How to manage 'Donald Trump' style of people

[Raphael]

I'm sure that you all know this kind of people. However, let's be clear by what I mean by 'Donald Trump' style of people:

• Stubborn people who never change opinion even if they know they're completely wrong
• People who treat others as shit, humiliate them, put them down
• People who get angry quickly, who are bipolar
• People who can start doing illegal things
• People who know how to subtly manipulate others to their advantage

You got the idea here.

The fact is that I've recently started a new job as a software developer and our boss is making us working from 8 AM to 6 PM, and also making me work Saturday with the same schedule.  I don't get paid a lot, and feel like it's unproductive and making tired. At the end of last Friday I've asked him if it would be possible to stop at 12 PM or 1 PM, he told me that he already answered this question to previous employees. Saturday morning he didn't even let me the time to ask anything and start clashing me about this and conclude for everyone that it will not be possible. So now I'm planning to find a new job that gives me more time for self-actualization.

However, the fact is that I'm also like this kind of people sometimes. I got critics in the past and I'm trying to change that even if it's sometimes very hard for me. I have been educated by a father who had the same behavior, so I had a lot of personal issues while growing up and still have today.

The problem is that there's a lot of different people on earth and I will never be completely safe from not meeting this kind of people in the future. So what can I do to start to manage them?

When my boss clashed me, I was feeling a lot of fear and my heart was beating a lot. How can I learn to face this type of people and not let them dominates me? I don't want to be a victim forever in my life. Thanks
 

Edited November 25, 2017 by Raphael

[Spiral]

I don't get it, you don't like the hours your boss wants you to work and he does not want to change them. Therefore he is a bad person?

Then you complain and you get surprised, when he gets annoyed. I mean did you not discuss how much you would work and earn when you were in the recruitment process?

Now if he was really angry and is screaming/insulting you when yes that is not appropriate. That kind of behaviour should not be tolerated at all.

But if he in a strong voice told you to do what you signed up for then I do think you're just spoiled, no?

[Lorcan]

Do not.

[Raphael]

8 hours ago, Spiral said:

I don't get it, you don't like the hours your boss wants you to work and he does not want to change them. Therefore he is a bad person?

Then you complain and you get surprised, when he gets annoyed. I mean did you not discuss how much you would work and earn when you were in the recruitment process?

Now if he was really angry and is screaming/insulting you when yes that is not appropriate. That kind of behaviour should not be tolerated at all.

But if he in a strong voice told you to do what you signed up for then I do think you're just spoiled, no?

He didn't tell me that I will work on Saturday from 8 AM to 5 PM. He's doing this only for new recruits that have been here for less than one year, so we are just two to work on Saturday. I agreed on Monday to Friday from 8 AM to 6 PM, but I thought that I would be able to manage this with my personal work, which finally is not possible. He's also very good at manipulating fear in people.

However, the real subject is about managing this type of people. I will find another job, but it's only a quick fix temporary solution, not a long-term one. In life, I will maybe meet other people like this. If I can't avoid them, what can do to build emotional strength to be able to face them?

[YaNanNallari]

I suppose what a lot of people do to have the emotional strength to be able to face other people like that is get tired of it and become stubborn and not care about it. That's not necessary however, since I'd aim to understand where the other person is coming from and why they're acting like that. It's just another person with their random thoughts. They act like they act. From this perspective you can see how you don't have to care about it any more than what you care about other ideas. Of course they might be your boss so you can try to come to alignment a bit but then you won't be overwhelmed in any way.

[Hardkill]

Suggest to those deluded freaks to be institutionalized forever.

[Moreira]

This happened to me when I was younger. Now that I'm old I dont even tolerate this manipulative and disfrespectful behaviour from a boss, if he does it I quit.

If you hesitate when he doesnt treat you properly it means that your subconscious still thinks he has the right to do it. You need to work in your self-steem, self work, and forget the boss-employee hierarchy. We are humans and its your birthright to be trared good and not manipulated.

They are who's wrong, and they should be ashamed and their heart racing not yours.

[Raphael]

On 26/11/2017 at 2:42 PM, YaNanNallari said:

I suppose what a lot of people do to have the emotional strength to be able to face other people like that is get tired of it and become stubborn and not care about it. That's not necessary however, since I'd aim to understand where the other person is coming from and why they're acting like that. It's just another person with their random thoughts. They act like they act. From this perspective you can see how you don't have to care about it any more than what you care about other ideas. Of course they might be your boss so you can try to come to alignment a bit but then you won't be overwhelmed in any way.

I already thought about that. I understand that to attain this position my boss really pushed himself very hard in the past, but I don't think it's a reason to have disrespectful behavior against other people.

