The myth of “don’t give a fuck” energy attracting women

[Emotionalmosquito]

After all these years and several more attempts I still don’t understand why so many people still think this is the case. I’ve literally been removed from bars for nothing other than embodying this EXACT energy. I’ve approached like this at target, the mall, Walmart, etc. the girls just aren’t having it. What has gotten me better responses is by doing the exact opposite. Being more chill, toning it down, making myself more boring and socially polite than my natural self. I even directly asked a woman at a health food store which behavior she prefers to be opened with: Talking about normal things relevant to the situation or weird/unpredictable topics. She said she prefers normal stuff. 
 

What gives?? 

Edited yesterday at 05:00 AM by Emotionalmosquito

[meta_male]

Don't-give-a-fuck energy is about being detached from outcome. If you get removed from bars it means you are socially disruptive. You don't need to put on a mask to have personality or ask random women what behavior they prefer, that's pure nice guy energy. Be your natural self, don't care about outcome, be fine without "results".

[Ulax]

8 minutes ago, meta_male said:

Don't-give-a-fuck energy is about being detached from outcome. If you get removed from bars it means you are socially disruptive. You don't need to put on a mask to have personality or ask random women what behavior they prefer, that's pure nice guy energy. Be your natural self, don't care about outcome, be fine without "results".

I agree that not giving a fuck is about being detached from outcome.

But if you didn't care about outcome you wouldn't ever approach anyone. Its better to have an outcome that isn't about just getting some sexual result. Like I want to have fun and connect with other cool people, and if that ends in sex then that's cool too.

[meta_male]

7 minutes ago, Ulax said:

But if you didn't care about outcome you wouldn't ever approach anyone. Its better to have an outcome that isn't about just getting some sexual result. Like I want to have fun and connect with other cool people, and if that ends in sex then that's cool too.

I see your point. But you can talk to someone or drop a comment simply because you find them interesting.

The idea that you have to constantly approach everyone is very pickup-community mindset because it's built on fear and lack. It treats human connection like a limited resource. You don't have to do all the heavy lifting yourself. If you are comfortable and enjoying yourself people...including women, will naturally approach you. Or at least make it very easy for you to talk to them.

[SamC]

5 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

After all these years and several more attempts I still don’t understand why so many people still think this is the case. I’ve literally been removed from bars for nothing other than embodying this EXACT energy. I’ve approached like this at target, the mall, Walmart, etc. the girls just aren’t having it. What has gotten me better responses is by doing the exact opposite. Being more chill, toning it down, making myself more boring and socially polite than my natural self. I even directly asked a woman at a health food store which behavior she prefers to be opened with: Talking about normal things relevant to the situation or weird/unpredictable topics. She said she prefers normal stuff. 
 

What gives?? 

Its not, " I don't give a fuck as a strategy". It's actually not giving a fuck

Edited 18 hours ago by SamC

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

After all these years and several more attempts I still don’t understand why so many people still think this is the case. I’ve literally been removed from bars for nothing other than embodying this EXACT energy. I’ve approached like this at target, the mall, Walmart, etc. the girls just aren’t having it. What has gotten me better responses is by doing the exact opposite. Being more chill, toning it down, making myself more boring and socially polite than my natural self. I even directly asked a woman at a health food store which behavior she prefers to be opened with: Talking about normal things relevant to the situation or weird/unpredictable topics. She said she prefers normal stuff. 
 

What gives?? 

'Not giving a fuck' doesn't mean totally abandoning all social norms. 

Most of the dudes who pull off this vibe are actually quite socially aware, they use that awareness to push the limits of what is socially acceptable. That can be very attractive.

What they don't do is smash through the limit of what is socially acceptable like a freight train, which is often what happens when people try to fake the "I don't give a fuck" energy. That will get you thrown out of places.

[Jirh]

I think it's mostly related to daddy issues, and you were lucky that you haven't stumbled upon any girl like that.

The daddy who left, didn't leave quietly. He left a scar that only gets relieved by scratching.

The scratch is someone who embodies the same energy. The energy of "I love you, but I don't care about you".

Self-esteem issues. She believes she doesn't deserve proper healthy love.

[Jirh]

Another explanation is that not giving a fuck is typically associated with strength and power, and it usually signals irrational confidence.

So, a girl who's trying to level up quickly will be attracted to that energy too.

[Monster Energy]

I’m sorry to say this, but if this doesn’t work for you, then maybe you’re just not that attractive. So stop claiming it doesn’t work.

Once you become enlightened, you realize this isn’t a myth. Attraction means chasing something you feel you don’t have. When you chase, people can sense that you feel empty or incomplete, which isn’t attractive.

When you genuinely don’t care about chasing validation, you naturally signal confidence and a sense of wholeness. That’s what people are truly attracted to. No one is attracted to death. They’re attracted to life. Chasing is death. Wholeness is life.

