Teal Swan: Why Women Like Assholes + Why Women Aren't Attracted to Nice Guys

[Hardkill]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Lyubov Women will always be attracted to strong men, regardless of their age.

Do women mature in their selection of men with age? Sure. They get wiser. So do men. But a big pair of tits will still be attractive.

So, then Rich Cooper in that vid I posted on that thread I made "Do all men truly need to have muscular and fit bodies?" is right. Women must be sexually attracted to men who have a masculine physique or look like a Greek God. 

31 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

There are more distinctions to be made when it comes to masculine character though over physical beauty I would say. Women get better at smelling out healthy masculinity over toxic. The asshole who was having some luck is masculine for sure but it's sort of a neurotic version of it. Masculine anything will always be attractive to women but the more they are able to tell what kind a man is (if they are wise enough to learn) they will gravitate away from those they know are toxic for the sake of their heart, unless they are trapped in that cycle of associating abuse with romance. 

That's why in all seriousness, I believe that women truly want a man who is more like a true hero or a savior. Someone who neither a "nice guy" or a bad guy, but is a good man who is able to lead and protect his woman (or women), his children, and everyone within his community who depend on him. Someone who is an inspirational ally to good and a nightmarish danger to evil. 

 

[Preety_India]

I think the word asshole doesn't do justice. It's not a correct representation from my point of view. For example I am attracted to dominant males but I'm not attracted to assholes. 

Just yesterday I rejected a guy who was being very demanding, domineering and a perfect asshole. Because domination means he can carry his own stuff, he can do his own thing and it also means someone responsible like a patriarch for the family.. Like a man who leads you.. 

But asshole in my mind is a guy who is downright disrespectful, has no regard for boundaries, acts stupid, toxic, no humility, abusive, uncaring, irresponsible. 

These qualities represent a toxic dominating male, not the healthy dominating male. 

So this assumption that women look for something toxic is wrong unless the woman is not finding anything wrong with the man mistreating her, which means she herself is toxic. 

I dated guys in the past who turned out to be assholes but I didn't carry a meter machine to detect that. They were quite pleasant in the beginning. But as time went, they became quite aggressive and uncaring and then downright abusive. 

So a lot of the time, a woman is simply confused because these men appear very pleasant and polite and thoughtful in the beginning and then the mask begins to fall off. It's their  dating strategy to appear protective to win a woman, they hide their true selves and are very manipulative.. 

And the other distinction is about calling someone an asshole simply by appearance..a guy being punky and edgy, having strong biceps and a self absorbed should not automatically mean that he is an asshole. 

I went through a phase where I didn't know men very well and I didn't bother to screen hard enough because I was naive and I had no idea that you have to screen, I thought people simply fall in love, I dated these asshole manipulative guys out of pure fantasy and naivete. But as soon as I saw how abusive they were, that's where I became aware of the word "game" and the Predatory nature of some men, I became more aware of how manipulative men mask emotions and intent, that's where I gradually began to learn about red flags and gained the maturity to avoid men who were like that. 

Most women who fall for such men do not do it out of random attraction (unless they are very low conscious and are completely fine with abuse) but they fall for such men because they are in the  learning phase, they don't know better, they are simply oblivious and unaware of abusive or toxic dynamics. As soon as they learn more about relationships or begin to research more on abuse, they gain the maturity and confidence to drop such relationships from their lives and get better at detecting red flags. Then they start choosing better partners 

This in no way means that women like or choose assholes. No. They are simply going through a phase in life (especially when they are starting out) and they usually grow out of it after some harsh reality checks. It's just a phase. 

A woman will eventually break up with an asshole once she realizes how it's impacting her. A lot of people go through these phases when they are young. 

And the distinction between a lying, shaming, gaslighting, manipulative, abusive guy (who should be appropriately called an asshole) and an outgoing, edgy, punky, self confident, a bit arrogant is important here. Guys who are arrogant and self confident or a bit obnoxious aren't necessarily assholes. They simply give out vice but they could be good at heart, helpful and kind. They simply have a certain cocky style which could be making them feel better about themselves. 

