Realizing memorizing lines is not the way to learn how to talk to girls

[Zen LaCroix]

I would do  different talking exercises recommended by different dating coaches to learn how to talk to girls. These were from guys like Owen Cook, Karisma King and the Alex Social. These exercises pretty much all involved just saying what’s on the top of your mind just in different ways. Some were more targeted in terms of what to talk about. I was doing this so I could stop badging the women I was approaching with questions. Sometimes I’d say something clever or I’d think of something clever or interesting randomly and write it down and use it. I’d take lines I heard from infield footage of good coaches and use them

 

Here’s the problem as soon as the lines run out I’d be stuck. Also it felt weird on some level saying these memorized lines which were chosen specifically by me to seem like I was talking from the top of my head.

 

 I did realize you didn’t have to go up and ask questions because the lines I used were statements. But I’m still at a loss of what to say after the few lines that I memorized run out. These free association exercises didn’t seem to translate very well when actually approaching a girl.

 

How did you guys figure out approaching a woman and just being able to start a conversation, sharing without asking a bunch of questions?

[Sugarcoat]

It’s dehumanizing yourself you’re turning yourself into robot

[aurum]

54 minutes ago, Zen LaCroix said:

How did you guys figure out approaching a woman and just being able to start a conversation, sharing without asking a bunch of questions?

You surrender to not-knowing what you're going to say and trusting yourself to figure it out in the moment.

Talking about literally anything is preferable to nothing. Just force yourself to speak words.

I opened one of my ex-girlfriends by talking about the wall she was standing next to. There was nothing particularly interesting about the wall, nor did I plan that in anyway. I'm not sure what I said even made sense.

As long as the vibe is relatively good, you'll get away with it.

You can study lines to get a sense of what works. But you want to get to a place where you forget about all that.

All pre-memorized lines are a constraint on your intelligence.

Generally speaking, avoid talking about "things" too much. And instead focus on talking about you and her.

[Salvijus]

Just pay attention to what you're feeling inside and let that find expression in words, if and when you feel inspired to let it out. That way you'll be a milion times more genuine and attractive. It's not about technique, it's about listening to your heart and surrendering to its natural flow. Therein you will find a dance. A true connection. True intimacy. A relationship you've always longed for. 

Edited July 15 by Salvijus

[Schizophonia]

19 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Just pay attention to what you're feeling inside and let that find expression in words, if and when you feel inspired to let it out. That way you'll be a milion times more genuine and attractive. It's not about technique, it's about listening to your heart and surrendering to its natural flow. Therein you will find a dance. A true connection. True intimacy. A relationship you've always longed for. 

If I give in to my heart, I'll end up dressed all in black, weighing 90 kilos, and being ruthlessly stoic.
I have the believe i can't as much be loved in this way. 

Edited July 15 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

Do it scared. You might end up finding the flow within you despite it

You might talk about something that peaked your interest

[Salvijus]

22 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

If I give in to my heart, I'll end up dressed all in black, weighing 90 kilos, and being ruthlessly stoic.
I have the believe i can't as much be loved in this way. 

When we become honest about our "dark" feelings without denying them, the heart always transforms it into something wholesome and healthy. Every expression of the heart is a blessing in the end to everyone involved because expressions of the heart are no different than expressions of God's light. Although being a perfect channel for this energy to flow all the time it's not as easy as it sounds. 

Edited July 15 by Salvijus

[Tenebroso]

If women like you they will come to you. My attractive friends never have to approach women, women just hover and appear in their lives without them having to do anything but exist.

[theleelajoker]

11 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

 

How did you guys figure out approaching a woman and just being able to start a conversation, sharing without asking a bunch of questions?

Lots of good advice already in the posts above. 

Remember, everyone has some fears, and (it seems) many people have social fears, fears of interacting. Trying to hide it just makes it worse. Imagine a situation like this could happen:

"Hi, I was kind of afraid to talk to you, and I don't know what to say, but I really felt like talking to you/ getting to know you"

"Oh wow I have seen you, and I am interested in you, too. But I was too afraid to make the first move so I'm really happy to came to me"

---> you have an immediate connection and sth to talk about... namely how you're both afraid of talking to other people 🤣

Hi I slowly learned how to approach women was positive feedback, learning about human interaction, lot of overcoming of fear, feeling my feelings, and reaching the acceptance that I'm OK the way I am. Last point required me to interact and be the way I am first.

Nothing of this happens if, as you said, you strategize your human interactions.

