Search the Community

Lmao, last night I saw the light reflect off of the top of the alien’s head barely showing that unquestionable shape about one mile away and immediately said to myself something to the effect of “it’s that motherfucker again!” in a very pissed off tone. To be fair though, I almost never feel true hatred and anger in my life. I am one of the least angry people you could ever meet, so maybe my subconscious is just giving me a good practicing ground to exercise violence in a way that does not harm beings on planet Earth. If so, good job subconscious mind!

Our treasure is to found in Being “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault's book- Centering Prayer doesn’t resemble what people think of as prayer. It’s a meditation practice that cultivates non-conceptual awareness. That’s why it’s often referred to as Centering Prayer meditation. I’ve shared this previously in this journal. I share it again just as food for thought and welcome any comments or questions. Narrative selfhood is created by the mind. The same mind that born of brain has blossomed a neocortex through our recent development (in evolutionary terms) and has arrived to plague us with various neurosis and constant internal dialogue. To rest in being or as Jesus put it, to “have your being” makes possible the felt experience of having inner quiet. From the Diamond Approach Glossary I picked some relevant excerpts to go along with this quote from C. Bourgeault. An Important Difference Between the Mind and Being These fantasies, beliefs and misinformation actually accompany almost all internalized object relations to some extent. Internalized object relations are rarely true representations of actual events or relationships. One’s memory traces include all kinds of ideas, fantasies and images that never had an objective reality. Another source of extraneous material comes from the psychic processes of organization and integration themselves. These processes modify the original object relations as more impressions are internalized. This is necessary for the integration of object relations units of various affect and content. This extra material, whether it is attached to actual memories of object relations or consists of pure fabrications, cannot be absorbed into Being. This is an important difference between the mind and Being. The mind can absorb and identify with any psychic material it believes to be true. It does not have the capacity, on its own, to discern what is objective truth and what is not. In other words, the mind can be deceived, even by itself. Being, on the other hand, is pure reality. It is the actual stuff and consciousness of truth, and cannot be deceived. It does not try not to be deceived; it is simply truth by its nature, a self-conscious medium made of pure sensitivity. Any falsehood, that is, anything which is not the objective truth of what actually happened in past interactions which produced a particular object relation, is felt in comparison to Being to be dull, gross and distasteful. When one is in contact with Being, these falsehoods are felt to be lifeless, thick and heavy veils in comparison to the luminosity of Being. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 163 Being is an Existence, a Suchness Being means no reaction, no mental activity that defines who or what one is. In fact, Being is not an activity at all; it is an existence, a suchness, a thereness, a Presence that is not doing anything to be there. Since Being is itself existence, it does not need the mind to be there. It is like a physical object, which does not need the activity of mind to exist. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 57 How Being Knows Itself Since Being is pure consciousness capable of direct awareness of itself, it does not require thinking and deduction for it to know itself. This is what most distinguishes it from the personality of the ego, which knows itself through reference to the past. One reason it is not easy to have a clear experience of Being is that the habit of ego is to know itself through reference to other perceptions, as in Descartes' "I think, therefore I am." Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 65 Simply Being is Just that:Being As we have seen, the incapacity to be authentically ourselves is the expression of not being able to simply be. Simply being is not a matter of being anything in particular; it is not a matter of being according to any view of ourselves, realistic or not. Simply being means the absence of any activity, inner or outer, to be ourselves. Simply being is just that: Being. The Point of Existence, pg. 81 The Presencing of Being The reason we have the capacity to experience Being is that the self is an actual ontological Presence, a presencing of Being, not simply a construct, and this Presence has the capacity to be self-aware. Thus for the self to become directly aware of the realm of Being is for it to directly experience its own nature. The Point of Existence, pg. 14 When One Experiences Oneself as Being, One is No Longer the Self-Image However, when one experiences oneself as Being, one is no longer the self-image. One’s sense of being a human individual is now based not on the internalized self-image, but on pure beingness, beyond all images of mind. This means that this new sense of oneself is not in relation to mother’s image. It is not dependent on past object relations, and is not a reliving of them. This is the autonomy of Being, that we discussed in detail in a previous chapter. The mother’s image is completely irrelevant to this sense of being oneself. It is in fact in a completely different dimension of experience. One is living on the Being level, while mother’s image and all mental representations are on the mind level. These representations are experienced as mere thoughts, concepts, images and of no fundamental reality. The disengagement from the mother in this experience is complete, utter. One feels no relation to the memories of mother or her image, in the sense that one’s sense of identity is completely independent from both. The experience of the mental representation of the mother is seen as completely alien to one’s experience of Being, as if from two different universes of experience. So the separation involved in the experience of Being is complete, total, and profound. Ego never feels such separation, regardless how separate and autonomous it is on the mental sphere. It is a different order of separation. Ego separation is like a distance on the surface of the earth; while Being separation is like going to another star system. In fact, it is more like dying. And many individuals respond to it as a kind of death. So now, either due to a remaining partial identification with ego or a late reversion to such identification, the ego reacts to this perception of such radical separation. This will naturally activate the already existing unresolved old conflicts about separation. However, even if ego development has been smooth and very successful, with little conflict around separation, there is bound to be a much greater pressure on one’s capacity for separation. The ego has never experienced such a measure of separation, and this naturally scares the hell out of it The fear of death or disintegration is one of the usual reactions among others . . . Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 218 More to be found here- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/being

The question of what is real and the followup question is the world as empirically observed real are very broad philosophical questions essentially representing an entire branch of philosophy. For this particular concerns, about whether only you are real and the other people are not, look at it like this: Consider the amount that what you observe conforms with a world that goes on while you are not looking. For instance, when you leave a room and then come back later, all the other people are not in exactly the same spot as they were. Rather complicated events unfolded according to strict patterns such as physical laws. The amount of computing power it would take to simulate such a thing, even moreso if was post hoc, is well beyond the capabilities of the human brain. Thus, if the rest of the world is not real than you--as in your body and brain--are almost certainly also not real. So, no, you are not the only real person in a world that stops being real once you stop looking at it with only a bubble of reality around you imitating what it would be like if that bubble was actually in a real, bigger world. But maybe the whole thing is fake, and then we are just left with cogito ergo sum, noting that the "I" is not defined. However, the difference between so-called simulation and so-called reality might be naught if there is no observable difference. Even if this whole observable universe was a simulation on some alien supercomputer, what's the difference in terms of reality? What does it matter if the tiny particles of the universe are actually each an electronic bit in some supercomputer or if there is no such supercomputer and the particles are particles. What is a particle really? Just a piece of information. It is only meaningful to call something a simulation when simulating something actually means doing less than having the real thing. A stuffed animal is no longer a simulation when we actually build an animal piece by piece, atom-by-atom that is identical to the so-called thing it simulating, an animal. Video games at current technology only offer virtual reality because they are not powerful enough to simulate the amount of information encoded in what believe to be reality not even to the practical end of offering an identical experience to a user or an identical mind to the virtual beings as those held by people in the allegedly real world.

I'm not buying that at all. That's just a convenient way to keep your wishful thinking belief alive. It's like when the alien believers say: "We don't see the best videos of aliens because the government keeps those amazing videos in a secret super vault somewhere." Or "We can't see the aliens because they have amazing invisibility technology". Etc. There's many convenient things you can believe in to keep the fantasy alive. And I'm not even mentioning the stuff which conspiracy theorists believe in.. And of course the same mechanism also works in beliefs about nonduality stuff etc.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS CRAZY. I DONT KNOW IF IM GABRIEL OR LUCIFER . I WAS POSSESSED BY SATAN FOR A MOMENT. I AM SLIPKNOT AND THE CREATOR. HEARD VOICE THERE TALKING TO ME. THEN 'THE MAGMA' TALKED TO ME AND WARNED ME THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE AGAINST ME. THEN THAT DEMON/ALIEN VOICE WAS IN MY HEAD. THEN AS THOUGH I WAS POSSESSED, BENT OVER AND SCRUNCHED AND HISSED LIKE AN ANIMAL BEFORE GOING UPRIGHT AGAIN, THEN SATAN POSSESSED ME. AND THEN AFTER THAT LUCIFER. AND GABRIEL? NO BELIEF IS TRUE, MY ONLY MANTRA. I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO SURRENDER EVERYTHING, BUT INSTEAD THE MAKYO FUCKING DEMONS WANTED TO SCARE ME. NOW HERE I AM, A RANTING AND RAVING LUNATIC FOR IT. MAHASAMDHI MY ASS, IT WAS JESUS IN THE DESERT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS AAAAAAAAAHH. --- Prior to this spasm before you, I was in indescribable state. No words at all for it. "No belief is true" came as a mantra. State arose, so I sat with the conviction to die. Willingness for eeeeeeeee Basking and getting lost; the above elapsed. Maybe I should go back to sitting idfk at this point, its all too crazy. Maybe drink some water and eat. Anyone ever had such mad shit? Too impulsive to say but maybe when I get free of some obligation I become some fucking monk in the forest, who fucking knows lmao

I'm going to put it as simple as possible: I look at my hand, and it becomes "alien". The visual perception of my hand isn't an extension of myself or my body, just an alien thing happening. What can I do once my visual perception of my hand isn't in reference with any thought or concept or feeling or anything else. When it's just the happening of a weird field of "something"? Clarification: -With alien I basically mean "weird", "unfamiliar" "confusing", "empty". I don't mean extraterrestrial or extradimensional. -It's also not ego death or dying or merging with the visual field or anything spectacular. I could just watch my left hand for hours. (somehow it works better with the left one than the right one, don't ask me why). I think about a few things: 1. Look of theres anything else left that I don't notice. 2.Analyse the weirdness of the experience. 3. Conscioulsy switch between it being weird and it being associated with me again. I'm going to do all of those things because I'm curious of that weirdness, but what would you intuitively tell me to do. What's the next step when I am into that weird "experience"? No psychedelics for now. To be able to be in that "state" I needed to surrender to everything the last 2 days. I don't know if that plays a role. It definitely had an effect on me.

