UNZARI

My hot alpha girlfriend

67 posts in this topic

1 minute ago, Recursoinominado said:

Sounds like every sage, indian saint, and self-realized master ever just got diagnosed. 

Turned out that all that "no attachment", freedom and unconditional love thing were just trust issues, 

You're confusing spirituality with romance.

Spiritual love is different from romantic love. 

I've had my distant relatives in villages who are sages. But if they have a family, they still have romantic attachment 

They have no attachment to materialistic lifestyle but they sure have attachment to their wives and children. 

They don't think about letting the relationship go, they will suffer heartache just like others 

Since it's difficult to have both non attachment and attachment at the same time, most prefer to live single.

But those who marry keep their marriage forever. 

You've grossly misinterpreted Indian sage philosophy and spirituality 

Deep love comes with bonding, attachment, trust, security, companionship, intimacy and loyalty. 

This applies to all animals including humans and this is inescapable. 

Anything outside this is a fickle attachment and does not carry the same value in terms of depth. 

In order to escape such attachments, Indian yogis, sadhus, sants and sages have to leave their families entirely and act like they're dead somewhere.

They never marry or have relationships and practice abstinence. 

That's true non attachment. 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

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Just now, Rilles said:

Sages arent afraid of commiting to relationships and neither are they afraid of losing them because they flow with reality. Slight difference there. 

I never said to be afraid of any of that.

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@Recursoinominado Seems a bit messed up to me tbh. Like of course you will not slack off and become a fat lazy wimp but the way you say it is like: the guy looses his job and his wife will directly divorce him. Does not happen most times, women stick around if they know you are capable and stuff.

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I think it's not right that you and your girlfriend have the same job.

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17 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Sounds like an Avoidant-Dismissive attachment. 

how do you came up with that, like i get the importance of being secure in relationship, but also isnt life all about embracing uncertanity. 


I will be waiting here, For your silence to break, For your soul to shake,              For your love to wake! Rumi

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10 minutes ago, Harikrishnan said:

how do you came up with that, like i get the importance of being secure in relationship, but also isnt life all about embracing uncertanity. 

I dont know, it just sounded like a textbook example of commitment fears, while hiding behind spirituality. Everything hes said in this thread makes me feel like he lacks trust in women, that theyll leave him in an instant if he isnt a CHADBRO. 

Edited by Rilles

It's just a ride.

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6 minutes ago, Harikrishnan said:

how do you came up with that, like i get the importance of being secure in relationship, but also isnt life all about embracing uncertanity. 

Embracing uncertainty not creating uncertainty. 

For example if my partner died in a car accident, I need to embrace the uncertainty of this event. 

However if I told my partner that I can divorce him anytime, that's called creating Insecurity and uncertainty and a sign of commitment problems. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

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5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Embracing uncertainty not creating uncertainty. 

For example if my partner died in a car accident, I need to embrace the uncertainty of this event. 

However if I told my partner that I can divorce him anytime, that's called creating Insecurity and uncertainty and a sign of commitment problems. 

 

yeah got it. ?


I will be waiting here, For your silence to break, For your soul to shake,              For your love to wake! Rumi

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33 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

Does not happen most times, women stick around if they know you are capable and stuff.

Would you bet half your shit on that belief?

4 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

If you plan on banging women and enjoy life on the beach and not care or worry about problems listen to @Recursoinominado.

Actually, i am more of a "one girl" deep connection, tantric guy, but good try.

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28 minutes ago, Rilles said:

I dont know, it just sounded like a textbook example of commitment fears, while hiding behind spirituality. Everything hes said in this thread makes me feel like he lacks trust in women, that theyll leave him in an instant if he isnt a CHADBRO. 

Your projections, bro.

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Just now, Recursoinominado said:

Your projections, bro.

Who would be the arbiter but me. ;) Noone else here. 


It's just a ride.

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19 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

My mistake then, I apologize.

How long have you been with that one girl?

I am single, travel a lot.

ONS doesn't interest me, meaningless, superficial sex is not worth the energy investiment, in my opinion, i prefer to just jerk off.

But when i do get involved, i usually date one girl at a time.

