Is this the evolution of polyamory? Aubrey Marcus podcast)

[Raze]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

25 no.

But a 45 year old he can probably get.

I mean I think he could get it from a 25 year old, it’s just unlikely because it’d be difficult to filter out all the clout chasers and he probably has negative game due to working a stressful job constantly. Plus he probably won’t relate to them much.

He could have had that with his ex wife who was with him since before he was famous, but he had an affair likely because it lacked excitement and his current wife knew how to game uptight rich guys.

 

Edited yesterday at 06:46 AM by Raze

[Xonas Pitfall]

1 hour ago, Cocolove said:

 

fr triggering the dormant gay man that's hidden deep in my psyche.

HAHA, what does this mean? 

Edited yesterday at 07:01 AM by Xonas Pitfall

[Cocolove]

That's true,

I did notice that Aubrey did seem to mention a lot that he had difficult feelings come up. In my experience this happens with me and all my poly friends, but over time of working through it and practicing unconditional love, you can experience pure compersion (opposite of jealous) and feel that way much less. I think he is just being honest about his initial struggles.

That's the thing, is that you don't

Just now, Leo Gura said:

lose that much value to someone else.

because love isn't limited. Yes there are human life related limitations on what you do with your time and energy, but Vylana doesn't have to work, to Aubrey she could be going to the library or the beach, spending time with hot dreadlock dude doesn't detract from their relationship. The way you frame this in value dynamics makes it seem like relationships have to be coming from this low stage of development. At turquoise and above, people are still going to be having sex, and are they really going to be possessive, value-seeking, even at all? Love doesn't need to be some sexual value exchange, it can be unconditionally actually wanting what is best for the person. Read the relationship anarchy manifesto, a classic stage green document. In it they say, if someone would live a more aligned life with another partner in the future, why would you ask for exclusive commitment from them? How is that loving. That is a possessive selfish type of love.

 

For sure the ego can use poly to maximize value for itself, and most of the time this is what happens. Perhaps Aubrey frames his whole burning man threesome escapades as more spiritual than they are, but don't fall for the pre trans fallacy! Poly doesn't have to be that way, and monogamy is an outdated product of survival needs.

[Raze]

3 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

That's true,

I did notice that Aubrey did seem to mention a lot that he had difficult feelings come up. In my experience this happens with me and all my poly friends, but over time of working through it and practicing unconditional love, you can experience pure compersion (opposite of jealous) and feel that way much less. I think he is just being honest about his initial struggles.

yes, this is an example from a Nytimes article interviewing a poly group

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/15/magazine/polycule-polyamory-boston.html

https://archive.is/6aNhm

Quote

Robert (Ann’s husband) We have this motto: Feelings are not facts. That gets us through the hard times. 

At the start, I was going through some depression, and when we had sex I had so much stress. There were issues in the bedroom with her, and that happened many times, which caused more stress. She started seeing this dude who was an absolute stud, having sex with him and having a great-ass time, and I felt totally lame and inadequate.

That was really hard for me, for obvious reasons. I felt like, I’m a hundred percent replaceable. It took a lot of conversations. She was like, There’s nothing wrong with you, this is going to pass, therapy will help. Lots of tears were shed. But medication helped me, talk therapy helped me, changing the way we do things helped. That’s where feelings are not facts really mattered. Because I would ask her questions, and she would be like, No, I don’t feel that way; and I would be like, I know you like being with him more than me; and she would say, I’m not lying to you, it’s different, but it doesn’t make me love you less, you provide so much more to my life than just sex. I totally get it now. That was the first instance of feelings are not facts. They feel like it. But they ain’t facts.

 

Edited yesterday at 07:05 AM by Raze

[Schizophonia]

22 minutes ago, Raze said:

yes, this is an example from a Nytimes article interviewing a poly group

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/15/magazine/polycule-polyamory-boston.html

https://archive.is/6aNhm

 

What a cuck

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Poly can be successful.

I've done it.

But Aubrey and his crew are no way near yellow or turquoise for that matter.

@Cocolove out of curiosity - have you watched the original podcast? 

You just can't be possessive or jealous. You can't be looking at the other person as an extension of ego. A possession. Or a thing to extract something from. 

I just don't think most people are there. I haven't met or even spoken to online to anyone capable of poly (in my assessment) since the original relationship I was in 5 years ago.

 

[Xonas Pitfall]

2 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I've done it.

How did it feel and unveil for you?

[Leo Gura]

No one is saying poly can't be done.

The issue is that Aubrey is trying to have it both ways. He isn't capable of monogamy nor is he capable of full poly. He's trying to have the best of both, which is an example of the ego maximizing value for itself. It's this kind of high manipulated survival but it is romanticized as highly spiritual.

Edited yesterday at 07:43 AM by Leo Gura

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Xonas Pitfall It was a great experience.

The dynamics change between partners a lot.

A lot of checking in. A lot of really honest open communication. You cannot be immature or dishonest in any way. It will simply implode or one member will begin emotionally or mentally cracking due to a compromise in personal integrity.

It helps I am not jealous. Nor Possessive. I do not compare myself to others. I am more interested in nurturing those around me, as this is the quickest way to facilitate my own growth. But I have always been this way. I don't know any other way to be...

It ended due to one party passing away.

