frequency without getting a reputation.

So, if you’re doing warm approach with women and not cold approach, then I would guess that the rejections are coming from acting to quickly on your feelings before you’ve gotten clear signs of connection and interest from her. 

If you wait and get to know her for a bit platonically and wait for these signs of deeper interest before revealing your feelings and intentions, then your rejection rate will probably drop quite a bit because you’ll be more selective about when you make your moves.

A man who behaves by cold approach rules in a warm social circle, will communicate low value and lack of social attunement. 

So, you may be applying the rules of cold approach to a warm approach scenario. So, I would change your strategy to one that’s slower and more selective.

In pick-up, there are certain rules for approaching women that don’t work as much with women you see on a regular basis.

For example, with pick up and cold approach, the advice is to lead with romantic/sexual intentions.

But when you see women on a regular basis who exist as part of your wider social circle, I recommend adopting a default platonic orientation to the women in the group.

This conveys something about your value, as it means you’re not needy or too sex-focused. And it also shows that you can have friendships with women, which is a sign of emotional maturity and balanced priorities in a man.

Warm approach is trickier and takes more discernment and time. It also gives you fewer options.

But it is the best way to find a compatible romantic partner. And it’s also what women like best.


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Posted (edited)

19 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Now, rejection is par for the course. You can expect some rejection. 

But if you exist within this wider social circle and you’ve done 10 approaches within your circle within a short period of time, this is probably a strategic mess up. You can only approach strangers with that frequency without getting a reputation.

So, if you’re doing warm approach with women and not cold approach, then I would guess that the rejections are coming from acting to quickly on your feelings before you’ve gotten clear signs of connection and interest from her. 

If you wait and get to know her for a bit platonically and wait for these signs of deeper interest before revealing your feelings and intentions, then your rejection rate will probably drop quite a bit because you’ll be more selective about when you make your moves.

A man who behaves by cold approach rules in a warm social circle, will communicate low value and lack of social attunement. 

So, you may be applying the rules of cold approach to a warm approach scenario. So, I would change your strategy to one that’s slower and more selective.

In pick-up, there are certain rules for approaching women that don’t work as much with women you see on a regular basis.

For example, with pick up and cold approach, the advice is to lead with romantic/sexual intentions.

But when you see women on a regular basis who exist as part of your wider social circle, I recommend adopting a default platonic orientation to the women in the group.

This conveys something about your value, as it means you’re not needy or too sex-focused. And it also shows that you can have friendships with women, which is a sign of emotional maturity and balanced priorities in a man.

Warm approach is trickier and takes more discernment and time. It also gives you fewer options.

But it is the best way to find a compatible romantic partner. And it’s also what women like best.

Is it possible for a girl to like you in warm approach even if you don't initiate shit loads of flirting.

Traditionally I've actually been way better with warm approach then cold approach. I found it easy to pull off naturally. I've found it much harder in newer circles I've become apart of. In the past I didnt even need to flirt to get girls in warm approach, maybe now its different?

47 minutes ago, tsuki said:

The mistake seems to be a belief that you can create a relationship with any random person if you are developed enough. So, you take rejections as a sign of being flawed, or underdeveloped.

The last thing you wanna do is to end up in a relationship where you want to pretend to be someone else, in order to sustain it. The women that reject you for not being compatible are giving you a favor. Keep looking until both of you are satisfied. There definitely is a person that is compatible with you out there.

That being said, finding the compatible partner is the easiest part, it only goes uphill from there. Yet, I think it's worth it.

thanks yeah im getting the gist that my problem is im still not sure yet of who I am and what my passions really are. And therefore im failing to really get clear on whose compatible with me and who isnt.

Edited by electroBeam

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So often that you should stop even calling it "rejection".


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

22 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

thanks yeah im getting the gist that my problem is im still not sure yet of who I am and what my passions really are. And therefore im failing to really get clear on whose compatible with me and who isnt.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe women pick up on that and they are afraid to commit? 

Knowing yourself is not a matter of intellectually inventing a perfect self, but rather of reverse-engineering it from what feels good to you so that you can present yourself with integrity. How well do you fare on that front?

Edited by tsuki

The true heresy is hearsay.

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3 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Yeah, maybe. Maybe women pick up on that and they are afraid to commit? 

Knowing yourself is not a matter of intellectually inventing a perfect self, but rather of reverse-engineering it from what feels good to you so that you can present yourself with integrity. How well do you fare on that front?

pretty fucken good when it comes to truth and spirituality. But not so good on other fronts.

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Posted (edited)

18 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

pretty fucken good when it comes to truth and spirituality. But not so good on other fronts.

Most women just wanna live life and have fun. The goal-centric view that dissects life into categories such as truth an spirituality is of little concern to them. It is very masculine.

Edited by tsuki

The true heresy is hearsay.

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2 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Most women just wanna live life and have fun. The goal-centric view that dissects life into categories such as truth an spirituality is of little concern to them. It is very masculine.

yeah sorry i think ill go into more detail about my situation:

the latest one was I liked a hippy girl for over a year. Ever since the beginning she kinda shyed away from me. She just dismissed me and didn't show any interest/showed she had better priorities. I liked her so I went for her anyway.

