Feeling Suicidal and Traumatized

[Preety_India]

15 hours ago, lmfao said:

@Preety_India Interesting. 

I don't know this situation about your ex, how you've tried moving on in the past. @xxxx gave really good advice

I'll advise something that me be a bit bold, ignore it if you've done it before or you think it will be that detrimental. For the sake of your own growth and emotional healing, have a very honest, open and frank conversation with your abuser (this boy in this case). Have no shame or self-doubt in owning everything that you're feeling right now.

And when you talk to him, be honest about how vulnerable and hurt you feel (rather than just expressing anger and hate without admitting your own sensitivity and hurt), whilst also not being doubt or shameful about the validity and worth of your feelings. 

Maybe you won't get a response from him that shows much remorse or concern. But the important thing is that for yourself, you were able to develop the courage to own your feelings completely and stand up to your oppressor. 

I don't wish to talk to him ever again. I will never contact him again or let him contact me. I think a person who hurts you so much doesn't deserve to be spoken to. 

I stood up for myself many times in the relationship, especially towards the end. He is a narcissist and so he doesn't care what others have to say, he simply ignores if it's not serving his purpose, he always wants the upper hand in everything. 

I'm trying my best to feel happy, although very difficult in the current context of the situation, yet I'm trying my best to continue with my life and vent about it as much as I can till I reach a point where I'm finally done venting and can move on peacefully. 

Thanks for your support. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Forestluv thanks for your response and for being able to relate. It helps. 

 

 

[Nahm]

I would set aside ten minutes to write on a piece of paper what he did wrong, and how you want him to feel for it. Really light him up, empty both barrels, burn his whole bs world to the ground. 

Then I’d return to putting how you feel first, and letting thoughts which are not on board with that, go. The goodness of feeling desired is ever present & always underlying. Perspectives are neither solid, rigid, conditional, nor physical. They appear & disappear, just like clouds. They are your magic though, and you are at the helm. In love we take our power back. How do you want to feel?  Is it without or within?

It is a funny thing, the better feeling, the goodness, the love presently sought by you...we all already know simple as, you. I’m certain you’ll find it. ♥️ Maybe give this a once over, just to be safe. 

 

 

 

[Blackhawk]

On 2020-12-11 at 10:54 AM, Etherial Cat said:

Expect for 99.00% of them to play, betray, use and toy you.

They are mostly slave to their sexual desire and need for female beauty.

Thus, objectification is quite a standard.

You mean: "99.00% of those who I date are like that."

Edited December 13, 2020 by Blackhawk

[Madhur]

@Preety_India Maybe you can Do shamanic breathing with the intention of realising stress and all the negative emotions that are bothering you. in my case whenever I am feeling low or in the state of depression and I feel like nothing right is going on, I have tried shamanic breathing, what it does for me is, it kinda put my mind into different state of condition, for a little time of day I am completely disconnected from the things that are bothering me and it also makes me feel alive & energetic regardless of whatever I am going through. Although the negative feelings keep coming back to my mind but overall my day goes relatively fine after the breathing comparing to how miserable I have been feeling before ... I think it's a fine alternative to deal with the negative emotions if you can't reach out to the professionals. I wish you get through this faster & stronger and m carry on with your life, take care. 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Madhur

[Mu_]

On 12/11/2020 at 4:44 AM, Preety_India said:

Last few weeks have been really tough for me emotionally. One day I feel okay, the next day I feel very hurt and upset. These feelings are arising from knowing that I was cheated on. Since the day I found out that I was cheated on, I haven't been feeling normal at all. The breakdown of my trust has frankly traumatized me to the point I get flashbacks when I try to sleep, I wake up in fear and anxiety, seeing images of ex playing in my mind and how much he hurt me. This is the first time I have been cheated on in a relationship. I was never cheated on by any of my ex boyfriends in my previous relationships. 

I've been struggling really hard trying to remain sane for the past two weeks. The intense feeling of hurt/betrayal is causing me to feel suicidal. Every day I wake up trying to feel better for the day but the anxious feeling of "broken trust" lingers on and the anxiety comes back and so do the suicidal feelings. 

I feel played, betrayed, used, hurt, toyed and my emotions are all over the place. 

The emotions are raw and the wounds are fresh. I know time can heal such things and I wish time would really go fast. But it seems time is frozen when I'm feeling all these traumatic feelings. 

 

How to reduce/heal  this trauma of hurt/broken heart/betrayal? 

Please don't tell professional therapy because it's extremely expensive in my place and no way can I afford it. 

Thanks for listening. 

 

Sorry to hear you went through this.  It can have a major effect on ones emotions that may last a while. 

Time heals however and going through such things isn't a sign of something wrong.  If things dont balance out in the weeks, months ahead perhaps seeking professional help could help, however a lot can be done on your end with just inquiring into your feelings and thoughts around the matter and allowing forgiveness and understanding.

