Good Looking but Still Invisible to Women — What Am I Missing?

[theleelajoker]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Have fun looking at people's avatars.

Ofc.

Otherwise i I would have already manifested love glory and beauty

And a bigger club. 

[JonasVE12]

Women will show up naturally once you get a few things down. The first thing that you need is embodied masculine leadership. That's everything from actually approaching and speaking your truth directly. If you don't show up and lead the dance, nothing happens, even if she is receptive to you. Of course that requires being grounded in vulnerability. You approach simply to stand in your truth and that's enough. 

The other thing is presence. The man who turns heads is not the one who is the most good looking necessarily. It's the one who embodies a typical flavor of presence that the feminine instantly recognise and is drawn to like a moth to a flame. It's who you are being inside, not what you're doing. It's about how you show up and who you are before you show up first of all. 

Women universally are attracted to grounded masculine presence. It's about how anchored you are into stillness. Your sense of stability. How unshakeabke you are under pressure, like her gaze and tests. Your ability to stay relaxed and open through them, to play with it, be amused by it. It's about how you're able to contain her chaos and her storm. If you are reactive to her storm, you lose trust instantly. Woman need to trust your ability to contain and ground her before she surrenders. That's how she feels safe. That's why she tests. 

The deeper you are surrendered into stillness, the more your presence will radiate wholeness. Your entire being will radiate that essence and make her feel like you could truly meet her and see her. She knows you aren't trying to prove yourself, manipulate or control. If you still are feeling that lack, she feels that you're approaching to get something from her, not to truly meet her.

It's also about letting go of control. You're simply there to see her, to feel her and to dance with her. if you are in your head, calculating your next move or think about what to say, she'll feel you are not really there with her. 

It's also about how much sexual masculine polarity you carry. The voltage or heat in your body rising from your lower body, charging your presence that makes her feel excited and vulnerable at the same time. She wants to feel the charged intensity of your attention on her. If you leak inner energy all the time through certain activities, you lose that charge and your presence feels more flat. We're dissipating our energy all the time very unconsciously. Not only through masturbation, but also the way you are constantly avoiding silence. If you make the present moment your home instead of trying to avoid it and cover it with constant noise and the seeking of stimulation, your presence automatically becomes more powerful in all kinds of ways.

Other important thing is to have an open, soft heart. Your soft openness and vulnerability is attractive. If you are grounded and sovereign, this soft vulnerability is magical to women. Only vulnerability is weak. Only groundedness is flat. 

Embody curiosity with her. Curiosity is what will open her. There's more things but these things will get you far. And don't take yourself so seriously. 

No need for strategies or performances. Embodiment is where the real freedom comes in. So many men are in their head, clueless and unaware of it, completely lost in performance and strategy while lacking presence. Embodiment makes it so that your being itself is enough. Its the invitation. And women of all types and ages are drawn to a deeply embodied man. If you're young and have nothing on paper, still, you will be surprised at the caliber of women you will attract. Quantity yes,but the quality is what makes this really worthwhile. They can be 20 years older, highly accomplished, completely out of your leagea on paper, yet will be inevitably attracted to you since this is about masculine-feminine polarity which is more fundamental than all else. 

Edited August 29 by JonasVE12

[Leo Gura]

On 8/8/2025 at 7:32 AM, czar24 said:

So my question is:
What do you think a guy in my position should do?

Oh, this is simple.

The only way to get good with women is to socialize with 1000s of women. Everything else is irrelevant.

If you want to solve this problem you must undertake the pickup journey. That means you start going out consistently every week and talking to hundreds and thousands of women.

I have outlined the entire process in my videos: How To Get Laid - Part 1, 2, and 3.

Re-watch that video series. It really is the answer. It is so comprehensive that there's little else to say.

Don't worry about confidence. Confidence will come naturally as you gain socialization experience. You don't need to do any special tricks or techniques to be confident. Experience IS confidence.

