Survived Suicide (26 Stitches) — Struggling to Find a Way to Start Again

[Schizophonia]

I’m almost sure I posted something and it has been removed?

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, KEN7 said:

yes, i’ll stop that stuff and try small steps like walking. my only problem is i go extreme (fasting 2 days) or do nothing. how do i stay consistent without swinging like that?

Realize this:

In the end there is no shortcut for action. At rock bottom you have to just do what needs to be done.

The only way for a child to walk is to just walk. There is no further tutorial or trick. At the end of all the talk, theory, technique, and tricks -- you still have to just will yourself into action.

Realize that you will just keep suffering until you realize that this is stupid and you can just will yourself to do what is proper and healthy.

Realize that you are sick of suffering and that just acting correctly is easier than wallowing in misery.

Nothing is stopping you from walking around the block each day. Nothing. Sit and contemplate that until it sinks into your skull.

Realize furthermore that if you take extreme corrective actions like fasting for 2 days, this will just sabotage your consistent progress. You need small but consistent changes. Prohibit yourself from fasting. It is not needed. No radical steps are needed, only consistent small steps.

Realize that you must shift your focus from radical corrective moves to moves that are consistent and sustainable.

Do not try to walk for 60 minutes. Just do 15 minutes and be happy with that. Trust that a gradual process will work best in the end.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

I’m almost sure I posted something and it has been removed?

Yes. Do not post unhelpful things in a sensitive thread.

[Sugarcoat]

12 minutes ago, KEN7 said:

We don't do that here bro,without doc prescription we can't get it and no doc would prescribe it here,I appreciate your reply

Ok . You said you’re like an all or nothing person. That’s ok, it doesn’t have to be perfect for now. Doing something once in a while is better than nothing. So if you find yourself able to go all in on something just to drop it later, don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s better than nothing. Embrace those moments you get motivation to do at least something 

You could start whenever. There’s no perfect moment. Is there something you could do ~right now~ that could be positive for you? It can be something as simple as making a healthy meal for yourself . Cleaning your room. Dancing, singing . Drawing 

Edited 14 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[PurpleTree]

Before doing something like that imo at least try psychdelics and mdma. Maybe they can show you a different perspective.

[Schizophonia]

31 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes. Do not post unhelpful things in a sensitive thread.

Responding to this kind of thread in an argumentative manner tacitly suggests that the op is lobotomized and can't find the obvious solutions on his own (psychologist, medication, yoga, or whatever).

He's making this thread because he can't help but relive his character, even his pp has a depressant vibe; from then on, anything we can say will be in vain.

As my mentor rightly says, a good therapist is one who will trigger negative feelings because they will break/humiliate the structure.

Even psychedelics aren't effective most of the time; they don't work long enough, and they don't even necessarily push the structure in the desired direction; they're just a few hours of increased neuroplasticity.

The only thing that might work with this kind of individual is military service or something like that to break the attachment to infantile narcissism that comes back to self-help. Karma will burn in any case, but you'll never be able to "gently" change a structure; it's futile.

In fact, I don't even believe in the principle of a "personal development forum," because the truth is generally blunt and direct, and making it debatable is just a tacit strategy to boost the ego.

Someone who really wants to study health will study it, or at least experiment with it; they won't debate it on a forum. That's usually what we do when we're talking nonsense, or at least slowing things down to boost their ego to a lower level.

I know you know that.

Edited 13 hours ago by Schizophonia

[OmniNaut]

27 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Responding to this kind of thread in an argumentative manner tacitly suggests that the op is lobotomized and can't find the obvious solutions on his own (psychologist, medication, yoga, or whatever).

He's making this thread because he can't help but relive his character, even his pp has a depressant vibe; from then on, anything we can say will be in vain.

As my mentor rightly says, a good therapist is one who will trigger negative feelings because they will break/humiliate the structure.

Even psychedelics aren't effective most of the time; they don't work long enough, and they don't even necessarily push the structure in the desired direction; they're just a few hours of increased neuroplasticity.

The only thing that might work with this kind of individual is military service or something like that to break the attachment to infantile narcissism that comes back to self-help. Karma will burn in any case, but you'll never be able to "gently" change a structure; it's futile.

In fact, I don't even believe in the principle of a "personal development forum," because the truth is generally blunt and direct, and making it debatable is just a tacit strategy to boost the ego.

Someone who really wants to study health will study it, or at least experiment with it; they won't debate it on a forum. That's usually what we do when we're talking nonsense, or at least slowing things down to boost their ego to a lower level.

I know you know that.

Because you're inclined to a blunt approach, let me put it blunt: It's easy to be the blunt guy when there's no responsibility or accountability involved.