A woman (at least myself in this regard) is looking for a productive, confident, protective, someone who is neither lame (the nice guy types because they can't protect my future children from getting raped, so I don't want their monk nature) nor the bad guy prototype (abusive, disrespectful, yes asshole) but a man who is both strong, protective and also a respectful golden heart, who is able to lead and protect his woman (me), his children, and everyone else around him who look up to him. Who is protective of those who are good. And stands up against bullies and makes bad people go away. 

So yes women like good men. Men mistake a woman's need for strength and protection to automatically mean "asshole" behavior. 

A man against bad men/evil things  is not an asshole but a fighter.

In essence a woman wants a Benevolent fighter. 

 

[Hardkill]

3 hours ago, Jodistrict said:

I had a girl friend once who was a model, and it made me appreciate some of why women behave the way they do.  Random guys would actually follow her home when she was driving in a car.  Beauty attracts some of the worst characters or can bring out the worst in men.  All kinds of volatile emotions and desires are being triggered.  That’s why women feel vulnerable and the need for a man that can protect them and provide a home.   My advice to men is to just be yourself, relax, and treat a woman like another human being.    That alone will make you look self confident and strong.  

That’s why I said in my post right above yours, that women are attracted to a man they see as a hero or savior to them and to everyone who knows him.

[Preety_India]

Btw I've met tons of guys who hit on me that were so called "Nice" but creepy. 

Men aren't aware of this phenomenon. I call it the "Nice but creepy" guys. 

All nice guys who appear nice aren't necessarily nice. The creepy side begins to show after 2-3 conversations. 

Like 2 years ago a guy in America who was simply being friendly and protective of me. Extremely protective. Gave me his number in case I needed any help because I was being bullied by a bunch. I relied on him. I didn't talk to him for 6 months. I had almost forgotten him. One day he sent me a message that he liked me and wanted to marry me. I kinda changed the subject. After that he got very sexual in a very weird way. I immediately blocked him. 

That's where I learned that some guys who act nice and are generally called nice have a hidden creepy side that suddenly comes up after the girl has trusted the guy for long. 

 

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

That's why in all seriousness, I believe that women truly want a man who is more like a true hero or a savior. Someone who neither a "nice guy" or a bad guy, but is a good man who is able to lead and protect his woman (or women), his children, and everyone within his community who depend on him. Someone who is an inspirational ally to good and a nightmarish danger to evil. 

 

"asshole" and "nice guy" are just sort of catch all caricature phrases used mainly by the masses that haven't contemplated the dynamics as deeply so they are a little helpful when talking generally but aren't always clear representations. The nice guy will act sweet and like a total suck up and pathetic push over and then throw a fit when he doesn't get what he desires because to him he was "being nice" so he deserves it.

The asshole will come off a little stage red. Do whatever to get what he wants without showing weakness and this includes manipulating and abusing. He will lead but his means of leading is toxic like a dictator or through creating some sort of wound cycle the girl has. The asshole will get some romance/sex because he has the general qualities down for masculine/feminine attraction but it will often times be with women with low self esteem and that are naive. There are plenty of women out there like this though so the asshole can stay an asshole if he so desires to or until his girl wises up and breaks his heart in return.  

Edited February 14, 2021 by Lyubov

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I didn't talk to him for 6 months. I had almost forgotten him. One day he sent me a message that he liked me and wanted to marry me. I kinda changed the subject. After that he got very sexual in a very weird way. I immediately blocked him.

Your life is interesting!

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Gesundheit said:

Your life is interesting!

That wasn't moral of the story though. 

The moral of the story was  - don't take nice guys at face value because they can very well be just "fake nice"

#Important Life lessons learned. 