The only way to be visible to women is to socialize with them.

P.S. Sorry about your scooter accident. I fell off my scooter too. Not as bad as you but it still hurt. Scooters are the Devil's vehicle.

Edited August 29 by Leo Gura

[AION]

Most important thing in relationships is frame. If you compete on looks you will lose anyway because girls don’t look solely to looks and there are always better looking guys so why should she chose you as an average guy who doesn’t get it (the frame). 

Edited August 29 by AION

[theleelajoker]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 

The only way to get good with women is to socialize with 1000s of women. Everything else is irrelevant.

 

P.S. Sorry about your scooter accident. I fell off my scooter too. Not as bad as you but it still hurt. Scooters are the Devil's vehicle.

IME: Socializing with all kinds of people helps, it opens you up for social interaction and then you're not so much pressured (by yourself) doing it with the particular women you set your sights on. Sometimes yes, but IME also just be around and interact with ANY people and also see how others interact.

The problem I see with the "talk to a lot of women" is that guys "tighten" their view on "got to talk to this woman", create pressure and miss out on the infinite possibilities left and right.

Last night I got to know two interesting women because I randomly talked to a guy that knew a guy that knew the two women 

 

PS: Scooter are the devil's vehicle. Almost killed myself in an accident some years ago 

[meta_male]

47 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

The problem I see with the "talk to a lot of women" is that guys "tighten" their view on "got to talk to this woman", create pressure and miss out on the infinite possibilities left and right.

Yes I agree, but pickup is probably the fastest approach to "get good" with women, way to burn through karma plus gain other valuable skills along the way. Sometimes I forget having a sister helped me not be awkward around women, which is why pickup always felt questionable to me. In my circles it’s always the single-child guys who have no idea how to interact with women.

On 8.8.2025 at 4:32 PM, czar24 said:

I think the accident happened to break my reliance on my looks and force me into a position where I now have to develop real, core self-confidence…

@czar24 That crash aftermath looks nasty. Maybe it happened because riding a scooter already makes you look silly, like taking a toilet for a spin 

@Leo Gura @theleelajoker 

 

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, meta_male said:

Yes I agree, but pickup is probably the fastest approach to "get good" with women, way to burn through karma plus gain other valuable skills along the way. Sometimes I forget having a sister helped me not be awkward around women, which is why pickup always felt questionable to me. In my circles it’s always the single-child guys who have no idea how to interact with women.

No way, also sister? Is she older as well? Damn this clone lab they never come up with new stuff. Had similar conversation with @Joshe  recently, how sister helps to be around / interact with women. 

If guess are somehow comfortable doing pick up, then it can help yes. If it's no fun, costs energy and you have a "must do this to learn how to get laid" mindset, then I would go another route. Just platonically spending time with women where it's clear that you don't have intention to get involved. Have female companies and friends w/o wanting to have sex with them (yes, it's possible).

One time I was at a festival, and I got two attractive women as neighbors. One was soooo my type and she gave some signals that I might her type too. But I had a new GF, I was in love with her and no interest in others. So I told them " to avoid misunderstandings: ok you're attractive women, but I have a new GF, I'm in love with her and I see all women as sisters here. I think you're cool if you want let's hangout this weekend and I can be your wingman too if you're looking for boys"

So I spent the next days with them, without the sexual tensions every communication was so relaxed. Talking , chilling, dancing together. And being around them I obviously learned a lot about women.

Hm I'm single again maybe I write the one I liked?   OMG she had some of the sexiest legs I have ever seen...

 

Edited August 29 by theleelajoker

[RawJudah]

I hate reading threads like this. I’m in a small town. Was good with girls when I was younger. Started working from 18 and had a few girlfriends since then but not many. Wish I could move to a big city to get better with women but the cost is outrageous and I’d have to work low paid jobs to have the energy to go out all the time. Really stuck. This sucks. I can see with wisdom that if I don’t nail this part of my life I’ll regret it. 32 years old now. Can’t tell if that’s even young anymore?

