TJ Reeves

2017 in review, or why I no longer need actualized.org

48 posts in this topic

To understand 2017, you must understand the years before that.

 

2014 - SURVIVE

It was the year that I had athletics ripped away from my life

It was the year that I saw my parents get divorced

It was the year that I had my grades plummet, at the time ruining what I thought were my chances for a good career

It was the year that I broke up with, at the time, the love of my life

It was the year that I thought life was meaningless, the world was meaningless, and that I was meaningless

It was the year I almost killed myself 

 

2015 - WAKE UP 

It was the year that I began following actualized.org.

It was the year that I invested in the reading list

It was the year that I invested in the life purpose course

It was the year that I began  to watch every single video I could.

It was the year that I was getting ready to finish college and began experimenting with my own business ideas

It was the year that I was just beginning to wake up to a better life.

 

2016 - NAIL YOUR VISION

It was the year that I truly began to explore the nature of consciousness.

It was the year that I experimented with psilocybin, LSD, DMT, and several monster doses of 5-meo DMT

It was the year that I created a 5-meo-DMT neurofeedback protocol 

It was the year that I studied under zen masters like Brad Warner, Doshin Roshi, and Peter Ralston

It was the year that I discovered who I really was on an existential level (THAT)

It was the year that I recognized the importance of personal values. 

It was the year that I began to understand the nature of true contemplation.

It was the year that I began to figure out a real vision for my life beyond just money or power

It was the year that I began writing my thoughts down religiously

It was the year that I began to realize that its possible to have abiding, joy and love for oneself -- and truly grasp what that feels like. 

 

2017 - PLANT THE SEEDS

It was the year that I earned better life by embodying my self-derived philosophies

It was the year that I got comfortable with Not Knowing. 

It was the year that I doubled down on the importance of taking 100% responsibility 

It was the year that I got a perfect score on the MCAT after 550 hours of study

It was the year that I competed on American Ninja Warrior and Broken Skull Challenge

It was the year that I worked as a photographer then a cognitive neuroscientist and now a professional videographer 

It was the year that I began seeing out of the eyes of yellow, then turquoise, and now Coral

It was the year that I cleaned my room each morning, slayed my dragons each night, and saved the girl in the long run.

It was the year that I began dating a turquoise woman (and my fucking god it's so much better than dating someone at lower level.)

It was the year that I began waking up everyday excited to know that I could die that day

It was the year that I realized that life = happiness

It was the year that I realized that love = a behavioral commitment to raising the quality of a being, no matter what and for no particular reason

It was the year that I quit sugar

It was the year that I quit the porn, masturbation, orgasm cycle

It was the year that I quit sleeping in

It was the year that I  finally understood what 'take 100% responsibility' meant on an existential level.

It was the year that I finally became 100% financially independent.

It was the year that I realized that ultimately everything we do is an attempt to recreate joy in our lives as an expression of love for our life, the people around us, and the world itself.

It was the year that I realized that all work, all development, all things come down to simply loving oneself unconditionally and seeing yourself, the world, and everyone as perfect yet still able to get better. Perfection is a process of improvement, not an end goal.

It was the year that I realized that there's no proof, no contemplation, no lover, no teacher, no exercise, no psychedelic, no practice, no accomplishment, no thing at all that can make you love yourself or show you why you love yourself because unconditional love is unconditional.

It was the year that I realized that nothing can take away the fire of unconditional love that lies at my very core because everything that would try to take away that fire would just be more of that fire itself.

It was the year that I realized that this is not some teaching and that any explanation of the above is useless, as seeing, feeling, and being the fire that burns is an experiential thing that goes beyond all talk and all philosophy yet is available at all times.

It was the year that I realized that that is enlightenment. That conscious existentence is itself just a ride meant to show you the strength of that fire and that such existence is enlightenment thus everything you have ever consciously experienced is itself enlightenment and the entire universal consciousness of all things possible in all times in all possible realms is enlightenment.

