How do you lock a woman in to where she isn't thinking about anyone else but you?

[LordFall]

29 minutes ago, AION said:

Emotional intelligence is an internal skill to regulate your body-mind and emotions in particular. Picking the right partner is more a social/cognitive skill. I.e dating people, take lessons out of it, changing mindset, chosing different kind of women to date. That is how I see it.  I'm not looking for a long term relationship but I would I would fed for very specific things. 

Emotional intelligence is a wide set of skills. Emotional self-regulation is just one of those. Understanding your impulses i.e. wanting to go jump and date random women and where that stems from and how to do it in a productive way is a component of it. 

Understanding your ability to be alone with yourself and understanding if you want a partner for a constructive reason or just cuz you're bored, anxious and low self-esteem would lead one to have more intentional relationships and not a string of breakups. 

Also goes full circle in why emotional intelligence is an attractive trait in both men and women. Someone who doesn't understand their own emotions let alone yours will be a nightmare to deal with. They will constantly invalidate you and not be there for you when you're stressed/anxious and good chance they will throw it back to you and make it worse. Plenty of women have low emotional intelligence as well and would make a bad wife as a result. 

 

Edited 21 hours ago by LordFall

[Ziran]

How do you lock a woman in to where she isn't thinking about anyone else but you?

Most people who are striking out are not striking while the iron's hot.  

[Joshe]

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men. I’ve never seen any material that actually teaches this plainly. The way you’d teach this is to transfer the appropriate internal responses to various situations - how to emotionally deal with things. Not just “how to respond internally”, but why. Without the why, they often just fake it. The why has to be sufficiently internalized. 

It would work the same way you teach a child to navigate their emotional landscape. Learning how to not be afraid of the dark or not cry over trivial things is no different than learning how to deal with your girlfriend making eyes at another. When you have dozens of these emotionally challenging situations solved such that you internally manage them well, you join the ranks of men. 

To work through neediness, cowardice, bitterness, jealousy, self-pity, etc. These are the trials by which you genuinely become a man women are attracted to. If you suppress these trials or continually fail at them, you will forever have to fake being a man. Teaching how to navigate these trials is IMO the highest value things you could teach regarding courtship. 

I suppose they call this “inner game”, lol. One issue with this frame is it doesn’t seem to sufficiently acknowledge the emotional fragility of men, and the term “game” gives a false sense of control over their emotions, which biases them toward conquest of their emotions rather than letting them be what they are and to endure them until they lift while in the meantime seeking a healthy resolution via reason.

Men should be taught from the outset the shape of the emotional challenges that lay ahead, and be given good resources/guidance for how to navigate them, and what proper resolution looks like.

@aurum not sure if these thoughts could be useful.

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Joshe

[AION]

26 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Emotional intelligence is a wide set of skills. Emotional self-regulation is just one of those. Understanding your impulses i.e. wanting to go jump and date random women and where that stems from and how to do it in a productive way is a component of it. 

Understanding your ability to be alone with yourself and understanding if you want a partner for a constructive reason or just cuz you're bored, anxious and low self-esteem would lead one to have more intentional relationships and not a string of breakups. 

Also goes full circle in why emotional intelligence is an attractive trait in both men and women. Someone who doesn't understand their own emotions let alone yours will be a nightmare to deal with. They will constantly invalidate you and not be there for you when you're stressed/anxious and good chance they will throw it back to you and make it worse. Plenty of women have low emotional intelligence as well and would make a bad wife as a result. 

 

@LordFall people who make those pics don't understand emotional intelligence and social intelligence tbh. Social intel builds upon emotiona intel. That is true. But purely stylistically social intelligence involves other people while emotional intelligence doesn't. And we were talking about picking the right partner which involves social intelligence. I think Brad missed that skill.

Edited 20 hours ago by AION

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, Joshe said:

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men. I’ve never seen any material that actually teaches this plainly. The way you’d teach this is to transfer the appropriate internal responses to various situations - how to emotionally deal with things. Not just “how to respond internally”, but why. Without the why, they often just fake it. The why has to be sufficiently internalized. 

It would work the same way you teach a child to navigate their emotional landscape. Learning how to not be afraid of the dark or not cry over trivial things is no different than learning how to deal with your girlfriend making eyes at another. When you have dozens of these emotionally challenging situations solved such that you internally manage them well, you join the ranks of men. 

To work through neediness, cowardice, bitterness, jealousy, self-pity, etc. These are the trials by which you genuinely become a man women are attracted to. If you suppress these trials or continually fail at them, you will forever have to fake being a man. Teaching how to navigate these trials is IMO the highest value things you could teach regarding courtship. 