 

[amberlight]

Probably you have poor social calibration and instead off cool you come across as unhinged or creepy.

Lets say you approach a woman in a casual place like in a store or cafe, how exactly does this I don't care energy manifest?

[Ulax]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

I see your point. But you can talk to someone or drop a comment simply because you find them interesting.

The idea that you have to constantly approach everyone is very pickup-community mindset because it's built on fear and lack. It treats human connection like a limited resource. You don't have to do all the heavy lifting yourself. If you are comfortable and enjoying yourself people...including women, will naturally approach you. Or at least make it very easy for you to talk to them.

Yes, i get you re the interesting thing, and I agree people can, at least on occasion, naturally approach you/ make it easier to talk to you.

I would disagree about the pickup community treating human connection like a limited resourced. I'd say its exactly the opposite. 

[Ulax]

@Emotionalmosquito Respect for all the action taking bro. 

Sounds like you need to buy a pickup program though. Who are you getting advice from atm?

[LordFall]

The main part of don't give a fuck energy is being non-reactive and being at the cause not the effect of social intereactions. You want to be as expressive and playful as possible but ultimately women will give you shit tests which are meant to test if you'll break under pressure or start antagonism her or if you're able to roll with the punches and are witty enough to tease her about it.

Be careful in emulating the toxic part of being an alpha male and being almost like a thug, I had a buddy like this it was hilarious. He would like frame battle women like square up to them and refuse to leave when they weren't interested, I had to tell bro this is not the UFC this is not how you dominate an interaction lol. How you dominate an interaction is you defuse her own anxieties and defense mechanism and you handle all the logistical problems that come up so you guys can enjoy a beautiful night of romance and loving together and forget about the pains of the world for once. 

[Schizophonia]

Even without wanting to "please women" being authentic is the only way to truly feel anyway; in general it's the path of liberation.

That doesn't mean doing stupid things; it means acting for the sake of it, intuitively, because the pleasure center, the inner compass, points toward that.

In absolute logic wanting something is fundamentally declaring and so in fine manifesting that you don't have it.

You don't want to trust your emotions and act on them, because you think that to be effective (to get someone in this case) you have to act procedurally; with what you believe you know about what is good for you and what to do. As I’ve already said somewhere it’s actually not particularly masculine it’s a neurotic and actually so a castrating reflex; because emotional crushing stems from a low position in the social hierarchy (particularly during childhood when the brain is highly plastic).

And whether you like it or not emotions are present and paramount; after all they are the very reason we seek out a partner in the first place. So if feelings are blocked in favor of a planning process especially one driven by neurotic themes, it projects the image of someone who isn't there to offer a pleasant/craved vibe.

Generally speaking women likely have less neurosis and more self-respect for a some reasons.

 

 

[LordFall]

15 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Even without wanting to "please women" being authentic is the only way to truly feel anyway; in general it's the path of liberation.

That doesn't mean doing stupid things; it means acting for the sake of it, intuitively, because the pleasure center, the inner compass, points toward that.

In absolute logic wanting something is fundamentally declaring and so in fine manifesting that you don't have it.

You don't want to trust your emotions and act on them, because you think that to be effective (to get someone in this case) you have to act procedurally; with what you believe you know about what is good for you and what to do. As I’ve already said somewhere it’s actually not particularly masculine it’s a neurotic and actually so a castrating reflex; because emotional crushing stems from a low position in the social hierarchy (particularly during childhood when the brain is highly plastic).

And whether you like it or not emotions are present and paramount; after all they are the very reason we seek out a partner in the first place. So if feelings are blocked in favor of a planning process especially one driven by neurotic themes, it projects the image of someone who isn't there to offer a pleasant/craved vibe.

Generally speaking women likely have less neurosis and more self-respect for a some reasons.

 

 

I think this is half true and half a dangerous train of thought. Children act authentically and they are not the most effective members of society. As adults we have the benefit of being able to regulate our impulses and use our developed Neo cortex to strategically plan for our goals. 

You’re right that most of that should be thrown out in the middle of talking to a girl but introspection on how that went and course correction if it did not go as planned are mandatory to achieve great results in life. 

[Schizophonia]

4 hours ago, LordFall said:

I think this is half true and half a dangerous train of thought. Children act authentically and they are not the most effective members of society.
 

The confusion stems from linguistic limitations. I said “authenticity,” but to clarify the idea, we could also talk about acceptance. A child who shouts in a store does so because he doesn't want to see that it leads nowhere; a serial killer doesn't want to see that he'll end up in prison.
 

Children are not necessarily more “authentic” then; they have karma like anyone else.
 

They are also weaker physically and psychologically, and they also have less experience.

