How to forgive an abusive ex boyfriend?

[peqkno]

Did you consider this exercise?

It may be useful for becoming wise.

May not even be needed for now,

but it seems you made a vow.

https://actualized.org/downloads/uncovering-your-childhood-vows-worksheet.docx

 

(Just so there's no misunderstanding: I don't say to not make the decision you made now, or whatever you'll choose.)

What I meant by vow:

9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You are simply allowing yourself to be attacked or mistreated and then healing will be a long road. So the best option is to immediately block people who are hurting you and avoid them forever.

Edited November 4, 2020 by peqkno
sent too early

[Darlisto]

@flowboy @Preety_India 

Do your best to see her/him as the hurt, imperfect and conditioned inner child that she/he is, feel the resentment, frustration and other negatively charged emotions you feel towards him and transmute those into love, forgiveness and compassion by breathing the energy from your root and sacral area into your heart. Emotions are energy in motion in our energetic being, and the emotion literally has to be healed and transmuted through the supernatural and extremely powerful healing energy of the heart (chakra). I learned the hard way that healing and forgiveness is a verb; an act, not an idea.

You hold all those judgments, negative emotions and frustrations, and your job is simply to rid your energetic being from these emotions so you can be free, authentic and freely flowing again! The emotions you feel stem from the other person, but you are the one who holds on to them. Hope this makes sense and helps!

Edited November 5, 2020 by Darlisto

[Bittu]

I have also been abused by people close to me. So I think I can relate a little bit.

I am still in the process of forgiving, maybe I haven't processed all my emotions yet. Journaling works wonders. Singing is profound for me in dealing with emotions.

If you're dealing with guilt and/or feelings of inferiority and anger and whatever, just remember that it will be okay.

I had to kind of get to know the triggers which subconsciously reminded me of the abuse situation. When you get triggered, etc, just keep breathing deeply and allowing the feelings to pass. Allow yourself to feel lightheaded even. Notice if you judge yourself, and let it go.

In the end you can choose to be the bigger person and forgive, but you must not force yourself. Only do it if you authentically feel ready for it.

Letting go and releasing these emotions can be quite intense so be prepared

just my 2 cents.

[Gesundheit]

Simple, don't let your inability to forgive make you hate yourself. Instead, allow yourself to hate him.

[Just Do Nothing]

Sorry if this is inappropriate because I couldn't bare reading your posts. But maybe listen to Billie Eilish? She went through it all too and so did Dua Lipa. 

[amenX]

In my experience the best way to cope with past-life flashbacks is to realize what past, future and present really are. 

He only exists in a cloud of probability. If you consciously or unconsciously choose to think about anything related to him, he exists. For you, in that moment. When you are thinking about something else or choose to be fully present in now, nothing else but the present moment exists. 

If you want to be fully present with your boyfriend, you should cut all the ways for your ex to reach out to you. Don't let him know your phone number. Don't let him know your address. Minimize the possible interactions. Take the responsibility of your mental health and don't let anyone from your past to disturb you. If you want to let go of his unnecessary torture, you simply need to accept what happened between you and him. 

I don't know what stage of coping with PTSD are you in, but it seems like you still need to process what happened in your life. Processing what happened is healthy and necessary. Practice self-love and self-acceptance.

I wish you the best on your healing journey.

Edited November 7, 2020 by amenX

[Just Do Nothing]

27 minutes ago, amenX said:

In my experience the best way to cope with past-life flashbacks is to realize what past, future and present really are. 

He only exists in a cloud of probability. If you consciously or unconsciously choose to think about anything related to him, he exists. For you, in that moment. When you are thinking about something else or choose to be fully present in now, nothing else but the present moment exists. 

If you want to be fully present with your boyfriend, you should cut all the ways for your ex to reach out to you. Don't let him know your phone number. Don't let him know your address. Minimize the possible interactions. Take the responsibility of your mental health and don't let anyone from your past to disturb you. If you want to let go of his unnecessary torture, you simply need to accept what happened between you and him. 

I don't know what stage of coping with PTSD are you in, but it seems like you still need to process what happened in your life. Processing what happened is healthy and necessary. Practice self-love and self-acceptance.

I wish you the best on your healing journey.

Wow. So true. So good. Thank you. I think you are so beautiful in both body and soul.

[non_nothing]

Try googling the word `Hoʻoponopono` and see if this would click with you.

[Preety_India]

@amenX thank you 

[kag101]

It's like a open wound. If you keep on touching it, it will not heal. 

I agree with @tsuki in the sense that you have to stop contacting him.

I recommend you remove anything that makes you remember of him. Don't contact him (obviously). But also, for example, don't see his stories on Instagram, etc. 

Letting go isn't easy or quick. And compassion/forgiveness aren't always fluffy — both can be raw. Watch Leo's video on feminine vs masculine compassion.