Beeman

How to handle insecure people?

12 posts in this topic

Tia Lopez said insecure people are the worst people and should be avoided at all costs? What do you think? 

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The problem is that u might adapt some of their negative aspects since we constantly learn and take from others. If they are hard workers, trigger pullers, action takers but they lack that self confidence or ain't that sociable party person, you might wanna hang out with em. In my opinion you should chose wisely and think and strategies with whom u spend time with. Chose you friends and enemies wisely and have an eye on your own development.

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Best thing you can do is becoming aware quickly about what they are mainly insecure about, then trying to be super aware at how you talk about that around them.

Edited by Shin

There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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Insecure people by definition are not secure in themselves. to achieve any real success you need integrity and a level of groundedness. Insecure people have baggage that needs to be let go in order to create real serious, focused success.


"You can't handle the truth!" - Jack Nicholson --- Col. Nathan R. Jessep

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@Beeman Well, you would be avoiding 99.99% of people in the world as insecurity is a fundamental component of humans. Insecurity can get buried deep into the human psyche and get expressed in various forms. It may appear as someone trying to be superior and intellectual. It may appear as someone being a victim. Seeking validation. Blaming others. People-pleasing. Gossip. Isolation. And on and on. There are many different degrees of insecurity and expressions that boil down to insecurity.

I don’t think one can avoid insecurity in the world. It is all around us. For me, the better question is how can I interact with it in a manner that is healthy and doesn’t cause harm? The first step is to observe and understand my own insecurities. If I don’t get it touch with it in my own mind-body I will not be able to interact with others in a healthy manner. Once I worked through my own insecurities, I became aware how deep subconscious insecurities were driving my behavior. For example, as a child, I was conditioned by teachers and my parents to believe that I had the potential for intellectual gifts, yet I wouldn’t apply myself and reach my potential. Teachers and my parents became very disappointed in me. This led to subconscious insecurities that influenced my behavior for the next 30 years. . . Once I got to the root of my own personal insecurities, how I saw and related to other people’s insecurities completely changed. For example, I used to take responsibility for other people’s insecurities. I can now see that and I don’t have to do that anymore. As well, a form of empathy has arisen in me when I see it in others. For example, someone might say something derogatory to me and I can sense the underlying insecurity. I know what that feels like and I can feel empathy and love for that person, without judging or criticizing them. Yet this doesn’t mean I need to get into the swamp and engage with it. Sometimes, a person might open up and we could have a heart-to-heart discussion. Other times, a person may express an underlying insecurity as argumentative and combative. At times, it’s best to avoid these encounters. For example, I’m not going to date a narcissist with a subconscious insecurity complex. Other times, it’s best to engage in a limited context. For example, if a co-worker is sabotaging a group effort by trying to claim all the credit to relieve his underlying insecurity of not being good enough. In this case, I’m not going to take his personal inventory and discuss his psychology during staff meeting. Yet, I will try to diffuse situations so conflict doesn’t escalate out of control. Yet I’m not going to be getting upset with the guy after work and I certainly wouldn’t go on a camping trip with him. 

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6 hours ago, Beeman said:

Tia Lopez said insecure people are the worst people and should be avoided at all costs? What do you think? 

Surely this would just make them even more insecure? If I am to avoid someone it would need to be for more than them being insecure. I certainly wouldn't avoid at all costs. That makes them sound like they have a deadly virus or something. It's harsh. I don't agree with her advice. 

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I don't think you need to avoid anyone unless they are actively abusive towards you. Everyone has their insecurities. If they didn't, they would probably be an unbelievable narcissist and you would not like to be around one of those!

I guess you have to have firm boundaries in place and not let other people's insecurities effect you too much. Yes, you can feel empathy for them and offer advice or reassurance, but it's not healthy to get way too involved in other people's problems, either.

Edited by LaraGreenbridge

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I say, have as much compassion for people as you can. 

 

Edited by SgtPepper

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14 hours ago, Beeman said:

Tia Lopez said insecure people are the worst people and should be avoided at all costs? What do you think? 

Can you be more specific, I have no clue what exactly he means by insecure and in what context.

He  himself  looks pretty insecure to me to be fair. 

 

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15 hours ago, Beeman said:

Tia Lopez said insecure people are the worst people and should be avoided at all costs? What do you think? 

This is more black and white thinking. People are more and less insecure. Depend of they situation and experience.

 

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The best way to handle insecure people is by you yourself becoming secure. A secure person will make insecure people feel secure. A secure person has worked on him/her self and knows where the insecurity is coming from which would then lead people to feel secure around him/her. Insecure people know when they see a secure person-it’s hard to fake this (the body shows this). Judgment is what promotes insecurity, judgement is a lack of love-you are telling the person that something is wrong with them. This of course compounds insecurity, because insecure people make other insecure people feel more insecure. 

With all that being said the ego in of itself feels insecure, the ego is in a sense fragile in some form or fashion. Until someone transcendes the ego, there will always be some spectrum of insecurity showing up in different ways. 

This is essentially what makes a good leader, someone who brings people up to his/her level. Turns insecure people to secure people, he/she does this by lack of judgement. You’d be surprised at how much you can change someone’s attitude by not feeding into their victim hood and insecurity. How you can change the energy of people around you by the level of consciousness/awareness your bringing to the table. 

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