Sugarcoat

What makes you not commit suicide?

77 posts in this topic

I’m a little confused sometimes about makes people not end their life. It’s like, I’m not the only one who struggles, yet all people who struggle don’t get suicidal thoughts. There are even people going through worse than me who don’t consider suicide.

Sometimes when my suicidal thoughts get stronger I can spend hours researching suicide methods. I even bought some things I could use to kill myself but I haven’t used them yet.

Sometimes I feel “I could keep living through this”

But then other times I feel, I have no will to keep fighting for life. I should just end it. It would be better 

So I don’t understand how other people don’t feel like this when they struggle.

Am I extra weak? I mean I think I’m like the average person when it comes to how much I can tolerate. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I guess I just lack a strong enough reason to live

Like some people have let’s say family they are attached to, and it keeps them wanna live.

But I don’t have that, I don’t love anyone at all so I have nobody to live for.

It’s like all I have is my own mind. 
 

Im stuck inside of this brain 24/7. All I have access to is a comforting thought that can give me some strength. But then my mind gives up and wants to end it all. It oscillates like that

Edit:

I should probably answer my own question. Why don’t I kill myself?

Well mostly because my situation is not like absolutely unbearable yet, so I feel I can stand it for some time ahead. 
 

Also I am afraid of a failed attempt and the pain it can cause for example you could get permanent injury.

Thats it mostly.

Regarding the first point. I hear stories about people going through unbearable things, so they go through it even if it’s absolutely unbearable, I don’t know how they do. Suicide must have crossed their mind at some point

Edited by Sugarcoat

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You don't know what there is after death + pain of dying.

Also, if you don't want to have plans, "delusions," you can't be happy; so there will be less attachment.

 

 


Nothing will prevent Willy.

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2 minutes ago, NickH said:

I'm the exact same way. I don't have the answer but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.

So maybe I’m not the only one. User purpletree also mentioned getting those thoughts when life gets hard

Especially if it lasts a long time and seems chronic

But I still feel weak sometimes. Because I sometimes hear stories worse than mine and wonder how they get through it

Thank you

One aspect of my problems makes it so I barely can enjoy social interactions so I tend not to talk to people most of the time…

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If listening to your gut is forbidden in your system, you'll just let yourself die at the slightest problem.

The excitement is still there, because otherwise you'd simply be depressed (so 0 energy, appetite...) ; it's just inhibited.

Maybe when I talk to you, I just bore you most of the time, and you'd like to block me out, but it's so inhibited that it doesn't appear, and so your entire energy system is blocked.

Not just me, but anyone/anything else.

Edited by Schizophonia

Nothing will prevent Willy.

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6 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You don't know what there is after death + pain of dying.

The pain of dying is one aspect stopping me yes

It’s like all I know is what’s going on presently so if I can’t handle that then I don’t really care what comes after death so the thought of it doesn’t prevent me I find

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8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Also, if you don't want to have plans, "delusions," you can't be happy; so there will be less attachment.

 

 

You mean you need something to look forward to?

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9 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Also, if you don't want to have plans, "delusions," you can't be happy; so there will be less attachment.

 

 

You mean you need something to look forward to?

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1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean you need something to look forward to?

Yes, investing in karma.

I admit I'm in a mirror; I also lack things to do, which is why I have so much time to waste here. 👺
I should take a few days of contemplation/introspection to imagine a lifestyle, a frequency, that would really excite me.


Nothing will prevent Willy.

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Because it's not a natural desire to begin with. Your heart wants nothing else but to live, live and live fully. But people have lost touch with reality. That's when they begin to concoct funny ideas. 

Edited by Salvijus

Freedom is love under all conditions. 

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When I get a physical pain that I cannot endure, maybe then I'll consider it, I don't know. Though, that is different than thinking for a long amount of time of doing it.

I realized a long time ago that doing it is a foolish idea. Why shouldn't I ever understand how much I can endure? Especially when it's emotional pain, as emotions make it more twisted.

I have had serious illnesses that made me aware of the fragility of my life and try to understand and accept what happens at that moment.

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Re your question. Sometimes I get desperate, too. What motivates me to stay alive 

  • Don't know what comes after and if it's truly better 
  • Experience shows that bad moments pass, too
  • Contact, interaction with others. Talks, walks, exchange in general. Extra points for cuddling 
  • Life has good surprises now and then 

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@Sugarcoat

Tbh I've been there.