1 hour ago, Moreira said:

This happened to me when I was younger. Now that I'm old I dont even tolerate this manipulative and disfrespectful behaviour from a boss, if he does it I quit.

If you hesitate when he doesnt treat you properly it means that your subconscious still thinks he has the right to do it. You need to work in your self-steem, self work, and forget the boss-employee hierarchy. We are humans and its your birthright to be trared good and not manipulated.

They are who's wrong, and they should be ashamed and their heart racing not yours.

Yes, I hesitate, and I actually feel a lot of fear for telling him that I want to quit. But I've already tried to negotiate working hours on Saturday, which is a sign that my subconscious doesn't completely think that he has the right to act like this.

[Faceless]

Donald Trump?

Who is that? 

[Raphael]

I've finally told my boss that I will quit at the end of this month. I feel great, but now I need to find another job, otherwise, I will be in big trouble.
I took a pill to calm down before having the conversation. He acts as I've expected: aggressively. Here's what I've learned:

• Before the confrontation: do some breathing exercises, stay in the moment, observe the environment, do not focus on the next conversation
• Go straight to the subject
• Listen carefully to him, do not try to interrupt him, he will speak a lot
• Only speak when it's necessary, there's no need to criticize anyone
• Stay nice to the other person
• End the confrontation

[Serge]

Oh, that's a simple one!

Love them.

[Anakin]

On 11/25/2017 at 7:18 PM, Raphael said:

However, the real subject is about managing this type of people. I will find another job, but it's only a quick fix temporary solution, not a long-term one. In life, I will maybe meet other people like this. If I can't avoid them, what can do to build emotional strength to be able to face them?

@Raphael I respectfully disagree — to take 100% responsibility for your life means that you're also 100% responsible for choosing your environment (which imo is one of the most important choices anyways). Next time, be more selective with your boss (and if they're not your boss, just ignore their manipulations).

A relevant video from Leo:

 

Edited December 9, 2017 by Anakin

[Raphael]

@Anakin I agree with you.

However, this is life and sometimes no matter how much you want to be responsible and control the situation, bad things can happen to you. For example, I can get killed at any time by a car when walking in the street, just like you and anyone else. In the same way that I can meet abusive people even if I'm doing everything to be around people that push me forward.

I've taken responsibility for my situation and choose to quit this job, where other employees are too afraid, stay stuck and continue to complain about their life. This is also why I've asked for pieces of advice on how to manage this kind of people, I'm taking responsibility to not let them dominates me and control my life, but, despite that, shit can still happen.

[Anakin]

@Raphael Ah, I only just saw your later post. Glad to hear that you've made the call!

Actually, my current boss's boss (who i worked a lot with previously) is quite like that. I had managed to get less effected emotionally with time, after seeing through all the negative motivations (esp. fear) that was driving him, and the fact that he's just trying to use the same on others. I could tell that he is suffering a lot internally from many negative emotions, and he really just doesn't know better — he's just a victim of an aggrandized low consciousness ego. With the understanding i was able to come into peace.

Edited December 10, 2017 by Anakin

[EvilSpacePope]

@Raphael That feeling you get when confronting people is completely natural if you haven't this before. I understand completely where you are coming from, I used to work in retail, and it would get pretty tense with customers and associates. You just have to keep exposing yourself to those situations and it will get easier with time. In a sense, its a lot like learning how to do public speaking, you just have to keep going and push through the discomfort. 

Edited December 10, 2017 by EvilSpacePope

[Barbarian Number 8]

You can´t manage them, but you can manage yourself. Consider whom it would be smartest to learn to manage.-Who will stay the longest in your life? You or some random boss?

Regarding the job, you should do what you agreed to take coin for. That is a deal done.

If you don´t like your enviroment---change it.

If there are some stereotypical culture within the field of your choosen profession that you do not like...then choose another profession.

Something for you to study are how psychopaths and sociopaths operate. If you bump into them you should eject as fast as you can. There is no other win-situation.

Also, in all relationships there is a phase where you need to establish boundries, beacuse they will be tested and not allways by bad people.

[Ether]

On 25/11/2017 at 9:11 PM, Lorcan said:

Do not.

Ye, just ignore

[Haumea]

You can't "manage" these kind of people in the sense of "how do I get them to do what I want?"

They have power and authority and your only option is to make yourself so valuable that you have leverage as far as work hours or whatever conditions you desire.

Otherwise, short of starting your own business, you have to put up with it.  (Well, you don't "have to", but living with parents for the foreseeable future is probably not enticing.)

The name of the game in business is "who needs whom more?"