Going out alone for the first time

[kray]

Came out to nickel city bar in Austin today. Not for the sole purpose of pick up or anything but to just get out of my comfort zone! The first feeling that I come across is feeling an intense amount of weirdness, among groups of people on a Friday night. I’m pushing through to test my own social anxiety and try to break those boundaries. I’m literally just sipping on a drink too, not tryna get super wasted or anything. How can I feel less self conscious if these feelings of people thinking “oh they are looking at me weirdly, is that guy lost or okay, who is he with”? Not tryna feel that way as I want to be relaxed.

[Someone here]

Think of your school days . When the teacher asks you to stand up and talk about something..you'd feel awkward and embarrassed "oh all the boys are staring at me ". But how did you manage to get over this fear ? By realizing when another boy talks you don't actually give a shit about him.

So get out of your mind .no one cares about you .

That's my advice. 

[aurum]

@kray Going out solo is always just harder.

Best option is just to start talking to people ASAP and make some friends. You're not going to stop those thoughts otherwise.

[kray]

I feel way more in my flow now! Making friends definitely helps’

[Leo Gura]

The key is to shut off your mind and just approach people. Don't sit around ruminating.

Let your legs walk you towards people. Then let your mouth do the talking without any thinking.

Thinking is the enemy.

Edited July 19 by Leo Gura

[Miguel1]

Immediate action, however small, is key.

Talk to everyone and get in a social vibe, especially as a beginner.

[kray]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

The key is to shut off your mind and just approach people. Don't sit around ruminating.

Let your legs walk you towards people. Then let your mouth do the talking without any thinking.

Thinking is the enemy.

My legs were trembling looking at hot chicks in black dresses 😂’

[Leo Gura]

14 minutes ago, kray said:

My legs were trembling looking at hot chicks

Legs don't tremble, the mind does.

[kray]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Legs don't tremble, the mind does.

Does a meditation routine help in detaching from the mind?

[Cocolove]

I've done this a couple times recently but its hard to not get into a negative state spiral instead of a positive one. I think I'll just wait until I have people to go with, I see the value but as someone who struggles to get traction it really helps to not go alone.

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, kray said:

Does a meditation routine help in detaching from the mind?

That never helped me. What helped me is to just remember to literally stop the mind from thinking when I'm out.

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

the more you wait before you ACT is going to make it even more difficult to ACT. later youre going to feel shitty about yourself aswell. 
If you just act anxiety will begin to dissipate and you will feel good about yourself even if you didnt get the number.. 
you need to reach a point where you realize you just standing there in your comfort zone is actually the worst thing for you, this is actually not the comfort zone but HELL.
the moment you start to feel fear or anxiety - ACT quickly! dont let your mind prepare an entire manifesto for why its impossible for you to do that! 
go have an experience that will shatter your mind's paradigm instead! 

best of luck

[kray]

Don’t know what happened, but what I meant to say is that I get extremely frustrated when another dude gets there before me. No hate, but it does do a lot to my ego.

[Zen LaCroix]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That never helped me. What helped me is to just remember to literally stop the mind from thinking when I'm out.

Learning game feels more like a psychological game than anything else

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Learning game feels more like a psychological game than anything else

That's life. It's you vs your mind.

Edited July 19 by Leo Gura

[theleelajoker]

20 hours ago, kray said:

 How can I feel less self conscious if these feelings of people thinking “oh they are looking at me weirdly, is that guy lost or okay, who is he with”? Not tryna feel that way as I want to be relaxed.

"Hey, this guy is not scared to go out alone. Pretty cool, if he feels like going out on his own, then he does it. And he doesn't need anyone else to validate himself."

If have been out on my own quite a few times. More often then not, I got to know people. Random people that talked to me, I talked to random people. Men, woman, anything can happen. Sometimes I bumped into people I knew before. One time I was super depressed, went out, asked people for a cigarette, they invited me at their table. Spent whole night with them until the bar closed, we were the last guests. Life can surprise you anytime anywhere.

HOW you do stuff is more important then what you do. If you carry a vibe of being approachable, and you approach people in general, then people are likely to connect with you in some way. 

 

Moreover, @NoN-RaTiOnAL has a valid point IMO. Action, action, action. Once you start, it gets easier and easier. Like climbing a mountain, after initial resistance you cross the peak and then it's a comfortable downhill movement where you actually don't need to do much except going with flow

Edited July 19 by theleelajoker

[Spiral]

Preparation is everything.

You need to warm up socially. I’ll admit I also find this of kind of thing scary tho.

Edited July 21 by Spiral

[meta_male]

2 hours ago, Spiral said:

Preparation is everything.

You need to warm up socially.

Just throw yourself in the cold water. No amount of preparation will make it less scary.

[Hardkill]

Start incrementally by asking about 20 random people simple questions like, “What time is it?” or “Where’s the nearest coffee shop?”

Once you’re comfortable with that, take it a step further: ask another 20 random people for advice on what kind of gift to get for a friend’s birthday party. Or, pretend you have a girlfriend and say something like, “I want to get my girlfriend a romantic one-year anniversary gift, but I’m not sure what to get—do you have any suggestions?”

Once that starts to feel natural, begin having short, casual conversations with women you’re at least somewhat attracted to. Try to keep the conversation going for a couple of minutes, then give a compliment like, “You’re beautiful,” “You’re attractive,” or “You’re gorgeous,” and leave. Do this with about 20 different women.

After that, approach 20 more women and get used to being blown out of the conversation by intentionally saying something dumb but funny—like, “Hey, I’ve got a white van parked around the corner. Want to hop in?” or “Hi, I’m looking for a really good time... if you know what I mean.” The goal here isn’t to get a number but to desensitize yourself to rejection. And if one of them actually stays and laughs, you can pivot into a normal conversation. No pressure to ask for a number.

Finally, once you’re comfortable doing that, approach another 20 new women you find attractive. Start with a compliment about how they look, walk, or dress, chat for a few minutes, and then go for a number close.

[Spiral]

On 21/07/2025 at 2:06 PM, meta_male said:

Just throw yourself in the cold water. No amount of preparation will make it less scary.

I disagree and it’s not just about it being scary or not. It’s about getting into the flow. You’ll perform better socially also