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And you didn't read the long version? Maybe check it out This part from the end of the book was so intense. I think many here can relate that to some experiences...: Is this a hallucination? "Charlie, are you all right?" Or the things described by the mystics? I hear a voice but I don't want to answer him. It annoys me that he is there. I've got to ignore him. Be passive and let this - whatever it is - fill me with the light and absorb me into itself. "What do you see, Charlie? What's the matter?" * Upward, moving like a leaf in an upcurrent of warm air. Speeding, the atoms of my body hurtling away from each other. I grow lighter, less dense, and larger... larger... exploding outward into the sun. I am an expanding universe swimming upward in a silent sea. Small at first, encompassing with my body, the room, the building, the city, the country, until I know that if I look down I will see my shadow blotting out the earth. Light and unfeeling. Drifting and expanding through time and space. And then, as I know I am about to pierce the crust of existence, like a flying fish leaping out of the sea, I feel the pull from below. It annoys me. I want to shake it off. On the verge of blending with the universe I hear the whispers around the ridges of consciousness. And that ever-so-slight tug holds me to the finite and mortal world below. Slowly, as waves recede, my expanding spirit shrinks back into earthly dimensions - not voluntarily, because I would prefer to lose myself, but I am pulled from below, back to myself, into myself, so that for just one moment I am on the couch again, fitting the fingers of my awareness into the glove of my flesh. And I know I can move this finger or wink that eye - if I want to. But I don't want to move. I will not move! I wait, and leave myself open, passive, to whatever this experience means. Charlie doesn't want me to pierce the upper curtain of the mind. Charlie doesn't want to know what lies beyond. Does he fear seeing God? Or seeing nothing? As I lie here waiting, the moment passes during which I am myself in myself, and again I lose all feeling of body or sensation. Charlie is drawing me down into myself. I stare inward in the center of my unseeing eye at the red spot that transforms itself into a multipetaled flower - the shimmering, swirling, luminescent flower that lies deep in the core of my unconscious. I am shrinking. Not in the sense of the atoms of my body becoming closer and more dense, but a fusion - as the atoms of my-self merge into microcosm. There will be great heat and unbearable light - the hell within hell - but I don't look at the light, only at the flower, unmultiplying, undividing itself back from the many toward one. And for an instant the shimmering flower turns into the golden disk twirling on a string, and then to the bubble of swirling rainbows, and finally I am back in the cave where everything is quiet and dark and I swim the wet labyrinth searching for one to receive me... embrace me... absorb me... into itself. That I may begin. In the core I see the light again, an opening in the darkest of caves, now tiny and far away - through the wrong end of a telescope - brilliant, blinding, shimmering, and once again the multipetaled flower (swirling lotus - that floats near the entrance of the unconscious). At the entrance of that cave I will find the answer, if I dare go back and plunge through it into the grotto of light and beyond. Not yet! I am afraid. Not of life, or death, or nothingness, but of wasting it as if I had never been. And as I start through the opening, I feel the pressure around me, propelling me in violent wavelike motions toward the mouth of the cave. It's too small! I can't get through! And suddenly I am hurled against the walls, again and again, and forced through the opening where the light threatens to burst my eyes. Again, I know I will pierce the crust into that holy light. More than I can bear. Pain as I have never known, and coldness, and nausea, and the great buzzing over my head flapping like a thousand wings. I open my eyes, blinded by the intense light. And flail the air and tremble and scream. * I came out of it at the insistence of a hand shaking me roughly. Dr. Strauss.

@oMarcos Thinking your mother is dreaming herself from the same source will forever be unprovable unless you recognize that capital Y You is the consciousness that is dreaming lowercase y you. Is this the source you’re speaking of, or are you acknowledging belief in the existence of a source other than “your” consciousness. Your is in quotes because ultimately you don’t have consciousness; consciousness has you. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that belief. I’m just trying to understand where you’re going with this. People claiming past lives have only witnessed or seen evidence for those past lives through their own consciousness. The existence of past lives ultimately is no proof that there is a consciousness other than yours. It’s all viewed from one perspective always - your consciousness. Yes, I’ve never seen him flatly say “I don’t have beliefs,” yet he regularly says that his most important insights are not beliefs. Maybe he will admit to have a belief that there’s toilet paper in his bathroom when he isn’t present, but the things that seemingly matter most to him such as Love being the framework (maybe framework isn’t the most fitting word - I can’t think of a better one atm) of the Universe he claims are not beliefs. I already see it this way. You just put it into words, so why are you claiming it can’t be put into words? Sure, words never do direct consciousness justice, but they can be useful signposts. We’re both likely aware that the map is not the territory, but we are also aware that a map can do a good job pointing out important aspects of a given territory to a limited degree. To understand more completely what I’m really getting at when I’m talking about solipsism, read this that I wrote: “When you go to sleep at night, you often find yourself in dreams. In these dreams, most people will still have a human body. In waking reality, there is an unsubstantiated claim or story given by people that consciousness is somehow generated by the brain. The experts aren’t so sure, or at least they don’t have any solid evidence. Look up the “hard problem of consciousness” to understand how this is unsubstantiated. In the dream, you typically do not think along the same lines. If you were to lucid dream, you would certainly not think you were the dream body or somehow generated by the brain in your dream head. I say you, but I need to clarify exactly who you are. You are consciousness. Consciousness is the only constant you can find in all realities. In the dream, you are literally everything perceived in the dream. It’s all generated by your consciousness. We understand fully that everything created in our dreams comes entirely from us and is an extension of us. Surprisingly enough, there’s no solid argument against this being exactly the same case in waking reality. Your brain, body, and mind are all generated by consciousness in the same fashion consciousness generates the entire reality in dreams. Beyond your mind, body, and brain, you as consciousness generate this entire reality. This entire reality IS consciousness and nothing else. It’s the same way in a dream nothing is separate from you as consciousness. You as consciousness are the sole source for everything in the dream. No one thinks everyone in their dreams are conscious, separate entities once they’ve come back to the waking state. It’s the same in this reality. There’s absolutely no way you can actually be shown something outside of your consciousness. There will never ever be proof that other beings are conscious separately or outside of your consciousness. Even if you merged consciousness with another being in the waking state as a way to somehow prove the existence of another consciousness, guess what it would be? It would be fully engulfed in exactly one thing: you as consciousness or otherwise put your consciousness. You are the source of everything that exists in your consciousness, and your consciousness is the entirety of your universe and always will be. Nothing can ever exist outside of your consciousness. Existence relies completely on perception and consciousness to even be relevant. What is the difference between a fairytale land in a book, the black void people typically conceive of as nothingness or nonexistence, and a reality you imagine exists like heaven? They’re all just imagination. The only thing that’s real is what you can experience in this very moment. As soon as something exits consciousness, it exits existence. There’s no proof for something existing outside of consciousness, and there never will be because the most fundamental building block in any proof is, you guessed it, consciousness. Before using reason or logic or any other conceptual tool to prove something you use precisely one thing first: consciousness. Even if you and I are both conscious entities, we live in completely different “universes of consciousness.” Precisely, that is to say that one consciousness can never be shown another consciousness to exist without perceiving the other consciousness through the lens of the original consciousness. As soon as one consciousness comes into the other, the secondary consciousness immediately becomes an aspect of the primary consciousness. So if you were to completely merge your consciousness with mine, your consciousness would be held within my consciousness, and it would be the same for you if the process were done from your perspective. This is a clear mechanic of consciousness. We can never know if the person sitting across the lunch table from us is conscious. We can only assume one way or the other. Anything imagined to be separate from the perspective of the original consciousness will always just be one more aspect of the original consciousness. In this way, we are entirely alone as consciousness. We are not alone as human beings. There are plenty of humans walking around. You can clearly perceive that, but by the very nature of perception, consciousness cannot perceive another consciousness without it immediately becoming another aspect of itself. Consciousness cannot perceive another consciousness as some sort of separate thing. Once the “other” consciousness is viewed, it only exists as long as it is in contact with the primary consciousness - the point of perception, and it is only truly the primary consciousness the entire time. In this way, you can never truly share space with another consciousness. You cannot perceive another consciousness. Anything you perceive is just you. You are consciousness. Everything is you. Everything is consciousness. It will be this way for eternity. You as consciousness will likely visit innumerable dreamt up worlds that you’ve created. You’ll perceive yourself as some kind of avatar or character as far as we can tell. You’ll at first see all the rest of the characters in your dreamt up creation as separate from you, but in truth those dream characters are just as much you as your primary character is. They’re just characters held within consciousness. One, your primary character who you at first feel to live inside, simply exists in your consciousness more of the time than the others. Ultimately neither the other characters or your perceived primary character is you because you are the consciousness that permeates all aspects of the dream world including its laws of physics, characters, objects, and everything else. You aren’t the characters any more than you are the objects or the laws of motion that govern that reality. You are all aspects of that reality. You are all aspects of all realities. A reality can only exist within you. Something is only real to you if it is held within your consciousness. No realities exist outside of the one you are experiencing right now. This waking state planet Earth does not exist when you are in a dream. Your wife could tell you that the world still existed while you were asleep, but you have to see how this is exactly the same as if your dream wife told you the dream reality was there while you were asleep. It means nothing because you as consciousness were not there. That seems to be the pattern in what we can verify between both the waking state and dreams.” @Leo Gura yea or nay, potentially Me/God/Consciousness-generated human being I consider to be my current avatar’s master?