It's easy to have this attitude if you're on a forum, but you don't have to worry about responsibility. If your reply trigger negative actions in the topic starter, you will not know, or just feel bad. 

There is no one size fits all approach, some people fare well with bluntness and harsh truth, some people needs to be treated gently. Maybe it's the right person for a blunt approach but not ready for it yet. We don't know if there is a trauma with bluntness in the past. Bluntness trauma will not be solved with more bluntness and harsh truth.

Leo or a healthcare professional can be held liable for negative actions that can come from helping someone, if you try a true direct and harsh approach you're flipping a coin, it can go well or it can go wrong.

@KEN7 I don't know you well enough to give some tailored options, but there are some goods options mentioned here by other people. My only thought about this, just try the options, see what helps you, maybe just a couple percent per day.  Keep experimenting, find some joyful points in your life, family, friends, nature, animals, mountains, ocean, art etc. And find a professional that can understand your situation and can give you tailored help, that can mean that you have to switch psychologist to find a good one.

By now you have read that there are other people on this forum who struggled with end of life thoughts, I'm no exception. I can only say this, there is a light on the end of the tunnel and that light is bright. Don't put out your own, we need your uniqueness in this world.

Edited 13 hours ago by OmniNaut

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Responding to this kind of thread in an argumentative manner tacitly suggests that the op is lobotomized and can't find the obvious solutions on his own (psychologist, medication, yoga, or whatever).

He's making this thread because he can't help but relive his character, even his pp has a depressant vibe; from then on, anything we can say will be in vain.

As my mentor rightly says, a good therapist is one who will trigger negative feelings because they will break/humiliate the structure.

Even psychedelics aren't effective most of the time; they don't work long enough, and they don't even necessarily push the structure in the desired direction; they're just a few hours of increased neuroplasticity.

The only thing that might work with this kind of individual is military service or something like that to break the attachment to infantile narcissism that comes back to self-help. Karma will burn in any case, but you'll never be able to "gently" change a structure; it's futile.

In fact, I don't even believe in the principle of a "personal development forum," because the truth is generally blunt and direct, and making it debatable is just a tacit strategy to boost the ego.

Someone who really wants to study health will study it, or at least experiment with it; they won't debate it on a forum. That's usually what we do when we're talking nonsense, or at least slowing things down to boost their ego to a lower level.

I know you know that.

People require help. Not everyone is in a place for your hardass advice.

Recognize when people are too weak for a slap in the face.

A suicide thread in not the place for this.

Edited 13 hours ago by Leo Gura

[SamC]

@KEN7 Shambavi Mahamudra that's learned in inner enginering

[AION]

If I were to commit suicide I would just do Hail Mary dose of psychedelics. But that is a different topic. I think you should focus on finding god. And everyday you should be setting intentions because uplifting intentions override primal drives which includes your depression and death drive. 

Edited 13 hours ago by AION

[MuadDib]

3 hours ago, KEN7 said:

Not good at English, but I’ll be real. (If this post isn’t okay here, I’ll delete.)

A year ago I cut my throat — 26 stitches. I survived. I don’t think “God saved me,” but I still wonder why me, when kids starving or fighting cancer deserve life more.

Since COVID I’ve been on my phone 16+ hours a day, porn addiction, heavy mood swings. I dream of making my manga (DSD) but deep down I don’t think anything will fulfill me. Life feels meaningless, but dying meaningless feels worse.

Even Musashi, the greatest swordsman, died still searching for truth about himself — will I ever know mine?

I’m not asking for sympathy or “stay positive.” I want a real process — something that actually works to control emotions and myself, not surface advice.

Has anyone found something that truly works?

Lie horizontal with no stimuli for 8 hours every night at the same time, even if you can't sleep.

Dysregulated sleep patterns are the primary contributor to dysregulated emotions and are the only consistent pattern among all people who attempt suicide.

If you feel like killing yourself again, just tell yourself you can put it off until tomorrow and go to bed, then repeat.

Doing some exercise is the next best thing. It helps you sleep and improves brain function.

Then eating well.

Then human contact. Even if it's not friends, get a massage if you can afford one.

Then you can start taking care of practical things.

Then spiritual things.

For a rapid state change, there are many different breathing exercises you can practice. Here is a simple, safe one:

Also, initiating natural tremor responses is a very effective way to release stress from your nervous system. If you practice daily, there are more risks depending on your specific psychological and physiological circumstances, but for most people, it's fine:
 

 

Edited 12 hours ago by MuadDib

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

 

Dysregulated sleep patterns are the primary contributor to dysregulated emotions and are the only consistent pattern among all people who attempt suicide.