 

Edited July 16 by theleelajoker

[Someone here]

The opener is not the problem. You can memorize any bullshit and open with like hey I like your dress ..I'm johnny,whats your name ? Etc 

Carrying the conversation further is the challenging part .and you gonna fuck it up if you're inexperienced. But general tips is smile ..look her in eyes ..don't rush your intentions that you want her number ..don't talk about anything sexual . Watch Leo's part 2 of how to get laid .he explains all this .

[Leo Gura]

Of course lines are wrong. Why? Because lines interfere with your ability to be playful with the girl. Playfulness requires genuine spontaneity.

It is like you're trying to fake laughing or fake partying. You must really laugh and really party. You can't memorize lines to party. That's just fucking moronic.

Quote

How did you guys figure out approaching a woman and just being able to start a conversation, sharing without asking a bunch of questions?

Well, we all start with lines. But then eventually you learn the key insight that: that whole point of game is to play with the girl.

You stop asking questions when you are truly in a play frame.

You're not a in play frame because you are stuck in your logical mind, afraid of rejection and caring out outcome.

I actually had an Awakening on how to talk to all women. The Awakening was PLAY. I realized that all game is just PLAY.

You are missing the PLAY Awakening and you will suck with women until you have it.

Edited July 16 by Leo Gura

[Av2521]

@Leo Gura So by play you mean to amuse oneself and the girl and just have a good time with eachother?  Like playing with a child?

[Schizophonia]

13 hours ago, Salvijus said:

When we become honest about our "dark" feelings without denying them, the heart always transforms it into something wholesome and healthy. Every expression of the heart is a blessing in the end to everyone involved because expressions of the heart are no different than expressions of God's light. Although being a perfect channel for this energy to flow all the time it's not as easy as it sounds. 

Yea the more authentic you are the more easy it becomes 

[Adam M]

4 hours ago, Av2521 said:

@Leo Gura So by play you mean to amuse oneself and the girl and just have a good time with eachother?  Like playing with a child?

Yes. 
 

But it also requires sensitivity and intelligence. 

She’s not a child, she’s an adult. But, also, we are all children at heart.

The point is to be AWAKE in the present moment… realizing that your entire life is like a dream. 
Imagine you were lucid-dreaming… it would be so much easier to play and have fun if you realized that life is temporary and is all happening in your consciousness.

That being said, there is no substitute for actual intuitive and emotional development. If you want to get with the highest quality girls, (beautiful, intelligent, sensitive) you have to actually become a high quality man. There’s no way around that. 

What does that mean? It means lots of things. It means having a life purpose, having a meditation practice, being kind and considerate. Being bold and playful. Being non-needy. Playfulness stems from non-neediness. Authenticity. Honesty. Light-heartedness.
 

To some up “having good game” in one concept. It would be **moving from survival cognition into being cognition.** 

So, you need to actually self-actualize in order to get more consistent and fulfilling results with women. 

PLAYFULNESS is important. So is presence and understanding. 

Get to working on yourself… and you’ll figure it out eventually. Have fun

 

A great book that I always recommend is called *Models* by Mark Manson. It really changed my perspective about dating to help me be more authentic and honest around women.

[ExploringReality]

Play the game and have fun while growing and learning 

[Miguel1]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I actually had an Awakening on how to talk to all women. The Awakening was PLAY. I realized that all game is just PLAY.

That’s why it’s called game! You gotta have a PLAY awakening to participate 

[Zen LaCroix]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You are missing the PLAY Awakening and you will suck with women until you have it.

Most of these guys who are good with women are not awakened at all though. Is this PLAY Awakening an actual spiritual Awakening 

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Most of these guys who are good with women are not awakened at all though. Is this PLAY Awakening an actual spiritual Awakening 

But they intuitively, instinctively get it. That's what a natural is.

It is not conscious for them, but it doesn't need to be to get them laid.

Guys who are great at getting laid are like beavers, they don't even know why it works, it just works.

Edited July 16 by Leo Gura

[Raze]

Even in the old days of memorizing things to say they wouldn’t say to memorize lines, they memorized long routines and language patterns. 
 

The exercises you mentioned are not to make lines to memorize, they’re to practice talking based on nothing.

Edited July 17 by Raze

[Miguel1]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It is not conscious for them, but it doesn't need to be to get them laid.

Perhaps, similarly to how some people are spiritually very gifted / natural.

Ironically they are not necessarily even conscious of how conscious they are, compared to someone who had to put more effort to become as conscious