SQAAD

Why Do Some People love to Devalue other ppl?

20 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

From my observations i came to the conclusion that definetely some people get a hard on by devaluing other people & making them feel like  sh*t.  I am talking about people who enjoy devauluing others even if the other person has caused them no harm. They just love making others feel inferior.

Well i am not that kind of a person and i have a difficult time understanding/comprehending why some people behave this way.

Is it because they were treated like sh*t in their childhood and now want vengeance?  I have no clue whatsoever...

Edited by SQAAD

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I value all people's providing, "their" cooked well.

Supremacy I'm pretty sure can(not that it will) lead to mass genocide. I mean not in the realm of science fiction that North Korea could develop and use bioweapons. Affirming the superiority of Korea. Or another country, or even group.

A bit like in revelations "vials of wrath".
 

 

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Posted (edited)

You're doing the same thing right now. 

Either it is valuing or devaluing it's a form of judging others.

You're judging devaluers as bad guys and inferior to you. That makes you a devaluer yourself.

Edited by Salvijus

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@Salvijus Yes true but at the same time i am trying to understand the mechanics behind this behavior.

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1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Fear.  

What is it, really? 

@Nahm Fear about what?

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4 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@Salvijus Yes true but at the same time i am trying to understand the mechanics behind this behavior.

To feel superior maybe?

 

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

From my observations i came to the conclusion that definetely some people get a hard on by devaluing other people & making them feel like  sh*t.  I am talking about people who enjoy devauluing others even if the other person has caused them no harm. They just love making others feel inferior.

Well i am not that kind of a person and i have a difficult time understanding/comprehending why some people behave this way.

Is it because they were treated like sh*t in their childhood and now want vengeance?  I have no clue whatsoever...

Hey, that's me!

I used to be like that for a long time. It became especially worse when I made a friend that valued and encouraged my constant roasts as witty and funny. 

To me, it was mostly about seeing what people were really made of. I was the best at a specific thing in my environment, and I liked being constantly challenged to show that I'm the best. So I was acting like an antagonist all of the time to make people want to challenge me. Some of them did, failed to win against me and then started having respect for me. I used make fun of that respect to make them hate me even more so they challenge me again.

An example of that: We were in a class separated in 2 parts, theory and practice. I did not listen to a single word of the theory part, doing different stuff instead (and showing explicitly that I'm doing something else). Meanwhile my friend was very attentive to the teacher. Once the theory part ends we get an assignment, and now it's a race between me and my friend to see who finishes first. I get ahead of him, he stays stuck, I go to help him. I do help him, he thanks me and then I say "Didn't you listen to the teacher while she was explaining?". That's the kind of shit I used to do everyday, basically trying to create rage against me to have the pleasure to compete against them.

This kind of competition lasted for a while. It might sound super toxic but it actually works, our monkey brains have pretty much been designed for that kind of competition. My friend is mostly thankful for it, because I basically used his ego to make him better in his career. For me on the other side, I had to deal with the habits of being toxic with everyone and being motivated by competition/pride. Nowadays I've mostly got rid of the toxic side with other people (my relationships tend to be more controlled, I don't let my ego say whatever it wants to say) and I've got rid of pride and competition as one of my motivations. (Haven't transcended them though, they are still here but not triggered by my current life!). Now I'm less productive, as only my awareness can lead me to productivity.

I assume not everyone is diminishing others for the same reason as I used to though. Especially as I was never really diminishing people who didn't fight back. (I used not to have much respect for those people, but just left them alone as there was no competition potential in them). Some are just trying to cover their ass or make their proofs. Anyway, this is why I've been a dick to everyone for a couple of years.

I don't think I've been treated like shit in my childhood. The biggest difficulty was my stepdad, with who I was arguing all the time from age 8 to 16. He never did anything wrong to me but it was always heated conflicts, so I developed my ability to not fear any adult, even when they are yelling or trying to grab power. In my teenage years I joined some online group (of people older than me) and grabbed power here, slowly getting recognized by diminishing every person in position of power until I was accepted as the most fit ruler. Those were more like fights than aggression though, with every of my opponent fighting back.

Sure, a lot of low consciousness stuff here. But those experiences allowed me to see things that I believe many do not see. Thanks to those experiences, now I'm able to be in a position of power while being nice to everybody and stand up for the people that gets bullied. 

Edited by Winter

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Posted (edited)

@SQAAD This is a really great topic and good timing because I have been thinking a lot about this recently. 

I think it boils down to unconscious behaviour (learned behaviour). Society as it is currently structured doesn't teach us what emotional intelligence is. Instead we are taught how to deny our feelings and focus on the apparent problem outside. I've noticed in myself that my mind has a tendency to blame a situation rather than go straight to the sensation and own it (accept it without projecting). 