@Shunyata Ego is so called “belief of an I”. Willingly let go and surrender everything for truth. You are the “nothingness”. Ego is just a “thought “ as “life, not even. Life is suffering. Buddha

Hello, I just watched "The enlightened self" video, and I tried to picture Leo as nothing. And it was just too hard, I see people as something different and apart, like they have their own qualities and they do other things. The only thing I could do there was picturing him as me, as part of my field of awareness, as if I was the person that was saying those things, I'm not sure if that's the right approach, because I can tell differentiating people gives me sort of the anxiety I've been holding for my whole life. (Funny I wrote "lie" instead of "life" and thought that would be a more appropriate way to say it) thanks jackyjoy

I am afraid of realizing this “nothingness”, and also feeling trapped in that nothingness. How can I overcome this fear?

Hello dear community, Since a long time, I asked myself the question "Why can't god kill itself when it is all powerful and encompasses all infinite possibilities? Shouldn't the possibility of killing itself be possible if everything is possible inside of God?". The answer (at least I think it was the answer?) came during a psychedelic trip where I felt adventurous enough to elaborate on this question. I said to myself: "Let's do it, let's try to end Beingness itself". I tried to end my own Beingness but it was not possible because following answer was given to me by God: God cannot kill itself because God is Love and ending the existence of God itself would contradict Love. Because Love is the reason why God exists and Love is the reason why it cannot kill itself. Killing itself would mean that all creations of God would die too but this is against Love which wants to maximize itself in form of more forms and more complex beings. I liked this answer because it ties Love and Being together. Love is the reason of Being and Being cannot be ended because of Love. It's some kind of a self-referential safety mechanism. So far so good but here's the question: If God is infinite and as Leo states: ACTUAL infinity. Why can't God kill itself? I still see that God is infinity, even if it cannot kill itself, but, well, it's infinity - 1 possibility. You could say: "Gotcha! God is already dead because it's nothing, so it does not matter if it could kill itself or not!"...I mean not exactly that. By killing I mean, stopping Beingness...forever, not temporarily, forever. Eternal blank black/white/whatever void without any conciousness, without any new spawning forms. The only way out which I see is that Being and Not Being are the same and God will instantly respawn itself because Nothingness always creates God again. But then, why wasn't I able to end my own Beingness during the psychedelic trip? Could you comment on my statements? Do I have a fallacy somewhere which I don't see? Can God actually end its existence and my realization was not deep enough? Or does the question, "Can God end its Beingness?", make no sense at all?

You know, sometimes I realize how absolutely nuts we must seem to "ordinary" people. I mean, we're of course also ordinary people, but we have settled into an epistemological and ontological niche so far away from "normal" Joe Schmoe -mind and -consciousness that if we were to talk about some of the things that we talk about here with normal folk, we would immediately be regarded as complete and utter screwballs who must've escaped the boobie hatch. How have you guys dealt with this? How are you handling it? I sometimes just forget that people who aren't interested in reality and truth etc. see the world in a radically different light, and I tend to forget how it was for me. I really love it to get lost in this philosophical rabbit hole that we all know and when I talk to people about the things that I think about or which I understood, I really forget that what I am saying to them must sound completely messed up. Even if it's metaphors that are quite easy to stomach like "well you're like a wave in the ocean" or whatever, most people already think that you've lost it. For god sake they think you're woo-woo when you say "money isn't actually real". Not to think about how it must sound like when you really go deeper with these topics "time is an illusion, you're God aka infinite nothingness and oh btw, existence is love, also, did you know that reality is your mind? The mushrooms revealed my shadow to me and btw there's this toad when you smoke its venom you realize you're God. Ever heard about 4-dimensional elves in the dimethyltryptamine-realm that make you sing objects into existence?" or stuff like that. Complete lunacy But we tend to take these sorts of things for granted to some degree, I think. What do you think? I'm not really concerned that people might think that I'm "crazy", that's not the point, but I'd like to know how you remind yourself that they see reality different? Don't you have the desire to share these amazing things with them? Even if it means that they might reject you?

