Vladimir

Spiritual Crisis Please Help!

30 posts in this topic

Hey guys,

So I'm at a point where I've been experiencing a lot of distrust and anxiety to this whole process. What keeps coming up during my near ego death experiences is that "If I'm God and I created everything then I will feel all the pain and suffering of the whole Universe" - and that without this there can't be any of this that we're experiencing now, that this is what true awakening is, is to feel absolutely everything. I'm now developing paranoia and suspicion to this entire process, especially after learning about that woman who took a hit of 5meo-DMT and ended up having a trip where she was "dying everyone's death". Also if death is the same as ego death, then basically there is no escaping this path, so now I'm stuck thinking that eventually I will end up experiencing all the suffering of all creation in the end, no matter what path I choose.

Leo, or anybody else could you please provide some guidance and wisdom here?


"The world is my womb, and my mother's womb was my first world." ~R.D. Laing

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Whatever the ego experiences, that is not you; you are not the ego. It does not look like you have separated from the ego (who you think you are) and 'taken the witness position'. By getting involved in thought you are dragged into 'the dream'. Just watch those thoughts pass by.

Edited by dorg

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50 minutes ago, Ether said:

Just theories B|

 

Keep accepting everything :D

You’re growing I can tell.

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@Vladimir You are misunderstanding enlightenment.

All fear is illusion. You will realize this after you die.

You are still clinging to "not suffering". But there can only be suffering so long as you're a you.

It's like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

A great relief comes when you realize you never existed as a human.

Maybe use a psychedelic to get this fear out of your system. Psychedelics are great at pushing you into ego-death. The only way to conquer this fear of death is to face it head-on and actually die (without harming your body).

There can be on enlightenment without conquering the fear of death. That is literally what enlightenment is. So start facing up to it as soon as possible.

And while you're at it, surrender yourself to the fact that you -- as God -- may indeed experienced every bit of suffering in the entire universe. Along with all the joy. And be okay with that. That is maturity. Let that humble you. You cannot be enlightened while fearing suffering/pain and only wanting joy -- that would be unenlightenment/ the survival paradigm.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Vladimir I’ve experienced what I am. I’m freed. I’ve never experienced anything you said in your post. Just offering a personal testimony, in hopes It is useful. 

It’s hard for anyone to distinguish between God, ego, personality, etc. On top of that, all distinctions are relative to all experiences. Every word anyone (me too) says, is a one off, and a lie. Thinking doesn’t resolve thinking.

  So the only way is straight into yourself. Disregard everything everyone says. Do the practices every morning. Consider a trip. 

The truth is in you, and no where else. When you discovery what you are, you’ll be done with those distinctions. Godspeed man. It’s the most worthwhile endeavor. ❤️

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The only thing that causes suffering is believing you can do something to prevent it.  When you accept reality as it is, the kolaidiscopic joys and pangs of the dream just become so many different flavors of being.  It’s like 31 ice cream flavors.  Some you like more than others, but none are bad per se.  Yeah, maybe one day you get the rhubarb flavored ice cream.  But the next day you get chocolate.  And all of it passes  by like a fluxing set of experiences anyway.  It’s only by having expectations on reality that we suffer.  And only the Ego believes it has control over reality.  So, Ego causes all true suffering.  Once you let Ego go, that perception of deep existential angst will release.  This is one reason I don’t like using the word ‘God’ in my theory of Enlightenment.  There are too many Egoic overtones to that word.   It might hinder people on the path.  And it doesn’t do much work that other less loaded words can do — like Atman.  We already have a nice word that goes back to the Upanishads: Atman.  I prefer Atman to God in my theory of Enlightenment.  And Atman is unchanging Awareness.  So, when you rest as unchanging Awareness, you are being Atman — that which never changes.  Notice that Atman is never permanently affected by anything in the fluxing, changing experiences of reality.  Atman is immune to the mechanations of Maya.  That’s the release of suffering right there — if you can realize that!  You’ll awaken when you take the Dream much less personally than you do now. You’ll stop identifying with the Dream.  That’s what the Ego is — it’s a false identification of Atman with Maya.  The Ego thinks Maya is you!  No.  Maya is a fluxing dream that you as unchanging Awareness are aware of.  Awareness doesn’t control the Dream, it’s just aware of it.  So, being existentially disturbed by anything in the Dream is all caused by the illusion of Ego.  You can arms-length the Dream and it just ambles on unaffected.  The Ego causes all suffering by identifying Atman with Maya, unchanging Awareness with the Dream.  So, if you can drop that illusion of Ego and just rest as Atman, rest as unchanging Awareness, you’ll be on the road to fixing this problem for yourself.  Don’t feel bad, you’re growing!

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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@Vladimir You will never know whether you are experiencing all the suffering or not. Because after physical death nobody knows what exactly happens. anything could happen. This is just story you believed. In fact you don't know how fragmented and layered the reality is. 

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1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 Atman is unchanging Awareness.  So, when you rest as unchanging Awareness, you are being Atman — that which never changes.  Notice that Atman is never permanently affected by anything in the fluxing, changing experiences of reality.  Atman is immune to the mechanations of Maya. 

 You’ll stop identifying with the Dream.  That’s what the Ego is — it’s a false identification of Atman with Maya.  The Ego thinks Maya is you!  No.  Maya is a fluxing dream that unchanging Awareness are aware of.  