It was the year where I stopped trying to become enlightened because I AM. (Then again, if you're on this forum I can basically guarantee that you're not mentally ready enough to appreciate what it means to stop trying. So don't listen to 99.999% of the fools who parrot the words 'stop trying to become enlightened' --- It's only through all of the trying and all of the struggle that you'll even begin appreciate why it is that there's nothing to try for when it comes to loving yourself and the world for being perfect yet capable of getting better. So give it your best, do absolutely everything you can, and then you'll get that all you have to do is see that you've been perfect this whole time. To skip straight to the end ruins the fun; there's no shortcuts when there is no path.)

It was the year that it became normal for me to cry out of pure joy while living everyday life. 

It was the year that I could truly say I no longer need actualized.org although its nice to visit every once in a while.

 

 

What about 2018?

The theme for this new year:

DON'T TRY. EXECUTE.

 

So thanks, @Leo Gura

P.S.

I'd like to chat with you about some very interesting ideas I had regarding spiral dynamics levels past turquoise. I genuinely believe I can help you with the new level, as its part of my own life purpose to get a minimum of 100 men and women to Coral before I die. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the planet who could help you with this, as no one else understands enough about spiral dynamics and is high enough to help you. 

P.P.S. for anyone else curious

The difference between Turquoise and Coral has a lot to do with facing death everyday through some form of BODYMIND practice like martial arts, big wave surfing, or extreme hiking, That is, whereas Turquoise faces death form the perspective of the MIND BODY as by psychedelics or meditation, coral level people face it in a "physical" sense from the perspective of the BODYMIND. So whereas I might place Ramana Maharshi at Turquoise, I would place Bruce Lee at Coral because Bruce Lee can understand everything RM is talking about regarding consciousness, but RM won't recognize everything Bruce Lee might talk about regarding moving his body toward an opponent. Both have experienced death from the MINDBODY perspective (deep meditation), but Bruce practices death from the BODYMIND perspective (a rear-naked chokehold, for example) and thus Bruce is at a higher level. 

Moreover, the levels past Coral are bad ass versions of the lower tier levels, but they can only be accessed once one gets down to the physical embodiment of one's philosophy as by Coral level thinking. I know you know that, but the actual vision of what it looks like is the key here and that is what I'd like to talk to you about over Skype (there are body language nuances that I won't be able to convey through text). 

Edited by TJ Reeves

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hell Yeah!!! 

Good work man! Remember how miserable you were back then! Look at you now! 🙏🙏🙏😂😂😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very very inspiring. 

So uhm, how did ya quit the PMO cycle?? still have mishaps with that one.

Sitting with emtiness seems to be working though, but there are still weak moments.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, neffiman said:

Very very inspiring. 

So uhm, how did ya quit the PMO cycle?? still have mishaps with that one.

Sitting with emtiness seems to be working though, but there are still weak moments.

Realize that PMO is the highest correlative sign of depression besides maybe literally attempting suicide. That is, more than almost anything else, the more you PMO the more depressed you are. So, as you do anything to stop PMO, you end up doing something to prevent depression. 

Seriously, you need to understand this because its important: STOP PMO AND YOU STOP MOST OF DEPRESSION.

PMO might not cause depression, or it might not be depression, but it's one of the biggest check engine lights you might have. 

So, set stopping PMO as a high priority and don't let anything get in the way of that.

Moreover, you can't follow actualized.org if you don't take responsibility for your life. Period.

But letting PMO stop you shows a major sign of irresponsibility. You're letting your dick take over your life. It's pathetic. I mean, how do you expect to change your life and change the world if you can't even take responsibility for your own dick?

So, make a commitment. Envision the life that’s possible and then envision what happens when you don’t take action. Then, when urges pop up, just find new shit to do with yourself. 

Also check out Improvement Pill's work on the topic on YouTube. He has a whole thing called the Tamed course that's fantastic.

Also Check out the book the 4 tendencies. 

Edited by TJ Reeves

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, TJ Reeves said:

Realize that PMO is the highest correlative sign of depression besides maybe literally attempting suicide. That is, more than almost anything else, the more you PMO the more depressed you are. So, if do anything to stop PMO, you end up doing something to prevent depression. 

Seriously, you need to understand this because its important: STOP PMO AND YOU STOP MOST OF DEPRESSION.