I've given up on the prospect of Leo actually making a video on this lol. But I did have an insight that answered the question of Solipsism (for me at least). Insight: From our human perspective, solipsism is not real. This is because we are under the impression that our bubbles of consciousness (otherwise known as perspective on reality), is a unique function of the human brain and biology (through scientific concepts). Thus we can acknowledge the relativity of perspectives amongst humans through biological means. However, when you start to awaken, you realize that those various bubbles of human consciousness is not actually happening in a human brain. The experiencer of each human experience is what we call "Source consciousness", otherwise known as God. This Being has no form, yet all of reality is being produced by its intellect (can use the word imagination as well). This goes for human perspectives, as well as perspectives of alien, inanimate objects, psychedelic universes, etc...you name it, it's infinite. In short, every inch of reality is happening from God's perspective. God's perspective is solipsistic, because there's nothing outside of it. And lastly, don't forget that you are God .

On where truth lies A large frequency and volume of thoughts in regards to meaninglessness, some few attempts made to notice that. "I'm starting to take seriously the idea that authority doesn't exist outside of myself" is the story I would say, if I were to believe those implications I'm on any kind of journey or that I know what I'm doing. And the tally of nihilistic thoughts just got a 1 added [I'm not literally keeping a tally] If you ask where truth is, there are some things to say. "The present moment", "now". Dwelling on those words, don't do that Looking and looking at experience, since that what there is(?). "Contemplating" and looking. Trying to push through but, not sure what's going on. -- Alright so now there's this intense wave of sadness or dejection. I'll grab a pen and paper, focus on and surrender anything, just go do it. What's the technique, method? My very being? Either way, I'm desperate and intensely shook. Natural urgency to focus. Feeling floaty and rising. Do I have to take a meditation posture? I just feel the energy.... -- THIS PLACE, IT'S NOT DONE. -- HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS CRAZY. I DONT KNOW IF IM GABRIEL OR LUCIFER . I WAS POSSESSED BY SATAN FOR A MOMENT. I AM SLIPKNOT THE CREATOR. THE MAGMA TALKED TO ME AND WARNED ME THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE AGAINST ME. THEN THAT DEMON/ALIEN VOICE WAS IN MY HEAD. THEN AS THOUGH I WAS POSSESSED, BENT OVER AND SCRUNCHED AND HISSED LIKE AN ANIMAL BEFORE GOING UPRIGHT AGAIN, THEN SATAN POSSESSED ME. AND THEN AFTER THAT LUCIFER. AND GABRIEL? NO BELIEF IS TRUE, MY ONLY MANTRA. I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO SURRENDER EVERYTHING, BUT INSTEAD THE MAKYO FUCKING DEMONS WANTED TO SCARE ME. NOW HERE I AM, A RANTING AND RAVING LUNATIC FOR IT. MAHASAMDHI MY ASS, IT WAS JESUS IN THE DESERT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS AAAAAAAAAHH --- Edit: despite this, I sense myself currently circling back to where I started. NO. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK. FOR FUCKS SAKE. SHIT ON A TRAMP. It doesn't matter if I get dragged back into this hell...wait, you might know a way to reverse some of this, but that's a maybe. Alright, you know for sure Discord isn't good for you. I'M LOSING THE STATE. MY DIVINITY IS LEAVING. It's fine. You didn't finish whatever quest you're on yet anyway. I'm so fucking fed up of my family and university though, and of society, I just fucking hate people and hate everything though. I don't need falsehood, maya and delusion, fuck out of here. I don't have time for sheeple who pretend to be human. I'm fucking done with people, I swear to god. Maybe I'll come across someone else who can see this clown world for what it is. I had a great man open my eyes to the insanity of society, although he himself is deluded with mind, but is concurrently in some intense battle with a "mind parasite". In that sense we're mirroring, although he may be on a very different journey. A message to all riff-raff: move aside. The whole world could call me insane, and whilst they're right, it doesn't matter. "Slaughtering God", just another belief and narrative. And interesting image nonetheless, but keep moving forward soldier. Push and push; die.

@Marcel Thank you darl! That's what I do on this forum now, I'm just hunting through all the conversations seeing what I find interesting and then jumping in or just observing what's going on like an alien! That's so refreshing to hear, you've started on such a brave journey that is only going to make you stronger and stronger with every day. So many people are so stuffed inside their emotional cocoons, you'll be an inspiration to many people now

Seems a bit alien to me too, and I'm a guy. Though I was never the most well-adjusted guy in the world, to be fair, so I'm probably not best-placed to comment. Just seems empty to me now though, I think I've always wanted something deeper than casual sex (although I could get plenty horny too, I'm not going to pretend otherwise).

I'm trying to make the case for why you should never, ever take psychedelics. I speak from my own experience, I have just recently discovered that I have "schizotypal personality disorder". If you would like to know truth, you have an inclination to want to know stuff 'correctly' and experience so called "truth" or to get out of the matrix etc., continue reading: 1. Why do you want that? -Because you suspect that there is more to reality than what you were told. -Because you already had glimpses that make you want to go further. 2. Why shouldn't you do it? -Because of suffering: It's pretty simple, you either open the gate to heaven or to hell. If you do it with regular practice, you can always back out and change direction. If you take psychedelics, you open the gate to either heaven or hell. 3. If you want more because life is shit, it might be hell that's awaiting you. 4. Psychedelics can make you schizophrenic or psychotic. -"Oh but that's just under the materialist paradigm, sane people who take psychedelics, without risk of developing psychosis can take it, it's only people that are at risk that shouldn't take it". NO. NO. NO. That's not true. It's schizophrenia-russian-roulette. Before you develop schizophrenia, you don't know if you can develop schizophrenia. If you're at risk, you don't know it. And if you have schizophrenia or psychosis, the thing that defines it is NOT REALISING THAT YOU HAVE IT. If you have it, you don't know you have it. 5. Oh but that's just the materialist paradigm, identifying and grouping symptoms and saying you're crazy, because you're neurodivergent. That's true, psychology and DSM-5 are just grouping symptoms that are common for certain types of extreme. Materialists and Psychologists/Psychiatrists don't know "Truth". However I have spent 3 years studying psychology, have had the exam on personality disorders and was blind to my symptoms corresponding exactly to "schizotypal personality disorder". I don't disprove the claim that psychology is wrong and spirituality is right. However what I can guarantee, is that SUFFERING occurs with those disorders. If you get close or into the schizophrenia spectrum, you're gonna suffer. You're gonna suffer really bad. Because you're going to believe every shit you're mind can imagine. 6. Realisation into the nature of consciousness isn't liberation. If you're not already liberated from the ego. If you don't already know that you're consciousness and only consciousness, than you're not ready for nothingness. 7. "Once I go through the dark night of the soul I'll know truth and then it's going to be over. I'll be enlightened." BULLSHIT. That's not true. I have been nothingness by accident, I didn't even take psychedelics, I just had a panic attack on too much weed. I have been through nothingness, eternity, dream-reality and countless other awakenings for 6 months straight. Every day ego death. It was painful, but apparently it wasn't the worst part. Afterwards I had years of bad bad social anxiety, general anxiety, paranoia, depression, anhedonia. And I'm not exaggerating when I say I couldn't understand why I suffered 1000times more than other people on a regular basis. 8. Suffering is just imaginary/illusion of the ego. It's not important. It isn't. I don't want to give bad ideas to people that are convinced that suffering isn't "real". It might be illusory from the absolute, but not imaginary. 9. Liberation isn't enlightenment: That's it. Get liberated. Liberation is easier to achieve sober, because it's gradually stopping suffering. If you get more than you can take, God's going to metaphorically rape you until you give up everything because you can no longer take it. That's not the way. That's not what you want. 10. "So what, I want enlightenment more than anything else. It doesn't matter if it goes through hell and suffering and psychosis." Okay good. so if suffering doesn't matter, it shouldn't take more than 2 weeks of strong determination sitting. You eat once a day, you sit in perfect lotus 3 times a day for 7 hours at once without moving. (Move your muscles in between so you don't get thrombosis). I have heard of people doing that for decades. Having no bed, just sitting all the time. So it's possible. The only good thing is: you can always stop doing it if suffering gets too bad. Get voluntarily raped by God until you can no longer take God's dick (metaphorically). Don't go down a pointless rabbit hole of suffering. I speak from personal experience when I say that no awakening is worth the suffering. Liberation is real, however glimpses of the nature of reality/consciousness don't guarantee a reduction of suffering! "I don't know anyone who got enlightened from psychedelics, but I know some people that got psychosis from it" -Shunyamurti. "No amount of objects of consciousness can lead you to know who you are" - Rupert Spira. "Meeh, I prefered the sober awakening because I was much more grounded" -Adyashanti. "I'm going to prove to you that I am an alien: ' hong kong, hong kong, hong kong, beijing beijing beijing, weep weep weep, korea, nosik nosik nosik, ouijikimininini, canada, canada, canadacake. eyfrey toray DVD toray. Deee Deeee Deeee' " - Connor Murphy

@Vrubel why do men game? As a woman it just seems so alien to me.... Is it purely to have sex with women? Like, that's the only end game, just to fuck? And then... they've what, one some biological game?