I decided to hang out with her a few times (acceptable in warm approach) and I did manage to get a bit intimate with her by joking with her, being playful and intimate. I tend to do a lot better on the intimacy front then on the sexual front. My body just naturally has way more oxytocin it feels then testosterone. I naturally feel like being very loving (hugs, caring, romantic) and that's where my desires are naturally drawn to. So I got pretty intimate with her, and she got better, she became less dismissive to me, she started saying yes more to hanging out with me, but when we hung out, there was still that platonic feeling we had. So I tried to break that too by being a bit sexual (role playing a bit through speech) and it kinda got somewhere, kinda didn't.

Anyway she ended up fucking a douche bag instead who just left her. My initial impression was oh i must just have bad game then. Even though i can pick up chicks in the street somehow my game sucks?

So I thought ok, i ended up telling her i had feelings for and tried to subtly and subconsciously probe her so i could figure out where my game went wrong. And the best I could get from her was that this other guy she really liked was into the exact same thing she's into (DJing and music) and she talked about her deep passions and how that feels and how mine are different.

So my game either sucks or there's something else going on. I feel pretty confident in my game tbh loool. So im just trying to figure out how to improve myself and I need insights on how to move forward and get better with myself and women.

I'm super curious about the limitations of game/pickup (seriously good analysis of limitations, I don't want limitations based on survival agendas of both males and females) and where it falls short. Is there any truth in my attraction being lower because she could sense that my soul's passions are different to hers, and did that make her feel less connected to me?

I'm also curious as a corollary, to the effects of rapport and intimacy and that sort of stuff to picking up women. Pickup builds the sexual attraction, but that more friendshipy connection in a relationship... pickup doesn't touch that. Courses on intimacy and relationship councelling with sexologists do and I'm just more curious about whether im missing something there maybe.

I probably could of fucked her to be completely honest, I self inflictedly stopped myself from fucking her because when you have feelings for someone, its natural for you to have desires to hug them and care for them and feed them and look after them, its not natural for you to wanna get in their pants if you truly have feelings for them. Sure if shes a hot stranger then all you're looking forward to is a wild time in bed (or in the forest :D :D :D ). Must I forgoe/suppress my genuine desire to care for someone to get her because I gotta fuck her? Is that something I have to do? Is there a better way?

These are the juicy questions im really looking for.

Leo (and other pickup artists) view of goal = sex is making me wanna vomit. I'm willing to accept that thats what you gotta do if it truly is what you gotta do, but considering i pulled quite a few pickup techniques on this girl AND i get girls on the street and i still didn't get her... makes me think that pickup has got limitations which are not being highlighted. And I wanna know what else is out there that i need to learn.

 

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23 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

the latest one was I liked a hippy girl for over a year. Ever since the beginning she kinda shyed away from me. She just dismissed me and didn't show any interest/showed she had better priorities.

Is going for women like this a pattern in your love life? This is not a sign of her being attracted to you. Why did you choose to pursue her?

25 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

So I thought ok, i ended up telling her i had feelings for and tried to subtly and subconsciously probe her so i could figure out where my game went wrong. And the best I could get from her was that this other guy she really liked was into the exact same thing she's into (DJing and music) and she talked about her deep passions and how that feels and how mine are different.

So my game either sucks or there's something else going on. I feel pretty confident in my game tbh loool. So im just trying to figure out how to improve myself and I need insights on how to move forward and get better with myself and women.

I think it's way simpler than you make it out to be. You put yourself out there, your genuine self, and see how people react. The ones that react positively are open. The ones that give you a cold shoulder - aren't. 

It's not like you can "win a person over", against their feelings - especially women, and especially women that are older than you are. From the story you presented, it seems like you decided that she is going to be yours. Women are not prizes - not unless they want to be, by showing you that they are open. 

28 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

I'm super curious about the limitations of game/pickup (seriously good analysis of limitations, I don't want limitations based on survival agendas of both males and females) and where it falls short. Is there any truth in my attraction being lower because she could sense that my soul's passions are different to hers, and did that make her feel less connected to me?

Just a general remark on limitation: you are not going to experience the limitations of pickup, from within pickup. Its limitations will only become apparent if you find something else that works.


The true heresy is hearsay.

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2 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Leo (and other pickup artists) view of goal = sex is making me wanna vomit. I'm willing to accept that thats what you gotta do if it truly is what you gotta do, but considering i pulled quite a few pickup techniques on this girl AND i get girls on the street and i still didn't get her... makes me think that pickup has got limitations which are not being highlighted. And I wanna know what else is out there that i need to learn.

This is the limitation of pickup.  That is why you have to approach 100s of girls, until one will eventually sleep with you.  What you have Noticed, just shows you that pickup doesn’t work on everyone.  There has to be connection or something to bond over, and with pickup it’s just a matter of time until a girl will strike up attraction to you totally at random.   It’s matter of time to approach a girl who is up for some random sex.  
 