Nirvana or enlightenment is realization of nothing has never happened (birth, death, universe, infinite, life vs just happens within the process of thoughts, which is naming, labeling and putting meaning on the words and thoughts. Even saying thoughts to “thoughts “, words to “words”). Unfortunately, conversations quoted above is just the story of ego. Because, ego is alive (just a thought as a thought ), not You. ? There is no life nor death, you are already what you are. ? Additionally, do you guys think that these are conversations or words or you are alive and talking in forum? If answer is “yes”. It is because “you” “think”. ? Thats what so called “ego” and so called “self” is. ? There is no “you” nor “thinking” , Now is before birth. This is the Truth. Definitely ?✊ All is “nothingness”, which is You.

“You” can “experience “ infinity. Because i f you dont know what is infinite, how can you know that you have “experienced “ “infinity “. Many people experience nothingness with psychedelics, but because of the thought process still continues, you can never really really become nothingness. Nothingness can not be “experienced”, can just “be”. Because only when you “not know”, you can be nothing. And thats what the awakening is. Enlightenment is freedom, if you talking about bliss as freedom. Yes it is. Flawlessness, effortlessness. You are already what you are, instead of “you” are having “sex”, let go of the thought of “self”, and be the “sex”. 1000 times more feeling than as average person do. With an empty mind, be it directly. Because it is not “sex”, it is you (same goes for “love”).

