Chumbimba

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About Chumbimba

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  • Birthday 05/25/1997

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  • Location
    Arizona
  • Gender
    Male
  1. Does anyone know about any enlightenment intensives or meditation retreats in Europe. Preferably near Spain ? I tried Rupert Spira’s events, but my schedule doesn’t fit with his events.
  2. When people have deep enlightenment experience’s, why do they go into solitude for long periods of time ? Both Eckhart Tolle and David Hawkins have reported doing this.
  3. First of all I would like to transparent and say that sometimes I feel like I don’t belong on this forum. I often make post and get no responses when I really need help. I know people read them too so I just want to be honest how I feel about that. But enough bitching. This is going to be a long one but I REALLLLLLLLLY need help with this. Disclaimer: I AM NOT TRYING TO PLAY VICTIM ! I know I am completely responsible for my reactions to my mother, but this hurts me so much that I have a hard time solving this on my own. My mom and I have the worst relationship. It would take too long to describe the depth of our poor relationship so I’m going to give it the best way I can. I feel like my mom hates me. I have felt that way for my whole life. She is not emotionally available at all. She’s very cold and rude to me. I end up getting cycles of shame, guilt, bitterness and even fear after speaking with her often times. She also has wished death on me many times because I have talked back to her when she talks to me poorly. I feel like every time she does that years are being taken off my life. She has beaten me, has had my dad beat me and nearly choke me to death, called cops on me, put me into mental institutions for me talking shit and being angry with her after beating me. Told me she doesen’t care what happens to me. She says that I am a horrible son, that I am bipolar, That she hates me. That I am a coward, a piece of shit, a weak ass hole and many other names. She is hyper critical about my looks and never listens to me when I talk to her. Every relationship I get she sabotages it by talking really poorly to my girlfriends and I get put in predicaments where that causes tension between me and my girlfriend. But on the other hand there are times she’s really there for me and loving towards me, but then it always ends up back into shit talk and new calling and dragging me down in the end. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m sick of it. I don’t know what to do. This only 1% of the things she said and done.I feel so abandoned. I’m 22 years old and I feel like nobody loves me. I feel like like everyone hates me. Why would anyone love me if my own mother doesn't even want to have anything to do with me. She always says “you talk about the same things all the time” or “ I don’t care what you have to say”. Every dream I have she shits on and tells me to become a psychiatrist because its “my gift.” I can’t even take Leo’s life purpose course seriously because in the back of my mind I think the only thing I can be is a Psychiatrist. I have given her 1,000s of dollars with no return of a single dime. I have tried cutting her out of my life, but the I end up feeling better without her in my life and then get into a cycle of guilt and shame because I shouldn’t be feeling good by cutting my mom out even though I hate her. I feel guilty for hating her and I feel like everyone hates me for hating my mom. Society says that “respect your parents”. How the fuck am I supposed to love and respect someone who shits on me constantly, belittles me and my apsirations and dreams and pretty much wants nothing to do with me unless its for her benefit. I don’t know where else to turn. I have tried therapy, meditation, watched Leo’s video on toxic people but nothing seems to work ! If I cut her off I am afraid of her dying and us ending on a bad note. I always get dragged back in. I know this is long but please help me. I know I sound like a little bitch boy with mommy issues who can’t get off her tit, but this is really killing my soul slowly. I have resisted asking this forum about this because I don’t want to seem like a victim in a place where the motto is take 100% responsibility. I just really need help.
  4. Im black. As a culture we are stuck in religious dogma and group think in my opinion. Not open minded enough to even consider the truth of no self. Might take a few decades or more.
  5. @ROOBIO I am starting to get that there is no "ME". That it's just mental activity, but I still can't fully grasp what I am.
  6. Congrats man! I just started self-inquiry a few days ago. Do you have any tips?
  7. I am studying abroad in Spain for 4 months and also taking the life purpose course at the moment. What would be some good books to take with me for my time over there to guide me in the right direction. I appreciate all suggestions!
  8. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2U7EIX02ASA1D&keywords=healing+the+shame+that+binds+you+-+john+bradshaw&qid=1565201427&s=gateway&sprefix=healing+the+shame+tha%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-1
  9. Every human being needs a copy of this book. It is essential for personal development work. If you are attempting to reach emotional mastery like I am, this book needs to be on your bookshelf. I would buy everyone a copy if I could. It gets to the deepest root issue of most of your neurosis and emotional hiccups, exercises on how to fix them and how we can incorporate healthy shame in our lives to be human beings. Nothing more nothing less.
  10. Since Leo has had more non dual insight since his original enlightenment FAQ videos. It would help to get an updated more advanced version so I can avoid more of the traps on my path.
  11. @Natasha I really appreciate this. I am trying to minimize my lifestyle. I am getting more nauseated by materialism by the day. I don't but many material items. Mostly just books to read.
  12. Hey everyone, im a 22 year old college student and realized how important it is to get you finances in order very early. I had a $500 dollar credit card bill (bought books with it) and paid it off. I hear of people having $5000-$30000 in credit card debt or way more and wanted to know how to avoid this trap. Also what would be good to use a credit card for if I decide to keep the one I have. Thank you
  13. Reading it now it’s amazing
  14. @zenjen just curious how old are you. Because if you’re still in your 20s don’t put up with that shit. I just got out of something like that. You can’t change people I had to learn that the hard way. Take a break away from him and then he might get his stuff together