Egosyntonic and egodystonic. 5 factor model used in Dsm manual. In psychoanalysis, egosyntonic refers to the behaviors, values, and feelings that are in harmony with or acceptable to the needs and goals of the ego, or consistent with one's ideal self-image. Egodystonic (or ego alien is the opposite, referring to thoughts and behaviors (dreams, compulsions, desires, etc.) that are in conflict, or dissonant, with the needs and goals of the ego, or, further, in conflict with a person's ideal self-image. Abnormal psychology has studied egosyntonic and egodystonic concepts in some detail. Many personality disorders are egosyntonic, which makes their treatment difficult as the patients may not perceive anything wrong and view their perceptions and behavior as reasonable and appropriate.For example, a person with narcissistic personality disorder has an excessively positive self-regard and rejects suggestions that challenge this viewpoint. This corresponds to the general concept in psychiatry of poor insight. (I think I'll call it poor self understanding.) Anorexia nervosa, a difficult-to-treat (formerly considered an Axis I disorder before the release of the DSM 5) characterized by a distorted body image and fear of gaining weight, is also considered egosyntonic because many of its sufferers deny that they have a problem. (poor self understanding and denial basically). Problem gambling, however, is only sometimes seen as egosyntonic, depending partly on the reactions of the individual involved and whether they know that their gambling is problematic. An illustration of the differences between an egodystonic and egosyntonic mental disorder is in comparing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. OCD is considered to be egodystonic as the thoughts and compulsions experienced or expressed are not consistent with the individual's self-perception, meaning the patient realizes the obsessions are unreasonable and are often distressed by their obsessions. In contrast, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is egosyntonic, as the patient generally perceives their obsession with orderliness, perfectionism, and control, as reasonable and even desirable. ☕☕☕ For example an egosyntonic NPD victim will not realize that their symptoms are harmful to others around them. Whereas an egodystonic NPD patient will realize that their symptoms are not what they truly desire, they don't accept them, don't justify them, realize that others are being affected or harmed by their behaviors and want some degree of control and recovery technique to get out of it and be more normal.

One of the hard spots I'm facing is this forum I don't feel supported here still. There's a gnawing sensation in me that some people just hate me for absolutely bogus reasons and out of their own false perceptions of me and projections. I can't help that. Yes I'm a flawed person. But who isn't flawed? Those who truly care about me without ulterior motive will see past my flaws and detect my true nature. I'll have nothing to prove and nothing to defend. When you come like a God to me, I bow in front of you. But if you come to me to control or preach me, sorry but I won't listen to one word you say. I don't need it. Your judgement is not my definition or my truth. So Yea this forum is also a hard spot and I often run into people who tell me things that doesn't accurately describe what I think or how I feel inside, they change it to suit their narrative and tell me something that is completely alien to what I'm thinking. Just because I'm not adept (can't even use this word) at articulating my thoughts doesn't give you the right to misrepresent my mind, my thoughts, my inner sanctum. I call this forum frustration. I'll label it as such. #forumfrustration. This too is one of the hard sports, this forum frustration thing that I'm trying to resolve or find a proper way to handle/deal with it.

Indeed my perception differs which is why I go on about it. When I do computer programming for example, I don't actually talk to myself in Javascript, that would insanity. No. It is thought, but it's not my internal voice. It's a mixture of images, memories, "knowing", finger memory, intuition and so on, there's hardly internal voice going on at all (except to curse at bugs). It seems completely alien to people that they could actually think without talking to themselves, I find it amusing and weird.

A fan art of an Alien using pencil and pen.

I haven't seen that video, but I was talking about his actual experiences similar to these! not just he being more open minded to these kind of stuff as a result of God realization. he mentioned a few times in the forum too that his DMT experiences is not like other people's experience or he never encountered a DMT alien. simply because what you truly desire is not anything like these so of course you would never experience what Terence McKenna experienced or probably vice-versa.

@Tim R And you don't even hear once, not even once Leo talk about encountering an Alien, time traveling, going to another dimension of existence or anything like that too other than merging in the heart of singularity of existence, Interesting right? But you hear youtuber @Psychedsubtance talk a lot about these experiences too. Probably because you get what you truly desire or maybe ready for out of these substances. Also maybe he had lots of oneness or enlightenment experiences, which obviously he had but consciously ignoring these experiences out of whatever reason (lack of interest maybe? ?).

Insight of the day I avoid to integrate my feminine by avoiding to feel the goodness, inspiration and love in my heart. By distracting me from feeling myself I don't feel anymore and am disconnected from the pain of separation in me. By looking away and immersing myself in stories I don't feel sadness which always seems to be there behind the veil. It is imagines that it is existential because it is always there. It is fear of being whole. Identity is attached to broken ways of being. So many times now after the 2nd insanity trip on July 3rd there are these felt perspective shifts happening. During radical honesty training at the weekend there were so many situations of seeing humanity and feeling God perspective. Alien/cosmic consciousness in human body. God spinning this reality out, like a projector spinning out the forms onto a screen. The shifts happened after thoughts about the situations in the workshop. Avoidance didn't quite stop at that time and also didn't stop now. I keep forgetting the insights. Now after the radical honesty workshop I feel more self-accepting & carefree. I love to behave a bit childish, playful, funny, like a kitten or child. I love it and I express that without resistance. I do what feels good in that moment. Doesn't matter if people see that as me being not a man. The lion comes when he comes at the right time. Till then the child can play. Still, there is discomfort in doing things that I don't see in my current identity and I feel that I get drawn to the things laying in the discomfort. Funny how counterintuitive it is: in being less resistant to be the kitten I realize that I get drawn to the lion. The kitten doesn't have to pretent to be a lion. It is just happening and it is all happens at the right time. Things are got by letting go of them and doing what's right in this moment. There is the child coming out when I say no to all shoulds and should nots. There is total freedom in living life and in expressing myself. People can judge how they want, but I am here present for myself. The seed of God is the guidance system. Intuition. Goodness. Love for the creation/child.

I planned a couple of things for my 24th bday, and they didn't happen. So instead, I ended up bickering with my gf, and I was becoming angry/moody, and my heart was closing. I started to read a chapter from the book Untethered Soul called The Path To Unconditional Happiness; it made me feel much better. Then I ingested edibles and listened to Leo's Video Guided Exercises for Realizing You Are God. Before I began, I meditated for 20 mins, became more and more conscious and took out a pen, and started simultaneously listening to Leo's instructions and journaling all my thoughts-very quick writing, almost like conscious writing, where just write what you think without thinking of style or grammar. This was the first time I began to have very weird mystical experiences. The closest I ever came to this was when I took ayahuasca more than a year ago. I was amazed. I felt surges of energy in my body, and I had many realizations that I wrote down. Of course, it was short-lived and not "a full awakening" by any measure. But it was beautiful and amazing nonetheless. Some of the weird/mystical things that happened to me: My perception felt like it was flowing from me to the room, instead of how it usually feels which is perceptions flowing to you. I was just about to write something about the fluidity of consciousness and time. On that same second just before my pen touched the paper Leo say's "This is not time, this is eternal" that was freaky af!! I had a realization of what is nothing but it was not a complete realization My consciousness felt very expansive and for a second I broke the illusion that fluidity = time passing. I kept looking at my phone in which I was watching the video and to me, it seemed like I was holding this high-tech alien device that contained a message from myself in some alternate dimension. I kept seeing Leo as me..... he even kinda looked like me which I have never seen before even while watching Leo on DMT/LSD. I felt like I stumbled upon a random glitch in the matrix where I was directing myself. This made me realize that was what is actually happening, and I am very grateful. I'm just so glad I discovered actualized.org where I would be if not for this material? My bday would've been ruined by the constant stream of negative thought loops. Instead, I used that anger and negativity to go even deeper and purify my psyche. Better than going out with friends and partying, way better. I'm grateful for stumbling upon this work, it has permanently changed how I live my life. "What you seek is seeking you." - Rumi

In 1982 on the movie ET when the alien read through the professor's complete library making a complete mess of everything, piles of book on the floor and all, that's the first time I ever saw Photo Reading in actual practice, now we have computers that can make that a practice of reading books in seconds a reality. At nearly 2000 pages per minute it's very easy to passively read the whole educational system plus many university subjects in a very short time, if you're really crazy like me and make hundreds of hour long videos using thousands of books and play 12 videos on the screen at one time that's nearly 24000 pages per minute, each hour that's 1,425,600 pages of information for your super computer brain to process. It's good to be in a very humid environment so you don't have to blink and miss out on massive amounts of information! You can also practice keeping your eyes open for long periods of time. Plus practice defocusing your eyes, focus on a specific thing then focus on everything surrounding that specific thing then focus on everything surrounding those things and just keep stepping back until your focusing on everything. Another exercise is hold your arms out to each side and move them as far back as you can and still see your hands and focus on both hands at the same time. If you ride in a car as passaged or take public transit look out the side window focusing on nothing and as everything zooms by you your eyes will automatically focus. To avoid this from happening create an imaginary object in the air and focus on that after a while you're eyes will automatically defocus at will.

I’m seeing more and less efficacy in my old patterns of limitations. What this loss of an ultimate working model over and over again to where what’s working can seem to somehow be less resistance than what came before. Ultimately any map of enlightenment is not the territory, unless you are using insight or concentration aspects to investigate the territory within the map which gives rise in some odd way to both the ability to hold religious God full-fledged, absolutely unobtainable new attainments in my focus long enough to investigate the pointed to sensate illusion outside of current sensate illusion that is the always YOU created thing. Jesus depends on you for relevancy at least as much as you rely on him. Trust me. You can forget the highest amazing live realms of Jesus over and over again because they simply do not produce lasting (permanent ground to reality being finally seen as FULL ILLUSION AND TRUTH ALWAYS IN SUPERPOSITION OF YOUR IMAGINATION OF LIMITATIONS WHICH CREATE YOUR WHOLE PERCEPTUAL CAPABILITIES IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MIND FUCK SKULL FUCK YOU IN SUCH A GRUESOME WAY THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE THE NEW FRESHNESS THAT DUKKHA HAS SHOWN UP AS AGAIN. If you want the hottest girlfriend, realize that dukkha is the crazy chick who would never leave you whose love you don’t even deserve and avoid as you’re afraid of unopening your current illusion to another in the normal human experience of sex. I remember when I first attained to clairsentience & telepathy the first thing I wanted to create my now properly understood and appreciated aspect of the source of my longest lasting and deepest fear of aliens more powerful than me. Then I realized what they are on a self-love level and they can’t access enlightenment in their conception of self. They say it’s just a big black wall. They are formless god damn masters just as much as ANY born human ever is. A true self experience of a rock becoming enlightened or unenlightenment or the perspective of unenlightened beings is true and undeniable insight if that is the basis of perception your form has and the only door you have is impermanence. The form crumbles away. Gets thrown through a black hole, worm hole, and shat on by an omnidimensional formless seagull Godhead of nausea turning to rapture that pisses you off at it’s arising and passing away making you realize the unequanimous aspects of your power vs. non power feeling of achievement, greatness, and happiness which produces less aversion to bliss and dukkha as the same lover and hater of what makes you a human you and every YOU beyond human to produce the most imperceptible sense of something beyond just change to progress further in insight. Imagining how the unenlightenment of God process works in God Realization and enlightenment seems to be almost more fruitful than thinking of awakening as forward progress which does not last as an ultimate motion in some ever-present ultimate consciousness. Ultimate consciousness comes from a lack of even more wacky ultimate realities like hard formless Nothingness, neither perception nor nonperception, or the cessation of perception and feeling. If you haven’t lost the ability to stop or start the cessation of all consciousness, how do you describe that unimaginable sense of complete erasure and nonexistence which seems like where you might have come from? How do you knowingly design the unenlightenment process with this paradigm-locked false ultimate reality without ultimately becoming smaller and subtler WITHIN and outside of consciousness but even moreso in the superposition of ultimate faith of unknowing which is much more like true, effective knowledge of how to control reality comes from perceiving and dropping and coming back to every sensate experience ever held within your illusory character’s illusion of truth. That is the only starting point for the uncovering of the complex and ever-dependent interactions between the holon of Indra’s Web of superposition fluxing between all aspects of reality at once through imagination which is ultimately one of the best tools to actually do unimaginable and indescribable things. There’s a reason nondual teachings don’t work. You attach to a nondual reality which means all is self and that is the very process of investigation into direct no-self as the logical necessity of any self vs. non-self axis of phenomena which could be perception, experience or not. None of this will work for you unless you work hard, get lucky, or likely both. Luckily causal frameworks of reality are built into any true insight framework which solidifies the story from which to work from. That’s another way of saying, due to karma, you will experience the arising and passing away of enlightenment. You will become enlightened. It just is a bit more fun from the human perspective than the rock perspective for most people other than a mad yogi whose really going deep past the illusions of past humanness which would have given him aversion to incredibly subtle awareness like only really having impermanence in a way that life can perceive your experience. Then you have a problem of how you could be boundless consciousness or even infinite consciousness but not also be the consciousness that awakens the rock that you detune God Reality to be able to perceive in this special, human way. Humans want to find aliens more to understand the nature of what humans truly are rather than actually know what an alien is and forget humanness. This is the selfish perspective of the honest karmic relationship between seemingly different forms or non forms. You only really care about others to in some way help yourself as the intuition of true self/no self beyond a temporary illusion easily formed in consciousness is what makes up the process of enlightenment. Tearing down. Building. Change. Growth. New attainments overshadowing old. Giving you a new fresh experience of being even more directly controllable consciousness which is precisely what you are not ENTIRELY. This is the unspeakable part of teaching and insight. It’s how you can’t make better perfect from perfect other than perceiving bliss as a perfect dukkha nowhere which makes it seems lastingly satisfying.

First of all, I feel very blessed to have found this forum as I think I am now free to share in a place where I think feels more like home (mentally). Now, I feel that in order for you to understand where I sit mentally and to better have a grasp of my current situation I need to give you some context and a little bit of background of myself. I will start by saying that I have never been a social or outgoing person, I've always been sort of the one that analyzes situations, scenarios and people. Ever since I was a child I've been in my own bubble and while growing up I never understood politics, news, sports nor religion. So I never had any views on those specific topics except that something was off. Later on in life, when I was about 13, I started developing the idea of religion being a sort of control over people and I started questioning a lot of things related to that. For such reasons I adopted the atheist way of thinking although I didn't consider myself an atheist. Then at about 18 or 19 I started looking at conspiracy theories which some of them resonated with my way of thinking so I dug deeper on a lot of them and I naturally inclined to seeing alien life as something that could be real and a whole lot of stuff which I won't go into details at this point. I thought of myself as kind of a rebel sheep or a black sheep in society because the things I thought I knew were complete opposite of what 'everyone' knew. As my mind adopted a lot of new 'knowledge' I stumbled upon Nikola Tesla's books, which I fell in love with, I loved his insight and I realized how he had been a sort of savior for the world by bringing technology way ahead of his time into this realm and how these didn't even get noticed. So this led me to question science and capitalism, and I was kinda stuck in this mode for a few years (this was now in my 20's). Then after a longtime relationship ended I guess my ego felt a need to socialize and to be a part of the night life so I had a couple of wreckless coming years (yeah I know, complete opposite going from introvert to an extroverted character) and I think this was because my ego didn't want to be recognized as an antisocial in an age where parties where at its peak, mr 305 was booming and the chicks were ready to mingle, my ego felt the urge to get out... at this point I was around 25 and believe it or not I had my first beer at 24 and only because I wanted to make other people see me as a cool guy. I started drinking heavily, and went out almost every week even 2 or 3 times, and also at this point I made a 'friend' who introduced me to this life because lets face it, I wasn't going to do it alone I didn't knew how to be social. So anyway, I met a lot of people, I had regrets, met a ton of girls, had to spend a few nights in jail, made a lot of people mad and almost got myself killed messing with narcs, what a life right? The only reason why I got out of that shithole was because I met a girl, a girl out of all which was actually different. I left everything to be with her, which was something I didn't expect as I had been seeing multiple girls weekly for almost a year, but something switched. I believe this was my first call and a really good one, I slowly but surely started to leave everything behind to focus on her. Years later I started seeing a male friend who I've known for 10 years from a class at college. We started going out to get a beer at local breweries, this were the only times I drank since I don't really like beer but I can have one over a deep talk. He started talking about deep topics so I connected with him instantly, I mean I knew him but never to this extent, he was the kind of introvert who went to raves and have taken molly and shrooms on occassions, so he had very interesting things to say. I never understood drugs and was never interested in them as I never felt a need. But as time progressed and as we talked more and more I was interested not because of the feel good effect but the insight, at one time we sat and watch the netflix documentary on DMT which, needless to say blew my mind and at this point I was very interested and started questioning the whole "drugs are illegal" shit. I started understanding that knowledge was obtainable and that this knowledge was a disadvantage to the matrix since it had the potential of waking up people. At my 29th bday he got me a couple of xtc pills, which I took with my wife (yes, years passed and that girl turned into my wife, how lucky I am) and also keep in mind that I went through a lot of research before I took anything+. All I had to say was......F&%$, this was such a tool for us and our relationship that it literally broke imaginary walls we had and our relationship grew exponentially. Why would this be illegal!?!? I asked. Well my journey was just about to get started... I started looking at a youtube channel called psyched substance and boy that gave me so much valuable information I was in WOW. A year later my friend got me some lsd tabs and after battling myself for some time I took them, man did I get a mind flush, a whole perspective switch, its as if I had always lived under the sea and a whole world was just outside of it and I for the first time felt unity with everything there is, I felt like I had wisdom, knowledge, I was IT. This was the turning point in my life which made me the person who I am still trying to figure out today. I began my journey on 2016, I was 29 and I've been working as a developer for some years, but this literally made me resent my job as I didn't want to be a part of someone else's agenda so my work slowly degraded unconciously but I never gave reason for them to fire me, just my drive wasn't as much as before. I wanted to explore a lot of things and being an employee for someone wasn't on the list. Curiously enough on 2019 there was always this sign I kept seeing, for some reason I always saw the numbers 420 constantly over and over on numerous things and situations. Unfortunately and fortunately I got laid off on April 2020 (4 20), all this time the universe was conditioning me for this moment, how crazy. This would trigger a whole perspective shift for me, at this point I inform you guys that I have a family with my wife we have a two year old and waiting on our second due in June 2020, so everything piled up, pressure started to accumulate, stress, etc, but I took this as a sign that I wanted to learn who I was and what my real life purpose was. Beeing a father has teached me way more than anything in the world, has made me realize patterns and behaviors that I need to change, cycles that I need to break and all this in order to become my better self and the father I want my children to have. It has been a rollercoaster. I have been structuring my time, trying to get rid of bad habits and incorporating new ones all while raising two light warriors without any TV. I sometimes get depressed because I am not providing as I would want, but on another hand I have learned so much which I wouldn't otherwise if I had to be somewhere working. I even have had two successful job offers get pulled one week before my starting date because of unrelated things...(I am looking at you universe), which begs to question if I really want to work for someone again...which I don't honestly and just did that out of desperation. I'm hanging in there, learning, trying out new things and figuring what I can contribute to the world without thinking too much on the financial side. I know deeply that as long as I do my inner work the universe will keep guiding me. However I am still fighting with myself, fighting with my ego as I don't feel like a man, specially a family man, I give love to my kids and my wife. I spent as much time as I want with them but deeply I feel the urge to provide more than what I am doing. I sometimes feel like a failure for not having a 'real' job, I am struggling to find my purpose, I know I love helping other people be better but I just can't seem to find where to start, I have tried creating a youtube channel but my mind always finds ways to get me out of there. The question my ego arises all the time is "how will you provide stability to the house hold ?, Youtube, Podcasting, and sharing ideas COULD pay the bills but not at this moment" do I resonate with that idea ? not entirely as I know I want to be doing what makes me happy and not what makes me money, but I have a family of four I need to provide for so I am mentally struggling a lot. I could go on, but I'll stop here, if you made it this far thank you so much for taking time out of your precious life.