 

[Gesundheit]

@Preety_India That's why the term gentleman exists, to differentiate creepy nice from abundant nice.

[Preety_India]

@Gesundheit  terms don't do justice to subjects like these. 

Terms like "asshole",  "nice guy ",  "gentleman " are merely labels that prevent a person from exploring the depth of a personality.. 

Human beings are very complex. Actions always speak louder than words and appearances. 

So the screening has got to be tougher and harder.  

Only then you filter in the ones who are truly compatible. Never take anyone with a grain of salt.. 

The toughest lesson i learned was to never abundantly trust a person, no matter however gentlemanly they appear.  Never make the mistake as a woman to box a man as a "nice " or "gentleman " or submit completely. 

Always keep a Hawk's eye on people in your life. Keep looking over your shoulder, never take anything for granted, never take anything with a grain of salt. Never trust too much. Always be on the lookout for potential red flags.  

These valuable lessons I learned after 6 years of abusive relationships. 

 

[Gesundheit]

@Preety_India I mean, technically, if you want to go down that rabbit hole, no screening method could guarantee you anything. On the other hand, you might get lucky from the very first time and catch the golden fish.

Imo, these kinds of topics are a playground for unresolved traumas. None is ever gonna benefit from exploring them no matter how nuanced they get. The map is not the territory. This is always the case. Security is an illusion, just as much as insecurity. People who look for safety are by definition afraid, and they would be better off fixing their fears and facing them directly instead of screening for secure others. Being always on the lookout is difficult, and it gets tiring and even exhausting. The neurotic core behind fear is still running and never got resolved. It always circles back around to oneself, but I digress.

[Preety_India]

@Gesundheit  you mean to say that I shouldn't screen for a potential rapist and instead fix my fear of rape. 

Well good logic. 

 

[Origins]

@Gesundheit No you're wrong security isn't an illusion its relative. 
 

"People who look for safety are by definition afraid"

Again you're wrong, this is just biology. The opposite to safety is not fear, though you're not at all afraid of your own intellectual missteps here as per usual.

You should tread more lightly sometimes before making merely rough guestimations, a luxury you wouldn't be able to afford in our prehistoric eras.

[StarStruck]

She read the book the way of the superior man

Pickup lines and shit are really secondary.

It is really about what (male) energy you are projecting outwards.

[Gesundheit]

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Gesundheit  you mean to say that I shouldn't screen for a potential rapist and instead fix my fear of rape. 

Well good logic. 

No. I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't do. I'm saying that there are no guarantees either way.

The bottom-line is that screening isn't as reliable as it seems, no matter how sophisticated it gets. You could be extremely careful, but then get unlucky. You could be extremely careless, and still get lucky. For me, this puts the whole screening process in question. I don't know what it means for you.

@Origins lol

[Origins]

@Gesundheit I an't laughing. All you do is make nonsense pseudo intellectual patronising comments on this forum. Why don't we jostle again on this topic or any other so you can come off second best again eh? Got any balls or you going to hide behind your keyboard with your childish "lol's"?

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Origins

[Gesundheit]

@Origins

I don't resonate well with neurosis.

[Origins]

@Gesundheit Then you should get it fixed or continue with the gaslighting as another covert strategy that wimps use. 

[Gesundheit]

@Origins lol

[Origins]

10 minutes ago, Origins said:

@Gesundheit I an't laughing. All you do is make nonsense pseudo intellectual patronising comments on this forum. Why don't we jostle again on this topic or any other so you can come off second best again eh? Got any balls or you going to hide behind your keyboard with your childish "lol's"?

 

Yeah watch that Alzheimer's. I can see this isn't going anywhere. Please just move on and stop fucking wasting people's time. You're not here to genuinely add anything to the conversation so fuck off.

[Gesundheit]

@Origins ???????

Well, at least you proved that you are not a nice guy.

Ladies, please stand in line. There's enough Origins for everybody.

This is my last comment, cheers.