kras

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About kras

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  • Location
    London
  • Gender
    Male
  1. Its not about the rejection... It just triggers subconscious patterns and beliefs that i am unworthy and doomed.... I just want to surrender, i cant bear the pain anymore..
  2. I am doomed to be miserable till the rest of my life. I have OCD thought that tells me that i am doomed. I will never find a partner that i like or live a happy live. Every day is the same, i try to cope with spirituality and some personal development(which is very hard because of extreme resistence i start to have as soon as i try to do something about my situation). Suicidal thought all the time, ive been dealing with that shit for 10 years. Usually my emotional state is low, expect some brief situations of highs which i have sometimes. I am good represantation of a doomer expect that i dont drink, i actually train and eat healthy. I dont believe in therapy, ive tried it couple of times but its just a BS for me. I am writing that because very strong negative emotions kicks in after rejection. "Of course you will get rejected, you are doomed till the rest of your life"
  3. Ive been suffering from OCD since i was a teenager, maybe 14 so far. The last 9 years were pretty intense, i have considered suicide many times. I think that doctors and medicine cant help for that condition. I think the only think that can help me are pshycadelics, its bad that in my country they are very rare and cannot be found.
  4. I already give up the idea that i gonna find cute girl from social media, it require so much effort and waste of time. The ones that i can get a dates with are fat and unattractive (and even they act entitled as though they are more attractive than me when in fact they are far away from me in terms of physical appearance) SO FUCK THAT SHIT.
  5. To act like nothing has happend is stupid. He has seen his messages and didnt reply. That is disrespectful
  6. OMG man, dont do that for yourself. I took it for free and its not worth it.
  7. I got tension in my back for maybe 9 years. It cause me anxiety and lack of focus. Mine is byproduct of OCD, i have never take medicaiton though because i think even if its help it will be as long as i take these drugs. Its sounds crazy but that tension started when one guy touched me on my back 9 years ago...
  8. The sad thing is that society(especially in my country) look down on you if you are not married. As though you are some sort of a half human. Your parents and friends feel sorry for you and you feel sorry about yourself. And lots of people here settle for the first oppurtunity they have and i can see how misrable they are. "You are 30 and not married? Whats wrong with you?"
  9. Yeah i try this behavior, of course not i a sense of being rude but the problem is that fake it till you make it doesnt work for me, because soon or later the insecurity, scarcity and fear of loss kicks in... And yes, i have managed to suppress it, but the emotional damage is much bigger..
  10. I tend to fall into scarcity every time when i start interacting with a girl who show interest in me and i like her. I've been on a two dates with one girl, i like her, its obvious that she likes me either. The problem is that i am acting super cool and i don't show any neediness or clinginess externally, but internally i feel that scarcity and its very painful. Constantly overanalyzing when we text for example: does my text is cool? am i showing confidence? do i look beta or a nice guy with this text? does my text convey neediness? will i offend her with this text? And i am always afraid not to do something that gonna turn her of. P.S We haven't have sex yet, just kissing.
  11. That is little of topic but when i think about it my friends have never supported me when i share something with them. When i share what car for example i am going to buy they just start saying shit about how stupid this car is, or if i say what type of career i might pursue they will start questioning my ability to perform that kind of work.
  12. Yeah i must do that.. When i think how much time i spent hanging out with same friends dicussing same topics over and over and over again. Not to mention the fact that i was a yes guy and i used to feel very bad if i reject some friends to go out with them.