In order for me to recount this experience accurately I must first give some necessary context. Roughly three weeks prior to this trip I began to notice a subtle yet extremely profound shift in my perception of life and reality. I cannot exactly pinpoint when or how this shift occurred but all I can say is that since about mid to late December I have not perceived life through the bounds of an ego structure. Instead I have been perceiving and operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness. Every aspect and event that this body mind experiences I have perceived as a reflection of who and what I am fundamentally and existentially. For the past few weeks literally everything I do, including just existing feels simultaneously like the most profound thing in all of existence as well as simply a normal mundane happening. The person known as T.R. just feels like a character that I am contently playing as in this experience of life. Occasionally at times when I have deeply felt into this permanent fundamental beingness it has resulted in tears and I have found myself spontaneously saying, “It was in my face the whole time”. “The most obvious thing (non-thing) in all of existence and the most profound thing (non- thing) in all of existence is right here and has always been right here”. This fundamental unmoving beingness feels like the “basal substance” (again it’s not a thing) from which all forms of existence arise and form from and fall and dissolve back into. My favorite philosopher and spiritual teacher Ken Wilber has referred to this as the “Ground of all Being” or the “Simple Feeling of Being”. It feels surreal and almost dreamlike but very grounded and mundane. I feel much lighter and more free, nothing matters but everything is sacred. I am almost reluctant to share, as I do not want to fool and or delude myself in thinking that full liberation is now my perception in life but I feel that my experience may benefit other people in their journeys and thus I am sharing this. Now with that context being provided I will get to describing the events of my DMT trip experience. During the week leading up to this experience I prepared for it in the following ways. I took my existing meditation, mindfulness and shadow work practices and ramped them up three fold. I did my best to stay in mindfulness for as many hours as I possibly could each day, as well as meditating about two hours each day. Additionally I kept a vigilant watch of my internal landscape and every day I wrote at length on any and all aspects of myself that were out of alignment with my True Natural Self and the ebb and flow of the Totality of Existence. Additionally I observed the excitement within the ego structure in the days leading up to this experience. On the day of the trip I began final preparations about an hour before. I meditated and listened to Gregorian chants as I normally do before entheogenic experiences. At around 2 in the afternoon I weighed out approximately 50mg of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine and placed it into the vaping bottle which I would use to inhale the substance from. As I placed the DMT into the vaping bottle it was as if my whole body was aware of the profundity that was about to occur. I sat down at the edge of my bed, sparked my lighter and began to vaporize the DMT. A thick white vapor filled the container and my body and mind were simultaneously filled with reverence, anxiety and awe. I thanked every being both physical and non-physical who has helped me in this life in allowing me to cultivate this experience. I then exhaled my lungs as completely as I could, unfastened the bottle cap and took in the largest inhale of my life. In a matter of 3 seconds or so I inhaled all 50 milligrams of the DMT vapor in a single hit. I held it in my lungs for around 5 seconds or so before slowly exhaling it. The first thought I had was, “I wonder how long it will take for this to come on.” Before the thought could even finish within 3 or 4 seconds my vision extremely quickly exploded into a mandala of infinitely beautiful fractals of first hundreds and then thousands of colors. Simultaneously I heard the iconic intensely loud humming ringing in my ears. Additionally I began to feel what I can only describe as the feeling of my whole body dissolving, becoming less and less and less relevant to my experience of existing. In the few seconds left that I had any awareness of a physical world I quickly put down the bottle and laid down in my bed. By now, perhaps 10 or 15 seconds into the trip I was essentially blinded by billions of infinitely beautiful mandala fractals and deafened by the intense humming that had now taken on a very technological almost synthesized sound as well. As any and all awareness of having a physical body or being in a physical world continued to dissolve I felt the most nauseous I have ever felt in my entire life and felt a tremendous urge to vomit even though I had not eaten in almost 24 hours. At the same time the concept of having a life and of ever being born was quickly fading away into the sea of infinity. The body high became so intense that it felt like I was quickly melting, as if my body was being deconstructed and broken down at a cellular level. With what little bodily awareness I had left I reached for my vomit bucket and pulled it closer. However by the time my arm pulled the bucket closer to me all notion of existing in a physical world was gone. The now infinite sea of mandala fractals as well as the intense synth like humming ringing had entirely engulfed my entire sensory perception of reality. All memory of my personal life, who I was, Earth and the experience of life was now gone and the only existence I knew was the infinite realm of the infinite menagerie of forms that comprise the totality of phenomenological existence. The last thing I felt as my familiar individuated consciousness before blasting off was complete relaxation, warmth and Love completely wash over my entire being on a sub atomic level. In the few seconds that it took for all of this to happen my consciousness was blasted out of the body mind structure at a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light to a place beyond the totality of physical existence, beyond all universes, multiverses and all realms of existence. As my consciousness was being transported at this unimaginable speed I perceived all of the realms of existence that I encountered. I saw every alien species in all of existence, every form of technology, the history of every civilization in all of existence, every form of information relay, all of the deepest darkest most horrible and hellish realms of existence and the horrid entities that resided there and all of the highest most beautiful and heavenly realms of existence and all of the wonderful entities that resided there. As this profoundly powerful travel of my consciousness continued I perceived what appeared to be this small mischievous extraordinarily loving very playful entity. I knew this was a Tryptamine Jester. The projection I saw was short, thin and somewhat humanoid. Its body was comprised of technological light energy and was a mosaic of thousands of colors all tessellated, interwoven and oscillating with each other. The energy I got from this being that was traveling with me was almost childlike but I knew this being was also extremely wise. Our energies interacted and it showed me how the basics of the physical spatiotemporal realm of existence works. I saw the same torus energy fields in all lifeforms in physical existence similar to what I saw on a profound LSD trip 3 years ago. I was also shown how critically important the law of conservation of energy is; specifically in keeping the totality of all of the multiverses in the relative realm of physicality in balance. Additionally while I was traveling with this Tryptamine Jester I was showered in this infinite Universal Love that completely pervaded my being. The same Infinite Universal Love that I had experienced in April of last year. All of this profundity occurred in what felt like seconds or it could have been trillions of years. From my perspective it did not seem to matter as time was no longer relevant. Eventually me and this friendly Jester parted ways. My individuated consciousness eventually traveled beyond all of the realms of existence that could possibly manifest; beyond all realms of form. I went beyond the pretty light show of the phenomena existence and thus I was no longer enamored by the infinite light show of phenomenal existence. And now there was only the Void; the infinite unmanifest Void. It was in this non-place of absolute transcendent and immutable nothingness that my point of individuated consciousness was completely obliterated shockingly quickly. There was absolutely nothing left. Any semblance of an individuated me or any personal life was entirely gone. There was never a T.R., there was never a human organism who experienced a multi-year long spiritual journey of awakening. There was only the awareness of The Totality of All of Existence. And that totality consciousness is the absolute purest form of what all of existence is, what I am and what we all are. With that obliteration of illusory demarcated consciousness there was a Grand all-encompassing merging with everything in all of existence. In a single femtosecond my individuated consciousness was entirely obliterated and assimilated into the totality of all of Existence. I was Home. This was the Godhead. This was The Ground of All being. This absolute Unmanifest eternal nothingness was the Ultimate, the Truth; God. However, this was simultaneously and paradoxically nothing special and absolutely the most holy thing. It all felt very familiar and it was literally the most obvious thing in existence. I was everything and I knew everything. I was the infinite mind of God. I (pure unmanifest totality consciousness) was the ground of all creation in existence I was the foundation for all forms that arise and fall eternally, and infinitely. And simultaneously I the ground and foundation for all forms in infinity was also imbued within and manifested as all forms in the totality of myself. I resided as this infinite unmanifest absolute nothingness for a googolplex number of years eventually until I wanted to do something else. So I decided to create a part of myself as a few billion realms of existence and imbue those realms with forms of life all the way down to oversouls, souls, spirits and all manner of individuated consciousnesses. And eventually I found my small particular individuated consciousness and I decided to play as it, and to experience through it. And so I thus began the process of pretending to forget that I am the unmanifest ground of all being and the totality of all of existence. I continued to pretend forget things until I was only experiencing an individuated consciousness on a journey through a strange realm of existence. Now that I was again perceiving as an individuated consciousness I also began to return to the realm of form. But something was different. My existence was potentiated and I still remembered some of my creative power. So I decided I would like to talk to someone. So I created a realm of existence. Even though I was now only an individuated consciousness I still had an incredible amount of creative power, enough to create a sea of multiverses. Extremely tiny and minute compared to what I was capable of as the totality but it was still more than sufficient for what I intended to do. And so I continued to create this strange tryptamine realm until I deemed it to be sufficient and then I went about a second recursive process of pretending to forget enough so that I could dive into this realm as an even smaller individuated consciousness. Once I did this I felt more familiar more like how I was a googolplex number of years ago. I navigated through this tryptamine realm I had created until I came to an infinitely complex geometric fractal room. I phased through the outer structure of this room and inside I encountered two of the Tryptamine Jesters. This time however I primarily perceived only their energies. One of the Jesters was the same one that I had met from before. They were extremely happy to see me and invited me in. So I came in with them and even though I was a disembodied consciousness I sat down with the two Jesters at the table like structure they were at. From there we had a very long talk about everything. We communicated energetically telepathically about every question I could ask and about every subject that they were interested in. This conversation might have lasted for fifteen minutes or for a few thousand hours again time was irrelevant. Here is some of what we communicated about. I am God, so are they and so is everything else in all of existence. Before incarnating into the physical realm of existence I chose to do this life thing and come to this planet called Earth as this exact point in the evolutionary history of its biosphere and live a life as a human. They told me that this realm that we were currently in was the realm I was in before I incarnated into physicality, and I did indeed recognize this place, it all felt so familiar. The Tryptamine Jesters told me of the intricate energetic complexities of life. They also explained to me that the experience of being born and living through a life and dying is just one option of experiencing that souls have in order to, learn and grow from. There are literally trillions of other options like Life but different that other souls choose in order to grow and learn it’s just that I chose to do the Life thing because that was one of the more involved, one of the more intricate and most excitingly one of the more challenging options to experience. They told me that I never was born and can never die. That I created the totality of all of existence and that this is just a game that I am playing with myself pretending to be infinite lifeforms as vectors of my own consciousness forever and forever. As we communicated we also talked about how strange we thought it was that lifeforms take life so seriously. It was so ludicrous to us; it’s just a game how can anyone take this seriously?! The three of us had a good laugh at this. Eventually we got around to talking about my human organism avatar and my experience of living a life back on Earth. Both of the Tryptamine Jesters clearly told me that my individuation is already doing well on the path of Truth and Nondual Realization. They also kindly commented that my individuation has already done thousands of Earth hours of psychospiritual work for the purposes of developing itself and showing up in its earthly life as its most true, natural and authentic version. In fact they were making it so abundantly clear that I had done well in dedicating myself to awakening that they started joking about it and at one point they jokingly asked something along the lines of “Dude why did you even smoke this stuff?” “You’ve already got it, you didn’t really need this to wake up and fully remember who you are, but were glad you’re here anyway.” We continued to speak about the intricacies of existence, how everything is god and how I created all of this game to play with myself forever. And they kept repeating over and over again, almost to the point of annoyance on their part, “Yes you’ve already got it! See you already know this!” At the end of our conversation the Jesters told me that they would allow my individuated consciousness to bring back this experience and information to the memory centers of my physical body’s brain when I returned. I then thanked the two kind playful Jesters. As soon as our interaction concluded my consciousness was shot back to my body with a speed and intensity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light. I saw all of the physical realms of existence again on the way back and I was forgetting so many things the closer I got back to my home universe and the closer I got back to my body on Earth. I remember having to first reconstruct my body from consciousness initially and then from the physical elements (oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, etc.) This felt like a very long and involved process but also very intuitive. When my consciousness did return back to my body it was very fast and intense. My whole body felt like it was vibrating and my ears still somewhat had that humming ringing. Immediately upon being back there was still no familiar personal sense of self, only an undifferentiated mass of experiencing through sensory perception. I knew nothing. I did not know what I was, what this place was or what anything was. At this point I also began to reconstruct my psychology in totality including things like memory and language. In a few seconds I went from an undifferentiated mass of experiencing, to infantile consciousness, to childlike consciousness, to adolescent consciousness back up to my 24 year old conscious awareness. At this point I had reconstructed myself sufficiently enough so that I could properly interface with the world again. Upon opening my eyes my vision was still coming back as if coming out of some sort of extreme tunnel vision. Upon waking up I noticed that my body had not moved a single centimeter throughout that entire experience. I decided to move. I slowly began to raise my fingers one at a time in order to familiarize myself with my neuromuscular system again. After 10 or 15 seconds of this I began to make bilateral symmetrical yogic positions with my hands, through little volition of my own, feeling as if my body was a conduit for an intense form of energy. (every time I have done a psychedelic this happens) While making these strange yet beautiful and blissfully relaxing movements I uttered these words slowly at first. “Thank you… for… this… experience… that we call… life.” I then repeated this over and over until it became a mantra while I continued to move my arms doing this bilateral symmetrical yoga. After a few minutes of doing this there was then a short intermission. There were no thoughts or actions only simply existing, only being a part of the whole of existence. All I could say repeatedly at this was “wow, wow, wow, oh wow!” Then the flood of insights began to pour in. Here are some of the most significant insights that came in. 1 Accept your godhood show up as much of yourself as you can in this life. God wanted to be this version (this specific individuation) of God. Upon realizing the implications of this I hugged myself and began to cry some. I deeply felt and realized how important to existence I am and we all are. That without me, you and everyone and everything else in existence that infinity can’t be infinite. This is why it’s of the utmost importance that we show up as our most authentic true natural selves and be our best and highest version of ourselves in life to the best of our ability. I was also washed with love upon this realization. 2 I then remembered back to 4 years ago when I first had the desire to do psychedelics and visit all manner of strange realms of existence and speak with all kinds of aliens. And it became extraordinarily and abundantly clear that there is nothing mundane about any of this experience here on Earth in my everyday life! This place that we all call home that seems so normal and mundane is one of those strange profound weird realms of existence! 3 Existence is absolutely unequivocally perfect. Existence is so perfectly organized that it cannot possibly be anything but infinite perfection forever. Of course this includes all of the heavenly and awe inspiring aspects of existence. And this also includes all of the hellish realms of existence, all of the wars and suffering that the human species has seen and all of the most difficult and painful events that I have personally experienced in my life. 4 We just play a game of pretending to forget who we are. We are God in totality. Every microcosm contains the totality. Every part contains the whole and thus contains the knowledge of the whole. And in containing all of the knowledge in existence we just play a game of forgetting who we are in order to experience various types of limitation for the purpose of infinite experiences. Being God, we never learn anything in life; instead we just reveal and remember stuff that we were pretending to forget for years, lifetimes and eons. We pretend to be human through a process of self-imposed limitation through forgetting our True nature. There is no absolute reason we can’t do anything. For example I (and everyone else) can manifest a water bottle next to me right now but I am pretending as God that I don’t know how to and I am pretending to limit myself as a human being, as a body and as a mind. And these limitations serve to contain what is relevant for us in our incarnational experiences. 5 Life is so easy to navigate when we accept our Godhood. When we realize what we truly are as Totality Consciousness and when we then show up in life unequivocally as our True Natural Selves, as the unique individuation of God consciousness that we are in every way, our experience of life becomes a game that we can finally play joyfully. And none of it is taken seriously in an absolute sense anymore. We only think that we can’t do or have things in life due to our own self-imposed limitations. You create your life the way it is every second based upon how you are choosing to show upon in this life and you have the power every second to create your life in the way that is most reflective of who you truly naturally are. After this I thanked God the Totality for all of its Love and Infinite Perfection. I then got up and continued my day in the afterglow of the experience I just had. In conclusion I will say that this was the most intense experience of my entire life. It was so fast and rapidly paced that it was difficult to derive anything from it and I am thankful for the Tryptamine Jesters that helped me to bring back this experience into my memory. It was so hard for me to believe that I had only been gone for 15 minutes but that only makes the fact that time is an illusion that much more abundantly clear. I felt like I already knew much of what I experienced though through my existing meditative, mindfulness and shadow work practices, while extremely profound this experience was not extremely transformative for where I currently am at in my journey.This is why I think the two Tryptamine Jesters I communicated with kept telling me “you already know all of this.” While this was an extremely important experience for me to have and I am forever grateful for it, smoking DMT felt somewhat redundant in a sense because of the shift in my consciousness that I had occurred some three weeks prior. After this experience I thought of the quote by Ramana Maharshi, “That which is not present in deep dreamless sleep is not real.” Being that for the past few weeks my perception has been operating from a place of fundamental permanent unmoving beingness I now know irrefutably at the core of my being that all phenomena in existence no matter how mind-blowing or profound is illusory. Thusly Absolute Truth is not a spatiotemporal experience of any kind. It is not any phenomena. It is simultaneously transcendent and basal to all phenomena. It is the unmanifest Ground of All being that all phenomena in the totality of existence arises from and falls back into. Therefore I know that only part of this profound trip was Absolute incontrovertible Truth; that was when I was obliterated and subsequently became the One, the unmanifest and undifferentiated Godhead was Truth. The rest was illusion, however all valid, extremely profound and very important for me on my journey. I loved this experience and I love DMT and I will most likely smoke it again in the future. However right now I feel like it will be a while before I do any more psychedelics. I need to integrate this entire journey and really rest into what I Truly am (and what we all are). I feel like this DMT trip was an extreme confirmation of everything I already know. It felt like the final straw to this 7 year process of awakening that I have gone through and the shift in my perception in the past few weeks from primarily ego identification to simple ever present beingness was massively potentiated by this DMT experience. In a sense this experience of DMT felt like a final indispensable component of acceleration for my awakening process.