4 hours ago, LordFall said:

As adults we have the benefit of being able to regulate our impulses and use our developed Neo cortex to strategically plan for our goals. 
 

No, that's wrong; there are just as many rational children, particularly capable of projecting themselves into the future, as there are significantly impulsive 50-year-old adults.

4 hours ago, LordFall said:

You’re right that most of that should be thrown out in the middle of talking to a girl but introspection on how that went and course correction if it did not go as planned are mandatory to achieve great results in life. 

I'm going back to what I said at the beginning about the confusion surrounding the word "authentic."

[Emotionalmosquito]

14 hours ago, Monster Energy said:

I’m sorry to say this, but if this doesn’t work for you, then maybe you’re just not that attractive. So stop claiming it doesn’t work.

Once you become enlightened, you realize this isn’t a myth. Attraction means chasing something you feel you don’t have. When you chase, people can sense that you feel empty or incomplete, which isn’t attractive.

When you genuinely don’t care about chasing validation, you naturally signal confidence and a sense of wholeness. That’s what people are truly attracted to. No one is attracted to death. They’re attracted to life. Chasing is death. Wholeness is life.

 

I doubt my physical appearance can be that much of an issue because I look more or less normal/average. I even have some attractive facial features. The biggest drawback is my slightly receded chin, overbite. I also have a mid stage widow’s peak (although I have basically zero hair falling out anymore thanks to minoxidil/finasteride topical foam) I’m also only 5’9”, maybe 5’11-6ft with my boosters on. Come to think of it, shit, maybe you’re right 😞 

[Emotionalmosquito]

13 hours ago, Ulax said:

@Emotionalmosquito Respect for all the action taking bro. 

Sounds like you need to buy a pickup program though. Who are you getting advice from atm?

Thanks man. Tbh I’ve been slacking like a chud lately. I’m drawing from dozens of past experiences. Maybe 100-200 grand total. I’m very limited by my city’s population so I have to take long breaks to not make a negative reputation for myself as that guy “harassing” (attempting genuine connection) all the women, especially if I’m going about it without giving a single fuck like I supposedly should be. I have to rotate out different establishments and randomize the days and times I show up to run game to make it harder for managements/security teams to notice patterns. Once I get some money I’d like to get one of these masks to help out with my practice

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Emotionalmosquito

[Hojo]

It seems like you dont know what not giving a fuck means. Trying to pick up a woman is giving a fuck. The way you are saying they are attracted to you is not giving a fuck vs, i dont even know what you are doing with the first style of not giving a fuck.

People who dont give a fuck dont go around chatting up woman.

This is not something you can fake.

If you give a fuck people will know even when you are faking it.

Edited 2 hours ago by Hojo

[Emotionalmosquito]

12 hours ago, LordFall said:

The main part of don't give a fuck energy is being non-reactive and being at the cause not the effect of social intereactions. You want to be as expressive and playful as possible but ultimately women will give you shit tests which are meant to test if you'll break under pressure or start antagonism her or if you're able to roll with the punches and are witty enough to tease her about it.

But LordFall, that’s exactly what I’m doing. When I’m approaching I’m “self amusing,” another helpful thing the pickup crowd advises. I’m not looking for her to validate jack shit. I’m talking about what I find funny or interesting, yet it gets me no dates. To give some examples I’ll answer @amberlight’s question 

14 hours ago, amberlight said:

Probably you have poor social calibration and instead off cool you come across as unhinged or creepy.

Let’s say you approach a woman in a casual place like in a store or cafe, how exactly does this I don't care energy manifest?

Yes I’m quite sure the reason I’m failing (when doing the dgaf method) is in fact because I come off as unhinged or creepy. That’s my entire point. Why should that matter if I’m supposed to not care what others think of me? 
 
As for your question:
I talked to a cutie working the register at an empty shop in the mall about how cool I think it would be to get naked and crawl up a dragon’s vagina and birth myself back out, I probably had more detail at the time but I do remember it was something along those lines. A woman at a bar with her friend told me she was married, to which I replied, “A ring don’t cover a hole.” My most recent was a month or two ago at the carnival. I opened a cute blonde with her friend by saying “don’t go into that portapotty. I just had a fat miscarriage in there, it’s pretty messy.” I was expecting them to look horrified but much to my shock they were receptive to the dork humor. They were like “good to know.” Then I said “just kidding I’m still pregnant with it”. This started a surprisingly lasting interaction that evolved into other areas where she just played into the bit continuously, but eventually they fist bumped me and left. Keep in mind I only open women this way as my own form of shit test to see if she’s some preppy little snowflake who will run away scared or can actually banter and because it’s the most fun. Not because I’m craving validation for being a character. Problem is, you say that type of shit at a pussy ass bar or club and you’re gone

Edited 2 hours ago by Emotionalmosquito