Not that its justifiable what he did, but its also something that was done and can't be undone, and how you accept and relate to this will probably have a deep impact on you.

[AlexNillson88]

If all else fails, you should see a specialized doctor. Nowadays it is even easy to do it on the Internet. The main thing is that you find the strength to do it. I hope you'll be fine 

Edited December 15, 2020 by AlexNillson88
spelling mistake

[Preety_India]

@AlexNillson88 thank you. I'm trying to feel better each day. 

@Mu_.. Yes. Thanks for the input. 

@Madhur  thanks for the great tips. I'm looking into stress relief. 

 

[Preety_India]

16 hours ago, AlexNillson88 said:

If all else fails, you should see a specialized doctor. Nowadays it is even easy to do it on the Internet. The main thing is that you find the strength to do it. I hope you'll be fine 

 

Yesterday I saw a specialized doctor and these were the conversations between me and her. So far she has been helpful. 

She told me to choose a safe place if I feel like acting out on my suicidal plans. So I told her my safe place was my garden where I usually sit under a tree. 

This is how the conversation went. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So far I feel this psychiatrist/psychologist is fine. I told her that I don't want to be put on any psych drugs or meds. 

 

Do you think this will help me? Do you find this  psychologist to be a good one? 

 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Preety_India

[Dumuzzi]

Hello my dear, 

Who would have thought that of all people on this forum, you would be the one to suffer so badly from betrayal...

I always thought you were the shining light and heart of this forum, so empathetic and always trying to help others.

Perhaps that was the problem, Sociopaths are attracted to good-hearted and empathetic people like moths to a flame. They know who they can use and take advantage of at a glance. 

What I would do is study the character traits and methods of narcissistic sociopaths, so you learn to spot them and avoid them in the future. They really are very good at what they do and they are especially adept at choosing the right victims. You can protect yourself, by looking out for the telltale signs, whenever you get to know someone.

[Preety_India]

23 minutes ago, Dumuzzi said:

Hello my dear, 

Who would have thought that of all people on this forum, you would be the one to suffer so badly from betrayal...

I always thought you were the shining light and heart of this forum, so empathetic and always trying to help others.

Perhaps that was the problem, Sociopaths are attracted to good-hearted and empathetic people like moths to a flame. They know who they can use and take advantage of at a glance. 

What I would do is study the character traits and methods of narcissistic sociopaths, so you learn to spot them and avoid them in the future. They really are very good at what they do and they are especially adept at choosing the right victims. You can protect yourself, by looking out for the telltale signs, whenever you get to know someone.

Thank you for the support and advice. It means a lot. 

 

[Byun Sean]

Spend some time being single and only spend time with quality friends who care deeply about your well being. 

Love yourself and work on yourself.

Don't go jumping into another relationship at least for a while.

 

You need to give yourself time to heal.

Spend some time in nature. Meditate. Read a good book. Go spend some time with a good friend.

Listen to some music. Play some interesting video games. Laze around on online forums etc.

 

These thoughts look like they are very temporary and should pass in time.

Your boyfriend cheated on you so that says everything about who he is as a human being. Not you or your loveability. 

 

You must also take responsibility that you manifested this cheating experience yourself because the degree you love

yourself on the inside is reflected to you on your outside reality as harsh as that may sound right now. I

just want to tell it to you straight.

The universe is pushing you to turn inward, take some time alone, and re-learn how to stand on your own two feet.

Edited December 18, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Preety_India]

@Byun Sean very helpful. Thank you 

[electroBeam]

@Preety_India Hey preety, I genuinely don't know how to help you but if I look deep within me, notice that I really really wish I did, because there's nothing more important, prior and fundamental in my life than making sure you're healing and getting better - not even my petty needs and desires Trump that.

I just noticed that its not only me who feels this way, but many others who have posted here. Even though they all come from diverse backgrounds, they are all united by the universe's desire to heal you and make you better.

In the midst of your hurt and pain, I'd be absolutely over the moon if you somehow, even for a split second, noticed also, that one of the realest things happening in your experience right now is this ultimate tendency of the universe to want to heal you. 

Hope you get better. Good luck!

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

You truly are radiant & beautiful Preety. Better vibes & times are coming. ?? 

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam  @Nahm Thank you and God bless. 

[Lyubov]

really sorry you are going through this. can really hurt when one is betrayed. i would honor your hurt self. it's ok to be vulnerable and feel innocent and confused and feel hurt. there is true bravery in embracing one's vulnerability and feeling it fully. 

[Blackbeat]

On 11/12/2020 at 8:44 PM, Preety_India said:

 

How to reduce/heal  this trauma of hurt/broken heart/betrayal? 

Please don't tell professional therapy because it's extremely expensive in my place and no way can I afford it. 

Thanks for listening. 

 

What about online zoom call therapy?

Edited January 29, 2021 by Blackbeat

[Preety_India]

@Blackbeat therapy in any form is expensive 

 

Their rates don't change. 

 

[Abdelghafar]

You're not alone.