Nonmatter how chaotic and unpredictable everything appears to be on the surface, there is only one probe being sent through infinity, but as it's sending itself, it is seeing those instances when it has sent itself before and after as well, all around it, it's nested in this funhouse of mirrors. Each instance of being, as its exploring infinity, is nothingness but it is so focused on you right now that it can't be aware of existing as other beings while it is focusing on you, it is creating the illusion of interacting with many others, its all alone exploring and has all of eternity to explore, so it changes as it explores, allowing it to be infinite selves while being surrounded by those same instances of its own moments of exploration! So if you see your Mother, that means you have explored that instance already, so not remembering yourself doing that is enough for her to appear unpredictable to you and as an "other". This is you as the one being, playing hide and go seek, with just you, just you beside your damn self. You can change and forget that you have changed an infinite amount of times. That's how you can convince yourself that you are surrounded by an infinite amount of unique beings, who seem to have different motivations, personalities, and childhoods. Even looking into the eyes of an animal, is a more accurate mirror of yourself than an actual mirror! They are a mirror of your pure being or your ancient self in that one time when you explored that thing, everything around you is your pure self, you are taking an eternity to explore it in all the ways you can imagine, these ways somehow keep getting more fun and rich without end! If you were to only explore infinity in the 5th dimension, you would explore it all at once and be done with infinity without even getting started, so that's why you are in this 3rd dimension. Imagine being in a play where you play every character, one character at a time, but you run around so fast that it does not appear that you are changing into different outfits, but rather there is this group of beings that seem to appear all together on stage. You are not even aware that you are generating this fake party for yourself, as your own design has these anti-loneliness properties, featuring the ability to forget that you have put on the other costumes before. All that you are trying so hard to obtain here, will only amount to memories, so, why not reach Nirvana now? Feel the high that must be felt by infinity, what better thing could you even be? Feel the way infinity would feel, when it realizes that it's infinity, what a high it must be to know that each lifetime is this ever-increasing pleasure, not pain, you are a silly baby that will survive death, don’t you realize that you get to eat Tiramisu here and somehow all the dinosaurs are gone. That’s what ever-increasing pleasure and joy is! BE what you really are already, you don’t have to always play your game, be what you always were, forget that “human” thing, that's a garbage idea, a failed attempt to understand something by an Ape, you have been living as a dumb idea farted out by an Ape, ignorance is actually the fear you feel, like a scarred kitten. You are actually an explorer of every paradise and every good drama, it's not suffering it's a good drama that always gets closer to paradise, that’s what you will always be without end, not an Ape. Now extend this concept to the galaxies that you see around you, YOU were in those costumes too, hello? It only takes one, YOU specifically, sitting here now, as you are to do it all! Starting now, if you never forget the real reasons for your bliss, your bliss will NEVER forget you.