PMO might not cause depression, or it might not be depression, but it's one of the biggest check engine lights you might have. 

So, set stopping PMO as a high priority and don't let anything get in the way of that.

Moreover, you can't follow actualized.org if you don't take responsibility for your life. Period.

But letting PMO stop you shows a major sign of irresponsibility. You're letting your dick take over your life. It's pathetic. I mean, how do you expect to change your life and change the world if you can't even take responsibility for your own dick?

So, make a commitment. Envision the life that’s possible and then envision what happens when you don’t take action. Then, when urges pop up, just find new shit to do with yourself. 

Also check out Improvement Pill's work on the topic on YouTube. He has a whole thing called the Tamed course that's fantastic.

Also Check out the book the 4 tendencies. 

Right. Sounds like you won a battle here. 

Stopping PMO is on the top of my goals list for 2018. I actually stole your style and wrote it like: 2018: the year that I... Its doing something.

Did'nt think about the depressiion aspect of PMO for a long time and I tell myself im feeling better than ever. 

But I know the habit really got hold of me when I was very very depressed years ago and I have never been able to kick it, instead it seems to come back a bit stronger every time it takes hold so to speak.

So I guess you have a point on the depression side. There are certainly many things in my life that need improvement and it's hard when results don't show up and so you escape into the drug-like highs of pornland.

Im aware that PMO is the single biggest thief of my time, energy and focus and I really, really have to slay this demon..

Thanks for your answer. I will definitely check out the book and I don't think I ever watched Leo talk about depression. There's sure to be some good points from him. :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have any tips or insights on getting through the fear of death?

I feel stuck on this and can't seem to sink into the realisation during a panic attack, which is probably the best time to come to terms with the inevitable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"My propositions serve as elucidations in the following way: anyone who understands me eventually recognizes them as nonsensical, when he has used them -- as steps -- to climb beyond them. He must, so to speak, throw away the ladder after he has climbed up it."

-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

@TJ Reeves So what role did 5-MeO play in all this? How significant was it compared to all the other stuff you did?


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Annetta said:

Do you have any tips or insights on getting through the fear of death?

I feel stuck on this and can't seem to sink into the realisation during a panic attack, which is probably the best time to come to terms with the inevitable.

Death is the most fun experience you can possibly experience, think about all the magic in a child's world come to life all at once. Pointless to fear something that you will not remember 1 second later because you wake up as you go :) Hehe


Its all love and its all you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@TJ Reeves Good job man! Reading this was Really motivational!


"If death causes you no pain when you're dead, it's foolish to allow the fear of it cause you pain now." - Epicurus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/30/2017 at 2:02 AM, Leo Gura said:

So what role did 5-MeO play in all this? How significant was it compared to all the other stuff you did?

5-MeO will help someone move from the unexperienced questioning of Yellow to the experienced understanding of Turquoise.

Absolute Truth goes beyond all philosophy, all description, and all conversation - and 5-MeO shows you that real quick. 

But the more important thing about 5-MeO was the disappointment I felt from realizing that it does jack shit for helping you get to the next level of life. That is, its most useful aspect was the feeling of 'okay, so I've gone to the ends of the Kosmos within and I still have all this bullshit to take care of -- let's stop fucking around with drugs and lets do something with our lives.' 

I kept denying the fact that no normal person understands the importance of 5-MeO because, to them, its just another kid taking drugs except now that kid has a huge spiritual ego who thinks it makes him a superhuman god and all he has to show for it is repeating the phrase "you don't understand -- it's infinite, you're infinite, we're infinite! It's all a Cosmic game!'

And look, I get that they're largely unawakened and don't understand the history of psychedelics in personal development, but they do have a point - if you're useless before 5-MeO, you're still useless after 5-MeO unless you take total responsibility 

Another way to put it is that, I realized that the difference between Turquoise and Coral is the difference between talking Truth (using one's voice as a way to inspire people at higher levels who already get it anyway) vs embodying Truth (using one's life to inspire people at all levels). As Frank Zane might put it, making one's outside as beautiful as one's inside and vice versa.

