Relationship Green flags 🌱🏁

[Salvijus]

If I sense an opening, a feeling of trust towards me, I'm already one with them. That's the green light for me. 

[Valach]

34 minutes ago, Basman said:

Compassionate listener types tend to be doormats in my experience. Like they keep hanging out with druggos and bums and act like their therapist.

You can be compassionate with having a strong sense of self esteem and healthy boundaries. I would actually argue that what you are describing is not compassionate person but a people pleaser (which always comes out of self interest).

[eos_nyxia]

1 hour ago, Zenterus said:

- Is a good non-judgmental listener, which is so rare these days.

- Has deep empathy for those struggling in life and the less priviledged.

- Comfortable spending time alone with themselves without constant outside stimulation to distract them.

 

40 minutes ago, Basman said:

Compassionate listener types tend to be doormats in my experience. Like they keep hanging out with druggos and bums and act like their therapist.

These two things don't normally go together though.

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

Intimidated of what? 

By your attraction to them, because there is depth there to be exposed. If it feels "too comfortable", it could be red flag ime. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, Basman said:

so an introverted doormat lol

I think you need to focus on what is said, and seperate it from your interpretation and inference.

[Salvijus]

32 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

By your attraction to them, because there is depth there to be exposed. If it feels "too comfortable", it could be red flag ime. 

Okay 

[Schizophonia]

It is strictly impossible to be good since every quality is polarized, describing itself as good or bad depending on the context and point of view in general.

In this kind of topic as usual you delve deeper into your persona, which is, in a way, the source of all your relationships problems.

The observer is the observed, therefore the problem-maker will not be the solution.

Edited 5 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Basman]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

You can be compassionate with having a strong sense of self esteem and healthy boundaries. I would actually argue that what you are describing is not compassionate person but a people pleaser (which always comes out of self interest).

Compassion can get pretty detached from reality at a certain point if your not careful. Its not a given at all that compassion is always wise. Like trying to help a squirming animal than it kicks you in the face.

 

[Valach]

3 minutes ago, Basman said:

Compassion can get pretty detached from reality at a certain point if your not careful. Its not a given at all that compassion is always wise. Like trying to help a squirming animal than it kicks you in the face.

 

Then you lack compassion. Compassion for yourself. Compassion is not about becoming some sort of martyr.

[Basman]

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/leticiamiranda/a-bison-calf-had-to-be-euthanized-after-it-was-saved-by-yell

 

[Basman]

1 minute ago, Valach said:

Then you lack compassion. Compassion for yourself. Compassion is not about becoming some sort of martyr.

You rack disiprine

[Valach]

2 minutes ago, Basman said:

You rack disiprine

What?

[trenton]

5 hours ago, Olaf said:

@trenton you have very low standards 

To be honest I struggle to tell which women are safe in relationships. I didn't know I had to name all the green flags. I would need more time in the relationship to know if she is safe or not. 

I can add more, but I'm not sure how else a woman can make feel safe other than not doing anything horrible. 

Ultimately I want to feel safe with this person and not threatened or intimidated or controlled by this woman.

I think if a woman has a good relationship with family and friends with whom I can cross reference it would help. The reason I want a woman to have this is so that she feels safe with me by allowing her father to cross reference me and do a background check if necessary. 

What complicates this for me is that I would prefer to have a good relationship with my family for this purpose. I would want to have a woman with the ability to meet others I trust, but I struggle with that. The best I have are my younger siblings. The rest of the family I don't trust. I don't know if a woman would find me less appealing because of my birth circumstances. 

In the event that a woman does not have other decent relationships, then it complicates it for both of us in terms of establishing trust through outside sources. I wouldn't want to hold it against her, but I don't know what other green flags to look for instead.

Probably if we have similar hobbies, that would be a start.

Small friend groups are suspect because in that case a woman could be part of a set up to socially manipulate you into a criminal frame up.

[Joseph Maynor]

I feel like we have a duty to include everyone.  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

By your attraction to them, because there is depth there to be exposed. If it feels "too comfortable", it could be red flag ime. 

Oh wow - I am so different.

If I am too activated by the person, it is a yellow flag for me (just a warning I need to pay attention with nuance, as opposed to red flag no-go). I shouldn't feel excessive nervous system activation. Just some butterflies or normal excitement. Being intimidated or uncomfortable indicates to me my judgement may be clouded. Or I may be subconsciously responding to some sort of pattern of bonding that isn't formed from healthy attachment style. The "activation" should be proportionate to what is actually happening - so I take time to observe and reflect more when this yellow flag shows up.

I do not interpret intensity as evidence of attraction or connection. I treat my own physiological response as information about the quality of the interaction.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

35 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I feel like we have a duty to include everyone.  

No way. I am not going to include someone I class as abusive or someone who treats people beneath them poorly.

[aurum]

Trust, openness, care for others, stability, not excessively materialistic, supportive, self-awareness, inner peace.

[Joshe]

Good relationships aren't rare because they're hard to build. They're rare because no one really wants them. 

Also, no man really wants a high conscious partner. They might think they do, until they get one and realize what that entails. 

I myself prefer a girl who brings me down from my "high" consciousness. Just give me an 80 IQ girl with a nice ass and I'll be happy for a while. When I go looking for the next girl, if I think to myself "what I really need is someone higher consciousness", I'll find her and realize she too isn't it. 

It's never enough. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Please.

Do not turn this thread into judging each others standards, proxies and what we all look for! I think contrasting and comparing is great. Discernment.

Lets not do this judging thing. Heaven help me, I tried to make a positive themed thread. Flush it down, right?

Edited 32 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Thought Art]

A green flag for me is they are interested in conscious relating or open to discussing it as things become more serious. They want to have a conscious relationship, think growth is important. They are interested in health, education, and being successful in their field. 
 

They arrive on time to first date too. For now on if they more than 10 minutes late I’m out.

I think a green flag too is they are showing attraction, emotional intelligence, and are kind, 

They aren’t drug addicts. They smell good and are clean. 
 

They are pretty and nice. 
 

I know some of my points seem obvious and childish but, hey they are green flags.

She makes me want to be a better man. She believes in me. We can support one another and hold each other accountable in all areas of our relationship.

We can be honest with one another. 

We can speak together about sex, before, during and after sex to ensure mutual enjoyment and consent. 
 

They are able to laugh a lot with me and have fun. But, also go deep with me on topics.

@Natasha Tori Maru You made a good thread. Thank you! We should have more threads like this. Planting seeds for conscious love.

Edited 6 minutes ago by Thought Art