@Leo Gura Hi Leo! I am very interested to know what you think of 5 meo dmt when it comes to experiencing nothingness. Have you changed your mind/believes since 5 years ago? I mean its seems like you are a big fan of psychedelics now, especially 5 MeO DMT. I am asking because I found this comment that belongs to you on a video you posted 5 years ago. I was quite shocked and thoughtful by seeing this comment. What do you have to say about it. Do you still stand by this or have you changed your mind? Personally I am a big fan of psychedelics and they have helped me so much in expanding my mind/consciousness. I dont see why psychedelics wont help much. I mean one high dose of 5 MeO will send you there!

I think dreams shows us how reality is getting created, just first a sort of blankness when falling asleep then instantly manifestation, you are taking a role as an " ego" and other people are as real as here. God is the dreamer of the universe but we as contracted and limited versions of GOD can generate our own world with dreaming. As above so below. Leo is exactly right when he says that reality is imagination. All we ever do is imagine shit. But still a human form of dream is not the same as when GOD is " dreaming" for he has infinite power to manifest things which is not even possible to comprehend for us in this form. Unlimited imagination is the only thing which nothingness uses to produce an experience.

Definitely?✊ Because, mind can not think or cling of nothingness, letting go of the mind make “the one” can just “be”.

Nothingness is all there is. There is no such a thing as “knowing, grasping, I, magical or reality”. Only when “you” not know, “you” can “be”.

@Javfly33 Can you grasp WHY nothingness is aware? I know it is, but I wanna know more, It is too magical not to be curious you know?

Yes. If everyone was at an advanced enough stage of enlightenment it would be as if the earth was one giant collective consciousness. Think of the ideal family who's values align so perfectly that there is never any issues. Now extend that family to everyone on the planet. At an advanced enough stage of enlightenment, all resistance to what is ceases. The duality between selfishness and selflessness is shattered. The idea of doing anything to harm another person seems ridiculous. The idea of taking from others to suit yourself seems counterproductive, because everyone IS you. Once you realize your groundless nature and your identity becomes completely fluid, it makes more sense to abide as the entire earth rather than as an individual. You don't have to tell someone not to cut off their own arm haha. Anyone who claims "full" enlightenment doesn't come with complete morality simply hasn't reached a high enough stage of enlightenment. Enlightenment is different for everyone though. Morality is simply one aspect of awakening, just like an awakening into equanimity, infinite intelligence, or nothingness.

@OBEler well, I started with psychedelics with the idea of transcending the ego, and all this horror was obviously the ego struggling not to be transcended, so I saw in it a perfect tool. If you think about it objectively, there is not so much to fear, it is true that there is the possibility of very intense fear, but the mind knows how to adapt and it is quickly forgotten. In addition, each experience is one more step in the understanding of the ego. instead, the possible benefits are enormous: liberation. I'm not saying it's at that point, but the difference from when I started is big. What changed? At first you can't even imagine what is an ego death, after you start to get used to give up . The nothingness is purity

Absolute infinity is no more than a concept just like absolute nothingness in the sense that neither can be experienced. That's the nature of experience. For experience to even exist, there must be a finite aspect to it. But also, there must be SOME aspect to it to experience, even if it's just experience itself. That's why you can't experience absolute nothingness, because absolute nothingness is absolutely nothing, including the lack of experience itself. BUT you can intuitively know that your true nature is both absolute infinity and absolute nothingness. The duality between the two collapses. They're two sides of the same coin. Your true nature is beyond even experience. It's the invisible (invisible not just by sight but by all senses including the sense of being) infinite intelligence that even allows experience to exist. Solipsism itself doesn't NEED to be a truth just as the concept of a flying spaghetti monster doesn't need to be a truth. In fact, because both are language, they CANNOT be truth. Both exist as concepts but no more. The philosophy of solipsism is useful because can POINT to what is. Essentially solipsism is an incomplete description of the subjective experience just as any definition of God is an incomplete description of God. Your true nature is completely non dual - neither solipsistic nor not solipsistic. For most people, though, it helps to work on a more solipsistic view, because for most people that's the opposite side of the coin. Most people are too caught up in the paradigm that every sentient being has a separate mind and experience.

I've found contemplating the difference between somethingness and nothingness to be more effective. It can lead you to realize that there is no such thing as death. You've been sitting in the same spot for eternity, in pure emptiness.

