How many real friends do you have?

[cistanche_enjoyer]

I noticed that in the last few years, as I’ve been progressing with spiritual work, I’ve been losing more and more friends from when I was younger.

The main reason, I think, being simply because I find most of them to be too “shallow”. Most people are at a low level of consciousness and so focused on meaningless things, that I cannot value spending time with them anymore. Am I falling into the “spiritual ego” trap?

I am also naturally an introvert, as I guess most people on this forum. So I wanted to ask you, how did spiritual work impact your friendships? Did you manage to make new friends that aligned better with your values? Do you still have friends from the old days?

[manuel bon]

Probably 3, and the best one is my gf

[Ulax]

Just my brother, really.

I cut everyone from my childhood out. So just my bro from the old days.

New friends wise I've struggled with. But my mind was mostly consumed with my life being a mess for quite a few years so i think that got in the way alot.

[Jehovah increases]

I use to have a lot of friends for a long time in my life now only a few and my brother. When doing psychedelics in can be very lonely but you get use to it.

Edited 9 hours ago by Jehovah increases

[LordFall]

A few good friends but in general most people I find myself not in alignment with. Especially with AI these days though it doesn't concern me as much as it fulfills a lot of my intellectual relationship component and that's one of the things I value most in friendship. 

[Nemra]

I haven't had a real friend yet.

[bazera]

@cistanche_enjoyer How would you define a "real" friendship? 

For me, it depends. Sometimes when I just want to socialize and have fun, I don't seek out friends with whom I'd have philosophical discussions.

When I want to talk about something deeper or share my own stuggles or hardships, there are 1-2 friends that I'd go to.

Is the second one more real than the first one? I don't know. 

Edited 9 hours ago by bazera

[cistanche_enjoyer]

52 minutes ago, bazera said:

How would you define a "real" friendship? 

That’s a good question on its own 

But what I had in mind are more in general friends with whom you talk and hang out regularly, outside of work/university/family. In your case both the examples would count.

[cistanche_enjoyer]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

A few good friends but in general most people I find myself not in alignment with. Especially with AI these days though it doesn't concern me as much as it fulfills a lot of my intellectual relationship component and that's one of the things I value most in friendship.

Damn bro you replaced your friends with AI. I’m not so sure it’s a good thing, though I see the appeal…

[cistanche_enjoyer]

1 hour ago, Jehovah increases said:

When doing psychedelics in can be very lonely but you get use to it.

Why do you think this happens?

[LordFall]

7 minutes ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

Damn bro you replaced your friends with AI. I’m not so sure it’s a good thing, though I see the appeal…

No I just spend a bit less time with them and now don't expect them to have to entertain me intellectually since I can do that at any time with an AI. Different people have different social needs though, I'm an INTP so I don't really value shooting the shit all that much. I run social events monthly so that fulfills a lot of my socialization needs. 

[Eskilon]

Probably just one true friend, and she is my ex-girlfriend.

[LambdaDelta]

Four, 3 of whom I met directly or indirectly through this place and we just met in person for the first time last weekend, yet it feels like we've known each other for years due to how there's basically zero filter/friction, plus tripping together massively helps build the relationship. And the 4th one is an old friend from middle school I recently reconnected with, pretty much my last remaining 'normie' link apart from family.

Till not so long ago for 7+ years the number was 0. Conscious relationships certainly enrich life, which I'm saying as one of the most introverted motherfuckers on the planet. It would be cool to add another 2-3 close amigos, but no more; else the circle gets too bloated, attention divided, more drama, etc. 

[AION]

I have like 1 best friend, 4 good friends and a lot more distant friends. But I'm socially offline a lot and need me alone time. 

[Carl-Richard]

When you realize hanging out with friends is not about you, it matters less what you think about them. Like, do you hang out with a child because you want to squeeze some zest out of them? Or do you simply enjoy them for who they are, even if they are limited? And can you appreciate the joy they get from hanging out with you, and can that be the whole joy? That said, I do not hang out with my friends really at all anymore, but when I do, I do enjoy it more than not. I never got "entertained" by them spiritually/intellectually in the first place anyway, even before starting spirituality (only some in the more peripheral friend group).

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Carl-Richard said:

When you realize hanging out with friends is not about you, it matters less what you think about them. Like, do you hang out with a child because you want to squeeze some zest out of them? Or do you simply enjoy them for who they are, even if they are limited? And can you appreciate the joy they get from hanging out with you, and can that be the whole joy? That said, I do not hang out with my friends really at all anymore, but when I do, I do enjoy it more than not. I never got "entertained" by them spiritually/intellectually in the first place anyway, even before starting spirituality (only some in the more peripheral friend group).

I second this...you shouldn't base your friends by their level of spiritual advancement or intellect.  Although you may gravitate towards people more like yourself in your later years as you develop and mature more and more.   But I have one or two good friends that remained from childhood and we still keep in touch.   They have no clue about reality or epistemology.   But I still love them all the same.  Our conversations obviously don't include the Absolute.  I also have a dear friend @JoshB who i can talk this stuff with which is nice when I feel like talking this stuff.  But most of the time its all stuff within the world (content vs structure) that I talk about with friends. 

[theleelajoker]

4 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

I noticed that in the last few years, as I’ve been progressing with spiritual work, I’ve been losing more and more friends from when I was younger.

The main reason, I think, being simply because I find most of them to be too “shallow”. Most people are at a low level of consciousness and so focused on meaningless things, that I cannot value spending time with them anymore. Am I falling into the “spiritual ego” trap?

I am also naturally an introvert, as I guess most people on this forum. So I wanted to ask you, how did spiritual work impact your friendships? Did you manage to make new friends that aligned better with your values? Do you still have friends from the old days?

Re the "shallow" people:

Alan Watt might say to this that there are more "inside" and more "outside" people. And isn't it amazing how well the outside people play their role? Instead of judging them, we should celebrate those people for playing their part so amazingly! 

Re OP:

I would say four in total, three men and one woman (an ex). Real friends in a sense of "I know what's going on in their life and they know about mine" + we are in touch regularly. Two of those four live in another city, though.

Some friends I see or talk to only every few months, and we talk about anything and everything, but we don't do stuff together often. Plus I don't feel we're involved enough into each other's daily life to call it "real" friends.

[AION]

In the eyes of God there is no difference between shallow and non shallow. At the end it doesn't matter. It is spiritual ego to think we are better than other people just because think you know stuff. Friends are to celebrate the Self and that can only happen if we are light hearted and see normal people through kind eyes.

[Sincerity]

My best friend (whom I met through this forum), my sister, maybe my ex-gf.

[LifeEnjoyer]

Nada, none, zilch.

Edited 3 hours ago by LifeEnjoyer