20F -Never been in a relationship, can’t even talk to people — help?

[Aaly]

I turned 20 last month, and honestly, I’ve never felt this ugly, lonely, jealous, or insecure before.

 

All my friends have boyfriends. They’re so extroverted, confident, and seem to attract attention so easily. They can just talk to anyone, and meanwhile, I feel invisible. No guy even looks at me. I feel like an awkward and ugly hippo next to these cool, hot people.

 

Every time I hear them talk about their relationships, I feel this weird mix of jealousy and sadness — like a weight in my chest and a pit in my stomach. I want what they have. I want love and attention too. I want to be able to talk to people without freezing up. I get so anxious even around girls, let alone boys.

 

What’s worse is that even my parents are totally okay with me having a boyfriend — they want me to — but I just… don’t know how to connect with anyone. I don’t know how to talk. I don’t even know how to start.

 

I feel so left out. Like life is moving forward for everyone except me.

(I was anxious to post this here)

Edited May 8 by Aaly

[Schizophonia]

There are plenty of reasons to be alone; you're not even old.

Meanwhile, you're not vibing love but resentment.

 

[LastThursday]

@Aaly social anxiey and anxiety in general is no joke. If you can learn to talk in person like you write, then you'll have no problems at all. Anxiety can be overcome, both by practice bit by bit and by confronting what caused it and working through it. This will build your confidence as a person.

All the things that @Applegarden8 says are right, you need to meet a wider range of people. Even just being on this forum might help a bit.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AYXT-etgVM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9yrMPIJHC8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3lXgZ_2PME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmPFpBvDIkQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22WJuU2-fCk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hblBcDvoVK8

 

Edited May 8 by Raze

[Jannes]

Very much agree with Applegarden.

There are some great videos from Jordan Peterson as well. Haha its so refreshing to see him before he turned to the dark side, this is real gold. Somewhere in the internet there is a video where he talks about a female patient of him who is very socially anxious and he tolds her to basically keep exposing herself and while it was though she made insane progress in a short amount of time, she was basically unrecognizable after a few months. Cant find the video unfortunately but thats basically it, if you just keep at it you can change so much. 

This is also valueable:

 

The power lies in the practice and not the theory though.

 

 

[Majed]

@Aaly Start dressing well, putting on make ups and high heels, go to clubs and men will naturally hit on you. 

Edited May 9 by Majed

[meta_male]

@Aaly I used to be extremely anxious cause of a very rigid and isolated upbringing. I was a virgin until 24 and was barely able to talk to people around me, even less girls. What helped me get started was actually posting on forums (like you're doing now), it's a form of putting yourself out there, and not too risky. As time goes by you will see you're being seen and appreciated as you are and become more comfortable in your own skin.

Basically face your anxiety taking baby steps. You can just smile at someone walking past and keep practising that, even if they're not looking. Then take it further, say something short to a cashier like "hi how are you", etc. Move at your own pace, not your parents', not your friends' pace.

Extroverts can make it seem like socialising and striking up conversations should be easy, but you gotta see they NEED interaction, even if it's just shallow and boring talk that people with more depth are simply not interested in.

Here's an old but gold video for you:

 

Edited May 9 by meta_male

[Salvijus]

World is a cruel place sometimes. Especially the world of dating. 

Edited May 9 by Salvijus

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

World is a cruel place sometimes. Especially the world of dating. 

And how are things going for you? Have you hooked up with any baltian girls? 

More seriously you help others, but you also have the right to be noticed.

[Salvijus]

14 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

And how are things going for you? Have you hooked up with any baltian girls? 

Don't make me more depressed than I already am, lmao. 

[Schizophonia]

27 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Don't make me more depressed than I already am, lmao. 

From what I've seen you're physically decent and you could very well attract a girlfriend, even a pretty one.
It may be forbidden in your house to be more "thoughtful" or "thick", if you know what I mean; and aggression and in particular sexual aggression is forbidden.

[Salvijus]

49 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

From what I've seen you're physically decent and you could very well attract a girlfriend, even a pretty one.
It may be forbidden in your house to be more "thoughtful" or "thick", if you know what I mean; and aggression and in particular sexual aggression is forbidden.

I was feeling low for a different reason actually. My favorite animated series ended, lol. 

As far as I'm concerned, all women are my girlfriends. (with a note of loving humor) 

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

I was feeling low for a different reason actually. My favorite animated series ended, lol. 

Which series did you watch ?

Quote

As far as I'm concerned, all women are my girlfriends. (with a note of loving humor) 

Yea but it's more fun when you have one bouncing off you eheh.

 

Ok i stop.

Edited May 10 by Schizophonia

[Salvijus]

29 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Which series did you watch ?

A will eternal. An understanding of daoist alchemy and cultivation practices and theory is necessary to fully appreciate this masterpiece. 

Edited May 10 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

Oh sweetheart there’s so much I could say in regards to this

Need a hug?

[Schizophonia]

17 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Oh sweetheart there’s so much I could say in regards to this

Need a hug?

Lol it is ironic.

I'm not sure.

4 hours ago, Salvijus said:

A will eternal. An understanding of daoist alchemy and cultivation practices and theory is necessary to fully appreciate this masterpiece. 

I see.

 

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Lol it is ironic.

I'm not sure.

 

No, but I see that it could sound like it

[Schizophonia]

12 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

No, but I see that it could sound like it

Ok.

[integral]

3 

Em dashs... Interesting

[Leo Gura]

You just need to push your comfort zone and gain more experience socializing. Go to social events regularly.

Try to befriend an extroverted girlfriend and then follow her to social events.

As far as gaining more confidence in yourself, if you are overweight I recommend getting serious about eating healthier and exercise. Spend the next 6 months getting into shape. Then you will feel more secure and happy with yourself and you will also attract better men.

You need to break out of the victim attitude. Getting into shape and gaining social experience are both things within your control. It just takes emotional labor to do but it will be a great development journey for you that will pay dividends for decades to come. So roll up your sleeves and get to work.

This is the solution. You can either sit around in misery or you can start to take action and start feeling better.

Edited May 11 by Leo Gura