alyra

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About alyra

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  1. @Elisabeth I don't think your experience was like.... wasted or anything. in facing demons in those two days you got a glimpse of the work you could do to eradicate them. and while I'm not going to make any claim about the retreat you were at, the more hardcore ones aren't the wrong method, so much as not what is universally a good fit at the time. but I wonder about them.... they sound dangerous if there aren't precautions for emergencies. and, if they don't give any teachings of strategies, but accept anyone, well there's going to be scammed newbies that's for sure..... so like, idk. I'm sure you've found some precautions and like you said eyes open to things you didn't know you'd have to face. those are good start to finding a better meditation practice for you, or to find work you wanna do when practicing. maybe you wanna wait a bit to do a retreat, practicing being with yourself in ways that better enable what you're looking to do. maybe you do want to find another retreat, but have better ideas about how to filter out to find one you want... idk.. thanks for the precautionary sharing tho. I may have easily overlooked the same things ..
  2. @Elisabeth sorry.. to share it would hugely complicate the conversation. IMO the idea of what motivates a pursuit is pretty transferable. But if you want something to try to address you could always try to explain why humans peruse happiness I don't understand that either. happiness comes when it comes, I don't need it, I don't find it to motivate my decisions.
  3. is it self-evident? the reason is only the abstraction of the whole endeavor. there is no "the reason" except an abstract extracted analysis of some part of the endeavor itself. to criticize the reason is only - to criticize the narrow looking glass as being too limited.
  4. steam of thought -> impulse -> rational decision. it's more complex than that but that's the basic structure of it. the factors for that decision included curiosity for diversity from my own vantage. also to find ways to remain partially active on the community. also to seize an opportunity to practice effective communication. some others I can't bring into identity-memory. right now I'm pursuing nothing. or, rest. because I've made myself to feel vulnerable, from a deep and healing wound. combined with not having eaten enough so my body is without energy. this leads to resting. I guess right now I'm pursuing the long-haul goal of having the strength and endurance to not become fragile when vulnerable. that's a link I'd like to break. it gets in the way of my pursuits and wears me out fast. oh, @ajasatya, for notification
  5. idk, none of the replies have made much sense to me lol.... maybe there is no reason why intuition guides us. I dunno if this is the same question I originally asked, tbh, but... what is intuition? where does it come from? how to contemplate for an answer, on my own? hm... I'm lost lol.
  6. not for me. I just did what I did, responding to the moment. gosh that sounds deep but honest no, I just, as a teen. if my friends came to me I'd respond to them. if my teach gave me a test I'd react to that. I found happiness pretty easy in lots of things, and I suffered too - I have had a lot of anxiety and depression in my life. but I never missed happiness, 'cause it always popped up sometime or other in the day. and mostly I just reacted to the moment according to how I felt was in my person to do so. not like consciously identifying personality tho... like, intuitively. I followed intuition. probably not as cleanly as Leo suggest we could of course. but intuitions always been my main motivator. but, lately I've had too much shit clogging their gutters. bad habits that slowly built up over time. but anyway - I'm confused because, the tainted false intuition, when I do stop to think about it, it's pretty easy to identify. but, I've been having this idea in my head of something I'm gonna do. but it's illogical, it appears self destructive. but I keep returning to the idea, and so far it's never felt dirty, never felt lower. it's something that would bring me happiness, logically speaking. but, that's not something I've ever pursuit. how can I trust an intuition if it goes against logic? if it appears superfluous? it is something I Jeep returning to to plan for in my life. I'm gonna do it. but logically, I feel selfish. not intuitively selfish - fear due to logical hang-ups.
  7. maybe I just need to be reminded of it. but, if happiness is something which we already have - we just need to notice it, and hold onto it. That, we don't need anything such as a career path or a family or this or that or the other thing to be happy. then, why do we continue these pursuits would we be perfectly enlightened? I ask this question almost ironically because, I've never felt a need to do anything in pursuit of happiness. that's always been something I had confidence I'd find again, so trying to get it was never a direct interest. so - help me to remember, why is it that we take these actions which separate my life from yours? If the government came by and uprooted me from here and uprooted you from there and switched our places, you would still be that different person. even the enlightened masters have differences in their activity. why is it? what is the source of motivation? because it is different in some ways between people.
  8. why do you believe you need her? you don't currently have her, you never had her before. and yet, you are here, alive, and present. doesn't seem to me like you need her at all try to release the urgency of these thoughts - the thoughts that such things are required. the fear to not have them. Find things which you know you'd enjoy to have, but do not feel any need for. maybe your emotional relationship to these desires can help find the insight on how to release that sense of urgency that is shackling you
  9. if you notice passive aggression, it is because you are thinking of things passive aggressively. if you find your self-worth and reputation to plummet, it is because you are the one who believes these fears to be true. (or at least possibly true)
  10. y'know, doubt. a feeling of uncertainty. or a lack of conviction, or a lack of confidence. expecting a failed outcome, or inadequate knowledge.
  11. I already so far have figured, that I need to better identify it. but I'm not sure what to do with it at that point - how to tackle it, overcome it, change it, or dismantly it... any advice...
  12. change how you think about behavior and suddenly all things are behavior
  13. Yes, the statement is intended as a reminder of something which might be overlooked, as we work to understand learning = behavior change. Learning a relationship will have importance beyond behavior change. Admittedly behavior would reveal this learning, and by behavior, a relationship is affirmed to matter to the two. But, the learning is deeper than the level of behavior change. The learning here, is in acceptance, openness, listening, and sharing memory. And more of course too.
  14. The fear is of the monkey mind. but this is not the reality of what occurs. What occurs is a sharing of experiences, ideas, passion, and concern. On Facebook, such topics would not be the same as the topics shared and discussed on here. To remove the expectation of question and answer that is in the threads which are created individually, what such a dedicated "confessional" thread would remain with: is an opportunity to trust each other for who we are and for our experiences as they are. The sharing of acceptance and awareness beyond the limits of the self, to the realm of community, looking outward, and perceiving externally. In removing the preconception of "opening poster and respondent" we would provide a viable supporting crutch for members interested in that opportunity to use as they work to self-actualize.
  15. we learn about each other. this requiers no behavior change - it is sharing of ourselves in expression. maybe Leo would prefer not to call that learning - but I feel it should be mentioned to remind those who are learning about learning = behavior change, on not forgetting the importance of other aspects of traditional learning.