[RawJudah]

Is pick-up optional? 
That’s the question I’d love to know the answer to. 
Is pick-up optional???

[Princess Arabia]

15 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

Women will show up naturally once you get a few things down. The first thing that you need is embodied masculine leadership. That's everything from actually approaching and speaking your truth directly. If you don't show up and lead the dance, nothing happens, even if she is receptive to you. Of course that requires being grounded in vulnerability. You approach simply to stand in your truth and that's enough. 

The other thing is presence. The man who turns heads is not the one who is the most good looking necessarily. It's the one who embodies a typical flavor of presence that the feminine instantly recognise and is drawn to like a moth to a flame. It's who you are being inside, not what you're doing. It's about how you show up and who you are before you show up first of all. 

Women universally are attracted to grounded masculine presence. It's about how anchored you are into stillness. Your sense of stability. How unshakeabke you are under pressure, like her gaze and tests. Your ability to stay relaxed and open through them, to play with it, be amused by it. It's about how you're able to contain her chaos and her storm. If you are reactive to her storm, you lose trust instantly. Woman need to trust your ability to contain and ground her before she surrenders. That's how she feels safe. That's why she tests. 

The deeper you are surrendered into stillness, the more your presence will radiate wholeness. Your entire being will radiate that essence and make her feel like you could truly meet her and see her. She knows you aren't trying to prove yourself, manipulate or control. If you still are feeling that lack, she feels that you're approaching to get something from her, not to truly meet her.

It's also about letting go of control. You're simply there to see her, to feel her and to dance with her. if you are in your head, calculating your next move or think about what to say, she'll feel you are not really there with her. 

It's also about how much sexual masculine polarity you carry. The voltage or heat in your body rising from your lower body, charging your presence that makes her feel excited and vulnerable at the same time. She wants to feel the charged intensity of your attention on her. If you leak inner energy all the time through certain activities, you lose that charge and your presence feels more flat. We're dissipating our energy all the time very unconsciously. Not only through masturbation, but also the way you are constantly avoiding silence. If you make the present moment your home instead of trying to avoid it and cover it with constant noise and the seeking of stimulation, your presence automatically becomes more powerful in all kinds of ways.

Other important thing is to have an open, soft heart. Your soft openness and vulnerability is attractive. If you are grounded and sovereign, this soft vulnerability is magical to women. Only vulnerability is weak. Only groundedness is flat. 

Embody curiosity with her. Curiosity is what will open her. There's more things but these things will get you far. And don't take yourself so seriously. 

No need for strategies or performances. Embodiment is where the real freedom comes in. So many men are in their head, clueless and unaware of it, completely lost in performance and strategy while lacking presence. Embodiment makes it so that your being itself is enough. Its the invitation. And women of all types and ages are drawn to a deeply embodied man. If you're young and have nothing on paper, still, you will be surprised at the caliber of women you will attract. Quantity yes,but the quality is what makes this really worthwhile. They can be 20 years older, highly accomplished, completely out of your leagea on paper, yet will be inevitably attracted to you since this is about masculine-feminine polarity which is more fundamental than all else. 

Guys, bookmark this comment and come back to it for reference. It is a goldmine. I want to marry him just from these words alone. Hehe, just kidding but these words says it all. They are just not for the one just looking to get laid but to truly interact with women and enjoy the feminine aspects of life. I surely felt the masculine energy in these words. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, RawJudah said:

Is pick-up optional? 
That’s the question I’d love to know the answer to. 
Is pick-up optional???

Depends entirely on your goals and standards.

If you want to master dating attractive women, yes.

How good do you want to be with women? How many women do you want? How hot do you want them to be?

[UpperMaster]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Depends entirely on your goals and standards.

If you want to master dating attractive women, yes.

How good do you want to be with women? How many women do you want? How hot do you want them to be?