 

2 hours ago, electroBeam said:

exact same thing she's into (DJing and music) and she talked about her deep passions and how that feels and how mine are different.

 

People bond over shared interests and passions.  So sounds like just incompatiblity.  If you don’t just want to ‘pickup’ her, then this is when you have to accept incompatiblity.  Of course in pickup compatibility isn’t taken into account, because eventually you can sleep with a girl who’s up for it.  But when you want a relationship this is what matters most.

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Posted (edited)

@electroBeam

Rejection is not personal. It happens so many times till you learn the lesson. And then it will cease to exist.

Keep putting your desire out there. I see good advise here already.

Edited by Loving Radiance

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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@electroBeam Rejection is common when trying to attract women in your life, but after you've had a few experiences and approached enough you reframe rejection as "screening out." Most of the time its never something you did wrong its the female, maybe she's taken, has other guys she's talking to or god knows what, never forget that when it comes to dating, women easily have 50-100x more options than you do so their paradigm of thinking is going to be different when interacting with men, they will be more fickle.

A good number to keep in mind to "close" 1 out of 10 women that are attracted to you. This is what's considered "advanced game" and from my experience and some of my wings if you reach that number, you'll never have issues attracting women. That means for every 10 phone numbers you get 1 girl will be compatible with you it's a difficult standard to reach and takes a lot of trail and error, but at least this quantifies things and gives you a rough model to compare to. 

Also understand the difference between cold approach and social circle game. You cant use the same approach for both settings. With cold approach you can be more direct and screen for sexual compatibility harder which gets you quicker results but more flakes, but with the later you need more social calibration and to ease up on the screening, it can be slower but it feels more "natural" which is what I prefer. Be direct in both cases but make sure your socially calibrated based on the setting, which comes from running a lot of volume.

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9 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Is it possible for a girl to like you in warm approach even if you don't initiate shit loads of flirting.

Yes, women will usually become attracted to a guy in their social circle. And I don't recommend starting off on a specifically flirtatious foot if you're in a social circle with a woman. Be open and chatty and a little playful... but try to tone your romantic interest down a bit.

This will give the woman enough time to start getting feelings because she will start wondering if you like her or not. That is, if she's somewhat interested in you too.

And if you notice a woman starts to take a step toward you, then take a step and half forward toward her. Then, if she pulls back a step, take a step back from her.

Mind you, there's a lot more of a gamble in warm approach because you're limited in the techniques you can use and you have a smaller pool of women to approach. But your best bet is to temper your sexual/romantic intent a bit. This will give her the ambiguity that she needs for her to develop a crush on you.

Traditionally I've actually been way better with warm approach then cold approach. I found it easy to pull off naturally. I've found it much harder in newer circles I've become apart of. In the past I didnt even need to flirt to get girls in warm approach, maybe now its different?

No, I think your past experiences reflect it well. If you're social and know a lot of women one that you like will eventually like you back. And then things will grow organically. Most men don't really need to do go out to and do pick-up if they have a dynamic social circle. 

thanks yeah im getting the gist that my problem is im still not sure yet of who I am and what my passions really are. And therefore im failing to really get clear on whose compatible with me and who isnt.

Yeah, it's more about picking up on the chemistry and being tactful and watchful of the woman's boundaries... and taking a step forward only when you feel that she's wanting you to come closer. 

 


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4 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

@Emerald Thanks for the advice, i am certainly inspired to use it as I have seen it working and would bet interested un a long term relationship, rather than a pump-dump. 

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It makes sense to look at it as finding a connection with someone, rather than getting rejected. It's a normal situation not to like someone, the connection is uniqe, so you rather should count that, and ignore the rest.

Yes, ignoring it is less useful for getting results, but way better for your mind.

Use your intuition to judge if you are doing right numbers-wise, not counting how many times you have been rejected.

Love man.

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Posted (edited)

On 22/07/2021 at 1:00 AM, electroBeam said:

they are super interesting and they do things I like. They go to (and are really good at) sexual tantra courses, knowing different species of magic mushrooms in the ground and where to find them, emotionally and socially developed, some do bungee jumping or skydiving or interesting things like that too.

I see we have similar taste ;)

On 22/07/2021 at 1:00 AM, electroBeam said:

So if I get rejected, I take that as a sign that there's something wrong with me and therefore

This is your mistake. I didn't need to read the rest. You absolutely have to change the way you view "rejection" because it's not fair to you.

It's just incompatibility. The reason that it's the woman rejecting the man, is not because there's something wrong with the man, but because the burden to approach and take initiative is on the man. So she has to say no, he has to hear no. It's hard for both. But mutual incompatibility is the reason, and if she's more in tune with that than he is, which is common because sexual urges distract you from being sensitive to that, then the burden is on her to point it out.

@electroBeam

10 rejections is nothing. But rough to take in a short timeframe indeed.

If you become more sensitive to feeling into compatibility, you can just have a conversation with people and tune into that. Then you'll never have to make her say no, because you already know. And when you know  "yes", you know it will be yes.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

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Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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