Most of us think it's other people that are the cause of our feelings, but I think this is a misunderstanding of what our emotions are telling us about our past. I've noticed in myself, depending on what I missed out on in my childhood, I will tend to get upset at people who don't play into my need for belonging. I've noticed that once I'm triggered that it's very easy for the mind to start to devalue that perceived "enemy" and not understand the actual root cause of my upset. 

I think most people do this, we unconsciously look for others to fill that need that we missed out on, and depending on how emotionally availible the target is, we either value them greatly or devalue them. 

This dynamic is ubiquitous and probably why there is so much energy draining politics that run relationships.

And this is why one of the traits of a narcissist or borderline is devaluation, because for these personality types the pain is so consuming that it's very difficult to be able to see the other as a person in their own right.

Edited by Lister

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Hurt People...Hurt People. People want others to feel how they feel. I know this from personal experience because I devalue people sometimes because it helps me cope with pain temporarily. In the long term, this is toxic for your mind and body because it's a very ineffective way of coping with pain.  

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Posted (edited)

One of the easiest strategies for the Ego-Mind to feel superior to others is to criticize others at every opportunity.  If I can be sadistic to others, I must be superior to everyone.  These people are fundamentally insecure about their status and their Ego-Minds are using that strategy to place them at the top of the Totem Pole of Egos in their own heads.  If I get to be the chicken that pecks all the other chickens, that must make me the superior chicken (or so they think).

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Winter said:

So I was acting like an antagonist all of the time to make people want to challenge me. Some of them did, failed to win against me and then started having respect for me. I used make fun of that respect to make them hate me even more so they challenge me again.

I assume not everyone is diminishing others for the same reason as I used to though.

@Winter 

 

That's interesting and kinda unique.

Most people who diminish other don't do it because of competition though (i think). Something else more sinister seems to drive their behavior. 

Edited by SQAAD

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Posted (edited)

10 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

That's interesting and kinda unique.

Most people who dimish other don't do it because of competition though. Something else more sinister seems to drive their behavior. 

It's like that. When you feel someone is threatening your position as a superior you feel the only solution is to get rid of him so you destroy him by devaluing him to the ground :D that's survival instinct in ego. Ego wants to eliminate all the competition and be the best because only when ego is the best he feels safe. When you're the inferior you feel in danger and insecure, your survival is in question now. When you're superior you feel safer so you have to protect your position and sense of security by devaluing others.

 

Edited by Salvijus

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2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

One of the easiest strategies for the Ego-Mind to feel superior to others is to criticize others at every opportunity.  If I can be sadistic to others, I must be superior to everyone.  These people are fundamentally insecure about their status and their Ego-Minds are using that strategy to place them at the top of the Totem Pole of Egos in their own heads.  If I get to be the chicken that pecks all the other chickens, that must make me the superior chicken (or so they think).

My thoughts exactly. Where there is insecurity comes a need to over compensate. This also manifests as thinking your worldview is superior. What you know is correct and the ego doesn't like incorrectness. You see this everywhere on YouTube critics, rationality, science, logic etc

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Posted (edited)

16 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

My thoughts exactly. Where there is insecurity comes a need to over compensate. This also manifests as thinking your worldview is superior. What you know is correct and the ego doesn't like incorrectness. You see this everywhere on YouTube critics, rationality, science, logic etc

Stage Teal transcends thinking their worldview is superior because Teal realizes that all perspectives that are White-Knuckle clung to are incomplete.  This doesn't mean that Teal doesn't have a worldview, it just means they don't white-knuckle cling to it.  Every Spiral Stage has a worldview, but they get more and more adaptive, integrated, and useful as you go up the Spiral.  Teal allows thoughts to flow in and out as the need arises, and they put thoughts down when the need for them ceases.  Teal doesn't pretend to be a relativist like Stage Green does.  Teal doesn't demonize Ego like Stage Turquoise does.  Teal is not white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics and Truth like Stage Coral does.  Teal is well aware of their perspective but sees through that perspective 100% too.  Teal realizes that Truth has pros and cons.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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It just means those people have a lesson for them that they aren't ready to learn. 

Spiral dynamics is a spiral, not a hierarchy.

There's no looking down on anyone, only integration. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

I have personal experience with this, my mother constantly devalued every other person in the world or idolized them, no in between and the idolized ones I could count on one hand...

I spent my whole life trying to figure out what the hell was going on with her

she was never enough in her own mind and lived in a constant state of pain and fear that others would also see her that way

if she could hurt someone, put them down, make them feel inferior to her - it gave her a temporary relief from that pain and fear

she was abused as a child, it was bad, two of her siblings ended up in mental hospitals as children

editing to add that she also did not see other people or animals as having real feelings, so when she hurt someone she assumed that their reaction was fake

most people like her are very similar so maybe it helps to know that they are not trying to hurt you because they don't even see you as a person who can really be hurt - they are only trying to relieve their own pain

 

Edited by isabel

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