Lyubov

Thoughts on men who have their girlfriends support them?

84 posts in this topic

In my opinion, anyone leeching off of their partner or anyone who has their partner leeching off of them (regardless of gender) is not a good look. It can breed codependency issues and can result in a power dynamic. Both parties are insecure af in my opinion. The lens at which it's judged and how people jumps to conclusions can differ with societal context, popular tropes in the media, and roles in society. 

Guy leeching off of his girlfriend: He clearly isn't independent and that can reflect on his lack of masculinity. She is being a pick me by tolerating this behavior instead finding a guy who can be independent. This connotation of lacking masculinity comes from the context of how the man is supposed to be seen as the sole bread winner in the house since the woman isn't supposed to be the one bringing in all of the money. So that results in notions of gender roles. 

Girl leeching off of her boyfriend: She isn't independent and can be painted as a gold digger. He is a doormat or a control freak that likes having financial control over a woman (or both).  This connotation of power/financial control comes from the context of how historically women weren't allowed to work or heavily discriminated against when it came to high paying jobs so instead the goal became to marry a rich guy. So that results in a power dynamic. 

These common tropes do have a pattern which is women being on the losing end (though neither party is winning but that's another thing). In the first occasion, she is being leeched off of and in the second she is being controlled. At the same time the man is still in a more dominant position where in the first instance he taking from the woman while in the second he is controlling her. (I'm mainly talking about how these dynamics are painted not what they actually are. I hope this makes sense.) 

Both of the tropes above and how they are presented can be problematic as all stereotypes can be because it isn't representative of all situations. There are some women who are control freaks and there are also men who are gold diggers. 

Personally, having an imbalance like that, regardless how you judge either party, to me seems like a recipe for disaster. It seems soooooo unhealthy for everyone involved. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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6 hours ago, Yarco said:

This seems incredibly misogynistic and outdated to me. We live in a time when people are able to choose their own gender for god's sake. Why can't a man be happy in a role that isn't traditionally masculine?

I still feel like the "man" in my relationship. It's not like I'm suddenly transformed into a cuck because my wife is the breadwinner of our household.

I read your post and I don't think this post is directed towards you exactly. I think it's different if you are married and gonna start a family and it's a healthy long term relationship. You also are pulling your own weight.

The one guy I know would use my friend's bank card to buy Nintendo Switch games behind her back while she was at work....

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If it's for a short time, I don't see the problem. We all can find ourselves in a tight situation and where we could use some help and understanding from our partner, but just for a short period of time. If it becomes a habit, there is where I see a problem. I believe that there are things for men to do (go to work, supporting a family, build and repair broken things, etc) and that there are things for women to do (taking care of the house, of the family, women keep the family together), that is why we choose to be with someone, to complete each other, and to live a harmonious life. I'm not saying that women can't do what man can and vice versa, but I believe we all have our place in a relationship and we should let the man be man and women be women.

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9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I just can't believe there is this one girl I know who basically supports her boyfriend while he does nothing. Pays for his food and the luxury flat she rentsand he stays at. I'm being a bit judgemental cause I don't know the full story. Maybe he is trying to get a business off the ground or something. Last I heard he wanted to become a rapper o.O

Girls often fall in love for douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job, but they give the girl emotional stimulation and adventure. That is sort of the player stereotype. The manwhore ;)

I bet that a lot of professional women in their 30's and 40's who work boring corporate jobs but make good salaries would kill to have a player boyfriend who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun and feel their feminine side. Which the proper guy can do for her. That's when she falls hard in love, and he can then exploit her emotional soft spot for him.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls often fall in love for douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job, but they give the girl emotional stimulation and adventure. That is sort of the player stereotype. The manwhore ;)

I bet that a lot of professional women in their 30's and 40's who work boring corporate jobs but make good salaries would kill to have a player boyfriend who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun and feel their feminine side. Which the proper guy can do for her. That's when she falls hard in love, and he can then exploit her emotional soft spot for him.

What makes a guy a player? and in a nutshell what causes emotional stimulation in women?