I took part in a year long online group reading of Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson in 2017. Being that it was a small group, it became an atmosphere where we sometimes shared our inner world along with our self observations. It was all saved to Google Drive. The following is what I shared at the end of chapter 43. Thoughts on empathy and compassion in relation to Spiral Dynamics. I’m not claiming what I wrote was spot on. I’m sharing it as just food for thought. Anyone feel free to give an opinion or question me. DS - More on not expressing negative emotions. I mentioned in one post about the ‘payment’ I felt when achieving this aim in a time of stress. It feels like resolving a disparity in a small puzzle piece of my shadow. On the other side is specific kinds situations in which I continually fail. When I become more than just dismayed and disgusted at my inability to stay awake, a big shift can take place if it causes me to see and feel my own nothingness. The nothingness of my personality/ego self. Regarding The Tales being overweight in Patriarchy, misogyny, and other biases against the feminine. I've been pondering on the second tier of Spiral Dynamics as being Gurdjieffs intended territory of destination for his persistent readers. The first level encountered in the second tier is yellow. It has a multiperspectival approach to learning and gathering information and living in general. The yellow individual is more interested in understanding accurately someone's view than they are in labeling it. This multi-perspectival kind of awareness is key. It turns every offensive or seemingly ignorant perspective into a curiosity or a mystery to figure out or understand why it is that people perceive the way they do. But this requires the kind of impartiality that Gurdjieff is talking about. Enduring an injustice,,,, or being emotionally abused and tormented by someone for months or maybe years. Being ridiculed,,,,ostracized ,,,, and mocked. These situations grow us in terms of 'being', faster than anything. That is, if one isn't traumatized beyond recoverability. But at the same time, the amount of intensity needs to be enough for one to be pushed into a kind of state that one has never experienced before. This experience reveals more of what being 'identified' is about. This is a part of second tier awareness. That's where green and yellow differ in terms of emotional suffering in connection with wanting to be a protector and an advocate of compassion for all apparently disadvantaged beings. From outward appearances green looks more 'spiritual' than yellow. That's because yellow has more impartiality that can be interpreted by some as cold and detached. People in yellow are not as apt to experience the feeling of pity toward others because they realize it perpetuates unnecessary suffering and is an attitude declaring the Divine to be inept. In the second tier it seems pity is completely replaced by empathy.

If my experience is of any use to you, for me nothingness, infinity, call it whatever you want, it was absolute horror, death, and now it seems to me the most wonderful. the difference is in me, not in the infinity obviously, and that difference has been produced in about 4 months thanks to this substance. it's an amazing catalyst.