483. Summary: The Top Dangers Of Using Psychedelics Resources on Psychedelics and Safety: ? Actualized.org on Psychedelics ? PsychonauntWiki is a good resource for researching. Episode: Episode 268: How To Use Psychedelics For Personal Development (49 mins). Summary is here. Blog posts: Top Dangers of Using Psychedelics How to Research Psychedelics The Antidote For PreTrip Anxiety No Trip Sitters Blog Videos: What It's Like To Smoke Salvia Divinorum (43 min) crazy salvia trip, fooor real (6 min) Salvia Trip Report (16 min) DON’T DO SALVIA OR DATURA!! -This is going to be a lopsided episode. Leo’s not covering any of the good stuff about psychedelics here. He’s done other videos on that. He’s also not trying to convince you to do psychedelics. That’s a decision you have to make all by yourself. -This episode is about the necessary precautions and information you need if you're going to be tripping seriously. Leo’s such a huge advocate of psychedelics that he cares about how they’re misused and abused by people. -This episode focuses exclusively on the negatives and the dangers. There are a lot of immature people who don't research or think through potential dangers. The majority of these dangers can be very easily avoided if you are responsible, thoughtful and careful. Keep in mind, you can make anything sound sinister if you emphasize only the negatives. (eg: The Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide!?!?!) -Leo has loads of experience with psychedelics, so he has a lot of insight about the dangers and risks. He’s taken over 100 trips, from low dosages to very very high. He’s done everything from mushrooms, LSD, DPT, DMT, 5MeO DMT, 4AcO-DMT, Salvia, and even experimental research chemicals that most people don't know about. He’s also studied this field a lot theoretically. He’s read a lot of trip reports, interacted and watched a lot of people who do psychedelics, dealt with people on the forum who report trips and the various problem that arise for them. He’s also had bad trips himself. -This list of 32 dangers is quite comprehensive. 1) Overdosing (3:20) The extreme version: taking so much that you kill yourself. The lethal dose for MDMA is pretty low, so that’s a serious danger. Same goes for certain research chemicals. However, od'ing on LSD or shrooms is pretty difficult. Find out what the lethal dosage is for the psychedelic you’re taking and stay far away from that dose. Also make sure you’re accurately measuring the dose you’re taking. The mild version: simply taking a dose that's too high. This is more common. The reason this happens is people are not carefully weighing their doses with a milligram scale. They're just popping stuff hoping they get it right. This is extremely reckless and will lead to dangerous situations. You might lose bodily function or pass out. You could fall over and crack your skull open. You could be seriously disoriented for a few hours, leading to all sorts of psychological problems and an existential crisis. The solution: stay within a low to moderate dose range. People can get cocky. They overestimate how much they can handle and underestimate how powerful psychedelics are. No mater how “tough” you are, there’s a dose that you won’t be able to handle. It will freak you out and be a net negative for your development, personally and spiritually. There’s no need to do crazy high dosages. Keep them in the moderate to low range. People try to outdo themselves, thinking that the more they do the sooner they'll deconstruct their ego or reach enlightenment. Some just want bragging rights on online forums. In practice, this will only set you back and you'll regret it. Nothing is gained. There’s nobody you need to one-up, not even yourself. Progress isn’t about taking high dosages. It's about increasing consciousness, which is easier to accomplish with low to moderate doses. High dose trips can get too crazy to be productive. Your mind can’t make sense of the trip or even integrate and remember it. What really matters is letting the psychedelic transform your everyday life, not bragging on some forum. Check your ego at the door. 2) Physical Harm (7:10) All sorts of physical harm is possible, especially if you're taking high doses. You could become disoriented and lose control of your body. You could run around in a reckless manner. There are trip reports of people jumping around naked through the streets. Falling over, hurting their arms and legs. Discipline yourself to sit still and contemplate when you're tripping. 3) Tripping in Dangerous Locations (7:30) Location, location, location. Generally, you want to do psychedelics in an indoor environment where it's safe. A comfortable room with no one to interfere is great. Stay indoors. No balconies, no ledges, no rooftops, no sharp objects, no sharp corners where you can fall from a dangerous height or crack your skull open. Stay away from loud, crowded recreational areas, like parties, raves, nightclubs, music festivals, bars. They’ll create problems. Same with tripping outdoors in the woods where there are wild animals. If it’s nighttime outdoors, your vision will be compromised too. 4) Vomiting (8:40) People commonly report vomiting while on psychedelics. They do psychedelics after eating, which is why they vomit, especially if they take a high dose. Vomiting and passing out at the same time creates a potentially lethal situation. Leo's done more than 100 trips and he’s never vomited once, so it’s a matter of being careful with your protocol. So, don't take psychedelics within four hours of eating anything. Make it a rule. It ensures you have an empty stomach and then there's nothing to vomit even if you feel like vomiting. 5) Really, Really, Really Bad Trips (9:48) There are different degrees of bad trips. There's bad trips and there's really really really bad trips, which you especially want to avoid. People underestimate how bad a trip can get because they underestimate the power of consciousness. Consciousness is all powerful and infinite. Consciousness is rendering your entire sense of reality and everything you've ever seen or known. Consciousness can conjure up anything, including the worst nightmares ever. So imagine that nightmare being manifested as real or even realer than this physical reality that you're in right now. Also, when you're in these psychedelic peaks, there's no notion of time, so they can last for eternity. A really, really, really bad trip is like being stuck in the worst possible hellish nightmare you can imagine, where you're being tortured and devils are coming at you and you're in total madness and it seems like you'll never return to normal life. It's not like a usual bad trip where you can just convince yourself you’ll be okay, that you’ll be back to normal in a few hours. In a really, really bad trip there won't be any reassurance. You’ll actually believe that this nightmare is your new reality. You can completely lose memory of your old reality. You can forget all about material existence. You’re going to be in this new, hellish reality with no control. Your ego won’t be able to manipulate it. You're going to be stuck in this downward, infinite spiral into hell. That is possible. (Don’t do salvia or datura!) Solution: You can avoid that by keeping your doses low to medium. Those kind of bad trips usually happen when your dosage is too high. You also need to ground yourself and be psychologically healthy so that you don't have a paranoid mind. The more paranoid, depressive and negative your mind is, the more likely you are to lose control, spiral into negativity and even into states of madness. If you have trouble dwelling on negativity and cutting off negative thoughts in general, then your doses need to be low. 6) Facing Repressed Fear and Trauma (13:10) If you have a lot of trauma and shadow material that you've been repressing, it's gonna come out. Psychedelics will get you to confront traumas, the shadow side of your psyche that you've been repressing and hiding. Most people who get involved with psychedelics are fairly immature and also tend to have quite a bit of trauma in their life from childhood and adolescence. They also tend to be fairly fearful. Since psychedelics deconstructs your mind and your reality, they will screw with your sense of what you think is real and unreal. Forcing that to come out is actually a good thing. It’s necessary for your personal and spiritual growth, but that doesn't mean it's going to feel good. Your ego might not be prepared to handle it. It depends on how much pain is brought up and how quickly. Keeping your dosages low to moderate means you can face your fears and traumas gradually, at a rate you can handle. If you just jack up the dose, it's going to be more than you can handle and this is going to set you back. It’s like going to the gym. If you try to bench press 200 pounds on your first day, like you see other people doing, because you don't want to look like a wimp, you’re going to seriously injure yourself. This will force you to stay out of the gym for the next few months, or even years. Counterintuitively this will slow your progress. One of the biggest problems you see is people taking “heroic doses,” because they want to prove their “machoness.”[/b] They freak themselves out, too much trauma comes up and this scares them away for years. The proper approach is to go slow and steady and gradually build yourself up, and deconstruct your ego, over a period of months and years. It does very little good to go to the gym once. That doesn't really change you. What works is doing a little bit consistently, over months and years. It’s the same thing with psychedelics. As you're doing psychedelics, make sure you don't freak yourself out so much that you get PTSD, anxiety, nightmares, depression or fall into solipsism or have an existential crisis that stops you from doing regular personal development work and consciousness practices. 