6 dates, no sex.. Is she attention seeker?

[kras]

Women on this forum are virtue signaling so hard..

[flowboy]

On 29/06/2021 at 10:14 PM, kras said:

I've been hanging out with a girl for 1 and half month. 

We already had 6 dates, and we haven't had sex. I pushed her couple of times and she said that its too early and she don't know me yet. 

She text me, she invites me out, and couple of times she said that she is looking for serious relationship.

We could keep hang out, but the problem is that i am very sexually attracted to her and its really hard to not tear her clothes when we make out in my car.

We had a conversation and i told her if she is not interested there is no reason to waste our times, and she said that if she wasn't interested she would be hanging out with me.

I also told her that, that its really hard for me to do that. She said its too early and i don't know you yet.

If i didn't like her i would have had cut contact with her. 

Is she attention seeker? What could i do?

@kras She's telling you exactly what she needs and how to resolve it.

She doesn't feel like she knows you yet.

Just spending more dates together will not solve that, unless you open up.

What are you withholding from her that you are unconsciously trying to hide while on a date with her? Something you don't like about yourself, things you don't want to see, things you don't want her to see? Impressions you like to keep up of being a cool guy with no problems who has it all figured out?

Just guessing. She's detecting something. It's up to you to find out what.

You'll probably have to spill a bit more, open up about some embarassing stuff. A little will go a long way. Present it in a self-accepting way, not as a problem to solve. This is why self-acceptance is important. If you accept yourself, you can share your struggles with people without making them feel like the burden is on them to make you feel better. Cause that would kill attraction.

Also don't spill it all at once. It's an exchange: she wants to know everything about you, you want to get to know her entire body. So if you want to go to second base with her, you have to give her some juicy personal stories that help her get to know you. But then pair that with making another move on her, escalating physically.

If you give her everything and she already feels like she's got you completely figured out before you've had sex, you are game over and she now doesn't feel a need to fuck you to understand you.

So it's a balance and a game to be enjoyed. But if you get the feedback 'I don't know you yet', probably you are being too withholding.

 

However if you are being authentic and open, it could just be incompatibility. You haven't shown her attributes that are totally doing it for her. Could be due to how she was raised, and also just personal preference.

You have to be the judge of which one it is.

Edited July 1, 2021 by flowboy

[Seed]

I think she is worried you may dump her after having sex with her, so wants to make sure you are commtited. 

[kras]

54 minutes ago, Seed said:

I think she is worried you may dump her after having sex with her, so wants to make sure you are commtited. 

This is what women say but i dont buy that shit..

[flowboy]

8 hours ago, kras said:

Women on this forum are virtue signaling so hard..

 

37 minutes ago, kras said:

This is what women say but i dont buy that shit..

You are aware that if you have a general mistrust/disdain/negative bias of women, they can smell that from a mile away, right? And it's not exactly something that inspires them to sleep with you quickly.

The way you are dismissive of women's perspectives on here, probably mirrors how you are emotionally distant with this girl and don't care / don't trust what she has to say.

And if you approach people with lack of trust, they will mirror that back to you and disappoint you. Because they don't feel safe and connected.

Edited July 1, 2021 by flowboy

[Harlen Kelly]

@kras

8 hours ago, kras said:

Women on this forum are virtue signaling so hard..

Typical.

Wouldn't it be easier to just go meet more chicks?

Edited July 1, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Emerald]

13 hours ago, kras said:

Women on this forum are virtue signaling so hard..

I'm not virtue signaling with what I said... though I'm not sure if you're referring to my post.

What I said, is that it takes women a while to get up to temperature so that the sex is actually a high reward activity.

I've had sex with men before when I was just lonely and I felt lukewarm about them, and the sex is "meh" and pretty low-reward (maybe medium reward if the guy is good at what he does).

But if I've had time to develop deep feelings for a guy and I have sex with him then it can be mindblowing. And it's that kind of feeling that really motivates women to want to connect with a man.

So, I was offering this perspective because men are wired different. Men get immediately up to temperature and so sex is going to be good for them either way.

But for women, if a woman sleeps with a man before she's really into him, the sex is kind of blah because it doesn't give her much emotional stimulation. And it also doesn't give you as much of an opportunity to build tension with that man anymore because that bubble has been popped.

So, the woman the OP is talking about might be trying to cultivate the right internal state for her to really enjoy herself. And she may be trying to cultivate enough trust and intimacy to have the sex strike certain meanings and emotional chords.

But if I've already known the guy a while platonically and my feelings are already up to temperature, I don't really see a reason to wait. I am a strong believer in using the intuition to navigate sex and relationship because it tends to steer me where I need to go.

So, it isn't about virtue signaling. In my history, I've had situations where I've waited and I've had situations where I've slept with guys right away the same day I met them. And usually the latter guys are guys I didn't want much else from. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

What I said, is that it takes women a while to get up to temperature so that the sex is actually a high reward activity.

I've had sex with men before when I was just lonely and I felt lukewarm about them, and the sex is "meh" and pretty low-reward (maybe medium reward if the guy is good at what he does).

But if I've had time to develop deep feelings for a guy and I have sex with him then it can be mindblowing. And it's that kind of feeling that really motivates women to want to connect with a man.

So, I was offering this perspective because men are wired different. Men get immediately up to temperature and so sex is going to be good for them either way.