Edited yesterday at 07:47 AM by Natasha Tori Maru

[Xonas Pitfall]

1 minute ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

It was a great experience.

Super interesting!

Do you feel like you had a tendency to attach to one partner more than the other, or have a fixation point? I know for me, this is one of the blockages with polyamory, since I tend to have a singular fixation on a person and desire it reciprocated as well. So I’m super curious how it feels without it. Is it more that each party has traits, hobbies, interests, and ways of loving that soothe you better for one role, and another soothes you better for another? And therefore, you don’t really care if the other party reciprocates the same amount of love compared to the other?

I’d love to hear about the mental processes and attachments, and how they play out, but obviously, no need to answer anything you’re not comfortable with ^^ I can just be curious at times.

And my condolences... they sound wonderful. 🥀

[Basman]

Bro just wants a harem. 

[Xonas Pitfall]

@Basman That’s it. Back under the bucket you go, kitty! 🥡🐈

[Basman]

Mraow

[Natasha Tori Maru]

10 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Super interesting!

Do you feel like you had a tendency to attach to one partner more than the other, or have a fixation point? I know for me, this is one of the blockages with polyamory, since I tend to have a singular fixation on a person and desire it reciprocated as well. So I’m super curious how it feels without it. Is it more that each party has traits, hobbies, interests, and ways of loving that soothe you better for one role, and another soothes you better for another? And therefore, you don’t really care if the other party reciprocates the same amount of love compared to the other?

I’d love to hear about the mental processes and attachments, and how they play out, but obviously, no need to answer anything you’re not comfortable with ^^ I can just be curious at times.

And my condolences... they sound wonderful. 🥀

There was such a big focus on the experience that attachments weren't a huge problem. 

I used to have a singular fixation on one person - but this was rooted in attachment issues believe it or not! There was a lot of overlap with hobbies - we were all artists, musicians etc. So, at the core of it was a unifying creative pursuit. That intense focus and creativity translated into the sort of love we each shared. The only real rules were 1) total honesty and 2) no one sleeps alone

 

Edited yesterday at 08:01 AM by Natasha Tori Maru

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

No one is saying poly can't be done.

The issue is that Aubrey is trying to have it both ways. He isn't capable of monogamy nor is he capable of full poly. He's trying to have the best of both, which is an example of the ego maximizing value for itself. It's this kind of high manipulated survival but it is romanticized as highly spiritual.

This is a belief system I choose sometimes as well, as a straight guy in a society which tells us more is better. I’ve noticed I definitely want more and more beautiful women, and I’m getting married to a woman who is very beautiful and who loves me! Why isn’t one enough? It doesn’t help being surrounded by beautiful women and women knowing I’m getting married who then want my attention more and more knowing I’m in a relationship. Single women are absolute devils around taken men. It’s a form of corruption where we as men think we need more and more women to fulfill something in our lives and it’s a way the ego sort of hijacks the openness and excitement that the soul gives to new possibilities. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with exploring sexuality and sleeping with various women. Just something seems off when you get a guy bending all sorts of social agreements and whatnot, perhaps in a somewhat dishonest way considering it’s like signing a contract then trying to change the terms after when you have more power. I’m going to be careful going into the future because I know there are some women I’d absolutely be tempted to cheat on my fiancé with if they came for me. I have to choose not to be corrupted and let go of all this glamours instagram fantasy stuff, that more beauty from women will make my life better, when I know deep down what will make my life better is being honest about the long term authentic connection and long term vision for building a family with someone who loves me is more important. Because at the end of the day beauty fades and after a guy busts a nut he sees more clear what he’s doing when he throws out his loving monogamous relationship for a bit of passionate fun with a tease. Audrey is kinda doing this by wrapping it in spirituality. He basically has gotten his wife to agree to him having a mistress. 

Edited yesterday at 09:06 AM by Lyubov

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It does not make sense why Aubrey is doing poly but still has so much jealously and pain around her having sex with others. It's weird. If you're doing poly you shouldn't care what she does. Not go cry about it as Aubrey describes. This to me is a red flag. He wants poly for himself but not truly for her because deep down there is a fear of losing her to some better guy.

In my research and from talking with poly people being jealous in poly is actually quite normal, it is not a bug. Poly people simply learn to accept it. Their jealosy doesnt sting after 3 years or so anymore. 

Heck I even had a 'poly-ish' situation with my ex-F+ , where I helped her process emotions right after she had a hookup. It was really painful but also EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. Havent felt something this beautiful for like a year now even though it was very painful at the same time. 

And since when is spirituality something easy you can get for free? 

Edited yesterday at 09:33 AM by Jannes

[Schizophonia]

40 minutes ago, Jannes said:

when is spirituality something easy you can get for free? 

Devil spirituality yes

[RendHeaven]

being jealous over a girl is gay

[Xonas Pitfall]

58 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

being jealous over a girl is gay

Being with a girl is gay. Being interested in a girl is gay. Being jealous over a girl is super gay. Talking to a girl? Totally gay. Holding the door for a girl? Gay. Smiling at a girl? Yup, you’re just asking for it. Sharing your fries with a girl? Full-on gay. Looking at a girl’s shoes? Don’t even try to deny it, that’s some serious gay energy right there.

[Rigel]

Paul Chek seemed to be doing alright with it last I checked(no pun intended)

Edited yesterday at 11:27 AM by Rigel