7) The Potential for Psychological Instability (17:30) All of these can happen: deconstructing your mind, nihilism, a loss of your sense of reality, a loss of your illusions, depersonalization, ungrounding and losing your mind, even going insane. Although, we’re trying to deconstruct the mind, the rate at which you do it matters a lot. If it happens bit by bit, you can handle it. If you get too much all at once your life can spiral out of control. You could even have a psychotic break that leads you to making rash, life decisions you will later regret. You can end up in a mental institution. You can spiral into depression or nihilism where nothing matters and you lose joy for life and all sense of meaning. This can cascade throughout your life, into your family and career. So, try to deconstruct your psyche at a slow, healthy rate. 8) Confusion (19:25) Psychedelics can make you very confused about reality and what's really going on in life. This confusion can be emotionally stressful and difficult to cope with. It can last for months or years depending on how much tripping you're doing and what kind of confusion you have. Generally, confusion is actually a good thing. Confusion is not bad per se, as long as it doesn't make you do stupid, rash things. (ep: How to deal with Confusion) 9) Can Exacerbate Mental illness (20:23) If you have mental illnesses, you need to be very careful because psychedelics can crank those up to 11. Stuff like bipolar disorder, schizophrenic tendencies, depression, PTSD, anxiety and so forth. You could end up at a mental institution where they'll over medicate you and imbalance your body and mind even more. You could even get addicted to those medications and it'll take months or years to wean yourself off them. If you have a mild one, you can still take psychedelics. They can actually help, but you have to be extra extra careful and keep your doses low to moderate. If you have some severe mental illnesses, then perhaps stay away from psychedelics altogether. Research your mental illness very deeply (blog post: How to Research Psychedelics). Read reports from people with the same mental illness who have been taking psychedelics. Learn how they’ve been handling it. What’s worked and what hasn’t. You can see their dosages, effects they've been experiencing, whether it was positive or negative. eg: Do a google search on: reddit.com bipolar disorder LSD (or whatever psychedelic you're planning on taking) That gives you an idea of what to expect. Even then there's no guarantees and the more severe your mental illness is the more things can go wrong. Also, if you're stuck in a profound mental illness and there's no cure and you've tried everything and nothing’s helped you, consider the possibility that psychedelics can help. Now it depends on what kind of illness you have. What kind of psychedelic you use. How you use it and so forth, but you can also do research into various academic studies, programs and clinical treatments around the world that do help with depression, PTSD and anxiety. There's some really good science behind that. Very soon we're going to have the first FDA approved use of psychedelics for treatment of depression, PTSD and other things. There's going to be legit treatments available through various clinics and licensed doctors. So it's real science. It works. It's not just hippie mumbo jumbo. 10) Can Interfere With Pursuing Success (23:25) If you're really into selfhelp, if you're in that spiral dynamics stage orange phase where you’re working really hard on your business or your dating life and you've built up a lot of momentum, be careful with psychedelics because they can derail that. It’s both a downside and an upside. Psychedelics take you beyond the material existence, so they're going to make all that material stuff seem very petty and meaningless. That’s sort of the point. It’s what transcendence is about. But for a lot of people, they're so immature and underdeveloped that they’re not ready to transcend the material domain. They need maybe ten years focused on meeting their survival needs in a conscious, effective way. So, if you have all these goals, but then start doing shrooms, you might rethink those goals. On one hand, that might be a good thing if your life’s miserable and you need to reevaluate. On the other hand, maybe your goals are spot on and it’s in your best interest to keep working towards them. Psychedelics can make you second guess yourself and make you less productive because productivity loses its meaning. You realize you're in a rat race and you're never going to be satisfied. It might be a good idea to start doing psychedelics when you can afford to coast in your business or life goals. When you have the luxury of shifting priorities from productivity to spirituality. Understand that they’ll be a financial cost to prioritizing consciousness work over productivity. You could also say that less money but more spirituality is better for you in the long run. Your priorities will be different if you have a spouse and kids that you’re responsible for. You don’t necessarily know how psychedelics will affect that. 11) Using Psychedelics to Avoid Building a Good Life (28:38) You could potentially use psychedelics to escape tackling the problem of survival and building a good life. Most people who watch Leo’s videos have a more immediate problem of trying to master survival in an excellent way. So, their main problem isn’t a lack of enlightenment. If you're struggling to build a career, or get laid, or manage your emotions (loneliness, anger, depression, anxiety), those are very basic problems. Jumping deep into psychedelic territory might compel you to not worry about any of that material stuff. “But Leo, who cares about building a good life? That's just dreams and the illusion of Maya, bro. I'm gonna go into the mystical realms, because that's where the good stuff's at, right?” That can be a very big trap, because no matter how high you go into the mystical realms, no matter how deep of a God realization you get or what insights DMT alien entities download into you, you’re eventually going to come back down into mundane, material reality where you have bills to pay, children to feed, a house to clean, a physical body to take care and all those other obligations. Survival and building a good life is not something you want to do poorly. That is something you want to face head on and master ?. No matter what nondual experiences you have, you’ll still need some degree of success in physical, material reality. Otherwise, you’ll live miserably on the material plane. That’s not something you want and it will negatively impact your spiritual pursuits. So, you want to keep one eye on the mystical domain and the other eye on building a good life. Become financially secure, get a good job so you’re not anxious about basic physical survival or homeless. 12) Becoming Too Isolated (32:30) Psychedelics can make you go deeper and deeper into yourself, withdrawing into your mind and psyche, especially if you do them chronically. You could stop talking to your friends and family and trap yourself in this solipsistic echo chamber. That can spiral out of control, then nobody is there to help you or keep you grounded. You can even start to hate the world, especially if you misinterpret your psychedelic visions. So, balance out psychedelics with some sort of social life so you don’t become a total recluse. 13) Making Rash Decisions (33:25) After a profound, breakthrough trip, you might decide to divorce your wife, leave your children, quit your job, tell your boss to go screw himself, walk away from your business partners, go travel the world, sell your house, give away all your money to charity and this can really end up biting you in the ass. Even though a psychedelic trip only lasts at most 12 hours and the next day you're going to be completely down from the trip, the lingering after effects of the chemicals will still remain in your psyche for at least a week, especially after a deep trip. So for the rest of that week you can be having thoughts that are not typically the kind of thoughts you would be having, which can cause you to make rash decisions. The best safety measure against this is to have a rule that after you trip you're not going to make any rash or bold decisions for the next week. Make sure that your mind comes back down all the way and you're sober. You're totally stabilized and then you can make your decisions. Until then, you’re probably not thinking straight. 14) Feeling Demotivated about Meditation (35:35) Psychedelics can take you into levels of consciousness that are really high, that meditation clearly cannot. This can be demotivating for your meditation or yoga practice, because “what's the point?” In a sense, it's easier to fool yourself into meditating when you don't know about the peaks that psychedelics are capable of producing. (This is one of the secret reasons why a lot of Buddhist and yoga practitioners instinctively stay away from psychedelics.) The thing is, meditation, yoga and self inquiry are important for raising your baseline level of consciousness. Psychedelics are not gonna raise your baseline level of consciousness that much. You're gonna come back down at the end of the day, so that kind of leaves you nowhere. Even if you do psychedelics, you still need daily manual practices to raise your baseline state of consciousness over a period of years and decades (yoga, meditation, self inquiry). Then on top of that, you’ll be getting these spikes with psychedelics that take you to crazy peaks. 15) Chronic Usage (39:25) Yes, Leo’s broken that rule. He did 30 days straight of 5MeODMT (ep: 30 Awakenings In 30 Days.) But, that was done in a very deliberate almost scientific way, and now he can teach from that wisdom. Using psychedelics chronically will erode your mind and sense of reality. It will turn your life upside down and you’ll stop being able to think straight. That’s what happened to Leo during his 30day trial of using 5MeODMT. He was constantly high and it was really really interfering with his mind and sense of reality. If it had continued any further it would have been a disaster. Leo recommends taking long periods between trips to integrate insights. Even doing psychedelics twice a month is too much if you do that consistently. You’re still not going to be able to integrate everything, so be careful about that. Chronic use will turn psychedelics into a crutch, an addiction, an escape from doing the real, manual labor to develop yourself. So, don’t use psychedelics more than once every two weeks. 16) Misinterpreting Mystical Visions (42:05) You're going to have all sorts of visions and insights, but when you come back down the ego is still going to be there. The ego is going to try to make sense of all these crazy experiences you've had. It's going to corrupt them. It's going to try to co-opt them and use them towards it's own selfish purposes. Here is where you run into the problem of Zen devilry, or false notions of enlightenment and a messiah complex (ep: Becoming a Zen Devil. Summary here.) You start to proclaim yourself to be God and telling everyone how great and powerful you are. You think you have abilities to heal people, to change the world, to awaken everybody. This can get very dangerous. You might get the idea to build a cult. You might think you're qualified to teach people, and if you do, you’ll be teaching them some corrupt version of the truth. So just be very careful because your mind is very self-deceptive, especially when you come down from a high mystical experience. These mystical visions don't necessarily mean what you think they mean at face value. Your mind can easily imagine and hallucinate all sorts of stuff. Maybe because you’re Christian, you experience Jesus delivering a personal message to you. So you start to believe you are Jesus’ messenger here on Earth. Then you come back down from the trip and actually believe that you have been ordained to convert all the heathens to Christianity or something like that. Psychedelics will exacerbate any biases and self-deceptions you have in your mind. For you to gain the most out of psychedelics, it's very important that you have a pure mind, a mind that has inquired into itself outside of the psychedelic trip. Clear out your mind, purge your selfishness, your various biases, egotisms and shadow sides. If you have a dirty, corrupt mind your mystical visions will be corrupted and misinterpreted by the impurities in your mind. You won't be able to separate the truth of the mystical vision from the selfish, personal needs you have. All of your egotism and shadow side will turn your non-dual experience into a toxic, fake-mystical stew. Then you'll run around trying to infect everybody else with it. This is Zen devilry. It’s also possible that having awakenings cause you to think you fully understand reality when you don’t. You only saw a small facet of the truth, not the whole truth (ep: The Many Facets of Awakening.) It usually takes you multiple trips over a period of months and years to assemble a big picture of the truth. Be aware that you can deceive yourself about awakenings and mystical visions. You can misinterpret them badly and infect others with those misunderstandings, so be very careful. 