I suppose they call this “inner game”, lol. One issue with this frame is it doesn’t seem to sufficiently acknowledge the emotional fragility of men, and the term “game” gives a false sense of control over their emotions, which biases them toward conquest of their emotions rather than letting them be what they are and to endure them until they lift while in the meantime seeking a healthy resolution via reason.

@aurum not sure if these thoughts could be useful.

 

Valid points.

I will be taking a different approach, but yes just teaching men tricks on how to get laid is grossly insufficient if you're serious about masculine development.

My project will focus on sense-making around masculinity and what it means to be a good man. Everything else is secondary.

[Raze]

24 minutes ago, Joshe said:

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men.

Then explain how lesbians and bisexual women get laid with women.

[Valach]

14 minutes ago, aurum said:

Valid points.

I will be taking a different approach, but yes just teaching men tricks on how to get laid is grossly insufficient if you're serious about masculine development.

My project will focus on sense-making around masculinity and what it means to be a good man. Everything else is secondary.

I am struggling here internally. How do you navigate developing your own masculinity because it is who you are (or want to be if that's possible) vs Wanting to be a masculine man because you know that is what woman desire - and you want to be liked/loved by woman, so you want to become the masculine man. Which basically is just another neediness manifestation.

Edited 20 hours ago by Valach

[Joshe]

18 minutes ago, Raze said:

Then explain how lesbians and bisexual women get laid with women.

The same way men get laid. By appealing to the woman.

I’m not sure I follow.

Getting laid and keeping them is a different story. I would imagine lesbians suffer at least as much, if not more with women leaving them than men do. Ever seen “Orange is the new black”? lol. And lesbians are specifically not looking for men, so they wouldn’t need to meet that specific bar? 

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Joshe

[aurum]

46 minutes ago, Valach said:

I am struggling here internally. How do you navigate developing your own masculinity because it is who you are (or want to be if that's possible) vs Wanting to be a masculine man because you know that is what woman desire - and you want to be liked/loved by woman, so you want to become the masculine man. Which basically is just another neediness manifestation.

Yes that’s the crux of the issue.

Ultimately, you want to ground your masculinity in something not tied to success with women at all. You should be able to be an old, decrepit monk living in the forest alone and still be 100% masculine.

But that’s not the full story.

You are never going to experience being a man outside of the pressures and expectations that come with that. To be a human at all is to be an amalgamation of these pressures.

So give up looking for your authentic self as a human. Your authentic self is not human at all.

The goal becomes not just to burn off all these expectations but to learn to relate to them more consciously, more deliberately.

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, aurum said:

Yes that’s the crux of the issue.

Ultimately, you want to ground your masculinity in something not tied to success with women at all. You should be able to be an old, decrepit monk living in the forest alone and still be 100% masculine.

But that’s not the full story.

You are never going to experience being a man outside of the pressures and expectations that come with that. To be a human at all is to be an amalgamation of these pressures.

So give up looking for your authentic self as a human. Your authentic self is not human at all.

The goal becomes not just to burn off all these expectations but to learn to relate to them more consciously, more deliberately.

Thanks for an answer! How do you then go on living a role that society pressures you into whilst full on knowing that is not who you are? What is the concious realating you mention?

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

Thanks for an answer! How do you then go on living a role that society pressures you into whilst full on knowing that is not who you are? What is the concious realating you mention?

There’s no easy answer for that.

You have to develop wisdom and choose your pressures wisely. That’s the only real solution.

[Raze]

2 hours ago, Joshe said:

The same way men get laid. By appealing to the woman.

I’m not sure I follow.

Getting laid and keeping them is a different story. I would imagine lesbians suffer at least as much, if not more with women leaving them than men do. Ever seen “Orange is the new black”? lol. And lesbians are specifically not looking for men, so they wouldn’t need to meet that specific bar? 

 

So then the issue is not men being taught how to be men because clearly lesbians aren’t taught that 

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

So then the issue is not men being taught how to be men because clearly lesbians aren’t taught that 

They’re two different creatures with totally different offerings. A lesbian is not offering the same thing as a man. I can’t think of a good analogy. It’s like comparing whiskey to beer and saying because age isn’t a factor with high quality beer, it’s not an important factor for high quality whiskey. People drink both to get loose or whatever, but they’re two different offerings with varying degrees of sophistication.