Again, 5-MeO will get someone to want to talk Truth -- but the only people who will understand what you're saying already understand what you are saying. 

Embodying Truth physically will inspire Truth in people at all levels

How many people on this forum need several years of study before they even begin to understand Eckhart Tolle? Mooji? Ramana Maharshi? It's not that what these guys are saying is wrong per se, but why is it that it takes so many people so many years to get it? They use the wrong medium, as talk is useless when it comes to Truth. 

How many people on this forum need several seconds to understand Bruce Lee? Ido Portal? Rickson Gracie? Laird Hamilton? For these guys living their life is itself a form of True Art - an expression of Truth meant to inspire others. Anyone who watches 5 seconds of these guys feels inspired in the same way that it might take the so-called spiritual masters 5 hours (if you buy their $600 DVD set). Thats the difference. 

The fact that first question you ask after reading the above list is the role of 5-meo, and not the role of any of the other things I did shows me you are asking the wrong damn questions. 

Ask about the role of discipline.

Ask about the role of accountability.

Ask about the role of quitting my addictions.

Ask about the role of finding a reality check mirror.

Ask about the importance of death as a physical practice. 

Psychedelics, NDEs, Holotropic Breathing - those forms of death are for babies.

If 5-MeO got me to where I'm at, then I would stop everything I'm doing, start selling 5-MeO and become the richest man to have ever lived in all times.

 

The MINDBODYSOUL will unlock its true potential only when pushed to its fucking limit in a real life situation that requires complex action for a simple solution, from one's own volition. It makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective, as animals only have to put in as much energy as necessary.

Of course you don't know enlightenment or ultimate power because you of course don't need it. you don't need enlightenment to sit around answering forum questions. you don't need enlightenment to make videos. you don't need enlightenment to fill out forms at a desk all day. So why the fuck unlock that power? 

What makes Ralston different from other teachers is not his ability to pontificate about nothing, but the fact that he participated in bloodsport of his own volition.

I'm talking about pushing yourself to the type of death that no one can question, from all angles, from one's own volition.

Most people can easily question psychedelic death. Most people can question holotropic breathe death. And most NDEs come as a result of an accident or someone making a mistake.

No one can question a rear-naked choke. No one can question drowning in a 50-ft wave. No one can question climbing Mt. Everest Shirtless - you chose that shit.

I am one of the few people who've tried both forms of death approach and I can tell you that there is a huge difference that goes beyond all philosophy, all argument, and all discussion - just fucking do it and you will see.

But as long as one sits there searching for an answer by isolating oneself or sitting around staring at a wall or imbibing yet another psychedelic, there's really no reason for the body to unlock itself. 

I will know you got unstuck the moment you start showing your self outside, moving, interacting, doing, and not just talking in your videos. I will know you got unstuck the moment we see you physically tackling your fears and getting yourself into the shape of a warrior. I will know you got unstuck the moment you stop treating physical play like just another thing and you start emphasizing it as one of the ultimate foundations of human development. 

Until then, you shall remain stuck. Worse, your life purpose will be capped off at level turquoise, which sucks because the world really doesn't need yet another turquoise mouth-yapper. And I say that in the most loving way because I feel genuinely helped by you and now I genuinely want to help you. There's literally no one else who is going to tell you that because no one else is aware enough and cares enough. 

So, for Everyone reading this, here's the shit that I did with my life that is way more important than 5-meo ever will be:

  1. Quitting the PMO cycle
  2. Quitting Sugar
  3. Quitting all drugs, all alcohol, all junk entertainment
  4. Exploring new exercise regimens, culminating in the following schedule
    • Monday - Powerlifting 
    • Tuesday - Jiu Jitsu
    • Wednesday - Acroyoga
    • Thursday - Capoeira 
    • Friday - Calisthenics & Sprints
    • Saturday - Hiking
  5. Committing to wake up before 9 AM every morning like an adult
  6. Writing quality works. Not just journaling. Not just sketching ideas. Not just writing stream-of-conscisouness articles. 
    • Making something that might become a perennial hit every time you sit down to write.
    • Notice that my upvotes per post on this forum is the highest out of anyone with more than 100 posts - even Leo himself. That's not a coincidence. Quality writing is quality thinking - the process of editing for good and bad sentences is itself editing for good and bad ideas. 
    • Put it this way, I wouldn't tackle a difficult mathematics problem without writing down the variables on paper. So, why would contemplating a life problem be any different? Life's problems have far more variables than mathematics problems. Write down your best ideas on the nature of love, the nature of life, the nature of consciousness. Edit them so that no one can touch your arguments when it comes to communication - then you will see that no one can touch you when it comes to dominating life. 
  7. Reading quality material, not random listicles
  8. Cultivating quality relationships, excising any and all people who hold me back from higher potential.
    • Making sure my top 5 people will leave legacies - anyone that you know will not leave a legacy must be excised, no exceptions
    • if you don't have 5 people like this in your life, find them. Your lack of people to trust is not a sign that you're an enlightened genius, but a sign that you're a boring asshole. Only you can stop you from being an asshole. So stop letting yourself be so lonely - start being the type of person who provides so much value, others come along.
      • For real, the isolation I see around here is unacceptable bullshit. Wake up and provide value. Period.
    • Getting a reality-check mirror - someone interested in self-actualization at my same level who could help me iron out self-derived principles
    • Refusing to date anyone who does not meet the Trinity rule
      •  If I see myself as badass as Neo, then I will only date someone as badass as Trinity.
      • If I am not as badass as Neo, then I will make sure I am so that I am ready for my trinity. 
  9. Taking 100% responsibility for my life
  10. Writing down a vision for what could go right in my life as well as a vision for the chaos and misery that will ensue if I don't take action.

Do this stuff before taking 5-MeO and you will be ready to take 5-MeO. Do this stuff after 5-MeO and you will unlock the most amazing life imaginable. 

5-MeO is an excuse to say you've gone as far as possible with psychedelics so you can move on with your life. Because if that couldn't save you, then life really is all about taking ownership. But it will be the direct proof of this fact that will help you. 

So, to be clear, I highly highly recommend people take 5-MeO. Just don't think it will ever replace the other stuff.

Edited by TJ Reeves

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@TJ Reeves God damn it man. You are a bad ass. Excited to see where you go from here. 


“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few” 
― Shunryu Suzuki

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, TJ Reeves said:

Notice that my upvotes per post on this forum is the highest out of anyone with more than 100 posts - even Leo himself. That's not a coincidence.

2018
The year TJ Reeves hopefully realizes that he is on the same delusional ego trip as the next person, but with particularly more emphasis on narcissism.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@TJ Reeves You are right of course in that I have a lot of embodiment left to do, and embodiment is the hardest part.

I don't really even consider myself at Turquoise.

My strength is cerebral more than physical or energetic. Which doesn't mean I'm opposed to those things, it's not just my strength, and what you see on Actualized.org is me focusing on my strength. You have to consider that different people have different inclinations, personality types, body types, energy levels, and strengths.

And of course, each strength is also a weakness. There are trade-offs and pros and cons to every specialization and strength. Not everyone is meant to climb Mt Everest shirtless. And in fact, most people are constitutionally incapable of that. For example, I sunburn very easily and I'm very sensitive to cold.

My Youtube videos might give the impression that I am at the end of my growth process, when really I'm just getting started.

But just because someone excels in physical strength or prowess doesn't equate with consciousness. Bruce Lee got nothing on Ramana Maharshi, for example. Ramana was the pinnacle of embodiment. He just doesn't fit the jock stereotype of a dude benching 500 lbs while beating his monkey-chest and hi-fiving his bros at the beach, a la Top Gun.

I have heard stories, for example, from reputable sources, that Bruce Lee was rather a fake, and would lie about losing matches and steal techniques. Not that it really matters. But you do have to be careful about judging people based on their public personas, which tend to be unrepresentative of what's really going on with them behind the scenes.

Of course master-level embodiment is way more inspiring than a talking head. Yes, if I showed videos of myself levitating or laying on a bed of nails, people would get all jazzed up.


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now