How many women did you meet before you found a girlfriend?

[Yimpa]

ONE.

[Hojo]

@Xonas PitfallYes we were brain washed via media. Hard.

My problem is wanting prince charming is inherantly succubus. 

Wanting someone to die for is not.

Edited 20 hours ago by Hojo

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Hojo

1 minute ago, Hojo said:

My problem is wanting prince charming is inherantly succubus. 

Wanting someone to die for is not.

What do you mean here?

[Hojo]

@Xonas PitfallA man just wants to be unconditionally accepted and loved, so that he may surrender his life because he dosent want to think. If you watch old people the woman is telling the man what to do at every aspect of life because he dosent want to think.

A woman wants control over the man. She wants someone to protect her and take care of her. She wants the man to surrender his life to her.

I dont mean succubus as in a demon like the definition says I mean in the way that she wants something from the man and the only thing man wants is to be loved. They already have everything else.

So a man dosent have someone that will unconditionally love him and thats what he wants. Woman already has that and wants what the man has absolute freedom. They exchange these for partnership.

The trick is the woman will never unconditionally love the man, the man will unconditionally love the woman. She will change him to what she wants.

If there was a gunfight the woman will run and the man will gunfight to protect. If the man asked the woman to gunfight instead she would refuse.

If there was a woman that would gunfight its cause they have been abused and manipulated by the man in a uno reverse card type way.

This is why men become obsessed with God. They are like WOW there is something out there that literally unconditionally loves me to no end! And now I am in love with it forever.

They also fall in love with their war buddies cause its unconditional love.

Edited 20 hours ago by Hojo

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Hojo Hmm...

There are a lot of tricky things being said here, but I think the core idea is that as humans, or even just as "selves," we crave unconditional love. Unconditional love = permanent safety, and that’s deeply alluring to our sense of self-preservation, meaning, and our desire to feel important to someone or something in this world, regardless of gender.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

A woman wants control over the man. She wants someone to protect her and take care of her. She wants the man to surrender his life to her.

For example, I remember as a girl often fantasizing about finding a guy I could deeply love and make happy, fantasies of servitude, of giving everything to make someone feel cherished. This definitely played out in my relationships. I often found myself drawn to people who seemed either skeptical of true love or were dealing with sadness or depression. I felt a sense of fulfillment when I could impact their lives, making them feel supported, cared for, and unconditionally loved. I dreamed of embodying unconditional love for someone, and of being unconditionally loved in return.

However, over time, I realized that the concept of “unconditional love” is flawed. We are, by nature, limited beings. We are not “God” in our human sense, so this ideal should never have been the goal. For example, we all have very specific conditions that need to be met to feel good. If I overheat your room to an uncomfortable temperature, you won’t feel happy or at peace. Similarly, just as happiness is conditional for us, so is our ability to love. To use shallow, stereotypical examples: many men might leave their wives if she just slightly tips the BMI scale into overweight, or if she gets too wrinkly or old for their taste. Many women might leave their partners if they’re shown more love or attention by someone more attractive, charming, or richer. So, this dynamic happens on both sides.

When we talk about “unconditional love,” we’re often referring to a lesser form of conditionality: still conditional, just with fewer or different requirements. For example, a partner might not leave you the moment you seem weak or unappealing, or if you don’t have enough money. In return, you might not leave her just because she’s started being “naggy” or slightly disagreeable. Relationships with such fragile sensitivities would be considered shallow, whereas relationships where partners push through difficult times, like raising children, dealing with sickness, or standing the test of time, are viewed as having more depth and are considered closer to “unconditional” love. That’s typically the kind of standard we should aspire to.

What I've realized in my own relationships is that we do, in fact, want specific things from our partners, which makes the relationship conditional. The more things we do for each other, the more we can feel assured of trust, love, and commitment, making it feel more “unconditional.” The more conditions we meet, the more unconditional it can feel.

For example, in my past relationships, when a guy started ignoring me, preferring other people's company, speaking cruelly to me, or being negligent about things I was passionate about, I realized I could not remain "unconditional" in my love for him. It would hurt me too deeply. So, I started understanding more and more about what I needed from them, and what I had to be like to even expect that kind of treatment. It's an important question to ask: What exactly do I want from my partner? And am I the kind of person my partner would want to be with?

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

Wanting someone to die for is not.

To be “someone worth dying for” is no small ask. Some people expect perfection, God instead of Ego, an angel instead of a succubus. But what does it really mean for you to have someone whom you'd die for? What do they have to do, act like, be like? It's really important to get into specifics here so you can become aware of your own "conditions" and recognize that you're not truly unconditional either. The more we demonize the other side, the more our ego gets distracted from taking responsibility. We start to imagine ourselves as angels, failing to recognize our own limits.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

This is why men become obsessed with God. They are like WOW there is something out there that literally unconditionally loves me to no end! And now I am in love with it forever.