26 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Who would be the arbiter but me. ;) Noone else here. 

Of course.

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Just now, neutralempty said:

Doesn t sound different from what I assumed.

Of course.

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6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Women are good at appreciating qualities other than the ones that society equates with success. That's why many women choose jobs that they

care about other than jobs that bring them high incomes. So in your girlfriend's example, she herself is good at bringing in income but she obviously sees and highly values qualities in you that are more important to her. Society still glosses over these things and values GDP over happiness, and we all pay for it. People feel a need to make other people feel as if they should conform to the rules everyone else is making themselves miserable with. It's not about you, it's about them. You are completely free to prioritize your own happiness and so is your girlfriend. That's true leadership. It's going to make everyone else uncomfortable sometimes. 

4 hours ago, aurum said:

@UNZARI

I'd be less concerned about whether or not who is the financial breadwinner. I'd be more concerned about whether you're on your path / life purpose.

If your girlfriend is slaying you at work because you're just half-assing it, she will notice that.

But if you're truly on your purpose and she just happens to make more money than you, it most likely will not be a problem. At least not for many girls.

I had a situation like that myself. I dated one girl who made good money as a nurse, while I was working part-time to support myself while starting my coaching business. Technically she would have been the breadwinner, but it was never a problem.

3 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

Basically, what women want from a man is that he is a master of the "world", he knows how to navigate it, he knows what to do, he is GREAT at it. He is grounded, he is sure of himself, he is adaptable, he lives in abundance, he is ambitious, he is a LEADER.

I would say these things are pretty on point. If you want to attract and keep a quality girl, you have to be a quality guy. But what is a quality guy. A quality guy is someone in my opinion has a lot of respect. He has respect for others by not being a manipulative asshole. He has respect for the woman he loves and abides by her boundaries. Most importantly, he has respect for himself. That means that he has boundaries and isn't a push over or a people pleaser. He has a life with a purposeful job, hobbies, and a social life meaning he won't be clinging onto a girl or getting codependent with her. He has respect for his surroundings and the way he dresses meaning he isn't a total slob and therefore can carry out basic household responsibilities and means of taking care of himself. (these things also apply to high quality women)

You don't have to have loads of money and look like a model to have any of these things. There are plenty of guys who have money and good looks but they aren't quality guys because they aren't doing something they are passionate about and are just in for the money, or maybe they are cheating on their wife (those are to name a couple but I can probably think of a lot more). Being a quality guy has more to do with character than status. If you have all that I mentioned in the previous paragraph and a girl doesn't like you, it could be a personal preference/ type thing or it could be that she isn't a high value woman.  I'm sure the type thing isn't what you are concerned about since you are already in a relationship with this woman.

I wouldn't be worried about her making more than you. I would be worried about your insecurity and the pressure you feel to do better than her financially because you feel obligated to be the breadwinner. It would be one thing if you were incapable of financially supporting yourself and were leeching off of her, then I would tell you to get it together. But if you want to be confident, or I guess alpha, you need to respect yourself and have confidence in the fact that you have more to give than money and status. Instead, I would encourage you to celebrate her wins and be happy for her. If you try to compete with her, there is a chance that you will seem like you are insecure and that you need to one up her to feel good about yourself. It will look like you are threatened by her success and if she is a high quality woman, she wouldn't want a man who would be threatened by her, she would want a man who is her equal and he sees himself as her equal. But if you still want to work hard and do better, I would suggest coming at it from a place of inspiration in that she makes you want to be a better person instead of a place of competition. By coming from a place of inspiration, you are appreciating her success, you are also motivating yourself to be better and improve, but you aren't letting your ego be bruised in the process. In other words, forget about society's standards and if anything, deconstruct the traditional gender roles of how a man needs to be the sole provider. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

Speaking into the void that sometimes answers back 

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@Recursoinominado

1 hour ago, Recursoinominado said:

Would you bet half your shit on that belief?