Idk what it is.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar ii. Although, I suspect there is more going on.

I've never really fit in. Hence, I've never really a meaningful support system that truly understood me.

A lot of the things I have tried in life don't work out because I mess it up somehow.

I've also had plenty of suicidal thoughts over time, made plans, although nothing 'definitive' or actual 'attempts'.

 

Idk what it is really. When I am in that headspace it is way different than when I am not.

Although even talking about this stuff certainly reminds me. So maybe it's not best to elaborate so much.

 

I guess it's like my brain and my thoughts get fixated in a dysfunctional way. Also a lot of stress in my life.

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Having something to live for (meaning) and believing things can get better (growth mindset). Suicidality is tightly correlated with hopelessness. Hopelessness is a pattern of thinking that can be challenged.


Intrinsic joy = being x meaning ²

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@Sugarcoat Aren't you curious to know what awakening is? Especially because you had a strong glimpse on 5-meo...

Also how can you be like this since you said your self is mostly dissolved, im trying to grasp thato.O

As for what keeps me going I would say I am really curious to what awakening is and I find that I am not at my full maturation yet(not intellectually, spiritually etc) so I am curious to where I can push this self. And the fact that you dont know what comes after death(it could be worse), if anything. This could be the only life you have and then its over(from an non-lucid perspective). Why waste it?

Edited by Eskilon

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@Sugarcoat I still get those thoughts too from time to time, last year was pretty bad.

What helped was dropping the idea that I had to find some great reason to live. I stopped chasing meaning or purpose like it's the only thing to live for. I remember thinking: fuck you Leo for being an emotionless piece of shit, fuck you Actualized community, you idiots have no clue what it's like living right on the edge of life and death. Keep talking about awakening. Keep having your petty debates about which guru is most awake, how society’s doomed, and why everything’s a simulation. Oh, and don’t forget the weekly Owen Cook post. That whole place felt like a cassette stuck on loop. Just like my brain. I thought this community would be filled with like-minded people, but I felt just as left out here as I did in my own family.

I realised there's no point to socialise with anyone online or offline when you're in that state. Especially not with people who've never actually been through crisis. It just makes it worse. So I stuck to myself, did stuff that grounded me. Dumb shit like building a Lego model. Taking photos. Going for walks in nature (I hated those so much). And just to mirror my inner state I watched A LOT of GoPro combat footage, 18+ footage of people getting killed or dying in accidents.

At some point I booked a trackday and just raced it out and it clicked for me. There was no depression when facing my fears and my heart is pumping like crazy. 

Turns out I just have to keep moving. Keep doing shit that scares me. It’s not some grand life philosophy. But for now, it works fine. The thoughts still come back, but I’m not trying to solve them anymore. I’ve spent enough energy on this shit.

Edited by meta_male

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14 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

If listening to your gut is forbidden in your system, you'll just let yourself die at the slightest problem.

The excitement is still there, because otherwise you'd simply be depressed (so 0 energy, appetite...) ; it's just inhibited.

Maybe when I talk to you, I just bore you most of the time, and you'd like to block me out, but it's so inhibited that it doesn't appear, and so your entire energy system is blocked.

Not just me, but anyone/anything else.

I’m not blocked.

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13 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Because it's not a natural desire to begin with. Your heart wants nothing else but to live, live and live fully. But people have lost touch with reality. That's when they begin to concoct funny ideas. 

It’s when life feels never good those thoughts come

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13 hours ago, Nemra said:

When I get a physical pain that I cannot endure, maybe then I'll consider it, I don't know. Though, that is different than thinking for a long amount of time of doing it.

I realized a long time ago that doing it is a foolish idea. Why shouldn't I ever understand how much I can endure? Especially when it's emotional pain, as emotions make it more twisted.

I have had serious illnesses that made me aware of the fragility of my life and try to understand and accept what happens at that moment.

I don’t have unbearable pain either. I think that would be the last straw for me if I had it on top of my mental issues

I am also kinda thinking “I can endure this for some more time” and it can keep me going. I haven’t reached my limit yet

I am chronically in this “ill” mental state but it’s hard to accept

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8 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’m not blocked.

🤷‍♂️

 

In any case, these are repressed/unconscious phenomena, therefore by definition invisible or very difficult to understand.

Then it's just my 2cts.

Valentin's theories.


Nothing will prevent Willy.

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