20F -Never been in a relationship, can’t even talk to people — help?

[Aaly]

I turned 20 last month, and honestly, I’ve never felt this ugly, lonely, jealous, or insecure before.

 

All my friends have boyfriends. They’re so extroverted, confident, and seem to attract attention so easily. They can just talk to anyone, and meanwhile, I feel invisible. No guy even looks at me. I feel like an awkward and ugly hippo next to these cool, hot people.

 

Every time I hear them talk about their relationships, I feel this weird mix of jealousy and sadness — like a weight in my chest and a pit in my stomach. I want what they have. I want love and attention too. I want to be able to talk to people without freezing up. I get so anxious even around girls, let alone boys.

 

What’s worse is that even my parents are totally okay with me having a boyfriend — they want me to — but I just… don’t know how to connect with anyone. I don’t know how to talk. I don’t even know how to start.

 

I feel so left out. Like life is moving forward for everyone except me.

(I was anxious to post this here)

Edited Thursday at 05:48 PM by Aaly

[Applegarden8]

Social groups. Do you have hobbies? Craftsmanship, art, theatre, even dungeons and dragons, even video games, cooking, yoga, hardware, software, comedy, literature, spirituality, sports, charity, volunteering fasion, university, education, politics to name a few...

Possibility to engage with people there. Women and men. Trough regular meet and greets you might land yourself a boyfriend.

Though you have to practice some form of putting yourself out there, some self-reflection, maybe even working on your routine and chores as if you were in a relationship, knowing what you want and knowing what you are willing to offer.

It sounds like a lot and it sounds complicated, but you have time to work on it. 5-10 years you will sill be relatively young and you have a chance to be increasingly content and happy with yourself with or without a boyfriend. Those other people who have it have their rude awakenings waiting for them, just later. Not to wish ill at them, but it will happen, because that's how life works.

Also learning meditation and some kind of self-rejuvenating practice can make a world of difference.

If you don't know where to start, before going to sleep, wish to be in a nice relationship, wish to be capable of living in relationship, because that can be a burden by itself. Immagine how would it look like without the possibilities or impossibilities. However I would argue to wish to be healthy first to enjoy the solitude and the company.

[Schizophonia]

There are plenty of reasons to be alone; you're not even old.

Meanwhile, you're not vibing love but resentment.

 

[LastThursday]

@Aaly social anxiey and anxiety in general is no joke. If you can learn to talk in person like you write, then you'll have no problems at all. Anxiety can be overcome, both by practice bit by bit and by confronting what caused it and working through it. This will build your confidence as a person.

All the things that @Applegarden8 says are right, you need to meet a wider range of people. Even just being on this forum might help a bit.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AYXT-etgVM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9yrMPIJHC8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3lXgZ_2PME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmPFpBvDIkQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22WJuU2-fCk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hblBcDvoVK8

 

Edited Thursday at 09:39 PM by Raze

[Jannes]

Very much agree with Applegarden.

There are some great videos from Jordan Peterson as well. Haha its so refreshing to see him before he turned to the dark side, this is real gold. Somewhere in the internet there is a video where he talks about a female patient of him who is very socially anxious and he tolds her to basically keep exposing herself and while it was though she made insane progress in a short amount of time, she was basically unrecognizable after a few months. Cant find the video unfortunately but thats basically it, if you just keep at it you can change so much. 

This is also valueable:

 

The power lies in the practice and not the theory though.

 

 

[Majed]

@Aaly Start dressing well, putting on make ups and high heels, go to clubs and men will naturally hit on you. 

Edited Friday at 09:52 AM by Majed

[meta_male]

@Aaly I used to be extremely anxious cause of a very rigid and isolated upbringing. I was a virgin until 24 and was barely able to talk to people around me, even less girls. What helped me get started was actually posting on forums (like you're doing now), it's a form of putting yourself out there, and not too risky. As time goes by you will see you're being seen and appreciated as you are and become more comfortable in your own skin.

Basically face your anxiety taking baby steps. You can just smile at someone walking past and keep practising that, even if they're not looking. Then take it further, say something short to a cashier like "hi how are you", etc. Move at your own pace, not your parents', not your friends' pace.

Extroverts can make it seem like socialising and striking up conversations should be easy, but you gotta see they NEED interaction, even if it's just shallow and boring talk that people with more depth are simply not interested in.

Here's an old but gold video for you:

 

Edited Friday at 12:20 PM by meta_male

[Salvijus]

World is a cruel place sometimes. Especially the world of dating. 

Edited Friday at 03:39 PM by Salvijus

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

World is a cruel place sometimes. Especially the world of dating. 

And how are things going for you? Have you hooked up with any baltian girls? 

More seriously you help others, but you also have the right to be noticed.

[Salvijus]

14 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

And how are things going for you? Have you hooked up with any baltian girls? 

Don't make me more depressed than I already am, lmao. 

[Schizophonia]

27 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Don't make me more depressed than I already am, lmao. 

From what I've seen you're physically decent and you could very well attract a girlfriend, even a pretty one.
It may be forbidden in your house to be more "thoughtful" or "thick", if you know what I mean; and aggression and in particular sexual aggression is forbidden.

[Salvijus]

49 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

From what I've seen you're physically decent and you could very well attract a girlfriend, even a pretty one.
It may be forbidden in your house to be more "thoughtful" or "thick", if you know what I mean; and aggression and in particular sexual aggression is forbidden.

I was feeling low for a different reason actually. My favorite animated series ended, lol. 

As far as I'm concerned, all women are my girlfriends. (with a note of loving humor) 

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

I was feeling low for a different reason actually. My favorite animated series ended, lol. 

Which series did you watch ?

Quote

As far as I'm concerned, all women are my girlfriends. (with a note of loving humor) 

Yea but it's more fun when you have one bouncing off you eheh.

 

Ok i stop.

Edited Saturday at 02:13 PM by Schizophonia

[Salvijus]

29 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Which series did you watch ?

A will eternal. An understanding of daoist alchemy and cultivation practices and theory is necessary to fully appreciate this masterpiece. 

Edited Saturday at 02:41 PM by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

Oh sweetheart there’s so much I could say in regards to this

Need a hug?

[Schizophonia]

17 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Oh sweetheart there’s so much I could say in regards to this

Need a hug?

Lol it is ironic.

I'm not sure.

4 hours ago, Salvijus said:

A will eternal. An understanding of daoist alchemy and cultivation practices and theory is necessary to fully appreciate this masterpiece. 

I see.

 

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Lol it is ironic.

I'm not sure.

 

No, but I see that it could sound like it

[Schizophonia]

12 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

No, but I see that it could sound like it

Ok.

[integral]

3 

Em dashs... Interesting