I fear this is also a general "Self/Ego" thing. I share this sentiment myself: "What... there's something out there that can show me unconditional love and help me love myself too? How beautiful!" That’s why God represents the highest form of beauty, and why the ego finds it so appealing.

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

If there was a gunfight the woman will run and the man will gunfight to protect. If the man asked the woman to gunfight instead she would refuse.

If there was a woman that would gunfight its cause they have been abused and manipulated by the man in a uno reverse card type way.

This is just one form of Love. For example, studies show that husbands are significantly more likely to leave their wives when the wife becomes seriously ill, compared to the reverse situation. One study found that when a woman is terminally ill, her male partner is about 624% more likely to separate from her. This disparity is often linked to traditional gender roles, where wives frequently take on the caregiving role, and a wife’s severe illness may disrupt the couple’s established dynamic.

I think, in general, society conditions men into certain forms of expressing love, and less so into others. For example, a man might be more willing to fight, protect, or destroy for someone he loves, especially for something he perceives as "beautiful, innocent, pure, and worth protecting." However, if that thing no longer seems the same to him, perhaps it becomes less beautiful, or he judges the person’s character as less perfect than he expected or wanted, then that’s where his love may stop. If expressing love requires taking on a more feminine role, such as caring for a sick partner, that’s often where his expression of love may also falter.

On the other hand, women are often societally conditioned to surrender themselves to the needs of their partner, family, or career, especially when it comes to children. From a young age, many women are taught that selflessness is a virtue, that their role is to nurture, care, and put others first. They are less frequently encouraged to take on roles that are seen as domineering, aggressive, or confrontational, which are typically reserved for men in many cultures. As a result, when a woman's expression of love is expected to manifest primarily in nurturing, emotional support, and caregiving, it can sometimes limit her capacity to express love in ways that go beyond these traditionally feminine roles. This means that when the situation requires a more aggressive form of protection or fighting for what she loves, such as in a difficult or life-threatening situation, her expression of love may be more limited.

I hope you get my point: men and women each have their ways of showing care, and also ways where their care may be weaker, either due to societal conditioning, gender roles, or biology.

Nonetheless, just blabbering... 😅

I really hope I don’t come off as confrontational or dismissive of your experiences. What you described above sounds terrible, and I’m sorry you’ve been treated that way. However, I do feel that what you're describing is more indicative of the broader corruption of the human mind and ego, rather than something strictly gender-specific. Gender issues, as I mentioned in my previous post, often stem from the over-idealization of the "perfect other" and the over-idealization of ourselves as good partners. We don’t always address our own issues with boundaries, how we act or behave, and who we end up choosing in our minds versus the reality of those choices and the person at hand. That’s when the cycle of disappointment sets in, and then we tend to project those frustrations onto an entire gender, which only exacerbates the issue.

Edited 19 hours ago by Xonas Pitfall

[Leo Gura]

My brother learned about pickup from me. He went out to the nearest Barnes & Noble bookstore, approached a girl he saw sitting in the cafe, and she became his girlfriend.

[Rasheed]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

My brother learned about pickup from me. He went out to the nearest Barnes & Noble bookstore, approached a girl he saw sitting in the cafe, and she became his girlfriend.

How did that end, are they still together? I am asking that question because turning the first girl you approached into a girlfriend can backfire in the long run...

Edited 6 hours ago by Rasheed

[Adrian colby]

First relationship was a guy in my class that lasted for a year and fizzled out because I just liked girls better I was hurt by thefirst I approached, a friend, but I approached her not directly. It was a childish teenage love letter and the friend never spoke to me again after that which scarred me. ( expressing love= rejection). First actual girlfriend abused me physically for her amusement but love = not being lonely so the attachment was limerence not love, it was a year with potential marriage discussed but she was 19 I was 23. She left me while I went into hospital so wasn’t able to go to her and find out what happened but I couldn’t be friends because of the deep feeling of betrayal and loneliness. Turns out she’d been with plenty others ( but they didn’t actually bother me) what bothered me was I found out she was with me because I was an unusual novelty (DSD).

my second girlfriend ( third partner) became my wife after dating, living together and agreeing to run the business of ‘life’ together. I’ve been with her for 21 years and have grown and matured along side her. We both had to have a mature and respectful mindset for that to happen as some of the challenges would have broken us up. 
 