 

oh - thank you this means a lot to me :) 

 

(totally not hitchhiking with the thread)

Edited by alyra

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2 hours ago, alyra said:

oh - thank you this means a lot to me :) 

 

(totally not hitchhiking with the thread)

I'm glad you appreciate my work -- my attempts to share the teachings.  Of course, that goes through my filter, which is not gonna resonate with everyone.  I understand that.  I think every teacher of this material wants to be the one who finds the right theory that effortlessly communicates Enlightenment to everyone.  That tack has probably been tried by every person who has pontificated on these matters!  But who has succeeded?  That's a hard blow.  That's reality.  So, that likely means that people are different.  Not everyone is gonna resonate with the same teachers.  That's something that's kinda hard to deal with when you want to teach this stuff -- because, naturally, you don't want it to be a limiting-belief.  But it's inevitable -- it's like -- ah! -- I told you so!

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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Thank you all, this really helps.


"The world is my womb, and my mother's womb was my first world." ~R.D. Laing

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42 minutes ago, Vladimir said:

Thank you all, this really helps.

Can you share the link or story for the woman who had the trip?  I like reading them.

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17 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I'm glad you appreciate my work -- my attempts to share the teachings.  Of course, that goes through my filter, which is not gonna resonate with everyone.  I understand that.  I think every teacher of this material wants to be the one who finds the right theory that effortlessly communicates Enlightenment to everyone.  That tack has probably been tried by every person who has pontificated on these matters!  But who has succeeded?  That's a hard blow.  That's reality.  So, that likely means that people are different.  Not everyone is gonna resonate with the same teachers.  That's something that's kinda hard to deal with when you want to teach this stuff -- because, naturally, you don't want it to be a limiting-belief.  But it's inevitable -- it's like -- ah! -- I told you so!

is there a book that you've read that talks about maya, and atman, that you'd recommend? 

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@Leo Gura

On 02/03/2018 at 9:57 PM, Leo Gura said:

And while you're at it, surrender yourself to the fact that you -- as God -- may indeed experienced every bit of suffering in the entire universe. Along with all the joy. And be okay with that. That is maturity. Let that humble you. You cannot be enlightened while fearing suffering/pain and only wanting joy -- that would be unenlightenment/ the survival paradigm.

I took 5 - Meo -DMT and it started off well as I instantly became nothing and saw a lot of love. But then it went really bad as I started to see all this suffering in the world. It went over my head pretty much but I do remember towards the end I was experiencing rape and it was hell. I screamed '' I don't want to know the truth! I don't want to know the truth!''. It seems like I was just imagining things. But if I want to get enlightened, will I have to face this hell again?  If I am to face the hell I saw again, I would have to love it in order to successful. I don't know if I am willing to love evil.

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@Samuel Garcia That's you resisting reality.

You cannot become fully enlightened without surrendering yourself to reality.

The notion of "evil" must die. And for that to happen, you (the ego) must die.

You haven't gone deeply enough into the truth of No-Self yet.

You are unable to love evil because ego is unable to love evil. The only option is surrender that ego, which is what you're still resisting.

More trips are necessary to clear this up. Or whatever other spiritual techniques you want to use like self-inquiry/meditation/yoga.

But regardless of the method, you (the ego) must die.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura Thanks Leo for the reply. And since you are looking into spiritual techniques, I actually had a 'God' experience/ psychedelic-like experience by feeling into suffering + feeling emotions fully. I cried and screamed but I had to be completely alone and be willing to scream really loudly (without anyone hearing me). A lot happened there but I tried to replicate it again a week later but I'm suffering less so I couldn't. I guess it was a high stress experience which can create similar experiences to psychedelics.

This ''technique'' seemed to advance me a lot quicker then others but very tough. You also seem to need to have a  lot of pain in life which is difficult to create.

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On 3/2/2018 at 1:57 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Vladimir You are misunderstanding enlightenment.

All fear is illusion. You will realize this after you die.

You are still clinging to "not suffering". But there can only be suffering so long as you're a you.

It's like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

A great relief comes when you realize you never existed as a human.

Maybe use a psychedelic to get this fear out of your system. Psychedelics are great at pushing you into ego-death. The only way to conquer this fear of death is to face it head-on and actually die (without harming your body).

There can be on enlightenment without conquering the fear of death. That is literally what enlightenment is. So start facing up to it as soon as possible.

And while you're at it, surrender yourself to the fact that you -- as God -- may indeed experienced every bit of suffering in the entire universe. Along with all the joy. And be okay with that. That is maturity. Let that humble you. You cannot be enlightened while fearing suffering/pain and only wanting joy -- that would be unenlightenment/ the survival paradigm.

@Leo Gura How did you overcome fear of physical pain? 


"The world is my womb, and my mother's womb was my first world." ~R.D. Laing

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1 hour ago, Samuel Garcia said:

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo for the reply. And since you are looking into spiritual techniques, I actually had a 'God' experience/ psychedelic-like experience by feeling into suffering + feeling emotions fully. I cried and screamed but I had to be completely alone and be willing to scream really loudly (without anyone hearing me). A lot happened there but I tried to replicate it again a week later but I'm suffering less so I couldn't. I guess it was a high stress experience which can create similar experiences to psychedelics.

This ''technique'' seemed to advance me a lot quicker then others but very tough. You also seem to need to have a  lot of pain in life which is difficult to create.

@Samuel Garcia @Leo Gura Were you able to do this without psychedelics? I've had multiple near-ego death experiences on Mushrooms, Ayahuasca and 5meo-DMT and the same themes keeps popping up which makes me resist - as my body starts to dissolve, there is a sense that in order for me to be reunited with God, I first must experience the most painful physical pain (because my ego/mind has constructed a story that without that, there can be no reality, and I have to be the one who does this). At the same time this occurs, I'm starting to have a very powerful emotional release, but I haven't been able to completely let go. I'm realizing this is ego creating this story because it doesn't want to let go, any suggestions on how I can deprogram this story from my mind?


"The world is my womb, and my mother's womb was my first world." ~R.D. Laing

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