That is the 4th Psychedelic Trip of my life. 1st Trip - 1g Shrooms 2nd Trip - 2g Shrooms 3rd trip - 3g Shrooms 4th Trip - 5g Shrooms I took 5-gram Magic Mushrooms with Lemon Tek with Ginger Tea & Dark Chocolate at 11:30 pm by 09/01/2021 Saturday Alone in Silent Darkness. And started Meditation. I was confident. There was No Fear. Fully conscious and aware and ready to confront my ego’s death. I settled my intention to know my Ultimate Self Deeply & Completely. I was trying to be. I was declining all those things which were not me. Like sensations, sounds, breath, thoughts, etc. My consciousness started to expand in 15 to 20 minutes. And as soon as shrooms hit me (According to me my wife, Electricity in my whole country went off at 11:50 pm.) I think visuals and entities started to manifest but I do not remember those because my main intention was not visuals but to know my real self. During the Trip, I was offered 2 options and I had to choose 1 of them: Infinite Visuals, Worlds, Universes, Colors, Entertainment, Fares, Entities, Tunnels, Infinite Possibilities. Infinite Joy. Go Deeper to know my real self. I chose the 2nd option Because I knew that I have my whole life to enjoy infinite possibilities. But to do the ultimate thing in this life to know yourself which will lead me to Know God And Understanding God Will answer my all existential questions. Now I was diving into the tunnel of my real self deeply like a rocket into the dark space and my ego was throwing a different kind of distractions toward me so I can not reach the source because ego knew that it will lead to Ego Death. Ego was trying to give me wrong answers like You are these sensations, you are that, you are that and I was breaking all asteroids, distractions by denying and saying that I am not that, I am not that, I am the one who is trying to find myself. Then I realized that seeking is the problem. I can not find myself till I am seeking. Who am I seeking? I am already as it is. Then I became Nothingness, I became what I am, I became Love, I became creator, I became Expression of love. Then I started getting answers to all of my existential questions. The answer to each existential question was leading to Pure Bliss and happiness and laughter. I was in an un-describe-able blissful state getting answers to all of my questions. I know that I experienced many many other positive things as well but I do not remember them now clearly and completely. I wanted to express my feelings, I wanted to write a lot of things I wanted to share my every insight. I wanted to talk to someone. Everything was going amazingly. I understood a lot of things and got answers to a lot of questions. I understood that I just am, I am Transparent Love, I am Peace, everything else like (thoughts, sensations, Existence, etc is just expressions of my infinity, Love, Creativity). There is transparent Nothingness which have not any properties than the 1st thing that nothingness becomes conscious of itself and recognize itself as pure bliss, peace, infinity, and love and then enjoy itself through the expression of its infinite creative love. Jawad and its world is just 1 possibility from his infinite possibilities. Nothingness became Consciousness and in that consciousness, nothingness expresses its infinite love which results in infinite creations, and then nothingness becomes a person like me so It can praise that infinite love, talk about it, enjoy it and spread love among others, help others, make others life easy, to listen to others, I am here to love. I am acceptance of someone’s Pray. This is how God Fulfill your prayers & wishes. God made Everything around you to make your life better. Because he loves you. Everything is perfect. Consciousness is evolving all the time. There is no Joy in selfishness, Joy is hidden in living for others. Selfishness leads toward selfish desires which are the cause of all kinds of suffering. Then I don’t know when my consciousness expanded at the level where I was able to manifest any version of my life at will. It was like I was writing my own destiny. It was like I am not just writing my infinite destinies but I was living those lives as well. There were infinite versions of my life. And at that stage, I was living infinite versions of my life at the same time. I experienced centuries, I experienced that I am Hearing prayers of everyone. Then I was at a level where I knew that I have infinite power and I can create or manifest anything. In fact, At that stage, my thoughts were not just thoughts. My every thought was manifesting into reality. Whatever I was thinking was becoming a physical reality. So When I realized that I have infinite Power and I was going through experiencing infinite possibilities at light speed. So I thought Let’s manifest a life where I have the best version of my life, so I stopped into nothingness and manifested the best life of my choice. There was not a process of manifestation. I just decided and there I was in that life. And in that life, Jawad had infinite powers of God and could see with the eyes or perspective of God. And in that life that God’s Infinite power became a problem. The worst problem. I was totally awake to that truth that I am still alone, Nothingness and I am just Imagining everything. I got a bit panicked said no no no I don’t want to be alone I want to be with others like I was before. I tried many times and I was able to manifest any kind of life but I was not forgetting the fact that I am God and everything else is just my Imagination. And that Infinite superpower became my curse and I went into Panic, Shock, I wanted to forget that I am God and wanted to live a human life but that became impossible for me. Let me give you an example of how it felt like with the following example: Right now where ever you are and whatever you are experiencing right now is seems totally vivid and real, physical to you and everything else like nothingness, God, Infinity, etc.. is just your thought, imagination, and concept. Now think about how it would feel like if it’s the opposite of that? At that stage, my Infinity was the most vivid and physical thing and everything else was like my imagination. And I wanted the opposite of that, I wanted to get rid of my infinite powers but that was not possible because, in Reality, It is me and my real self. I can not get rid of my real self. My Thoughts were becoming reality. My (Ego’s) Fears, Insecurities, desires, craving, and aversion started to come to the surface. Negative thoughts started to appear. That was not the right time for negative thoughts because it was the time when each thought was manifesting into reality. I started to suffer due to my own desires. At that stage I got the answer to the following question: Q: Why God would like to forget himself while living this life? A: If you are a Jawad slave of your own, fears, desires, attachments, and insecurities then you can not Handel the fact that you are alone, you are the only one there is nothing else, there is nowhere to go. You are nothing and everything else is just your thought. If you are a pour Ego who is attached to the world then you can not handle that fact and you can become mad. So when we come to this world we need to free ourselves from our own attachments, fears, and desires and adopt the power of acceptance, gratitude, detachment then we can handle our own true Power of infinite Love. Due to my own Fears, Attachments, Desires, I couldn’t handle my own true infinite Power and started to get panic. So my every thought was manifesting into reality and I started to think negatively in a panic my negative thoughts started to manifest into reality which again pushing me into more panic. Suddenly I started to live the life of a blind man. I saw that due to any side effect of shrooms I have lost my sight now I can not see anymore. My trip is finished, every member of my family is around me, I am crying, sad, Facing a lot of regrets that why I took this substance now I am blind. I experienced the pain of blind people. Then I lived that whole life without vision and with regret and pain. It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I started to live the life of a mad man. I saw that I am gone mad due to psychedelics, Now I am mad + Blind. I don’t know any language, I am in Panic, Crying, regretting, Then My whole family is around me, talking about me, They called the doctor and declared me psychologically ill and took me to Hospital of mad People and gave me electric shocks. Then I spent my whole life like this. Unconsciously I was saying no no no no What I have done. Shit Shit. I was saying I want my normal life back please God Please help me. And It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I saw that I am physically dead, my whole family is around me, they are crying, sad, talking about me that Jawad was in these things all the time, We always told him not to get into these things but He never heard us. They arranged my funeral, they dropped me into the grave, etc Then again I was back in consciousness, It was dark, I was alone, I had nothing, not even my body I was really sad, I was crying, I was saying I should have not done this. What I have done, No, No No, Please Please Please. I wanted to come back to reality. After a lot of struggle to go back to normal life, after a lot of psychological suffering, I tired and with ultimate sadness, I decided to surrender and accept the reality that I am dead. And thought lets, go back to the death, to nothingness, to forgetfulness, to deep sleep. And then I got dead, I went into a deep sleep and there was one more thing that was scarier than all above things there I realized that I can not sleep, I can not die, I can not lose my awareness, my consciousness because I am God. And God can not die, He never sleeps. I realized that I have to accept the fact that now I have to remain alone as transparent consciousness forever. That thought made me mad again and I started to live Madly again in Darkness. And I had the power to manifest the normal life again and I did it many times but even after getting the normal life back I was not losing the vision or perspective of God in which I was able to live the normal life but with my Infinite vision, I was able to see that I am still alone and I am just imagining all of this. And that was not making me calm and happy. In the end, after trying for many centuries I thought let’s Imagine the normal same life again and start to live that imagination and just keep trying to forget and fade out your Infinite Vision and try to make your imagination as vivid as possible. So 1st of all I manifested rays of light, then I manifested a few objects illumined with that light, then I manifested the feeling of changing my direction, my location, then I manifested the face of my wife appeared from that Light like God have come to me help me in face of my wife. She smiled and said are you Ok? Are you fine? Do you want to come outside of the room? I said Yes, I am fine and would like to come outside. I was trying to act normal and at that time My infinite nothingness vision was more vivid than this imaginative world. There I started to find a way to get out of nothingness to the world of imagination. The more I was focusing on the objects of the Imagination world the more the imagination world was coming into life and vivid. I came out of the room there was nothing other than my wife so through my imagination I manifested outside of my room. She brought me into the Lounge and gave me a chair to sit. Now my world of imagination was coming and going and I was really afraid of losing that imagination world again. So I was trying to focus as much as possible on my imagination of this physical world to keep it more vivid and real. I asked my wife to keep talking to me so I can stay here. Then I realized that I have forgotten to manifest my Body so through the power of Imagination I manifested my Body and I was looking at my Body and other things like I have come back here after centuries. Now with the passing of time, I started to feel that now this Imagination world getting more vivid and my real self which is infinite is fading out. My infinite powers started to fade out with time. And then in the last phase of this trip, I was overwhelmed with Love. The answer to Each of the questions of my wife was “Love”. I learned that Infinite Love is so powerful and deep that you can not handle it if you have fears, attachments, desires, insecurities, Negativities in your Ego’s Subcoonciousn mind. That is why we 1st need to purify ourselves before the actual physical death. If you have purified yourself from all kinds of impurities before the physical death then that infinite love will become your infinite heaven forever or if you don’t purify yourself from your deepest impurities before physical death then you will not be able to handle your own infinite power of love and your own impurities will become your forever torment. Now I am Sober but I know I am sure that I am alone and I can never die and right now I am living an imagination. And now my goal is to work on my impurities, get rid of them and bring gratitude, acceptance, detachment in my life so my Ego Or I can accept my death peacefully and live in the ocean of love eternally. When I totally came back from my trip, the Electricity in my country also came back. The public, Media & Government of my country is still wondering why Electricity was gone.

Nothingness is usually experienced as fear, as the mind mistakes death for something real. If you keep being conscious as you fear, what the fear is in reality, it is just the experience of being rapidly aware of something. It appears as there is nothing there, but if you keep at it, you will understand what that "thing" is. In the many "nothings" that I've experienced, none of them were experienced as a loss after I died. On the contrary, all it requires is to give up beliefs about the world and see for yourself what really is true.

Love is the wormhole to God, since God is Love. Replace your fear with Love. Love truth, reality, and consciousness so much that you forget all about fear of nothingness or death. That is the way.