I do feel like I have missed important stages and experiences of life especially with meeting and being intimate with others but it’s not really a case of missing out as I really had no interest back then ( Demisexual) no attraction until the person is known for at least two years so it’s considered a kind of A-sexuality. 
however. My heart started to open last year, I began to stop masking autism ( ran out of energy to do it and got a diagnosis that my wife suspected for ages). Trying to align more authenyically I just sat with the realisation I was just not a monogamous person. As much as I e agreed to tackle the challenges of daily life with my wife, I am not shut down to living and being intimate with other friends provided expectations and consents are clearly discussed before deepening any contact. My rejection of total monogamy comes from seeing through colonialist structuring and conformity which doesn’t ring true for me otherwise I would not feel love for people in my circle or allow it to deepen when it is needed or wanted for connection. I certainly have preferences but with 8 billion soulmates out there why prejudice one!

it was a challenge to get over the jealousy and self worth hurdle but realising I am not a posession and my own autonomy doesn’t actually affect her, allowed both of us to continue to explore and experience life without being limited by each other at the same time of agreeing we were both the choice for living and experiencing/running daily household life together. 
 

Living the rest of my life without experiencing love in its different  forms would be a waste of life to me. I prefer if to hating and so allow it if it is there. We are much happier people if we are allowed to love whether it’s wanted, needed, or just for deepening connection. They are fleeting moments but cherished one’s non the less  

 

if I was stuck in the marriage with no option to experience life now then yes the marriage would end but it’s not just about partners and sex it’s everything  the ability to explore one’s life without being contained or possessed and controlled by someone e else.

 

[Ramasta9]

When i was in high school, my friends often got all the girls, i never really had luck with girls, but then i realized why, it would of only fed my ego further. I always had long term relationships, god always sent a real woman my way, to face the hard life lessons and mature as a man. Some of my friends have slept with 100s of women, I have only slept with 5 or so, and really, few deep meaningful relationships, outweigh 100s of shallow ones. 

[StaraX]

On 1.11.2025 at 7:34 AM, Emerald said:

No. Just start socializing in groups with men and women in them. (school, hobby groups, or any other place that you frequent)

Make friends and acquaintances with the men and the women in the group.

And over time, if you are authentic, a small but sizable percentage of women in the group will be interested in you.... and you can spark up something when you sense chemistry. 

@EmeraldDid you know that  @Leo Guramentioned in his How to get laid videod that we men should aim to approach 3000 in a year, and MAYBE we will get 3-10 lays. 

Edited 4 hours ago by StaraX

[Peo]

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

A man just wants to be unconditionally accepted and loved, so that he may surrender his life because he dosent want to think.

Why not just love yourself or existence itself, instead of be dependent on a women to love you?

Will never fall in love with a women, I will fall in love with existence itself.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Rasheed said:

How did that end, are they still together? I am asking that question because turning the first girl you approached into a girlfriend can backfire in the long run...

It did not last because they were a bad match. But that is irrelevant. You will have many bad matches.

[cistanche_enjoyer]

31 minutes ago, Peo said:

Why not just love yourself or existence itself, instead of be dependent on a women to love you?

Will never fall in love with a women, I will fall in love with existence itself.

When you die one day, you will merge with existence in a profound union of Infinite Love. And you will be able to stay there for eternity if you want. So what’s the rush?  

If you are on this planet right now, it’s probably because you want to explore all the possibilities of distortions in duality, which may include falling in love a woman. What do you really desire deep inside? 

[Hojo]

@Peo i didn't love myself. No one in my life love me. When someone finally did i lost it. I can do it now a bit but its hard for me from my programming . I didn't even know what love mean.

Edited 1 hour ago by Hojo

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, StaraX said:

@EmeraldDid you know that  @Leo Guramentioned in his How to get laid videod that we men should aim to approach 3000 in a year, and MAYBE we will get 3-10 lays. 

He's setting your expectations, so that you don't interpret your first 50 "nos" as a sign that you should stop approaching. And he's encouraging you to do a lot of volume. (In any kind cold marketing, more volume equals more sales)

But that 3000 number is not realistic, even for cold approach.... unless you're doing something VERY ineffectively. And if you're a beginner to approaching women, you very well might be doing something VERY ineffectively. 

That's why he's setting your expectations at such a high volume. Number one, it gives you practice through volume. Number two, it sets your expectations very low, so that you don't get discouraged.

In cold approach, you will likely have a close rate of about 0.5% to 2%. That's industry standard for any kind of cold marketing. So, you may need to cold approach 50-200 women to get one yes.

And cold approach will take you longer to find a willing woman, because many women have standards to automatically sort out random guys that approach as most will see it as spam attention.

It's the difference between cold sales and warm sales, business-wise or dating-wise.

Cold sales will be much harder... because the "customer" doesn't know, like, or trust you.

What I was recommending, however, was to get involved in a social circle. In a social circle, your numbers will be much better as you will have fewer leads... but warmer leads. They will come to know, like, and trust you... and you will be read as a more valuable partner.

If you are looking for a girlfriend, social circle and building warm connections with female friends and acquaintances is the superior strategy. It requires fewer skills, and you will find more discerning partners who like you for your personality. Plus, it will meet your needs for community.

If you are looking for a bunch of sexual variety and hook-ups and to have exciting sexual experiences, cold approach is the way to go.