If you are careful with your partner and dont pick a spoiled bitch then yeah i would bet it. You are seeing females from the same perspective as that youtube channel 33 secrets does and i do not agree with it. Red pill does attract females but it is very unhealthy way of handling relationships. Girls leave you if you change who you are compared to who you were when you were dating them. So just be that person and you will be good to go. If you fake an act to get a girl then change to your normal self then ofc she might leave you because you were being fake from the start. If a girl falls for who you are then she will not leave you unless you mess up big time.

So in short- attract girls by being yourself, do not fake shit and always strive to be BETTER for YOURSELF.

But the idea that you are being tested 24/07 and you cannot show any weakness, any emotional vunerability, anything negative about yourself and if you fail at something you are dumped well. It is a very toxic way to live life in my opinion and i have seen too many couples where the guy gets a stroke of bad shit happening to him and the wife sticks through. That is why kindness and patience are more important in a partner than looks if it is long term stuff.

 

Edited by ColeMC01

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@UNZARI Nevertheless I think the most important question is what are you going to do with your art that you said you already had going? If we assume that was the kind of art that you felt most connected to.

Like someone mentioned, ultimately your life purpose is what matters most, more than any opinion or relationship (some may disagree on the latter). If you're working there just so you can support your true calling, who cares what others think. Absolutely unimportant. If you know in which direction you want to go, you're gonna get used to people passing you by, whether it's their approval or the relationship itself. As long as your current situation is serving a function to what calling gets you excited

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23 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

@Recursoinominado any ideas on @ColeMC01 ?

Sure.

36 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

If you are careful with your partner and dont pick a spoiled bitch then yeah i would bet it.

Yeah, there is a whole spectrum you can choose from. There is ways of filtering that are better than others, but i am willing to bet your way sucks as much as the way of 99% guys but instead of dealing with it and improving it, just hide your head in the sand with delusions behind delusions. And even if you do filter as good as you can, it is never 100%, Reality is just ever-changing, you can never account for everything and you are dealing with free human beings, a dynamic variable.

45 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

You are seeing females from the same perspective as that youtube channel 33 secrets does and i do not agree with it. Red pill does attract females but it is very unhealthy way of handling relationships.

The Red Pill Theory is not ALL wrong, i am bound to agree with a lot of their points. By the way, i am NOT a redpiller, as i have my own unique model of reality, the same way i am not a PUA but i learn a lot from pickup. Although i love to play the Devil's advocate and test the arguments that i see here and i have to say: mostly, i am not impressed. I see a lot of rationalizations and "hiding my head in the sand hoping for the best" behavior here. 

Also, RP guys tend to be stage-blue/orange right-wingers, traditionalists, calling women sluts, pointing out promiscuity as "the end of civilization" etc.

I am the opposite of that.

If you meet me in person, you will think i am the most happy, chill, "good vibes", open-minded, authentic guy you ever met.  The problem is you guys read a post of mine and try to make me fit in a box that fits in your world-virew. I am a living paradox, deal with it.

50 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

Girls leave you if you change who you are compared to who you were when you were dating them.

Not true.

51 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

So just be that person and you will be good to go.

See? That's what i am talking about. You are just doing wishful thinking here. Head buried deep into the sand.

55 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

If you fake an act to get a girl then change to your normal self then ofc she might leave you because you were being fake from the start. If a girl falls for who you are then she will not leave you unless you mess up big time.

So in short- attract girls by being yourself, do not fake shit and always strive to be BETTER for YOURSELF.

You can be authentic all you want, this won't make anything a "sure thing". Stopp trying to control what you can't, specially if you aren't willing to do the real work. You clearly didn't test any of that. 

58 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

But the idea that you are being tested 24/07

In a way, you are.

58 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

nd you cannot show any weakness, any emotional vunerability, anything negative about yourself and if you fail at something you are dumped well.  It is a very toxic way to live life in my opinion

Never said that. See? Your thinking is too black and white. Is this or that!

You are distorting all i said, taking it to a dumb extreme in an attempt to disqualify it. 

I never said any of that.

1 hour ago, ColeMC01 said:

i have seen too many couples where the guy gets a stroke of bad shit happening to him and the wife sticks through.

Again, lots of flaws in that argument.

I can just as much affirm that "i have seen too many guys get cheated on for nothing".

And that is field-tested by me and anyone who actually have a large dating experience.

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