How do you lock a woman in to where she isn't thinking about anyone else but you?

[LordFall]

29 minutes ago, AION said:

Emotional intelligence is an internal skill to regulate your body-mind and emotions in particular. Picking the right partner is more a social/cognitive skill. I.e dating people, take lessons out of it, changing mindset, chosing different kind of women to date. That is how I see it.  I'm not looking for a long term relationship but I would I would fed for very specific things. 

Emotional intelligence is a wide set of skills. Emotional self-regulation is just one of those. Understanding your impulses i.e. wanting to go jump and date random women and where that stems from and how to do it in a productive way is a component of it. 

Understanding your ability to be alone with yourself and understanding if you want a partner for a constructive reason or just cuz you're bored, anxious and low self-esteem would lead one to have more intentional relationships and not a string of breakups. 

Also goes full circle in why emotional intelligence is an attractive trait in both men and women. Someone who doesn't understand their own emotions let alone yours will be a nightmare to deal with. They will constantly invalidate you and not be there for you when you're stressed/anxious and good chance they will throw it back to you and make it worse. Plenty of women have low emotional intelligence as well and would make a bad wife as a result. 

 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Ziran]

How do you lock a woman in to where she isn't thinking about anyone else but you?

Most people who are striking out are not striking while the iron's hot.  

[Joshe]

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men. I’ve never seen any material that actually teaches this plainly. The way you’d teach this is to transfer the appropriate internal responses to various situations - how to emotionally deal with things. Not just “how to respond internally”, but why. Without the why, they often just fake it. The why has to be sufficiently internalized. 

It would work the same way you teach a child to navigate their emotional landscape. Learning how to not be afraid of the dark or not cry over trivial things is no different than learning how to deal with your girlfriend making eyes at another. When you have dozens of these emotionally challenging situations solved such that you internally manage them well, you join the ranks of men. 

To work through neediness, cowardice, bitterness, jealousy, self-pity, etc. These are the trials by which you genuinely become a man women are attracted to. If you suppress these trials or continually fail at them, you will forever have to fake being a man. Teaching how to navigate these trials is IMO the highest value things you could teach regarding courtship. 

I suppose they call this “inner game”, lol. One issue with this frame is it doesn’t seem to sufficiently acknowledge the emotional fragility of men, and the term “game” gives a false sense of control over their emotions, which biases them toward conquest of their emotions rather than letting them be what they are and to endure them until they lift while in the meantime seeking a healthy resolution via reason.

Men should be taught from the outset the shape of the emotional challenges that lay ahead, and be given good resources/guidance for how to navigate them, and what proper resolution looks like.

@aurum not sure if these thoughts could be useful.

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Joshe

[AION]

26 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Emotional intelligence is a wide set of skills. Emotional self-regulation is just one of those. Understanding your impulses i.e. wanting to go jump and date random women and where that stems from and how to do it in a productive way is a component of it. 

Understanding your ability to be alone with yourself and understanding if you want a partner for a constructive reason or just cuz you're bored, anxious and low self-esteem would lead one to have more intentional relationships and not a string of breakups. 

Also goes full circle in why emotional intelligence is an attractive trait in both men and women. Someone who doesn't understand their own emotions let alone yours will be a nightmare to deal with. They will constantly invalidate you and not be there for you when you're stressed/anxious and good chance they will throw it back to you and make it worse. Plenty of women have low emotional intelligence as well and would make a bad wife as a result. 

 

@LordFall people who make those pics don't understand emotional intelligence and social intelligence tbh. Social intel builds upon emotiona intel. That is true. But purely stylistically social intelligence involves other people while emotional intelligence doesn't. And we were talking about picking the right partner which involves social intelligence. I think Brad missed that skill.

Edited 2 hours ago by AION

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, Joshe said:

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men. I’ve never seen any material that actually teaches this plainly. The way you’d teach this is to transfer the appropriate internal responses to various situations - how to emotionally deal with things. Not just “how to respond internally”, but why. Without the why, they often just fake it. The why has to be sufficiently internalized. 