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44 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job

This goes against your advice that you should have a strong life purpose and be self determined to be attractive to women.

You're basically saying "life purpose" has nothing to do with getting a girl to fall in love with you. 

 

And how can you take girls on adventures if you haven't got enough money(from not having a job) to take her on them?

Quote

who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun

Surely that's relative to what you value. If the girl values children, she'd probably look for a guy whose stable. If she's a party type (like a lot of stage orange are, especially in Vegas) then yeah having fun is what you look for. 

But the hippies I hang out with, the girls there repetitively and consistently don't go out with "deadbeat, douchey asshole" guys who will just give them fun and good sex. They all seem to date and go for the guys who do yoga and defend the rainforest and are vegans. So what girls look for is actually relative to what they value themselves. 

Like none of the hippy girls I know are after the fun and playboy type of guys. Neither do I know any deeply conservative, islamic women looking for the playboy guys (the ones I'm friends with in developing countries). It only seems to be the British descendent type countries (UK, US, Australia and some parts of Canada) that seem to be into fun, playboy types of guys. 

Like no girls I know in China intentionally want to date the playboys. They all go for the super stable, super rich, super social status types of guys. 

And the islamic women go for the deeply conservative islamic guys. 

I think the idea that women are looking for playboys who give them good sex and fun is deeply specific to a type of culture (the orange stage liberal types of places).  

Edited by electroBeam

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35 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls often fall in love for douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job, but they give the girl emotional stimulation and adventure. That is sort of the player stereotype. The manwhore ;)

I bet that a lot of professional women in their 30's and 40's who work boring corporate jobs but make good salaries would kill to have a player boyfriend who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun and feel their feminine side. Which the proper guy can do for her. That's when she falls hard in love, and he can then exploit her emotional soft spot for him.

Got any tips on how to incorporate this playfulness into the marriage-like situation? 

I found it's pretty easy to be playful and adventurous when you're Pick Up'ing around but it's very different when you're living together everyday and you're trying to pursue your Life Purpose in an efficient manner. While she wants to distract you with a bunch of museums and other type of stuff like this

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1 hour ago, Kiko said:

What makes a guy a player? and in a nutshell what causes emotional stimulation in women?

That's a giant topic. Too long to write it out here.

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

This goes against your advice that you should have a strong life purpose and be self determined to be attractive to women.

You're basically saying "life purpose" has nothing to do with getting a girl to fall in love with you. 

No, I'm just saying that you can hook a girl whilst being a deadbeat. This happens all the time because girls don't get attracted by your money or job, they get attracted to how much you emotionally stimulate them.

You can emotionally stimulate a girl without a job, or whilst having an amazing job. Of course having an amazing job makes you more of a long-term catch and gives you even higher value. But you can still appear high value without a job at all if you're very charismatic, for example.

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

And how can you take girls on adventures if you haven't got enough money(from not having a job) to take her on them?

By using her money, of course! ;)

But also, adventure is not so much about money, it's more of an attitude. You can be adventurous on the cheap. You can also have millions and not be adventurous.

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

Surely that's relative to what you value. If the girl values children, she'd probably look for a guy whose stable. If she's a party type (like a lot of stage orange are, especially in Vegas) then yeah having fun is what you look for. 

All girls want to have fun and go on adventures, even if they also want stability and children.

It's hard to say No to fun.

1 hour ago, Hello from Russia said:

Got any tips on how to incorporate this playfulness into the marriage-like situation?

Obviously it's harder with marriage. That's a very different dynamic. That's end-game stuff.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

girls don't get attracted by your money or job, they get attracted to how much you emotionally stimulate them.

Yeah so in relation to girls, life purpose work isn't really applicable to attraction or short term relationships, its more valuable for keeping someone long term (maintaining her). 

But also life purpose relates to status building, which relates to attraction.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

By using her money, of course! ;)

But also, adventure is not so much about money, it's more of an attitude. You can be adventurous on the cheap. You can also have millions and not be adventurous.

Sounds a lot like having a child like mind, or "crazy wisdom", the story of sages and their attitudes and life is very adventurous in essence, which is also super applicable to creative careers. 