17) The Pain of Being Disconnected From God (46:55) If you're doing psychedelics properly, you’ll eventually become conscious of God. This will be one of the most important, beautiful and profound experiences you've ever had. Then you'll fall back down to earth the next day. You’ll want to get back to God. It’ll become the thing you chase. You’ll be intoxicated with God, with becoming God or being one with God or feeling God's love. Infinite love is so intoxicating that it's going to pain you to go through everyday life disconnected from God and from infinite love. This could potentially get so bad you become suicidal. “What’s the point of this material existence? My crappy job, my crafty family, my crappy life. I should be up there in heaven with God.” You might also spend your days dreaming about the next time you can do psychedelics. Then it becomes an addiction, an escape from material existence, obligations and survival. Counterintuitively, the most profound, beautiful mystical experiences can actually lower the quality of your life. Because before psychedelics your mundane, boring life was all you knew. You were blissful ignorant about the beauty of infinite love. You can’t inhabit that 24/7, so your ordinary life seems very pale by comparison. Basically, you have to relearn to appreciate the paleness of mundane existence. That’s challenging to cope with. Although you can't really get physically addicted to psychedelics, you can become psychologically addicted, especially if your ordinary life kind of sucks. If you’ve got nothing going on for you in ordinary life, then you can definitely see how these psychedelic peaks can become an escape and your sole purpose for living. That’s not healthy or sustainable in the long term. 18) Suicide (50:35) If you're taking psychedelics and you notice yourself having suicidal thoughts, then the first thing you should do is completely discontinue psychedelics for at least three to six months. Don't do them. Reground yourself in ordinary life. Remember, suicide is just a temporary trick of your ego-mind. Don’t harm your body. Make a commitment to yourself to not harm your body. Don't even consider suicide as a possibility. If you maintain at least one avenue of hope in life, you can keep going. (clip: A Spiritual Perspective On Suicide [11 min]) Psychedelics can make some people suicidal for various reasons. You can feel like you're losing your mind, or plunge you into a nihilistic, solipsistic funk. You could misinterpret a vision or insight. You could experienced derealization and get stuck. Basically, you don't want to work on the material plane and you think suicide will give you a shortcut to God. Psychedelics done properly can actually be the cure. They can show you something beyond the material domain, beyond depression and pain. If you're dissatisfied with the material domain, which a lot of suicidal people are, then what you're really looking for is the spiritual domain, but you don't know how to access it. If you can't meditate, do yoga, self inquiry, if you don't have those skills built up, psychedelics can help you deal with trauma. A lot of suicide is rooted in trauma. Psychedelics can show you the miracle of life, of love, of consciousness of God. In this sense psychedelics can prevent suicide, but they can also cause it. It depends on how you them. 19) The Illegal Side of Things (53:00) Familiarize yourself with the legal nuances of these substances. What are the legal ramifications for getting caught with them? Which substances are legal in your area and which are not? eg: Think very, very, very, carefully before doing drugs in Singapore. Maid sentenced to 25 years in prison for trafficking marijuana. This requires research depends on where you live. These substances are illegal in many parts of the world, but not all parts. How you're handling these substances. How are you driving around with them? How you're carrying them? What the policing situation is like? Be very careful about supplying psychedelics to your friends. There’s a big difference between getting caught as a user versus as a dealer. When you start using psychedelics you might want to share them with all your friends and your family. You might start inviting them over for psychedelics or sending them gifts. Eventually, what happens is people start talking and you get caught. In that situation they're to going to try you as a dealer, not as a user who has a little bit of psychedelics for personal use. It's very very important to take precautions so that there’s no links between what you're doing and dealing to others. Make sure that you take responsibility for the legal consequences. Do you understand how many years in jail you could spend if you get caught? Researching that will sober your mind to the realities of things. There’s a big difference between a few months versus 10 years in jail, but you didn't even consider that because you didn’t do your research. There are also legal ways to do psychedelics. There’s also a variety of quasi-legal grey areas too that you can explore. It all depends on your risk tolerance. eg: Ibogaine clinics that treat drug addiction. Leo’s not your lawyer and he’s not telling you what you should or shouldn't do. He’s just saying you need to study this stuff so you know what you're getting into. Then you can avoid the most serious dangers. 20) Taking the Wrong Substance (56:58) Don’t take unknown substances. Sometimes in trip reports, people just take some unknown drug. Don't take random pills from people you don’t know. You have to know what your substance is! Know the dosage and the source of where you got it from. You have to be reasonably confident about the dosage being accurate. It should come from a quasi-reliable source at the very least, if not a reliable one. 21) Toxicity From Impure Substances (58:00) Toxicity comes from impure substances. This depends on if you're getting your substance from a trusted source then this shouldn't be a problem. Certain substances can contain fairly high impurities, especially things like MDMA or LSD, especially if you get it at a rave or a music festival. Those can be notoriously impure. 22) Physically Damaging Your Body with Chemicals (58:38) There are certain kinds of psychedelics that are chemically damaging to your body, like ketamine, MDMA, DMX, NBOMes, nitrous oxide, and others. (Of course, it depends on how much you take and how often.) These substances aren’t even considered classic psychedelics. Solution: stick to the classic psychedelics that will not physically damage your body, like mushrooms, DMT, mescaline, LSD. They’re not physically damaging in most cases for normal people. They're the safest and most field tested. eg: MDMA permanently rewires your brain if you take it too much. It can lead to neurological damage. Ketamine can lead to bladder or kidney damage. There are some substances that you shouldn't take at all. Leo's taken salvia, but doesn’t recommend it. It screws with your motor control and creates very very chaotic trips. Datura’s even worse. Leo’s not doing reverse psychology here. Don’t take salvia or datura. There’s better stuff that’s way safer. 23) Bad Interactions Between Psychedelics and Medication (1:00:40) If you're on SSRIs don't combine that with psychedelics. SSRIs are frequently used among depressed people. If you're on antipsychotics or any other medication, you have to seriously research potential conflicts, side effects and interactions between your medication and psychedelics. These combinations can be potentially lethal. 24) Mixing Substances (1:01:30) When you mix two or more chemical substances together they can have a synergistic effect either positive or negative. That can lead to side effects and drug interactions you didn't anticipate. There have been reported deaths from people taking 5MeODMT plus a medication they were on. Combining 5MeODMT with MAOIs, like you do with ayahuasca, could also be a lethal combination. Combining various medications and supplements with psychedelics, and/or taking multiple psychedelics together is dangerous territory. Stick to one chemical at a time so you clearly know what effect which substance is having on your mind. 25) Psychedelics Can Be a Gateway to Hard Drugs (1:02:50) They can lead to other recreational, hard drugs like cocaine, heroin, meth, crack and so forth. It doesn't have to be that way, but it can be that way. Psychedelics aren’t ridiculously addictive like meth, so the line can get blurry. You might underestimate how addictive hard drugs are. Also, the sources that are getting you psychedelics might also offer you recreational drugs. Psychedelics will open your mind. You might think, “they're not so bad. They're not hurting my body. Why not try some other stuff too?” Then your heroin turns out to be laced with fentanyl and you kill yourself. You have to draw a real hard line between the recreational stuff and psychedelics. Only stick to the psychedelics for personal and spiritual growth, not partying. 26) Chronic Weed Addiction (1:04:10) According to trip reports, some people like to combine psychedelics with weed. They do it to calm themselves down. This can actually make your trips more paranoid and synergize in a negative way. So keep that in mind. Read Leo’s blog post on pre-trip anxiety. Unlike psychedelics, weed is more addictive and easier to use daily. Even if you’re only using psychedelics once a month, if you get into a habit of using weed frequently, that's not going to be good for your development. Leo recommends avoiding weed altogether. 27) Experimenting with Research Chemicals (1:06:00) There’s dozens of different research chemicals. There’s always new ones being released and you might want to experiment with them. The problem is the newer the chemical, the less it’s been field tested, and the more dangerous it is. You could potentially stumble upon something very harmful, so you got to be careful with research chemicals. Also, you might order some research chemicals they end up sending you the wrong batch, which is potentially quite problematic. 