Men of the forum - Respect / Love

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

How can you love a man you don't respect?

If you go with love, the respect is assumed.

Then explain women who stay with deadbeat boyfriends and husbands for years 

[Sincerity]

Nice thinking. When I was with my ex, I actually suggested to her to tell me „I respect you” instead of „I love you”, because I felt like her willingness to express respect directly would make me feel even more loved than hearing „I love you”.

So yeah, probably respect. Respect for me included both love and respect in it, not the other way around.

I think „I respect you” has levels of depth to it. At a shallow level, you just tell someone you respect them to signal that you validate them and see them as equals. But when it goes deeper, it actually starts to mean „I submit to you”, „I trust you”. Then I think it can really become harder to say than „I love you”. So my ex’s willingness (or resistance) to say „I respect you” meant a lot.

Edited 9 hours ago by Sincerity

[Spiral]

Respect is shown not something you need to say. While I appreciate respect more, a girl expressing love is more appealing. Assuming I’m also in love of course.

Telling someone you respect them out of the blue comes off as suspicious. I’d never say that to anyone unless it’s relevant to a conversation

[Leo Gura]

59 minutes ago, Raze said:

Then explain women who stay with deadbeat boyfriends and husbands for years 

Many women don't respect themselves so they shack up with scum. But from her POV she still looks up to the scum.

Some people respect Trump, Hitler, Saddam Hussein, or Andrew Tate. If you are a fool you will respect fools.

1 hour ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

What WORDS do you want to hear?

I don't think most guys care much about words.

[AION]

women can't love a guy that they don't respect first so to be feared is better than to be loved, especially as a guy

Edited 7 hours ago by AION

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

Then explain women who stay with deadbeat boyfriends and husbands for years 

Attachment issues can be a big driver for this sort of behaviour

18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't think most guys care much about words.

Total non answer - take it as a hypothetical 

[Monster Energy]

I deeply love you

[Valach]

17 minutes ago, AION said:

women can't love a guy that they don't respect first so to be feared is better than to be loved, especially as a guy

Fear has nothing to do with respect. And it is not the opposite of love. At least romantic one.

[Valach]

@Natasha Tori Maru

I would prefer respect. I don't really value love that much as I know what it means to most of people (romantic one).

That being said, respect is not something I crave that much. In my country it is not really common to say this to someone (don't think I ever heard it from a woman).

What I crave is being seen and being heard. That's the shit. At least for me  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

22 minutes ago, AION said:

women can't love a guy that they don't respect first so to be feared is better than to be loved, especially as a guy

This is very strange to believe. I hope you have some more varied experiences.

[YIDIRYIDIR]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If a woman doesn't respect a man, she is not going to stay with him.

unless she's clingy and has attachment issues

[AION]

6 minutes ago, Valach said:

Fear has nothing to do with respect. And it is not the opposite of love. At least romantic one.

Fear and respect are intertwined aka you don´t want to hurt the other, lose the other. Perhaps I should have used other wording. 

 

3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

This is very strange to believe. I hope you have some more varied experiences.

why

[Monster Energy]

6 minutes ago, YIDIRYIDIR said:

unless she's clingy and has attachment issues

Who doesn’t have attachment issues these days 

[Someone here]

She might respect me but not love me or just treat me as a friend.

She might also love me but platonic love . 

If she loves me romantically she is automatically respecting me .

Edited 7 hours ago by Someone here

[CARDOZZO]

I deeply admire you.

[Valach]

1 hour ago, AION said:

Fear and respect are intertwined aka you don´t want to hurt the other, lose the other. Perhaps I should have used other wording. 

You can easily respect someone without fearing them. I can respect my 90 year old grandma for the woman she is. I don't have any fear towards her.

[Valach]

1 hour ago, YIDIRYIDIR said:

unless she's clingy and has attachment issues

Which is like basically most of the people on planet lol.

[BlessedLion]

11 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Tell me.

If you could choose what you want to hear more from a partner:

"I deeply respect you"

or

"I deeply love you"

I do think there will be overlap depending on how we define romantic love - this is about what you want to hear more from a woman.

 

Hmm, strangely i am leaning towards respect. Maybe i feel like love is just a given- but i think as a man having a womans deep respect is more valuable than love because sometimes love is founded on nothing of value. 

[Schizophonia]

What does respect even mean? I don't understand this concept actually.

[Zenterus]

Very interesting thread here with lots of intriguing answers.

For me, I'd much rather hear that a woman loves me than respects me, since I find that women tend to love men they respect, anyway. Plus, LOVE as a word feels deeper than respect to me -- in fact, respect feels more like a treat for the ego.

Of course, that assumes that I deeply care about the woman too. If its someone who I view in a casual way -- which I am no longer interested in, these days -- then respect would be better.

 

Edited 51 minutes ago by Zenterus