ActualizedDavid

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  2. Posted · Edited by ActualizedDavid

    I'm just finished College  (Computer Programming )

    I used to have 2 YouTube channels that made some money. 

    Now i have at home a electronics repair shop. That i work when i want. And 80% i sell online. and i import  phone accessories from china and sell it in my country.

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    I do Music Video's for free atm.  

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    At the same time my Uncle Repairs Refrigerators and home electronics. And i help him sell Freon ( That thing that make's your car cold and your Refrigerator cold ) and with this i make an extra buck.

     

  3. Posted · Edited by ActualizedDavid

    14 hours ago, Stenne said:

    @M4sti cold showers go in the fear. Breathe in the fear

    +1 cold showers 

    I'm 1.5 years in cold showers sometimes 2 time a day. 

    For me personally is one of the most important things in my day. And help alot with self-esteem, fears and calming you mind.

    Take a normal shower and clean yourself normally . Then at the end of the shower do cold wather . 

    Start with 10 seconds. And in a month go up to 1 minute.  Then 2-3....

    Them after 3-4 mounts you want fell any cold water anymore. You will kinda enjoy it !

  6. Posted

    On 5/2/2019 at 8:31 PM, Major Tom said:

    My sense of self was split into many and I was sure I heard the what was suppose to be the devil himself speak to me. He said I would regret enlightenment. He made believe enlightenment = awakening = hell, that it was a trap. And so before I could go higher I stopped myself. It was just too much. Had I not stopped it I would have gone insane. 

    I had some kind of this experience. 

    Is not real . It will pass .  Look at your hands. And ask yourself what is real ? For sure ? 100%? That's what i did and it started to pass.

    Do not beat yourself up thinking that you are going insane...

     

  11. Posted · Edited by ActualizedDavid

    8 hours ago, Good-boy said:

    @ActualizedDavid do you hear other people talking to you when no one is around?

    @pluto

     

    No. I do not hear voice's. Here is the ideea.

     

    I go to a therapist ( a christian therapist )

    And in the last year i had some enlightened experience's and 3 of them where in the therapist office and he asked me if i wanna join some Christianity cult or something . And I refused. I just want the therapy.

    After that the therapist told me that a person sees god as they are raised. I do no understand what that means.

    And then the therapist gived me a book about a person who is paranoid and is hearing voices. 

     

    I'm paranoid , sometimes i think people talk about me behind my back , sometimes i tink someone is fallowing me.sometimes i blame myself for stupid things. (The ideea is that i know that i'm creating this )

    How to you know if you hear voice's?

    I talk with myself alot. And i like to finish conversation that i had in the day that i do not finished. And i spend a lot of time alone.

    Is this counting as talking with the voices ?

     

    I'm schizophrenic ?

     

     

  22. Posted · Edited by ActualizedDavid

    @ajasatya  I'm gonna love myself more and more . So i can accept love in my life ! 

    @Markus yes Markus ! Thx you for the wonderful explaing . 

     

    I will not say any but this , but that !

    I will try to find the woonds and accepte them and let them heal.

    When i will start to beat myself up, and not give myself compassion and understanding . I will came here and read your comments !!

    ❤️

  24. Posted

    @Nahm

    Thx you Nahm , thx you ! I love you ! I like the feeling that your comment give me.

    Ok. I was not raised with a lot of love. And my association at love is fear.

    No,no,no, I'm not going there. ( That's my reaction )

    I have a good attitude in life and i'm mostly present, but when intymate relationship.s came.... Hmmm . I can realize that i'm creating the fear. And the situation. But is not enough.

    Most of the time when i bring this subject up ( like now ) i have a strong feeling in the center of my chest . A pressure.

  25. Posted

    Hey. 

    I have a deep sense of that i do not deserve to be loved. 

    When i'm with a woman . If she is not having this fear of intimacy and she can talk about intimacy stuff. I simply return the survivel mechanism and fear cames out. I feel afraid, i feel not good enough for her. 

    My parents give me conditional love. On things. On action.s .etc So i know where this is coming from.

    Hope you who been thru this can give me something to read or to watch,an idea or two,some exercises to do. So i can love myself and let be vurnerable.

    Thx you !