Men: How do you feel & react when you see women cry?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Heaven thanks for sharing 🫶

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Sugarcoat I get your example though. That numbness from overexposure is pervasive. I think many suffer from emotional bluntness across the board from overstimulation.

My question was specific to women crying. Not that this was special in any way. 

But I do think men might react differently to witnessing a man they know cry? Maybe. Just a curious question regarding mens phenomenological experience 🙃

Yea I see. 

[LastThursday]

Hug her of course (if I know her). Be present. Listen. What else?

[Jirh]

49 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

What do you think about boys as children? They react emotionally. Just as girls.

For me, the process has always been thoughts first, emotions second. I never react emotionally without thinking about it. It's just that my thoughts got more sophisticated with time and experience.

But my reaction wasn't always sympathetic. Context still mattered then.

For example, tears whilst having an argument used to trigger my anger and make me lash out. And I used to be totally dismissive, telling the woman to grow up, calling it crocodile tears and such. I wasn't developed enough emotionally to handle manipulation properly.

But if the tears came up from life problems or from problems with others, then I would be supportive, even if I didn't know how to do that well at the time. Like I would try to uplift and fix immediately.

49 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Do you think socialisation comes into it? 

Yes, I think socialization influences our development.

Edited 9 hours ago by Jirh

[LordFall]

I feel sadness and then my analytical mind tries to figure out why she's crying and going into problem fixing mode so it's led to me having a hard time being present and there for them emotionally.

I learned from experience that there is a later time to solve the problem but for now closeness and emotional support is whats needed. 

[Lyubov]

Annoyed because half of the time women will use crying as a form of manipulation in arguments. 

If we are talking about like something besides a disagreement in a relationship then I feel open to listening and empathizing. 

Edited 6 hours ago by Lyubov

[Spiral]

I’m very empathetic so I get sad myself. If it’s a stranger I do nothing. I live in a big city.

[LordFall]

17 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Annoyed because half of the time women will use crying as a form of manipulation in arguments.

I hear you and see what you mean but that’s a form of light bypass and an invitation to understand the woman deeper. 

If a woman resorts to fake crying as manipulation it means she doesn’t have the communication skills to express her wants and needs otherwise. If a man finds himself in that situation it makes sense to initially be annoyed but I would encourage us to look deeper and see and understand the woman to truly understand what she’s crying about to be able to eventually solve her problem. 

I think you can absolutely solve others problems but you have to understand it better than they do and they have to allow you to help. 

 

[Spiral]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

If a woman resorts to fake crying as manipulation it means she doesn’t have the communication skills to express her wants and needs otherwise. If a man finds himself in that situation it makes sense to initially be annoyed but I would encourage us to look deeper and see and understand the woman to truly understand what she’s crying about to be able to eventually solve her problem. 

I would not assume that. It could just as well be that she explained what she needs/whats but I’m not going to give her that. So she cries, so that may have a change of heart

[Salvijus]

"Cry me a river" is my usual response. 

[Spiral]

I do think a lot of men don’t trust women. I certainly don’t trust that they’ll act politely and respectfully. It not really about being honest or not.

[Leo Gura]

Depends on the reason. Girls will cry for the silliest reasons. Or it can be a serious reason.

Ignore the silly and take the serious seriously.

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru this is a very nuanced question. I approached some girls at night, realising they were crying and then they have a friend caring for them, so then I just wish them well and leave them in their own space. This is a stranger so I don't feel like I should give them emotional support, but lets say it is my partner. Then crying can mean all different things.

For example, one time I told my girlfriend that I didn't exist, she cried and then we had a very spritual experience of oneness, we later had this same thing during sex where actually we were both crying. So that is almost a holy cry of letting go. Now I also have seen crying that is a bit attention seeking, this I just still care of course, but I can sense it is not genuine, especially the older I get, it can even be manipulative. But if it is very genuine, then I feel it is beautiful, also I feel closer to her, because she is willing to be vunerable with me.

For example when her dog died, she cried so much and I was just able to be there for her, I hold her in my arms and my whole shirt gets wet from her tears, but I don't care, I feel good that she goes to me to open up and be vunerable with. If a girl is always tough around you and never cries, then I feel like she is not trusting me to be vunerable with me, which to me is very bad.

It isn't so much about crying as just being able to be vunerable with me which also includes crying and therefor whatever is vunerable and genuine feels very beautiful, whatever is fake and manipulative that is more off putting. 

[LordFall]

49 minutes ago, Spiral said:

I would not assume that. It could just as well be that she explained what she needs/whats but I’m not going to give her that. So she cries, so that may have a change of heart

You're right but I would then say it's then on you to not build a relationship with someone who's wants and needs are incompatible with yours.

That's why an optimized dating strategy that leads to an abundance of dating options is important. A lot of marriages are built on incompatibility and both partners end up having to overtly and covertly manipulate and coerce each other to get their needs met.

There are enough dating resources out there that there is no need to have to settle for a relationship like that. 

Edited 4 hours ago by LordFall

[Elliott]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

I do think a lot of men don’t trust women. I certainly don’t trust that they’ll act politely and respectfully. 

Swedish women aren't respectful?

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

I do think a lot of men don’t trust women. I certainly don’t trust that they’ll act politely and respectfully. It not really about being honest or not.

That's a victim mindset. Put the accountability for yourself to attract high quality women that have high standards for their own behaviour and also develop the ability to set boundaries to cut off the women that don't match that.

It's also important to understand female psychology as a lot of guys simply aren't skilled enough to handle women that would otherwise make great partners. That's why a lot of guys in STEM fields do poorly with women even if their finances and life is solid overall because they lack the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate the messy waters of human relationships skillfully. 

I keep using the word skill because it's a learnable skill. There are many great books on women's psychology and interpersonal dynamics that would solve like 80% of the problems you'll run into just by spending 20 hours going through them but most people can't be bothered to do that. 

Edited 3 hours ago by LordFall

[Judy2]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Depends on the reason. Girls will cry for the silliest reasons. Or it can be a serious reason.

Ignore the silly and take the serious seriously.

Who is the judge of what is silly vs serious?

If I am crying about something, it's likely to be serious to me.  

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

Who is the judge of what is silly vs serious?

The one who's sympathy is asked for.

In the context of this thread, the man.

Quote

If I am crying about something, it's likely to be serious to me.  

You are welcome to cry all you want by yourself.

But if you want others to take it seriously, that requires a valid reason.

Children are clever little devils who know how to use tears to manipulate and avoid responsibility.

Edited 3 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Spiral]

26 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Swedish women aren't respectful?

It not a matter of all being a certain way. A lack of respect in Stockholm is so common that it’s unrealistic to expect.

@LordFall I don’t mean in dating, I mean in general. Not saying that they are rude  necessarily.

Like holding the door for a stranger, I don’t trust that she will say “thank you”. Because a lot don’t. I do except a guy to, because almost all do.

 

[LordFall]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The one who's sympathy is asked for.

In the context of this thread, the man.

You are welcome to cry all you want by yourself.

But if you want others to take it seriously, that requires a valid reason.

Children are clever little devils who know how to use tears to manipulate and avoid responsibility.

Sympathy is okay to feel like the tribe supports you but what people really want and need is solutions to their deep problems.

If one can solves others' problems then they gain a lot of power in the tribe due to offering a lot of value.

Some problems are not worth solving but most are. 

@Spiral Yeah I wouldn't worry about the behaviour of the average women. I would build systems in your life that attract top tier women so you are surrounded by the women you enjoy most all the time both in your social circle and your dating and sex life. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall