What makes you not commit suicide?

[Xonas Pitfall]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Basically you’re normal. Most people are pretty focused outside themselves. I am not like that. I don’t immerse myself in anything outside myself. I am immersed in my own internal experience, my inner world. The outer world doesn’t grab my attention. I’m disengaged from it

I wanna do psychedelics. I feel it’s one of the very few things that affect me

Other outside circumstances don’t affect me. I feel the same on vacation as at home. I feel the same every season of the year. I feel the same no matter who I am with, even if I like the person.

Yes, this is how depression feels or "comes to be": you're overactive in your 'ego' or neural default network. Research suggests when depressed, there's a heightened activation of areas of the brain involved in self-referential thinking, like the default mode network (DMN), which is responsible for mind-wandering and processing personal memories, and when it's overactive, it can lead to persistent negative thoughts and a sense of being trapped in your own mind (just as you are reporting). Here, if you want to read more about it: https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.0812686106

That's how I feel myself in the 'emptiness' stages, especially if they are prolonged. As I said above, you're completely immersed in the Default Mode Network (DMN), stuck in your own recursive thought loops. It's a completely different state of consciousness from normal. And... interestingly, psychedelics have been shown to reduce activity in exactly that area of the brain (the DMN). This may explain why they are one of the few things that actually seem to work for you. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1119598109

Changing anything in life (whether it's your body, your career, or your mental state) follows a similar process. To change your weight, for example, you need to make gradual adjustments to your diet and exercise routine over time. Only after consistent effort will you eventually return to, or even surpass, your "prime body" and healthy state. The same principle applies to switching careers: you must let go of your ego, admit that you don't know anything about this new topic, and start from scratch, which is painful. Only by taking small steps over time can you reach the same level of success, or even exceed it, in your new field. However, this slow, long-term process can be incredibly painful and discouraging, especially since with all of these you have the motivation to push forward. But with depression, the unique challenge is that you start feeling more exhausted and tired, and you lose any apparent reason to do things. It’s as if you have to work against your own mind and rationality if you want to make a change. It's like you're fighting just to have motivation; you're developing a habit/goal of being motivated.

The same goes for overcoming depression. To break free from the negative thought loops of the Default Mode Network, you need to deliberately engage in activities that pull you away from introspection. Movement, social interaction, self-expression, engaging in speech or communication, meditation, or focusing outward, anything that interrupts the recursive, self-referential state. Only then will you begin to feel a shift.

Basically, think of the nihilistic impulse of "Why does any of this matter?" as your mind saying, "Hey, eating another doughnut isn't that bad, is it?" or "Who cares if I lose weight? I don't want to be motivated by shallow reasons." It's like the devil on your shoulder. You can point out the trickery in those thoughts when it comes to something like losing weight, but with nihilism, the argument feels more intellectual, more convincing, and therefore, harder to challenge. It feels more "personal", "true," and "correct," but it's ultimately the same kind of illusion.

Alternatively, you could opt for a quicker fix: plastic surgery to change your body, a career referral to bypass the grind, or a psychedelic experience to temporarily step outside of the DMN.

Both approaches work and are fine; one is gradual, long-term, and often painful, while the other provides immediate results (and sometimes only short-term). In the psychedelic state, for example, you get a brief glimpse of what it’s like to function beyond that exhausting, numbing, self-referential state. It’s a temporary break from the cycle, which can be incredibly helpful, I know it was for me.

But if you don’t have access to psychedelics at the moment, I’d strongly encourage you to try sticking to a routine that forces you out of your mind. See how you feel after a week (or even a couple of days). Your mind is highly self-deceptive in its nature, so it could be worth a try; nothing to lose really, in attempting something different if possible. I believe in Sugarcoat ❤

[Judy2]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Well since you’re asking..

It sounds weird even for a forum like this but I experienced a gradual loss of self to the point of ending up almost without a center and I’d like my self back lol

A normal person could have a negative self image but but I’d be content with a neutral one

 

a bit like dissociation/depersonalisation? were you feeling stressed when that happened? 

if it's stress-related, grounding yourself in physical sensations can help. things like running or taking a hot and cold shower.

 

24 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

It was before the partial loss of self

whether there is a self or not, there is a 'human', and that human body can feel connected to other humans around it.

so whether 'no self' is partially, fully, or not at all realised, you can feel connected to others. 

in addition, grounding yourself in your emotions and physical sensations can help with what you are experiencing, i believe.

 

also, what kind of meaning do your thoughts attach to this partial loss of self? how do they interpret it?

Edited Friday at 06:06 PM by Judy2

[Ishanga]

I've dealt with Suicide in my family, my nephew at 25 died by suicide, it devastated the family for a very long time.. I'm myself at low times have had suicidal ideations, and even at times now with some challenges I am going thru, its not like I want to kill myself, its a matter of not wanting to really exist, as I don't have the courage I think to really harm myself..

From what I understand, ppl go into trance like states and then they do it, my nephew had a drinking and drug problem at the time he did it, I don't have those issues at all.. My issue feels more like I don't want to play this "Human" game anymore, as I am aware of this present game set up, how the world works and I don't want to be involved with it anymore, I'm more into a Mayasamadhi sort of feeling than suicide, but I can't do that now because of personal responsibilities, Wife and a Daughter and family sort of thing, I wouldn't want to put them thru that like it was with my nephew as the family suffers allot as well when the person is gone and all the Why's and such coming up and if anyone could have done something to prevent it..

 

[Sugarcoat]

13 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Yes, this is how depression feels or "comes to be": you're overactive in your 'ego' or neural default network. Research suggests when depressed, there's a heightened activation of areas of the brain involved in self-referential thinking, like the default mode network (DMN), which is responsible for mind-wandering and processing personal memories, and when it's overactive, it can lead to persistent negative thoughts and a sense of being trapped in your own mind (just as you are reporting). Here, if you want to read more about it: https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.0812686106

That's how I feel myself in the 'emptiness' stages, especially if they are prolonged. As I said above, you're completely immersed in the Default Mode Network (DMN), stuck in your own recursive thought loops. It's a completely different state of consciousness from normal. And... interestingly, psychedelics have been shown to reduce activity in exactly that area of the brain (the DMN). This may explain why they are one of the few things that actually seem to work for you. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1119598109

Changing anything in life (whether it's your body, your career, or your mental state) follows a similar process. To change your weight, for example, you need to make gradual adjustments to your diet and exercise routine over time. Only after consistent effort will you eventually return to, or even surpass, your "prime body" and healthy state. The same principle applies to switching careers: you must let go of your ego, admit that you don't know anything about this new topic, and start from scratch, which is painful. Only by taking small steps over time can you reach the same level of success, or even exceed it, in your new field. However, this slow, long-term process can be incredibly painful and discouraging, especially since with all of these you have the motivation to push forward. But with depression, the unique challenge is that you start feeling more exhausted and tired, and you lose any apparent reason to do things. It’s as if you have to work against your own mind and rationality if you want to make a change. It's like you're fighting just to have motivation; you're developing a habit/goal of being motivated.

The same goes for overcoming depression. To break free from the negative thought loops of the Default Mode Network, you need to deliberately engage in activities that pull you away from introspection. Movement, social interaction, self-expression, engaging in speech or communication, meditation, or focusing outward, anything that interrupts the recursive, self-referential state. Only then will you begin to feel a shift.

Basically, think of the nihilistic impulse of "Why does any of this matter?" as your mind saying, "Hey, eating another doughnut isn't that bad, is it?" or "Who cares if I lose weight? I don't want to be motivated by shallow reasons." It's like the devil on your shoulder. You can point out the trickery in those thoughts when it comes to something like losing weight, but with nihilism, the argument feels more intellectual, more convincing, and therefore, harder to challenge. It feels more "personal", "true," and "correct," but it's ultimately the same kind of illusion.

Alternatively, you could opt for a quicker fix: plastic surgery to change your body, a career referral to bypass the grind, or a psychedelic experience to temporarily step outside of the DMN.

Both approaches work and are fine; one is gradual, long-term, and often painful, while the other provides immediate results (and sometimes only short-term). In the psychedelic state, for example, you get a brief glimpse of what it’s like to function beyond that exhausting, numbing, self-referential state. It’s a temporary break from the cycle, which can be incredibly helpful, I know it was for me.

But if you don’t have access to psychedelics at the moment, I’d strongly encourage you to try sticking to a routine that forces you out of your mind. See how you feel after a week (or even a couple of days). Your mind is highly self-deceptive in its nature, so it could be worth a try; nothing to lose really, in attempting something different if possible. I believe in Sugarcoat ❤

Thanks

I feel I have always been inward all my life that’s how I function, activities don’t really pull my attention outward. I have to do it actively (like focusing on a sensory perception like some object in front of me). What would happen if I did that a lot I don’t know. My brain would need serious rewiring to stop being inward

[Sugarcoat]

13 hours ago, Judy2 said:

a bit like dissociation/depersonalisation? were you feeling stressed when that happened? 

if it's stress-related, grounding yourself in physical sensations can help. things like running or taking a hot and cold shower.

 

 

It might be similar to those things yea.

I was feeling stressed in the beginning but then stress lessened.

It lessened by me changing my mindset about it

13 hours ago, Judy2 said:

 

 

whether there is a self or not, there is a 'human', and that human body can feel connected to other humans around it.

so whether 'no self' is partially, fully, or not at all realised, you can feel connected to others. 

in addition, grounding yourself in your emotions and physical sensations can help with what you are experiencing, i believe.

 

also, what kind of meaning do your thoughts attach to this partial loss of self? how do they interpret it?

I can feel connected to others it’s just very very subtle 

I could try to focus my attention on things outside myself (doing the opposite of what my mind naturally does) I don’t know what would happen if I did that consistently a lot. 
 

The partial loss of self feels like an emptiness, it’s mostly neutral but I lack joy so that’s negative

[Sugarcoat]

9 hours ago, Ishanga said:

I've dealt with Suicide in my family, my nephew at 25 died by suicide, it devastated the family for a very long time.. I'm myself at low times have had suicidal ideations, and even at times now with some challenges I am going thru, its not like I want to kill myself, its a matter of not wanting to really exist, as I don't have the courage I think to really harm myself..

From what I understand, ppl go into trance like states and then they do it, my nephew had a drinking and drug problem at the time he did it, I don't have those issues at all.. My issue feels more like I don't want to play this "Human" game anymore, as I am aware of this present game set up, how the world works and I don't want to be involved with it anymore, I'm more into a Mayasamadhi sort of feeling than suicide, but I can't do that now because of personal responsibilities, Wife and a Daughter and family sort of thing, I wouldn't want to put them thru that like it was with my nephew as the family suffers allot as well when the person is gone and all the Why's and such coming up and if anyone could have done something to prevent it..

 

That’s reasonable 

[Judy2]

40 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

It might be similar to those things yea.

I was feeling stressed in the beginning but then stress lessened.

It lessened by me changing my mindset about it

it can actually be the stress triggering this sort of experience. it's basically a 'slipping away' so that you don't have to deal with the emotions and the threat of the situation. 

not saying this is what happened for you - i don't know enough details about your situation. but it's something to keep in mind. 

so one way of improving your situation might be to work on your stress tolerance. 

 

if you are comfortable answering this, have you got any diagnosed psychiatric disorders? not asking this to be judgemental in any way - just to understand better what we are dealing with here:) 

[Xonas Pitfall]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Thanks

I feel I have always been inward all my life that’s how I function, activities don’t really pull my attention outward. I have to do it actively (like focusing on a sensory perception like some object in front of me). What would happen if I did that a lot I don’t know. My brain would need serious rewiring to stop being inward

Also, just a note: being 'outward' doesn’t have to mean bungee jumping or suddenly flipping to an extrovert; it can be as simple as 'speaking out loud,' 'writing out your thoughts,' or focusing on a movie/video game you enjoy. You can still be heavily introverted and contemplative, but just 'articulating' your thoughts helps, so you’re not just stuck in your head, daydreaming. That’s what you’re really battling, since that's the main cause of that 'trance-like state' that leads you deeper into depressive moods. It’s a meme, but... to not depress, you need to express. As corny as it sounds, it’s true. So, honestly, even taking time to write on a forum or slowly expressing your thoughts will help you get off to a better start. You’re not necessarily battling introversion and reflective interests; what you’re battling are ruminating thoughts and maladaptive daydream-like behavior. Anything that gets you out of that is much better. You need to externally keep explicating yourself in any way possible.

Edited yesterday at 09:11 AM by Xonas Pitfall

[Ima Freeman]

@Sugarcoat

Someone in a healthy state of consciousness cannot get suicidal, except people trying to do something like Mahasamadhi or radical people like jihadist who are sure to enter into a glorious afterlife.

If you get suicidal thoughts, you either have some persistent physical ailment (heavy metals, chronic infections, hormonal imbalances ..) or psychological stress (bullying, poverty, loneliness, nihilism, ...) that you deem to be extremely hard to overcome or don't even see a way to overcome.

If you have a healthy body and your needs are sufficiently met, you have radiant wellbeing in your body and happy emotions leading to constructive thoughts.
There is no way for suicidal thoughts.

Only when you experience persistent suffering and have little to no hope for relsolve than suicidal thoughts creep in as a self destruction mechanism, because the human system is geared towards wellbeing.



 

[Sugarcoat]

13 hours ago, Judy2 said:

it can actually be the stress triggering this sort of experience. it's basically a 'slipping away' so that you don't have to deal with the emotions and the threat of the situation. 

not saying this is what happened for you - i don't know enough details about your situation. but it's something to keep in mind. 

so one way of improving your situation might be to work on your stress tolerance. 

 

if you are comfortable answering this, have you got any diagnosed psychiatric disorders? not asking this to be judgemental in any way - just to understand better what we are dealing with here:) 

There was some stress in the beginning but I find it was a reaction to it, rather than a cause. But reasonable suggestion anyways!

The doctors evaluated me but didn’t find a diagnosis as of yet, for example they did autism evaluation 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-07-25 at 2:09 PM, AION said:

Everybody has a death drive according to Freud. It is important to be conscious of it. For example. It is like those people who dig a big hole in the sand and then it collapses and they die in their own hole they dug. Or people who get some kind of illness like cancer. It is an unconscious hole they dug most of the time. But humans have a drive to live too. And our drive to live should be stronger than our drive to die. That is called survival. 

I lack that strong drive to live. I am very causal about the idea of death 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-07-25 at 6:27 PM, Salvijus said:

A unpleasant experience cannot override hearts desire to live. No amount of pain cannot do it when a person is in touch with who and what they truly are. The fire to live is of God and it is as eternal as God. 

I lack that truly

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-07-25 at 7:17 PM, Carl-Richard said:

"In my room alone". Does that sound like doing something? On a day to day basis (not while on vacation), are you working with something? Working towards something? Are you called on? Do people depend on you to show up?

Well since you ask

Last few years I have been working almost full time with different jobs, kindergarten, restaurant, basically jobs where you interact with humans

Other than that I have been physically exercising 

Also doing things with family sometimes

I do contemplation sometimes naturally

Have gone on a lot of walks outside in nature or in city. Periods of having step goals for the day

Occasionally met a friend or relative. I don’t socialize much outside my family at all

Other than that yes I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet. 
 

Also sometimes I sleep for a long time

This autumn I will start studying full time in university, so that will be a lifestyle change.

You might evaluate my lifestyle and draw correlations to my mental wellbeing, but you do that because that’s how the average person functions. They need to do significant things and meet people often enough to feel good. So you automatically apply that to me. But I am different than most. 

 

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

12 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Also, just a note: being 'outward' doesn’t have to mean bungee jumping or suddenly flipping to an extrovert; it can be as simple as 'speaking out loud,' 'writing out your thoughts,' or focusing on a movie/video game you enjoy. You can still be heavily introverted and contemplative, but just 'articulating' your thoughts helps, so you’re not just stuck in your head, daydreaming. That’s what you’re really battling, since that's the main cause of that 'trance-like state' that leads you deeper into depressive moods. It’s a meme, but... to not depress, you need to express. As corny as it sounds, it’s true. So, honestly, even taking time to write on a forum or slowly expressing your thoughts will help you get off to a better start. You’re not necessarily battling introversion and reflective interests; what you’re battling are ruminating thoughts and maladaptive daydream-like behavior. Anything that gets you out of that is much better. You need to externally keep explicating yourself in any way possible.

Reasonable suggestion

I find self expression comes naturally for me. It’s like an impulse. And I follow that impulse 

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Ima Freeman said:

@Sugarcoat

Someone in a healthy state of consciousness cannot get suicidal, except people trying to do something like Mahasamadhi or radical people like jihadist who are sure to enter into a glorious afterlife.

If you get suicidal thoughts, you either have some persistent physical ailment (heavy metals, chronic infections, hormonal imbalances ..) or psychological stress (bullying, poverty, loneliness, nihilism, ...) that you deem to be extremely hard to overcome or don't even see a way to overcome.

If you have a healthy body and your needs are sufficiently met, you have radiant wellbeing in your body and happy emotions leading to constructive thoughts.
There is no way for suicidal thoughts.

Only when you experience persistent suffering and have little to no hope for relsolve than suicidal thoughts creep in as a self destruction mechanism, because the human system is geared towards wellbeing.



 

I agree

[Carl-Richard]

38 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Well since you ask

Last few years I have been working almost full time with different jobs, kindergarten, restaurant, basically jobs where you interact with humans

Other than that I have been physically exercising 

Also doing things with family sometimes

I do contemplation sometimes naturally

Have gone on a lot of walks outside in nature or in city. Periods of having step goals for the day

Occasionally met a friend or relative. I don’t socialize much outside my family at all

Other than that yes I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet. 
 

Also sometimes I sleep for a long time

This autumn I will start studying full time in university, so that will be a lifestyle change.

You might evaluate my lifestyle and draw correlations to my mental wellbeing, but you do that because that’s how the average person functions. They need to do significant things and meet people often enough to feel good. So you automatically apply that to me. But I am different than most. 

I think a few years of university and then following up on that will do a lot for your sense of disconnection. Do you know what you will do after university?

[Judy2]

9 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

There was some stress in the beginning but I find it was a reaction to it, rather than a cause. But reasonable suggestion anyways!

The doctors evaluated me but didn’t find a diagnosis as of yet, for example they did autism evaluation 

Hm okay...

i wish you good luck and hope you'll take good care of yourself regardless of what your thoughts are telling you:) sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and don't have to be taken all too seriously.

[Sugarcoat]

17 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

I think a few years of university and then following up on that will do a lot for your sense of disconnection. Do you know what you will do after university?

I don’t know what I will do after perhaps a master or work immediately 

[Sugarcoat]

8 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Hm okay...

i wish you good luck and hope you'll take good care of yourself regardless of what your thoughts are telling you:) sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and don't have to be taken all too seriously.

Thanks

[AION]

18 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I lack that strong drive to live. I am very causal about the idea of death 

You need to find more drives to be alive