It would work the same way you teach a child to navigate their emotional landscape. Learning how to not be afraid of the dark or not cry over trivial things is no different than learning how to deal with your girlfriend making eyes at another. When you have dozens of these emotionally challenging situations solved such that you internally manage them well, you join the ranks of men. 

To work through neediness, cowardice, bitterness, jealousy, self-pity, etc. These are the trials by which you genuinely become a man women are attracted to. If you suppress these trials or continually fail at them, you will forever have to fake being a man. Teaching how to navigate these trials is IMO the highest value things you could teach regarding courtship. 

I suppose they call this “inner game”, lol. One issue with this frame is it doesn’t seem to sufficiently acknowledge the emotional fragility of men, and the term “game” gives a false sense of control over their emotions, which biases them toward conquest of their emotions rather than letting them be what they are and to endure them until they lift while in the meantime seeking a healthy resolution via reason.

@aurum not sure if these thoughts could be useful.

 

Valid points.

I will be taking a different approach, but yes just teaching men tricks on how to get laid is grossly insufficient if you're serious about masculine development.

My project will focus on sense-making around masculinity and what it means to be a good man. Everything else is secondary.

[Raze]

24 minutes ago, Joshe said:

Teaching men how to get laid is backwards. They need to first be taught how to be men.

Then explain how lesbians and bisexual women get laid with women.

[Valach]

14 minutes ago, aurum said:

Valid points.

I will be taking a different approach, but yes just teaching men tricks on how to get laid is grossly insufficient if you're serious about masculine development.

My project will focus on sense-making around masculinity and what it means to be a good man. Everything else is secondary.

I am struggling here internally. How do you navigate developing your own masculinity because it is who you are (or want to be if that's possible) vs Wanting to be a masculine man because you know that is what woman desire - and you want to be liked/loved by woman, so you want to become the masculine man. Which basically is just another neediness manifestation.

Edited 2 hours ago by Valach

[Joshe]

18 minutes ago, Raze said:

Then explain how lesbians and bisexual women get laid with women.

The same way men get laid. By appealing to the woman.

I’m not sure I follow.

Getting laid and keeping them is a different story. I would imagine lesbians suffer at least as much, if not more with women leaving them than men do. Ever seen “Orange is the new black”? lol. And lesbians are specifically not looking for men, so they wouldn’t need to meet that specific bar? 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Joshe

[aurum]

46 minutes ago, Valach said:

I am struggling here internally. How do you navigate developing your own masculinity because it is who you are (or want to be if that's possible) vs Wanting to be a masculine man because you know that is what woman desire - and you want to be liked/loved by woman, so you want to become the masculine man. Which basically is just another neediness manifestation.

Yes that’s the crux of the issue.

Ultimately, you want to ground your masculinity in something not tied to success with women at all. You should be able to be an old, decrepit monk living in the forest alone and still be 100% masculine.

But that’s not the full story.

You are never going to experience being a man outside of the pressures and expectations that come with that. To be a human at all is to be an amalgamation of these pressures.

So give up looking for your authentic self as a human. Your authentic self is not human at all.

The goal becomes not just to burn off all these expectations but to learn to relate to them more consciously, more deliberately.

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, aurum said:

Yes that’s the crux of the issue.

Ultimately, you want to ground your masculinity in something not tied to success with women at all. You should be able to be an old, decrepit monk living in the forest alone and still be 100% masculine.

But that’s not the full story.

You are never going to experience being a man outside of the pressures and expectations that come with that. To be a human at all is to be an amalgamation of these pressures.

So give up looking for your authentic self as a human. Your authentic self is not human at all.

The goal becomes not just to burn off all these expectations but to learn to relate to them more consciously, more deliberately.

Thanks for an answer! How do you then go on living a role that society pressures you into whilst full on knowing that is not who you are? What is the concious realating you mention?