 

Me : 💀

[MuadDib]

@Schizophonia  3 hours sleep rn, about to go to work 

Also, dude. Yoga Nidra. It works great for me. I have this paid app on android.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yoganidra.sacredsleep

Edited 12 hours ago by MuadDib

[Salvijus]

@KEN7 sadhguru's inner engineering program online might do wonders for you. It played a big role in my journey of overcoming addictions when I was younger. 

Edited 11 hours ago by Salvijus

[Rigel]

I agree with the exercise & physical activity strategy. Cardio is great, strength training is great, mobility training is great. Any kind of movement will break the stagnation by definition. Ever wondered why moving streams of water are often drinkable whereas the puddle between the fence & your neighbour’s house isn’t? Motion is lotion.

Edited 12 hours ago by Rigel

[Schizophonia]

47 minutes ago, OmniNaut said:

Because you're inclined to a blunt approach, let me put it blunt: It's easy to be the blunt guy when there's no responsibility or accountability involved.

 

It's easy to have this attitude if you're on a forum, but you don't have to worry about responsibility. If your reply trigger negative actions in the topic starter, you will not know, or just feel bad. 

There is no one size fits all approach, some people fare well with bluntness and harsh truth, some people needs to be treated gently. Maybe it's the right person for a blunt approach but not ready for it yet. We don't know if there is a trauma with bluntness in the past. Bluntness trauma will not be solved with more bluntness and harsh truth.

Leo or a healthcare professional can be held liable for negative actions that can come from helping someone, if you try a true direct and harsh approach you're flipping a coin, it can go well or it can go wrong.

If you want to contribute a few thousand euros, I'll take him with me, one or more months, while I inject him with a more phallic/proactive model.

 

49 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

People require help. Not everyone is in a place for your hardass advice.

Recognize when people are too weak for a slap in the face.

A suicide thread in not the place for this.

No, it doesn't work like that. By submitting to a phallic figure (the "slapper"), he'll begin to identify with the phallic position in turn, and solve all these problems.

It's precisely because he doesn't have this figure that he's suicidal; look at the people who commit suicide; they're not people "crushed" by the phallic position, they're people who lack it and who therefore find themselves in a system prey to learned helplessness.

But above all, the clock is ticking; if anything, he'll spend his youth and perhaps his entire working life in learned helplessness because he won't have the strength to reframe it.
We must humiliate/destroy his structure.

I know he's talking about suicide, but he's not threatening suicide here, and I wasn't being mean/sadistic, just stiff. And I'm still very gentle, if he was in a real framework of phallus straightening/injection like a military service it would be much tougher.

Nevermind

[Schizophonia]

I talk too much about penises, I read too much Freud 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

@KEN7 What country do you live in? What is your ethnicity and nationality? 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

The walking rehabilitation is the best advice so far.

I would be cautious recommending psychedelics. OP sounds predisposed to addictive behaviour and we do not want to foster that. 

You want to lean in to reality at this phase. Walking is key. Just move the body. It doesn't have to be intentional. Movement is the key that will start the process of unravelling the molasses of the mind. 

Remember the brain is connected to the body through thousands of nerves. Feed those body feeling nervous and it will change the brainstate. Thinking your way out can work, but not at this phase. Build that connection to the body. 

In addition - EMDR therapy is a type of therapy that works by making the patients eyes move in a sway-up down way. It's replicating how the eyes move when you walk. This is powerful. This suppresses the fear response. It blunts fear and anxiety. This is the mechanics behind the 'walk 15 minutes advice'. 

When I personally experience difficulty I walk for hours. Driving is similar. Forward motion makes the brain think it is moving toward reward or away from danger. I wouldn't underestimate walking ❤️ 

You could add 5 minutes per week 

Also - try to get some sunlight. Vitamin D is a hormone. Not a vitamin. It prevents dementia and brain disorders and most people are deficient. 

Trust the process. Try not to focus on interocepting if there is a change. All energy into the process - the 15 minute walk. 

I've bounced back from some terrible things - you can do it OP!!! You aren't broken or wrong. Just need some different habits 🙂

 

[Rafael Thundercat]

Check if yoi have parasites in your gut. Just do an exam, if you have, look for a Gentle Protocol that include CellCore products. Some parasites rob important nutrients and create hormonal inbalances and then interfere in our mood. Also look for Nervous System Regulation practices. Sometimes this strategy of trying to solve all via mind tricks dont help at all, more thinking is like trying to stop a fire with gasoline. The answer may be in our diet and gut. Brain Gut axis is undervalued a lot.