We could have a totally separate discussion about what makes for a “true, good lesbian”, lol. As in, what separates a lesbian who gets ran out on often while another has something that keeps them around. A lesbian with a capital L, and man with a capital M. Lol. I’m sure there is some overlap, as there is with alcoholic drinks, but what makes one good is not what makes the other good. 

I think I see your point though, and it does muddy up my model somewhat. I’ll have to consider it. 

[Emerald]

On 8/2/2026 at 2:32 AM, Inliytened1 said:

The point is to lock her in without force.  Through how you work your cock.  If you do that..well - you don't need force. 

One thing I would mention is that the thing that draws a woman to a man (and to sex more generally) isn't really about the physical sensations during sex or about his penis.

As a side note and caveat... Of course, orgasms are enjoyable for women. And women will want to have them during sexual encounters. And if there's a huge orgasm gap between her and her male partner, she will likely feel the unfairness of this disparity and what it means about the guy's values.

But the thing that actually makes a woman think about a man doesn't have very much to do with orgasms or the techniques he does with his penis.

What actually draws a woman to a man (and to sex more generally) is the shared intimacy and the emotional experience of sex.

So, if you have "Man #1" who is a master at sexual techniques and giving women orgasms...

And you have "Man #2" who is just okay at sex from a technical standpoint, but he's someone that the woman wants to be close to and who is able to connect to her emotionally during sex and hits the right emotional buttons...

Most women will choose "Man #2" every time.

So, it's important to recognize that women generally aren't drawn to the same things as a man is during sex.

Men and very visual and very orgasm-focused. And it's very much about the physical body of a woman in terms of what turns him on... and very much about the physical body (ejaculation) in terms of what makes it satisfying. And a man won't feel satisfied with the sex without these components.

But being too orgasm-focused or physicality-focused actually makes sex less interesting for a woman because it's too point a to point b and too material in its focus. It can feel a little "lather, rinse, repeat" to a woman, if the deeper emotional layer isn't activated.

Of course, orgasms are good and important. But they shouldn't be the primary North Star of sex, if you want it to be enjoyable for the woman.

Consider this... most men feel the drive towards orgasm daily or every other day. And men masturbate frequently when they are by themselves. And women tend to masturbate a lot less than that. I looked up the statistics, and it estimated about once per week. But even that seems a bit high to me.

So, there's just a lesser drive towards the physical sensations themselves for women.

Instead, think of the woman like an emotional instrument... like a harp. But each string on the harp is a different feeling state.

And during sex, what makes it interesting is when a guy is able to be very present and is able to operate in a way that plucks the strings skillfully. And this doesn't have much to do with sex techniques. It's really just about him being who he is in his highest integrity form.

On a physical level... there's basically only 3 ways to have sex. And on a physical level, the path to orgasm is just about sensation in the right places at the right rhythm. And women aren't as motivated to sex when sex is only that.

But on an emotional level, there are many facets to the sexual experience. And that's what women are usually looking for... and what makes her want to get closer to a man.

Edited 2 hours ago by Emerald

[Emerald]

On 8/2/2026 at 1:02 AM, Joshe said:

In sum, the next Brad Pitt will always be able to fuck your girl, and that’s ok. Lol 

I don't think that's true.

Personally, if I had the chance to do it... I wouldn't because I'm already spoken for. And I value my relationship.

But otherwise, if I think of someone like Brad Pitt in his heyday (or any model-esque Hollywood man who looks similar to him), he's too pretty for me to feel turned on by the thought of a sexual scenario with him.

That said, I think Brad Pitt's like 60 now and gotten a bit more average-guy looking, so age may have changed this dynamic a bit... as he doesn't look as pretty anymore.

For me, part of the polarity during sex is that I get to feel pretty in contrast to the man that I'm with. Like, I have to feel like the peacock of the relationship to really feel the charge.

And I can feel that dynamic a lot more easily with a guy who's a 6 than I can with a guy who's a 10, because I'm not myself a model-esque woman.

And a model-esque woman is a LOT prettier than a model-esque man. So, the polarity works there.

So, to give an analogy... if the guy is the pretty one, imagine it's a bit like if a woman has a great body... but she's a lot taller and a lot stronger than you.

Even if she's attractive, it's may not be a turn-on if you tend to get turned on by feeling taller and stronger than your female partner. 

That said, I'm sure many women would be interested in Hollywood hot guys, like Brad Pitt.

But I think there's some psychology where they feel pretty by being chosen by a pretty person. I know that exists too. And maybe they are more fame driven in their attractions.

But if I try to imagine having sex with a Brad Pitt type, I just can't feel anything about it.