Although there's a correlation between having a good career and having an adventurous mindset. To have an amazing career and impact the world, you need to be very adventurous. For example making a high risk startup and travelling all over the world to get it working. Or forging a career like Martin Luther King, or Ghandi. Even nerdy INTP careers like Physics or Maths you need to be adventurous to have high impact. Going against and challenging the scientific establishment takes an openess and engagement with adventure, an attitude to risk things and allow things to not go your way for the sake of growing and trying to change the world you're in. 

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It's not easy psychologically to let anyone else support you, it most definitely is not easy for more driven, independent or cautious personality types anyway. Even when that's the best route to go and in everyone's interest for whatever reason, switching careers, raising children, etc. 

We are a society that mostly bases our self worth on the things we do and the monetary worth the society places on those things. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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It comes down to fear, uncertainty, powerlessness, and lack of direction. Sometimes because there’s choice and a judgment, it can be assumed there’s a mistake in how a current situation looks and plays out 

we all have unique value systems, some are able to manifest wealth and abundance more naturally than others and some will never aspire to bringing a lot of materialistic wealth into their life. There’s nothing inherently wrong with any complementary energy exchange, where values and needs are satisfied 

“It’s no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society” xD 

Edited by DrewNows

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How to work through addictions and unhealthy behaviors

It is as simple as doing what you fear the most and bringing awareness to what you fear as an idea or belief about oneself and or others 

I don’t actually believe Alan Watts was an alcoholic

Eating actually produces a lot of alcohol in the body

People will do what they fear and fear what they do until there is awareness of why, Then the strings are cut and they are free; Free to do an act as they please, even to create more strings

”Addiction is language, a-dict-tion” xD 

Edited by DrewNows

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16 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Yeah so in relation to girls, life purpose work isn't really applicable to attraction or short term relationships, its more valuable for keeping someone long term (maintaining her). 

Living a life on purpose will make you more confident and stronger as man, which will make you more attractive.

Quote

But also life purpose relates to status building, which relates to attraction.

Being successful in your life purpose can make it much easier to meet new people through your reputation, status, expertise, celebrity, etc.

For example, if you are a semi-successful musician or actor or public speaker, it will be very easy to get laid simply because of how visible you are.

How often you get laid is directly proportional to how many new people are seeing you.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Keyhole Players are usually much smoother than other guys. So if a guy seems too smooth to be true, how do you think he got that smooth?

Non-player guys are gonna be more reserved, more shy, more awkward, slower, not as sexy or charming, not as charismatic, not as funny, more plain and boring.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura only a player recognizes other players, I have the same question: does the player ever settles down? 

if I’m also playing we don’t get anywhere, should women not play?! You should help women too Leo with your relationship advices, you teach a lot to men here but not much to us ?

the charming guys tend to be more confident, we love confidence haha it’s a trap, do we look for the quiet, non experienced one? To teach? ?
 

 


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw

 

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@louhad we totally need that, otherwise Leo it’s gonna be part of all the other gurus that repress or simply don’t talk about sex/ relationships. 
 

I think it’s an extremely important topic, without sex we wouldn’t be here talking right now.. ?

Edited by MsNobody

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw

 

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@Keyhole yes because beta men are not good in bed, Leo please halp haha 

@Leo Gura

it’s difficult when the nice guys are super sweet but do I want to fuck a nice guy? No I don’t want to fuck a nice guy ? 

If the guy is not a player he won’t be experienced and won’t be good in bed, what do you recommend us to do? 


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw

 

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Women: Fuck alpha male toxic masculinity.

Also women:

34 minutes ago, MsNobody said:

@Keyhole yes because beta men are not good in bed, Leo please halp haha 

@Leo Gura

it’s difficult when the nice guys are super sweet but do I want to fuck a nice guy? No I don’t want to fuck a nice guy ? 

If the guy is not a player he won’t be experienced and won’t be good in bed, what do you recommend us to do? 

 

Men are the ones who need halp. We are tired of stupid demands!

 

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