Very hot. Many women. So for me not optional I guess.

Edited August 29 by UpperMaster

[nerdspeak]

5 hours ago, RawJudah said:

Is pick-up optional? 
That’s the question I’d love to know the answer to. 
Is pick-up optional???

If you’re good looking you can just use dating apps and be normal on the dates and do fine. No need to do cold approach really. But you need to move to at least a medium-sized city.

it’s like any other kind of funnel, you need volume at the top or it’s not going to work. 

[meta_male]

9 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

No way, also sister? Is she older as well? Damn this clone lab they never come up with new stuff. Had similar conversation with @Joshe  recently, how sister helps to be around / interact with women. 

Nah she's younger....they did change that. It does help. And I always found I treated women like sisters. Play with them, tease them, annoy them. They love it.

Also, smooth move with the festival girls. Though, I'm more reserved around other women when I'm seeing someone. I literally feel no urge to interact with other women.

7 hours ago, RawJudah said:

Wish I could move to a big city to get better with women but the cost is outrageous and I’d have to work low paid jobs to have the energy to go out all the time. Really stuck. This sucks.

Seems like the cost of staying stuck is way higher for you. You're paying for it everyday already.

Edited August 29 by meta_male

[czar24]

@Leo Gura Over the course of a few weeks, I spent my time fasting and engaging in deep contemplation. To be honest, the question I asked could've been worded better. It was born out of intense anxiety. Yet, I derived more value from your answer. 

I have also taken the time to thoroughly revise the summary of all the answers in this post.
The mistake I made with making this post was looking for an answer that would be the ultimate "how-to" from a male perspective.

Yet everything you've just mentioned is what I've already known for quite some time now. Moving to a major city with more women and more volume is key. My confidence is not a problem. I am actually quite bold and have been told that by many people. I'm actually able to approach women anywhere. In a town that has 10,000 people on average. How could I've hoped to get any good?

I don't have any more to say on this post. Typing more and making more posts is not going to help me. Thank you, Leo.

And thank the rest of you all for responding.

Good night.

 

Edited August 29 by czar24

[Leo Gura]

@czar24 Just hatch a plan to live and work in a big city with great nightlife. That really is the foundation to dating success. It is a numbers game.

 

[Thought Art]

You need to see how it’s only fear blocking you. Just approach and talk. 

[Magnanimous]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Depends entirely on your goals and standards.

If you want to master dating attractive women, yes.

How good do you want to be with women? How many women do you want? How hot do you want them to be?

@Leo Gura Is pickup worth doing/mastering for social skills alone? Social/leadership LP here

[theleelajoker]

12 hours ago, meta_male said:

Also, smooth move with the festival girls. Though, I'm more reserved around other women when I'm seeing someone. I literally feel no urge to interact with other women..

When I said that stuff, and the next hours, I was high on mushrooms. It might have been a bit voyeuristic, but I was in state where most of time I was just watching them and enjoying their beauty without the intention to do anything other then watching and being there.

With beauty I mean also how they moved, how they danced, talked, how their moods shifted, how they became tired, cold, annoyed by others etc.

And they seemed to enjoy that, a) they were looking for my proximity and b) sometimes I felt like they did a little show for me. Dancing in a sexy way right in front of me or one time they started to playfully feed eat other like a lesbian couple would do for foreplay... quite the weekend 

Edited August 30 by theleelajoker

[theleelajoker]

13 hours ago, meta_male said:

 And I always found I treated women like sisters. Play with them, tease them, annoy them. They love it.

 

And this is so true! I think I neglected that teasing thing a bit recently but it's a great general guideline.

 Sometimes they play too much with being vulnerable and then I softened up, especially in relationships.

But sometimes it's a trap recently I was playfighting with a girl in bed then she screamed "stop it hurts", I stopped but she was faking it and took the chance to get a better position 🤣

So symbolic for some real life stuff. Just got to know when it really hurts and they really need a hug