28) Hallucinogen Persistent Perception Disorder (HPPD) (1:07:05) HPPD happens when you do so much psychedelics at such high doses that the psychedelic effects linger on your visual and auditory field. Something gets rewired in your brain long after the trip. They can last for months or years or a lifetime. The most common symptom might be tinnitus, which is a ringing in the ears. You can also get tracers or other kinds of distortions in your visual field. This can last an entire lifetime. It can be quite distressing and interferes with one’s ability to enjoy life. So just be aware of that. This happens to a very small percentage of people, but it does happen and you don't know if that’s going to be you. Especially if you do a lot of psychedelics or high doses. Nobody’s sure what causes it, if it’s genetics, or a side effect of mixing psychedelics with medication. You can research plenty of case studies about HPPD online or in the forums on reddit and so forth. Leo’s never had it, but he’s very careful about dosing and not overusing. 29) Extracting, Synthesizing and Dealing (1:09:09) The more you get into psychedelics, you might want to try growing your own shrooms, or extracting DMT, or trying to synthesize your own LSD. You might get some crazy ideas about growing, extracting and synthesizing. At that point you’re running a drug lab and if the cops catch you they're not going to charge you as a user. They're not even going to charge you as a dealer. They’re going to charge you as a drug lab. Don’t do anything reckless. It's not worth going to prison for twenty years just to extract a few grams of DMT. They will easily charge you heavily if they catch you. So you have been forewarned. 30) Online Scams (1:10:25) Leo's heard stories of people buying stuff from random websites and not getting their product. Their money gets stolen by fake websites and shady dealers. 31) Driving intoxicated (1:10:50) Have a rule that you won’t be driving or getting into a car. There are trip reports of really irresponsible people taking LSD then getting in a car to buy snacks, then the psychedelic hits while they’re in the car and now they can’t even see straight, much less drive. Once you've taken the psychedelic sit down, pay attention, contemplate. Don't think about anything else. Focus on your trip. Don’t run off somewhere. Sit through the trip until it's all gone, and then you can use your car again. 32) Thinking You’re Invincible (1:16:10) You might start to think, “I’m God and God is immortal.” Well, God is immortal and invincible, but your human life isn’t. There are consequences in the relative, material domain, so watch out. -Remember, this list was only focusing on the worst of the worst parts about psychedelics. You might be turned off because of all the dangers and problems. Keep in mind that the majority of these dangers can be very easily avoided if you are responsible, thoughtful and careful. -Leo’s given you very quick solutions to many of these problems, so you can avoid many of them. No, you can't avoid all of them. If you're very very risk averse person then psychedelics are simply not for you. -Don’t forget that all of life is risk. If you did a list of all the risks and problems of driving or sex or business or relationships, you would never do any of that. Dangers in business. You can get sued, your partners can scam you, your products can kill people. Dangers with sex. You could catch an STD. You could get a girl pregnant and pay alimony for the rest of your life. You could be impregnated and the guy could abandon you. Dangers in relationships. Your partner could have a crazy ex. She could cheat on you, infect you with an std, hurt you emotionally and steal all your money. He could abuse you, rape you, brainwash and manipulate you, even kill you. -Life is full of risk. It's about managing the risk. You don't want to be paranoid, but you want to take reasonable precautions. You're not invincible. Top Mistakes in a Nutshell 1) Not taking psychedelics seriously seriously enough. Treating them like toys. 2) Being immature about the whole process. Being immature period. Maturity is one of the most important factors to using psychedelics productively and not destructively. If you're immature don't do them at all. 3) Doing large doses and not measuring them accurately. 4) Frequent and chronic usage. 5) Tripping with friends in dangerous environments, with a lot of noise and distraction around. 6) Not sitting still and contemplating because you’re too immature. If you can't control yourself, don't trip. There are trip reports of people who take shrooms, strip off all their clothes and run down the street screaming. This is very immature. “But Leo, I’m tripping!! I’m supposed to be free. I wanna let myself gooooo.” Well, you shouldn't let yourself go so much that you jump off a balcony. If it’s too much to ask of yourself to not do reckless, dangerous things, then don't trip. 7) When mentally ill, mentally unstable and immature people getting into psychedelics. Their mental illness just gets worse and they spiral out of control, and end up taking more to feel better. 8) Zen Devilry. (ep: Becoming a Zen Devil. Summary is here) 9) Not enough theoretical foundation or consciousness work. Learn the metaphysics, the epistemology, spiritual theory, non-dual theory, and so forth. Actualized.org covers all that stuff. 10) Not doing the manual labor of personally developing yourself. Assuming that psychedelics will handle everything, including your physical health and spiritual growth. Substituting drugs for meditation, contemplation, reading, learning, watching Actualized.org, and other spiritual practices. If you just fly by the seat of your pants and do psychedelics, your life will be a disaster. 11) Doin a few trips and thinking you’ve got it all figured out. If you've only done five or ten trips or even 20 trips you have no clue what psychedelics are really like. You're just a widdle baby. It requires about a hundred trips just to start to get your bearings on what psychedelics are, how they work and their potential for spiritual growth. You have to spread your trips out. Treat this as a longterm, multiyear process. Don’t do a bunch of trips back to back. Because you're spreading it out, a lot of work is involved. Follow safe protocols. The more you do something dangerous, the more risk is incurred, so the more you do it, the more careful and methodical you have to be.. Actualized.org and Psychedelics Moving Forward -Leo’s not trying to convince you to do psychedelics. Contemplate these dangers. Take them seriously. Taking psychedelics is a decision you need to make for yourself, not because you think Leo told you to. In the past he’s talked about the benefits, so now he’s providing a balanced perspective. -In the future, Leo wants to emphasize the importance of psychedelics in this work. Emphasizing psychedelics is controversial and people will criticize him for that, which is why he released this episode. So that you’re doing psychedelics in a responsible way. -He finds that psychedelics are the most direct path. They can give you the deepest, clearest understanding of what reality is. So, forget about permanent enlightenment. It’s enormously beneficial to directly experience truth, God, Love, reality and consciousness for yourself. For a lot of people, psychedelics are the only way they will ever experience that. A lot of people get lost in mental masturbation, theorizing about metaphysics and solipsism. It's very important that you actually do the work or you'll get nowhere. (Yoga, meditation, self inquiry, psychedelics, etc) Again, Leo’s not pushing psychedelics on anyone. You don't have to do them. You can still access God, love, consciousness, truth and epistemology independent of psychedelics. But if there’s a direct, easy way to access it, why not use it? Most people aren't devoted enough to meditate for ten years, or do intense ten day retreats. Or they're not spiritually gifted enough. So how do we deliver these understandings to them? -Leo says the depth of his understanding and the quality of his work would be impossible without psychedelics. These tools can reveal non-duality to you quickly, effortlessly, directly and yet they're misused and demonized. As a society we cannot afford to have these amazing tools get so abused. We need to build a responsible path towards psychedelic use, not just a clinical path to only use them for PTSD, depression and addiction. -A lot of people who teach psychedelics don't connect it to the highest, purest metaphysical understanding of reality, or to epistemology or developmental psychology. Actualized.org is in a position to do that or at least play a role in that. There’s a non-dual path through psychedelics. This path doesn't exclude other practices. It just adds an extra dimension of psychedelics on top of it. That's how Leo sees spirituality being done in the future. He feels it’s his responsibility to help actualize ? it. He also acknowledges that he’s standing on the shoulders of giants in the psychedelic community. (Pioneers like Terence Mckenna, Alexander Shulgin, Martin Ball, James Auroch all deserve credit.) There’s also the challenge of popularizing the responsible use of psychedelics. This is about changing culture, changing how society at large views psychedelics. -It’s very important for you to be ridiculously responsible about how you do psychedelics. If you’re doing this in an irresponsible manner with a bunch of Zen devilry, crazy antics, misuse, abuse, harm to yourself and others, Leo will denounce you and kick you off the forum and the comments section. He’s not gonna tolerate any of that stuff, because there's a larger game here and that Zen devilry is not gonna fly. -So just be responsible. Be conscious and get excited about some amazing discoveries in the future.

It's definitely not finished. We change, we're growing bones on the back of our heads because we use extensively our phones. We're getting more and more hairless, as our testosterones levels drops, less strong physically. The size of our heads are expanding, our fingers and arms are getting longer, as our butts are getting lower. We're going to look the typical grey alien figure we're all used to see. And then, is there really a line between biological evolution and the technological one? Not really. Implants, transplants, genetics... It's all moving, much faster than ever, as our environment is getting more complex. Even psychology is part of the process, thoughts are written in DNA, we're literally forming people with higher education, biologically more fit to study and elaborate information. And ultimately, spiritual evolution as well is not separated from biological evolution. Sadhguru might have intended that we're materially fit, powerful enough to thrive, but spiritually, metaphysically, unfit and undeveloped. so that's where we should be heading now. But it's indeed one single big process: once lower needs are satisfied new possibilities emerge.