cle103

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About cle103

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  1. I wanted to do this retreat mainly for life purpose and creativity. Also, healing and emotional work. Not really after an awakening. So my plan was to do 5-6 days at home. The first 3 would be full on spiritual practices, leaving the latter half open for thinking, planning and maybe some art. Schedule was basically the same all retreat: Wakeup Short workout 1h breathwork First meal Meditation 1h walk TRE, Bioenergetics Meditation Second meal Meditation Journaling, stretching Being bored Bed ➡️ Day 1 & 2 Pretty straightforward. I hadn't meditated the last couple of months while moving apartments and hadn't returned to the habit (mainly as I wasn't feeling any benefit). It was refreshing to resume and I realized how much I missed it. I'm always plugged in - podcasts, videos, Discord - never giving myself space to be present with emotions. Breaking this pattern felt great, though the addiction to constant stimulation made itself felt. Wouldn't this moment (eating a meal) be better if I was watching a video at the same time? Actually, no! ➡️ Day 3 I had a decision coming up: shift to creative work or continue spiritual practices? Not feeling more creative than usual, I opted to dive deeper into meditation, breathwork and trauma release. I realized even more how much meditation was missing from my life. I envisioned restructuring my day, putting creative work earlier and creating space for 30-90 minutes each evening for meditation. Also, my shoulder began hurting during longer sits until I found a better posture. And I had trouble sleeping because I felt so wide awake. ➡️ Day 4 Cruise control until dinner. At this point my body felt almost like during the onset of a mushroom trip. Sort of janky, slow but wide awake. Not super pleasant. Looking at a jam jar, my consciousness seemed to merge with it. Everything moved like molasses though I felt hyper-aware. Snapped out of that state and decided on some more meditation. First session went well, but during the second session my mind cracked. The boredom became unbearable - if I had to label another arising object I would've jumped off my balcony. Even recognizing this as a trick of the mind, I couldn't continue. I decided on one final breathwork session the next morning before calling it quits. ➡️ Day 5 Last day! Did holotropic breathwork, ate breakfast, then distracted myself cleaning my apartment. Planning to get online, a thought hit me: "This won't make you feel better, it's all the same in the end." With a sigh I sat down and got back into meditation. During my second session I had another thought come up: “Whether you sit here, whether you make a great life purpose, it doesn’t matter. It’s all gonna feel the same. Nothing really matters in the end.” That was kinda depressing. I worked through the emotion, was able to release it and the timer rang. Planning to get groceries, I stepped outside and then it just hit me… The sun was shining right onto me, the birds were chirping: This is just so fucking beautiful! This is what it’s all about in the end! This whole ordeal was worth it for just that moment. After errands, I returned home thinking it was over, when my body suddenly became completely loose, unable to hold tension. Everything tingled while my mind remained sharp. Some spontaneous sounds emerged. Very interesting state. Felt high as a kite to be frank. Eventually I got up and did some more thinking about my life purpose. Overall... Pretty sure his was one of the hardest things I've done. Boredom so thick you could cut it with a knife. It could have been more productive with consistent mindfulness, which happened naturally by days 4-5. For artistic creativity, the retreat wasn't ideal, probably needed more time, sigh. But for emotional growth, trauma release, and life purpose, it was a amazing! I have a renewed vision for my life. In the past my art was mostly about me, which is kinda par for the course, but I really want to be “useful”. That’s a phrase that came to me multiple times, “being of use”. This also deepened my love for nature which I plan to weave into my life purpose. Focussing on regenerating nature, rather than activism. Just don’t know how to combine art with that yet, not really a scienc-y guy myself. Hmm... There were some practices that really jived with me during this retreat, maybe they’re useful for someone reading: Rebirthing breathwork (great pacing, just the right amount of guidance, no new age talk) Emotional experiencing (I combined that with Leo’s “mindfulness with labeling” which worked great for me). TRE (trauma release) Cheers!
  2. Sounds good! I'm mostly planning labeling, do nothing and some holotropic breathwork. Also wanted to re-watch Leos most recent video on meditation. Curious what kind of breathing technique are you doing prior to meditation?
  3. Thanks for the input! 30 days is wild! What techniques are you planning on using?
  4. It's on the calendar, I've taken the time off and I'm both dreading and looking forward to this haha My plan is to do 6 days at home with the main goal not being awakening but rather... a deepening of my life purpose and direction emotional release authenticity creativity Therefore I'm thinking of doing 4 days of full on meditation and leaving the last 2 days to be more open for journaling, planning and creating. Here's the daily schedule I'm aiming for (day 1-4): 8h sleep 1h exercice/Yoga/stretching 1h walk 2h eating 11h meditation (labeling, do nothing, breathwork) 1h misc. One thing I'm worried about (apart from the severe boredom I'm about to face) is handling a spiritual emergency like weird Kundalini energy or mind unraveling. I'm pretty sure the likelihood of this happening is low but if anyone has a good default plan to deal with such things, let me know! Would also love to hear what kind of practices/tips/... work well for ya'll. Or maybe there's something I'm overlooking? Cheers!
  5. Would you do that over formal techniques like labeling? Don't wanna be too nitpicky just haven't done a solo retreat yet and don't want to torture myself in vain lol.
  6. What kind of techniques and parameters would you start off with here?
  7. This the same you'd recommend when it comes to devine creativity? That's the aspect of God I "miss" most in normal waking life. I had a trip once where I experienced God as a singularity which spawned one perfect idea after the other in rapid succession. Quite the cheat code for an artist.
  8. Yeh, I think this is the way. It just feels like crawling whilst knowing you could fly on another plane. Hmm. What I feel I'm lacking is a way, process or method to tap into that infinite well on a more regular basis. Sure, in the ultimate sense. But that doesn't change mundane day to day creative work (for me at least).
  9. It feels like my "best" ideas as an artist are coming from altered states. I remember tripping and just experiencing God as absolute Creativity, infinite potential for perfect ideas. But tapping into that potential sober proves ehm... difficult. Also had a great idea for a painting come to me via an awakening experience during a dream recently. I still get ideas day to day but they have a different quality to them. Really trying not to judge them as better or worse, just noticing. For example I like painting portraits, almost like creating characters. Whereas my altered state ideas are much more nature focused, explosive, not human centered. I'm already doing the usual. Slowing down life, meditating, time in nature, ... it just feels like this other tier of ideas is in a different dimension entirely. So the question comes up: How can one tap back into this well of Gods creativity, without relying on psychedelics?
  10. Hey ya'll! I'm looking for new Podcasts to dive into. Would love to hear your recommendations! Here are my ideal criteria: From or with artists, who are currently doing it. Not interested in marketers talking about the creative process. Longform Insightful, not just shit talking Edgy and raw, not too polished, not PC Could also imagine listening to someone talking about strategy (Chess, StarCraft, strategy in general) In short: Not too intellectual perspectives by people on top of their game I love the old Rogan episodes (Post Malone, Paul Stamets, Rick Rubin, ...) but I just can't listen to the current ones. Also cannot endure Lex's nihilistic moaning. Cheers!
  11. @something_else that's the move! Honestly, can't really go wrong when it's Carneval. Your friends will know where to go. If you want something bit more alternative - less drunk guys singing - I personally love Odonien. It's a techno club, bit more gritty, artsy and underground. Went there once during Carneval at night and had a great time. It's a bit druggy tho, just a heads up.
  12. What city and what kind of music are you into? Edit: Sorry thought you were the OP. Let me know if you need recommendations in Berlin/Cologne haha