But for women, if a woman sleeps with a man before she's really into him, the sex is kind of blah because it doesn't give her much emotional stimulation. And it also doesn't give you as much of an opportunity to build tension with that man anymore because that bubble has been popped.

It depends on the woman. I had mind blowing sex after a couple dates, some of the best yet, and I was only medium into the guy. I used to think I needed that "deep" connection first but I was wrong and not being open to other possibilities. 

The thing for me is attachment. I will break it off with a guy if he's not "the one" and find myself getting attached just from the sex. 

[Emerald]

6 hours ago, flowboy said:

 

You are aware that if you have a general mistrust/disdain/negative bias of women, they can smell that from a mile away, right? And it's not exactly something that inspires them to sleep with you quickly.

The way you are dismissive of women's perspectives on here, probably mirrors how you are emotionally distant with this girl and don't care / don't trust what she has to say.

And if you approach people with lack of trust, they will mirror that back to you and disappoint you. Because they don't feel safe and connected.

This is a good point too. I didn't make the connection that the topic starter was the one talking about women virtue signaling.

But yeah, men with disdain toward women feel really prickly and emotionally unsafe to open up around because he will be constantly judging. And he also will be very withholding as you'd mentioned as men with a resistance toward the feminine are pretty emotionally distant. So, it's a real libido killer all around.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

It depends on the woman. I had mind blowing sex after a couple dates, some of the best yet, and I was only medium into the guy. I used to think I needed that "deep" connection first but I was wrong and not being open to other possibilities. 

The thing for me is attachment. I will break it off with a guy if he's not "the one" and find myself getting attached just from the sex. 

I guess I shouldn't generalize too much. I suppose it depends on what a woman is looking for.

For me, at the current juncture in life, my main motivation towards sex is all about depth, intimacy, and emotional stimulation. I realize that's what makes my libido tick. And I think that's common.

But if I were at a different point in life, I might be more open to the excitement of being with a guy I just met. Like if I was more motivated by adventure-seeking than intimacy-seeking.

[AleksM]

@kras  The one who is willing to go the slowest has the most power at the beginning of the relationship. Go slower than her, and she will be the one who will tear your clothes off.

[StarStruck]

Before you penetrate her physically. You need to penetrate her mentally. If you look at her like you want to kill her and she doesn't have a naughty face you are doing something wrong. 

[kray]

You should have dumped her A LONG time ago

[Jodistrict]

If you want a serious relationship, she could be a great girlfriend.  If you are interested, one thing you could do is test her.  Don’t go on dates.  Do activities that don’t require any money.  See if she is still interested in you.

[Kalki Avatar]

You are in a tricky spot. 

I remember this happened to me with one of my early gfs. That shit was a whole mess and it started just like that. I didnt knew anything about dating. I was just a kind guy who damaged goods saw like honey. This is where she exploited the attention seeking after priming me into having no sex. Also, try to make sure that girl has a good relationship with her father. If not, she prob has daddy issues and will be into attention seeking exploitation,etc. Maybe she is virgin, lack sexual experience, has a  hidden secret. Just like the girl I had. This girl was so manipulative with her lies and promises that she made me give up 3 other girls I was dating at the same time. We lasted 1 year for her finally giving into sex, lmao. Oh man, what a waste of my life. Luckily I can laugh at such idiocy. 

In comparison with the other girls I was dating, actually she was the problem for the sex. She made sex too serious and made me believe it was a big deal. Then we both kinda made sex out a big deal. But i didnt knew what was happening at the time. With the other girls, I made out and a little more out of each other (bjs, kissing and touching breasts, hand jobs, fingering) in the first date and got laid on second date. 

I would say to retract from the sex, dont even mention it and make her want it. Make her think what happened to the horny guy. Make her wonder. Play some mind games. Use an attractive new perfume and style. Be somewhat mysterious and detached. Take her to a romantic restaurant. But dont show direct Interest. Treat her like a good girl. Be cool and sexy. Talk and seduce with your eye contact. Sit next to her and tease her, make her get happy with some alcohol. Then see if she gives you some sexual Interest with her body language, eyes specially. But dont act interested, just know she is in. You have to slowly move from the frame you are both in now to the one you want. Playful sex. Prime her into wanting you to fuck her. And after a couple of more dates, and seducing her, you make out only. Make her want more. And then finally just kiss her, then neck, whisper naughty things while touching her boobs and fingering. At that moment when she start to get her panties wet she will want to be fucked by anything. She will want you inside of her. By that time she should want to ride your dick and put it in by herself. If she does, shes good to go. You can forget about any sex problems till now. If not, she never intended sex with you even if she is feeling like wanting to get fucked at that moment. 

If all that doesnt work and she is the one making it serious, then leave her. She might have self esteem problems and just want attention. That gf I had wanted to look good around her friends and social media. Dont go down that rabbit hole. Distinguish between you making the mistake or is it her or even both. 

The thing is that am not really in your position to read the situation correctly. There could be alot of factors going on that you may be unaware, including social conditioning and her lies which close your awareness to the truth. 

Dating can get pretty tricky. 

For example, only making out with her and she being in the boyfriend frame retracting sex from you can make the situation just worse. Whatever is resisted, will persist. By that happening, the sex will just be made out into a more and more of a big deal. Going into a self fulfilling karmic cycle. Which makes it pretty hard to get out. Meaning, you either go no contact with her to rebuild attraction or just cut her off since the situation is already pretty much fcked up by previous mistakes. 

 

Edited July 9, 2021 by Kalki Avatar